I need to turn college life around. Help me out, guys.

[apocalypse later]

High school sucked for me. I had a good group of a couple friends, but I never really had much luck with girls besides a few girlfriends here and there. I always told myself that I was just the misunderstood guy in high school, and that college would be better.

Well, so far college is no different than high school. I've got a couple friends who are pretty cool, but they're scattered all over campus. I go out and drink normally every weekend, but sometimes I stay in the dorms if I've got a girl prospect and just drink alone with her. So far, I've gotten far with two different girls, but I just haven't had the social success I want. It's almost three months in and while I'm doing well in school, I don't have the group of guy friends I want to have. I always thought in college I'd have a good group of 5-10 guys that I'd go out with every Friday and Saturday night and we'd pick up girls. I don't have that. But I honestly think once I have that group, I'll be able to pick up girls no problem. I've done it without that group so far, and I think it'll be easier with a group.

So, how do I go about making guy friends? I'm not really into sports, which is the big thing people talk about around here. But I'm not socially awkward either--I've got a good sense of humor and I can talk to people. So I don't know why I haven't made many friends, other than the fact that I just haven't been outgoing enough.

It's freshman year and I want to have a better college life. I'm doing well in grades, now I just need a group of guy friends and a bit of advice with the ladies. I guess specifically, if I need to go about things differently since it's three months into school already. Any advice on turning this around?

 

[DonJoseCantosie]

Yes:

1) Be friendly to people you see around...the more people u say hi to...the more u'll run into them again.

2) Join a club or a fraternity. U'll get to automatically make friends there

3) Get to know people in ur dorms. Just say hi and strike up a conversation with them

4) Go to parties. The more u do, the more u'll see the same party crowd at the parties to where u can go with them.

Hope this helps

 

[Phyzzle]

You're basically describing a fraternity. Surprised you haven't joined one yet. Yes, the dues may be expensive, but since you seem dead set on having a BIG group of friends for non-stop partying and cruising for chicks, well, you get what you pay for.

But really, lighten up. Two girls in 3 months? How many do you need?

 

[tsmith2334]

It takes time dude. I had a little group my freshman year but deep down I wasn't too crazy about them. They were fun but the way to they spoke to each other and had fun was always at one another's expense and I didn't think it was that healthy or constructive. So I tried meeting new people and hanging out with them and I'm getting there. It takes time, and your better off having alot of options then too few. And I still have yet to a group I liked as my buddies from high school, so who knows. Hopefully that doesn't scare you though.

Oh and I'm not endorsing drug use but if you smoke pot and know a little bit about it you'll have an easy time metting people and you'll have fun too.

 

[apocalypse later]

Any more advice? Thanks guys.

 

[MooseGod]

You should join a frat, you will instantly be surrounded by a large social circle and in close contact with hot sorority chicks.

 

[TheMaestro87]

Fraternity. Period.

 

[apocalypse later]

I think Fraternity is not an option for me. Frat guys are pretty much laughed at around here, not to mention that I'm already doing 16 credits at a school known for its workload.

I'm open to trying pretty much anything else though.

 

[Gamblor]

So ****ing get out there.

No one's going to do it for you.

Everyone's telling you that you can attain everything you desire by joining a fraternity and you turn it down.

Why?

Because you're scared and concerned with what other people seem to think about "frat guys".

**** what people think. You asked a question you got the answer. Maybe not the answer you were hoping you'd get but there it is.

If you're so self-conscious and insecure that you're scared to get ***** because of what people might think of you you're gonna have trouble getting ***** in the first place.

 

[tsmith2334]

I wouldn't bother with a frat honestly. It's more trouble than it's worth... it's expensive, it will take away from time spent on school work, and the bond between brothers is superficial.

 

[apocalypse later]

I'm putting myself out there more and more, but it seems like so many social groups have formed already.

Any more advice guys?

 

[d9930380]

The Loacker - I don't know anything about fraternities (sounds gay to me) however what you said about them the same can be said about friends in general. You're judged by others - by your friends and if people see you hanging with losers then you're perceived as a loser and then become one.

You need something you're good at where you will meet alot of people especially girls. Joining a world of warcraft social group won't help much.

Think about taking drama classes or get into music - if you can't play or don't like performing then think about production or something else.

Never ever act depressed or lonely or needy - even if you feel it. These people aren't your shrinks and they don't need to hear your moaning.

Also if you're out on the pull - be the guy who approaches the girls instead of the guy who follows after. Everyone loves to hang out with these guys because a)they don't "steal" girls you've approached and b)they act as catalists to you getting laid.

Remember this: People are with you because of your perceived value to them. For making guy friends that's a)can he help me with non-social thinks like homework, hobbies. or b) entertainment, getting girls.

You can very easily get to be the guy friend for a) but not for b) and that's the reason why.

Finally - Being "nice" wins you friends about as well as it wins you girls.

 

[young_gun]

I've been in a fraternity and I've been out of a fraternity. I've been having so much more fun now that I'm not in it anymore. But at the same token, you have to be social with other people around you. A fraternity is a good place to meet people (parties every weekend, girls in sororities coming over) but I've met a lot more people since I've been out. In my opinion, frats are full of d-bags who think their sh*t don't stank. That's why I left.

 

[Microfiltered]

Oh and I'm not endorsing drug use but if you smoke pot and know a little bit about it you'll have an easy time metting people and you'll have fun too.

Yeah, nothing bonds humans together more then good bud. I’m from BC so needless to say, there’s a lot of bonding.

 

[Lord Shinra]

Learn an instrument and join a band.
This way when frat parties roll around, you can walk right in and no one will give you sh!t.

That and the perks to the job are quite fun.

