I need to rant

[intraining]

I was this girls bf for two weeks and we only had one bump in the road so im really confused here. She just got out of a relationship and is trying hard to get over the last guy in which she broke up with 7 months ago. Now the bump was when she told me that she was sorry and to not be mad at her. Okay???? so whats the deal. She says that he has been contacting her and asking to come back. She told him that she does not want him back and that shes with a new guy that she likes a lot.

This guy moved back to CA after breaking up with her and asks her for money so he can get a plane ticket back to WA(we live in seattle). Okay so i tell her that i dont like that and try to avoid his calls and texts.She tells me how great i am and we continue on our way.This monday she tells me how she was thinking and that she wants to give me 100% but cant at this time because she not completely over him.I get this text at work and i get a bit frustrated.She calls me after work to explain and shes upset.

The next day she texts me and tells me how she we as thinking the night before.She says she realized how she let this loser come between us and hates herself for hurting me.She then goes on saying how she does not want me to disappear and she will be sad if i she never sees me again.I tell her that when she gets over him to give me a call.

Im angry but i cant do anything about it so i just have to continue on with life but man does it suck.

 

[Jaggs]

Shouldn't have said that.

You just gave her a free pass to do whatever with the ex, and then come back to you after. She is in control.

 

[intraining]

Its only been 2 days since she said this maybe i can say something?

 

[intraining]

it sucks because this is my first relationship

 

[intraining]

It really hurts to read that........i always seem to get played.My first relationship ends up being a bust.Im 23 years old and still a virgin.Why does this happen to me over and over again? i give up once again like i do when this **** happens until i decide to get up off my ass and do something about it.Maybe i should turn into a jackass

 

[46and2aheadofme]

It really hurts to read that........i always seem to get played.My first relationship ends up being a bust.Im 23 years old and still a virgin.Why does this happen to me over and over again? i give up once again like i do when this **** happens until i decide to get up off my ass and do something about it.Maybe i should turn into a jackass

Dude you sound like me except a version that's 3 years older. Nearly the same thing happened to me over the summer where I was with this chick for a month or 2 and I just assumed that we were pretty much exclusive, and I find out (during an 8 hour trip to San Francisco of just the two of us) she was seeing me and this other guy at the same time. She chose him over me, and it hurt a lot. She basically gave me the same **** about how her feelings were conflicted and how she'd come back to me if it doesn't work out. 2 months later I still haven't really spoken to her and I don't care about her at all. I am in the process of pulling a girl that is at least 1.5 hotter on the 10 scale. Here I thought the other girl was the greatest thing that had happened to me in a long time, and now I couldn't give 2 f*cks about her. It really hurts at first but you get over it completely with time. I used the anger after that to better myself and work out a sh*t load. I just wish I could go back in time and act like her stank as* had no affect on me (or at least leave her ass in San Fran).

 

[AAAgent]

i was in a similar relationship to u bud. just forget it if u can or u'll get hurt alot.

i was with this girl for a year. after we broke up i found out she had bpd. she got a new bf 4 days after we broke up. slept with him and kept contacting me, and i kept talking to her. 2 weeks later she breaks up with him and comes to me, i was very reluctant but broke down do to my co-dependency problems at that time. we were all lovey dovey and she said she wanted to be with me so bad but needed some time to get herself together. then she told me she had to give the other guy closure..............i got real pissed said no.. she said she would be back... left, slept with him, i found out when i called...broke my heart worse than the first time.... this was about a month ago.... protect your heart man.. im still recouperating.....i was so f*cked up in the head i was willing to take her back after she basically cheated on me.....

she sullied my rep all over campus, used to fight me physically/emotionally and wut not.

i've learned from this experience and now i will only date girls that are
1- normal
2- not insecure/secretive(to a certain extent, since everyone hides things)
3- don't have a bad rep



-AAA

 

[Lush]

One of the hardest AFC things I had to get over was building up girls in my head. You're having the same problem. Right now, it seems, and I might be wrong, that you see this girl and probably every other girl as they key to you fixing something in you called virgin. And that sucks, because I've been there. This advice may not be for you, but if your goals include meeting and having sex with women, it helps to see them and sex as only entertainment. It's harsh as hell and I don't like it, but in cases like this where this girl is jerking you around, it helps to not take it too seriously. There's no reason ever for this kind of drama. I mean, I want to give you everything, but I can't? What the hell does that even mean? This is that whole "chick logic" thing. She's with you, hasn't been with this guy for umpteen months, however "she's not over him?" What's it going to take? Worst part is, she's putting it all on you. This is not your responsibility. In fact, it's not even any of your business. I'm surprised you guys are so close. If a girl starts talking about her ex, I know there will never be anything emotional between us because I don't want to sit around and listen to stories about some other guy who's been up in my girl. Kevin Smith said something about this in Chasing Amy, that you "Don't want to know, but you HAVE to know." Well no...You're not a regular guy. You're trained in the arts of women. And you know full well how important fantasy is. So don't kill it for either of you.

