I need to improve my communication skills.

[Blahhh]

I have friends that can just go on talking about things. They can just keep talking for 10-15 mins straight. It’s as if they have words already processed in their head. All they have to do is to keep opening their mouth.

Whenever I wish to express an opinion, I would have the idea of it in my mind. When I try to talk however, I can usually only get to a few sentences, before needing to pause for quite some time to continue. This might seems to be normal, but the pauses are too frequent and it makes my sentence unstructured. Most of the time, it even makes me shutter my words too. All of this leads to my opinion not holding much weight at all. It’s as if my mind goes blank in the middle of the sentence.

People usually take me more seriously when I type my opinions out, instead of voicing it.

It is very difficult for me to socialize, much more with women. I desire to fix and improve my voice/communication skills but I have no idea where to start.

Help!

 

[T Money]

start right here buddy, you have a long road ahead of you, but you will enjoy who you become:

http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/

 

[LJC]

You have an inferiority complex. Not mocking you here. I just know. I dealt with it myself many many years ago. Basically, you give too much of a sh-t what other people think.

Best advice: pamper yourself. Go get some sharp threads. Pick up the kind of cool hobbies nobody does in your circles. Basically, stand out and stay humble. That's important. You don't want to turn into the prick that belittles everyone. Be the dynamic one in your pack and let them get interested in you. Eventually, you're going to find that it doesn't matter what you say, because you've got some cool sh-t going on and everyone is going to forget the odd pauses.....including you.

 

[Fender]

Respect to you for deciding to improve.

But its probably gonna take a bit of work, so be commited to it!

Try talking more slowly overall so your brain's got more time to think.

Do you knowwhy exactly you are pausing to frequently? Is it because you're worried what others are thinking or is it simply because you don't knwo what to say?

give us more details and we'll try our best to help out!

 

[Blahhh]

I do have an inferior complex problem and low self esteem due to my childhood and early teenage experience. I figured out that my life would be so much easier if I had not been too hard on myself. It's definitely better now that I am learning to cheer myself up whenever the "voice" in my head speaks. My "inner game", definitely need more work.

The voice, it's more of "I don't know what to say". My head doesn't seem to have time to process what I want to say. I have alot of "errrr" and "uhhh"s. It doesn't help that most of my listeners tend to go, "huh/pardon me/sorry?"

Thanks for the replies so far, guys. Really appreciate it.

 

[Blahhh]

bump

 

[Fender]

I have a question for you. Do you have problems speaking with EVERYONE (including parents, grandma's and siblings), or is it just with a select group of people?

 

[Permission]

You have an inferiority complex. Not mocking you here. I just know. I dealt with it myself many many years ago. Basically, you give too much of a sh-t what other people think.

Best advice: pamper yourself. Go get some sharp threads. Pick up the kind of cool hobbies nobody does in your circles. Basically, stand out and stay humble. That's important. You don't want to turn into the prick that belittles everyone. Be the dynamic one in your pack and let them get interested in you. Eventually, you're going to find that it doesn't matter what you say, because you've got some cool sh-t going on and everyone is going to forget the odd pauses.....including you.

That's the truth!

 

[Blahhh]

I have a question for you. Do you have problems speaking with EVERYONE (including parents, grandma's and siblings), or is it just with a select group of people?

Still a few Uhhh's and Errrr'ss. Usually happens when I try to tell a long story or say something that is more then just a sentence or two. I always thought this is more of a voice problem, instead of a nervous, psycological thing.

What do you all think?

 

[Blahhh]

You have an inferiority complex. Not mocking you here. I just know. I dealt with it myself many many years ago. Basically, you give too much of a sh-t what other people think.

Best advice: pamper yourself. Go get some sharp threads. Pick up the kind of cool hobbies nobody does in your circles. Basically, stand out and stay humble. That's important. You don't want to turn into the prick that belittles everyone. Be the dynamic one in your pack and let them get interested in you. Eventually, you're going to find that it doesn't matter what you say, because you've got some cool sh-t going on and everyone is going to forget the odd pauses.....including you.

LJC, thanks for the advice bro. I am going to ride a sportbike soon, so riding around the place be a very nice thing to do on the weekends. I picked up Pool roughly a year ago and I am planning to be good at it. Also joined the archery club at school too, haha.

I had some progress before I posted here. As compared to what I was, I am more calm towards other people's opinions and comments. I don't get so defensive/angry anymore. I have to admit, there are still words out there being spoken that is still very difficult for me to ignore tho.

 

[Migel]

Try expressing a long opinion or telling a story to yourself first (like in front of the mirror). If you can do that OK and you can't do it in front of people that means you might have an inferior complex problem and that's another thing to work on.

 

[Doggystyle]

Look into juggler on fastseduction.com also check out his site charismaarts.com, he has the best advice on conversation

 

[crumpiteer]

Try the "Framing Technique"

Framing (F) is focusing the attention of people within a field of meaning. Tversky and Kahneman should be seen as the founders of framing theory, although Fairhurst and Sarr actually coined the term.

According to Fairhurst & Sarr (1996) F consists of three elements:

1. Language,

2. Thought, and

3. Forethought.



Language helps us to remember information and acts to transform the way in which we view situations. To use language, people must have thought and reflected on their own interpretive frameworks and those of others. You can and should learn framing spontaneously in certain circumstances. Being able to do so has to do with having the forethought to predict framing opportunities. In other words, you must plan in order to be spontaneous.



Fairhurst and Sarr (1996) described the following Framing Techniques:

a) Metaphor: To give an idea or program a new meaning by comparing it to something else.

b) Stories (myths and legends): To frame a subject by anecdote in a vivid and memorable way.

c) Traditions (rites, rituals and ceremonies): To pattern and define an organization at regular time increments to confirm and reproduce organizational values.

d) Slogans, jargon and catchphrases: To frame a subject in a memorable and familiar fashion.

e) Artifacts: To gesture your values through physical vestiges (sometimes in a way language cannot).

f) Contrast: To describe a subject in terms of what it is not.

g) Spin: to talk about a concept so as to give it a positive or negative connotation.

 

[Potbelly]

do you spend a lot of time online and on AIM?

get off aim, start calling people up if you need something or wanna talk. you will get better with practice.