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I Need to Learn to Be More Social

jaymbrs

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As I venture through this thing we call life, I'm finding my friend count is quickly diminishing. Many are getting married, starting families, some are moving away and some are making bad life choices. Having or making friends was NEVER on my mind as I had many and combined we had a social circle that extended very far. But times are changing and as a single man I'm finding it harder to find a buddy to spend time with. Not to mention women aren't as resourceful as they used to be. Add Covid to the mix and it's a recipe for loneliness, though it's not an extreme case since a friend or 2 can break free from time to time to grab a beer somewhere. But mainly weekends are either spent at home doing home improvement stuff or hitting up a local sports bar solo to catch a game.

I'm hesitant to open up to other dudes around me when I'm out. Mainly because of this dude I met at a sports bar when I lived in another city. He was a social butterfly and he made every effort to get to know me. I thought without a doubt this guy was gay. Turns out he wasn't but he was a bit of a weirdo and a loner himself. Last thing I want to come off as is like him.

I'm thinking I just need to be more patient until this Covid thing passes and then hit up some meetups or something. Any other tips are welcome.
 

ThisIsSparta

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Yeah..... thats what happens.

I guess there are exceptions everywhere but in general friends get scarce in mid-life. And then there has to be distinguished between real friends and the drinking buddies that are gone once you stop hitting clubs and bars with them.

In my experience it is very rare that you find a trustworthy friend you can count on when **** hits the fan and this kind of friendship needs time to grow for years.

Also, friends can get lost over the years due to changing lifestyle, interests or mindset. It happens, not only in men/women relationships.


What i would recommend is that you dont look for friends in clubs or bars.... the psycho/loser/******* quota out there is too high.

Rather hit the gym/ join a sports club/team or take a handicrafts class of your choice and you will meet decent people that share interests with you. You can socialize there without greater effort.
 

jaymbrs

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Yeah..... thats what happens.

I guess there are exceptions everywhere but in general friends get scarce in mid-life. And then there has to be distinguished between real friends and the drinking buddies that are gone once you stop hitting clubs and bars with them.

In my experience it is very rare that you find a trustworthy friend you can count on when **** hits the fan and this kind of friendship needs time to grow for years.

Also, friends can get lost over the years due to changing lifestyle, interests or mindset. It happens, not only in men/women relationships.


What i would recommend is that you dont look for friends in clubs or bars.... the psycho/loser/******* quota out there is too high.

Rather hit the gym/ join a sports club/team or take a handicrafts class of your choice and you will meet decent people that share interests with you. You can socialize there without greater effort.
You're not wrong about this.The 1 guy I mentioned earlier picked up a lot of "strays" who ended up actually stealing from him or on drugs. Can't wait for team sports to return.
 

2Rocky

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Common interests or Hobbies. Could be an individual competitive sport or going to car shows. I was amazed at how my network expanded when I joined a nationwide forum for a discipline I enjoy competing in and created a network across many states. It actually gives you some credibility with other folks in your discipline because you meet each other at LEGIT regional or national caliber events.

Actually those national type events a re good for meeting people because they are away form their "pond" or pool of friends. people tend to be more welcoming of outsiders because they don't know your level.
 

CAPSLOCK BANDIT

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This is not the same world as it was, being social across the board has become less of a thing.

Continue to make good choices, enjoy yourself and communicate truthfully with those around you.

Women are not your friends. Men are not your friends. This is a world of privateering, where everyone's own individual interest is first.
 

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Serenity

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I'm hesitant to open up to other dudes around me when I'm out. Mainly because of this dude I met at a sports bar when I lived in another city. He was a social butterfly and he made every effort to get to know me. I thought without a doubt this guy was gay. Turns out he wasn't but he was a bit of a weirdo and a loner himself. Last thing I want to come off as is like him.
A few bad encounters shouldn't ruin all the good that can be had.

I live in Norway, a country with a predominantly introverted population. It's generally hard to break the ice and most people are a little afraid of being perceived as a weirdo if they try. I personally couldn't stand living according to those norms, so I said "fvck it" and started talking openly to people.

I'm 100% sure some people perceived me as a weirdo, but I'm also 100% sure most people welcomed my company. I personally don't care if a few strangers think of me as crazy or whatever, I'll happily leave them alone and talk to someone more interested.

You will fail 100% of the chances you don't take. Being viewed negatively is a risk I'm more than willing to take, it's actually inconsequential if you think about it. The pain you fear might come from doing this is imaginary and self-inflicted, you can control it.

To sum it up
Things go well = keep meeting up
Problems arise = drop it and move on

For some reason people unnecessarily think of it as complicated when in reality you can simplify it down to that.

If only a few people perceive you negatively when all you're doing is trying to be friendly, then they're the assh0le, not you. If that's what you need to tell yourself to start conversations with people.
 

mrgoodstuff

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This is not the same world as it was, being social across the board has become less of a thing.

Continue to make good choices, enjoy yourself and communicate truthfully with those around you.

Women are not your friends. Men are not your friends. This is a world of privateering, where everyone's own individual interest is first.
In your opinion is it that NO one will protect your interests for you or its just "safe" to assume that no one will?
 
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