I Need Your Opinion Please

[javyllou]

Hey everybody, I want your take on what im about to say here. I study at college with this girl who has a good friend of me for the last 2 years, ever since we got into grad school. Recently I went to her apartment to study and things just suddenly happened. We talked a little for the following 2 weeks, just brief chats on fb about our day or funny things that we had seen on the web (note: i was the one initiating contact during this time) Then, after about 2 weeks after the night at her apartment, someone from our class asked me if i was going out with Sophie (that's her name). She told me that someone had told her that. I said no, since our class is very little and didn't want to make it public yet. My impression was that Sophie had told someone about what happened and rumors just got out, like they usually do.

During these two weeks, even though we talked almost daily (although short conversations, nothing serious), we didn't see each other. We were in finals and each studying a lot, so it was hard (i know how difficult her schedule is, especially during finals). However, after two weeks talking to her, I said that it had been enough and i would wait for her to initiate or continue contact, for i was on top of her and i didn't know what was all that happened at her apartment that day about, even though my impression was that she took it a bit serious, judging from the question the other classmate made me. However, finals are over and she hasn't talked to me. In the last month, we've barely talked. I would've continued talking to her, but i didn't want to suffocate her, and laso i wanted to see some effort from her, at least a little bit. But nothing happened. I have a strong impression that she likes me, but her actions say otherwise. She is the kind of girl that wouldn't be too direct and likes to be chased, however i would expect at least a window now and then and i take it from there. but not even that. She is 25 and has had only 1 boyfriend, when she was about 18, a relationship that lasted about 1 year. She seems ever since i met her to be kind of a solitary girl, even though shes very social. again, i have strong reason to think that this girl was spreading a rumor around that we were going out, but she just doesn't seem to put any bit of effort into it. I don't know what to think, Does this girl like me? Should I just continue trying and talking to her? I know that maybe if i did this she would respond, but damn, i want her to put a grain of sand of effort too. Plz help me i really like this girl although i dont think ive made it that obvious to her.

 

[jafyk]

Often we are asked not to bother trying to figure girls out and just move on when they have moved on. I agree with this. However, there are a few things I would like to say.

First of all. What exactly happened in her room? You weren't clear enough.
. Secondly, my theory is that after your encounter with her in the room she fell for you and made up a story about somebody saying they knew about you and her to see how you felt about the relationship she thinks is developing between both of you. THAT was her making her move in an indirect way.

What should you have done? Well, I believe you should've teasingly flipped the script on her in a ****y/funny/flirty way, " I didn't say anything but are these rumors true? Are we together?" or "Maybe we have chemistry and people can see it. Who cares what people say? Let's just focus on us". If she says anything in contrary to these responses then you know she isn't interested.

Anyway, she tested you and you decided to take a break from her. Which probably led her to believe you are not interested and now she probably looks like a fool. Well, these are all theories at this point in time. Which is why I always stand by my saying, "Play by your own rules". Then you won't have to try to figure things out.

Call her up and try to set up a meeting. If she doesn't take you up on it. Wait for a little and then try again. If she does the same thing. Move on. There are lots of fishes in the sea. Don't bother trying to figure it out. If you do really think she's playing hard to get then I would say you should consistently try at intervals to get her. Even if you got her this might be how your relationship will end up being. Is this what you want to put up with?

 

[javyllou]

Thanks for your feedback jafyk. We had sex that night at her apartment. So you think that I should confront her about the rumors in a funny/****y/flirty way and see how she reacts? She doesn't know that a classmate asked me if we were going out (unless that classmate told her that she asked me)

Maybe im about to drift a bit here but i just want to express something. I've heard that if a girl is interested in you, she will eventually initiate contact/continue the interactions. In the case with Sophie, this should be true, for i have given her every reason to continue contact. Or, in a more cheesy way, i've given her every indication that if she falls for me i will catch her. Still, she doesn't even give me a window of opportunity. A simple text saying the stupidest or most irrelevant thing would do. But not even that. Im not overly insecure, but since we havent talked in about a month, now i have to worry if she even is going out with another person or talking to another person. Maybe, an insecure part of my mind says, she is talking to another person, in which case it isnt worth it continuing to try, because i have already offered her what i can offer. I have let her know, discreetly and in a funny/****y way, that im interested in her and in continuing to see her. Its just frustrating at this point, i have been very good friends with this girl and gotten along very good before we unexpectedly had sex that night at her apartment, and i thought that maybe this could go somewhere (plus, she is attractive). But right now everything is indicating that maybe it wont go somewhere, or it isnt worth it, because, like you said, i dont want to put up with this if we eventually become a couple.