 

[Bible_Belt]

If frats are out, then join other organizations, clubs, whatever. Play intramural sports. Study in public instead of your room. Look people in the eye. Smile. Look for that girl who is embarassed to be sitting by herself in the cafeteria. If you have them, go to the optional study group at night if there are cute girls in your class. Steer yourself toward meeting other people and away from being alone or with afc guys. College is what you make of it.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Are you kidding me? Wanna trade lives? I'm in college too. Surrounded by uber hotties...and it's just for looking.

and it's just for looking

Whatevah! Do you think those girls are not having sex? Why must you be uber hottie-free, Wutang? I don't see it.

Seriously, women aside, what is fun for you? If you could plan an ideal day, sans poontang, what would it be?

If you go and do that, having fun without caring about women, then ironically you will suddenly see girls giving you IOI out of nowhere. If you work the dj game on whatever girls come, say HB5 and up, then you will find yourself spinning plates and having a lot of sex. Then, just for fun and not for girls, you will eventually find yourself at the same type of bar or party that you go to now to hit on girls, except girls will be hitting on you. They can sense that you get laid; women are amazing that way.

Wutang, you are too logical. That is great with the financial markets, (where you excel) but it is killing you with women. (where you don't excel, a logical mind is a double-edged sword, women are emotional, so logic kills guys with women) You are thinking that you are above a hb6 and deserve a hb 8-9, which may be the logical truth, but it just doesn't work that way. You have to work your way up. I have a hb9 gf asleep on my bed right now who told me tonight that she knows I don't only want her for sex, because she knows I can get all the sex I want elsewhere. Do you think my last plate that made her think this is a hb9? Fvck no, I worked my way up.

You have a lot of potential, but a few hang-ups that are killing you. Your hang-up about height is an amazingly self-fulfilling prophecy that makes you less confident, making it harder with girls. btw, that HB9 asleep in my bed now is divorced from a friend of mine who is shorter than you. His other ex-wife is a hb9 ex-model. He gets hot girls because he does not give a sh!t about not being tall. Learn to not care so much, follow your own self-interest to just have fun, and you will do well with hot girls. Your life is what you make of it, and I am sick of your excuses! Forget about girls to have some fun, take what comes to you, and then come post a LR for us about your success. :yes:

 

[marinetti]

so apocalypse, what exactly do you mean by 'i'm putting myself out there'? what's a typical friday night for you? then also, what's a typical weekday outing for you?

give us specifics, and we'll let you know what we think.

i mean, if you haven't made any friends on your floor yet, then perhaps you're more shy than you're letting on here, which means you aren't putting yourself out there.

but i could be wrong. i just don't understand your exact situation.

 

[L777]

You should join a frat, you will instantly be surrounded by a large social circle and in close contact with hot sorority chicks.

Yea, and if my college is anything to go by, they'll drink the free beer, call you a "douchebag" behind your back, then hook up with English guys like me.

You don't need to be frat t.wat to pick up girls man.

 

[apocalypse later]

so apocalypse, what exactly do you mean by 'i'm putting myself out there'? what's a typical friday night for you? then also, what's a typical weekday outing for you?

give us specifics, and we'll let you know what we think.

i mean, if you haven't made any friends on your floor yet, then perhaps you're more shy than you're letting on here, which means you aren't putting yourself out there.

but i could be wrong. i just don't understand your exact situation.

Ok.

Typically, on a Friday night, I'll pregame in my room with a few guys and go out around 10:00 to a party with a friend. Problem is, he's slightly AFC and he's a bit shy when it comes to fully meeting girls. I'll usually take the initiative to talk to them. Then depending on how it goes, I'll usually come back around 2:00 and talk with the a couple guys on my floor and just hang out, tell some stories, mess with the guys who are still trashed, that kind of thing. Saturday night there are a lot less parties, so I'll usually drink in the dorms with a couple guys and sometimes go to the bar.

For weekdays, I go to a pretty tough school, so I don't do anything much. I have class for 3-4 hours a day, I have about 3-4 hours of studying a day, I work out for an hour, and other than that it's pretty much playing a game of ping pong, doing more studying if I need to, or just hanging around my floor.

Here's my biggest "thing": I think my school is a little more demanding socially. My friends from High School seem to be the cool guys at their small little state schools, but I go to a private university of about 10,000 students (big compared to where they're going) where the kids here are kind of the "cream of the crop". Guys here have had fake IDs since sophomore year in High School and have been smoking weed since 8th grade, not to mention how many girls some of them say they ****ed (and I believe them considering how many they have now) and how they are still doing well in school. I used to be the total social connection for my friends at school, the total alpha guy, but I simply haven't adapted the same here.

I live in the freshman party dorm. Don't get me wrong, I have friends, but when I go down to eat with my floor, it seems like some of these guys know EVERYONE. They're saying hi left and right, talking to people like they're old friends who they've obviously only known for a couple months.

I've taken steps to get better--I now have a fake ID, I invite people to pregame in my dorm, I've gotten to know the drinking/partying culture much better, etc. Sometimes I think I've got a few things going against me--firstly, I'm not decked out in 100% Abercrombie head to toe like most guys are here. I spend a lot of money on clothes--I have a wardrobe that looks a little more mature than the standard Abercrombie t-shirt with a lame saying or the American Eagle polo, which probably makes me look a bit uptight (hopefully not though). I also am not a huge sports fanatic, which seems like the biggest conversation starter here. Thirdly, I have a bit of acne, and a lot of people around here look like ****ing models (guys and girls).

Hope that helps. I guess my biggest thing is catching up from about three months of socializing that I missed. Again, I've got friends scattered around different floors on my dorm and different dorms in general, but I don't have one big "group" that I go out with every Friday.