But now I'm just rambling. My point is, you're an awesome dude for trying to become the kind of guy that girls are attracted to. Most guys will never do this and end up making a girl very unhappy someday. But not you. And you deserve better then a girl who causes drama and then just waltzes off at the first sign of her ex. I know you care about her and I know it hurts like hell. Let it hurt for a bit. Do something else. Play video games, get really drunk, start taking martial arts so you can beat someone up, play a sad song on guitar and have a good cry...Do what you need to do and take the time you need. Then when you're ready, go out there the bigger man. Women will love you for it.

Best of luck,

Lush.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Break up with her. I know it is your first relationship as you stated. But, she isn't over her ex. She doesn't know what she wants.

 

[DonJoseCantosie]

I haven't serious dated in a long time so i couldn't understand how u feel, BUT one thing you could do is just not care if she sways back to him and also go out to meet new girls, just in case she wants him back. That way, when ur both broken up, u won't feel at a low point, and that u still got a strong mindset. This is only ur first relationship, and u got many more to go ;-)

 

[WC2]

You accepted a rebound relationship. You should have known what you were getting yourself into in the start.

Imagine now you started dating some other chick just to get over her; now she would be in the same position you were. Understand?

Never accept a false relationship based on false pretenses. A girl should want a relationship with you because you rock her world emotionally, sexually, and sometimes even socially.

While she may have liked you, the main reason for her being in this relationship was based on her past. She either was seeking jealousy from her ex or she was trying to get over him.

Her exit in which she tells you how much you mean to her and that she wants you to be around in the future is BS. Believe me. 100% pure bull crap. I've heard it a thousand times and it never fails to always be false. She's just attempting not to hurt your feelings.

I think it would be a good idea to move on and stay away (at least emotionally) from this chick. She used you and will continue to do so. Only use her back if you can withhold your emotions.

 

[Cashew]

I think girls in the stage of getting over a recent relationship should be treated more along the lines of what outined in the articles on the site regarding "confident persistence" because you can't move in right away, you have to wait a little and help them past that ex while not overcommitting yourself.

If she ever goes back to the ex, you can't accept being the fallback choice and she needs to know this. Don't let her talk about her ex to you, anything about him, stop her from saying it. You don't want to hear that crap and you aren't her girlfriend or shoulder to cry on.

 

[WC2]

I think girls in the stage of getting over a recent relationship should be treated more along the lines of what outined in the articles on the site regarding "confident persistence" because you can't move in right away, you have to wait a little and help them past that ex while not overcommitting yourself.

If she ever goes back to the ex, you can't accept being the fallback choice and she needs to know this. Don't let her talk about her ex to you, anything about him, stop her from saying it. You don't want to hear that crap and you aren't her girlfriend or shoulder to cry on.

The only 'helping' a man should be doing is sexing this woman. It's not our job to help them get over their ex. That's what friends are for; and we sure as hell don't want to be friends with her right?

If she goes back to the ex, she does. But as long as you've only given her sex and ignored her cries for help in getting over her ex, who cares?

 

[Cashew]

The only 'helping' a man should be doing is sexing this woman. It's not our job to help them get over their ex. That's what friends are for; and we sure as hell don't want to be friends with her right?

If she goes back to the ex, she does. But as long as you've only given her sex and ignored her cries for help in getting over her ex, who cares?

I don't think you read my post or the articles I referenced very clearly. You aren't helping them get over the ex... you don't want anything to do with her talking and emotionalizing about her ex. She just needs help getting into anyone new at that point.

Yeah it might be a little more difficult, and might take a little more time, but being a man isn't about always taking the easiest way out of things. And there isn't anything stopping you from having fun here and there on the side while she comes around.

 

[DonJuan11]

She just got out of a relationship and is trying hard to get over the last guy in which she broke up with 7 months ago. Now the bump was when she told me that she was sorry and to not be mad at her. Okay???? so whats the deal. She says that he has been contacting her and asking to come back. She told him that she does not want him back and that shes with a new guy that she likes a lot.

She still seems to like him. She's still talking to him.

This guy moved back to CA after breaking up with her and asks her for money so he can get a plane ticket back to WA(we live in seattle). Okay so i tell her that i dont like that and try to avoid his calls and texts.She tells me how great i am and we continue on our way.This monday she tells me how she was thinking and that she wants to give me 100% but cant at this time because she not completely over him.

Intraining: "That's unfortunate my dear, because I really loved spending time with you. Perhaps sometime in the future when you are more certain we could get together. A lovely girl like you should never be alone."

The next day she texts me and tells me how she we as thinking the night before.She says she realized how she let this loser come between us and hates herself for hurting me.

Translaton: Its good intraining keeps answered my calls and talking to me, it makes me feel better about myself trying to rationalize to him that I still want my ex to see me without my clothes on. The more he talks to me, the better I will feel about ditching him.

She then goes on saying how she does not want me to disappear and she will be sad if i she never sees me again.I tell her that when she gets over him to give me a call.

Nice work. Could have been more tactful, but you got the idea.

Im angry but i cant do anything about it so i just have to continue on with life but man does it suck.

It does suck, but you have it down to a T. Don't know why you need our help.

 

[intraining]

Okay its been a year since then and i havent bothered to pursue anyone.Once again its time for valentines day and well im going to be the only one at work thats not doing anything.Im used to it but i sure thought id have something by now.Im also turning 25 this year.....man i just feel pathetic

 

[Kailex]

So what if you don't have anything lined up for St. Valentine's Day? You shouldn't be caring. Only women care about this.

I'm going to be single for that day too, and I'm 29. Guess what? It's just another Sunday for me.

And please, don't complain about flying solo when you are saying that you haven't bother to pursue anyone. Women should be pursuing YOU. I've only been here for 2 months and have learned a LOT. You have been a member for over a year... you tell me.

 

[horaholic]

Fvck V-day. Go to the bars/clubs. 95% of the girls there will be single, and lonely, and ripe for the pickins.

 

[Iceberg]

Okay its been a year since then and i havent bothered to pursue anyone.Once again its time for valentines day and well im going to be the only one at work thats not doing anything.Im used to it but i sure thought id have something by now.Im also turning 25 this year.....man i just feel pathetic

You should feel pathetic. The fact that you're letting this bother you tells me that you've been making minimal efforts in improving yourself.

Your ups and downs in life shouldn't be centered around women or having a date on Valentine's Day. Probably 75% of people who DO have Valentine's dates are just together out of convenience and fear of being alone.

Is that what you want? Someone to kill time with until you're rotting in a coffin? Go work out, see the world, laugh and enjoy life. You're turning 25 this year and you sound like a 65 year old quadriplegic. There's nothing wrong with being alone. Right now, you have all the free time in the world to improve yourself. Instead, you're whining about not having a date...as if having a date is some sort of accomplishment in life.

I'm not normally this mean in my responses, but you piss me off because I can sense that you're not trying. You sound like a beaten man. The whole reason I'm happy right now, and that I can go out and get women is because i put in work. You think it's just gonna happen for you without trying, and that's nonsense.

If you want to work, there are dozens of people here trying to help you. If you want to sit on your butt and marry the next women who's willing to date your depressing azz, then leave the board and keep it to yourself. You're just gonna depress the new guys who came here with a stronger work ethic and open minds.

"It's been over a year and I haven't been bothered to pursue anyone."

Okay great...well you deserve what you get. Let's go see what happens for me if I wander around the world "not bothering to pursue" things that I want. Let's see what that gets me...

 

[CarlitosWay]

You should feel pathetic. The fact that you're letting this bother you tells me that you've been making minimal efforts in improving yourself.

Your ups and downs in life shouldn't be centered around women or having a date on Valentine's Day. Probably 75% of people who DO have Valentine's dates are just together out of convenience and fear of being alone.

Is that what you want? Someone to kill time with until you're rotting in a coffin? Go work out, see the world, laugh and enjoy life. You're turning 25 this year and you sound like a 65 year old quadriplegic. There's nothing wrong with being alone. Right now, you have all the free time in the world to improve yourself. Instead, you're whining about not having a date...as if having a date is some sort of accomplishment in life.

I'm not normally this mean in my responses, but you piss me off because I can sense that you're not trying. You sound like a beaten man. The whole reason I'm happy right now, and that I can go out and get women is because i put in work. You think it's just gonna happen for you without trying, and that's nonsense.

If you want to work, there are dozens of people here trying to help you. If you want to sit on your butt and marry the next women who's willing to date your depressing azz, then leave the board and keep it to yourself. You're just gonna depress the new guys who came here with a stronger work ethic and open minds.

"It's been over a year and I haven't been bothered to pursue anyone."

Okay great...well you deserve what you get. Let's go see what happens for me if I wander around the world "not bothering to pursue" things that I want. Let's see what that gets me...

Quoted for the ****in' truth!!!! Repped boss.

I agree with the other guy, just go out to a nice/bar club and tear that **** up like no other. Only thing you should come back whining/complaining about is getting **** for escalating to fast with some broads.