This is what i wrote yesterday when i was really pissed off and about to cry because a girl didn't want me to kiss her. It's just a longer version
.Long story short cause i notice that if i write EVERYTHING and not what matters it just means i'm overthinking/analazyng and that's not good to anyone:
NOTE: sorry that's as short as i could get it, if you notice i wrote facts mostly not what i thought were "hidden reasons" behind her every action
cmon i'm not THAT bad! hahaha. (as a joke, i know i have a million things to learn )1.Hottie comes to my country, we have an awesome time together, she comes to my house and shows me a tatoo in her butt and one just below her boobs (i know i should have made my move, but i wasn't on point)
2.Hottie moves to my house because her old house sucked.
3.I go out with hottie and some friends, i get tipsy and she is less tipsy than me and when we come back to the house we make out, she pushes me a little and tells me she doesn't want to be one of my "trophy girls" (there was a guy in the house and we used to talk about our old girls and stuff, i wasn't trying to impress her i just didn't want to change my interactions with my friend because of a girl).
I say "ok" and grab her and keep making out with her, she starts moaning and rubs all my back and touches my arm really playfully, you guys say judge by action not by words right? well we make out some more and then she says she has to go to bed, happily though, there wasn't anything awkward. She even made me laugh it was like:
Her: I hope you're not awkward in the morning (said in a jokingly soft voice)
Me: I'm never awkward, i hope YOU're not awkward in the morning (said in a playful voice)
Her: I can be, i am a woman. (We laugh and she goes to her room)
4.I go AFC.(which i didn't notice at the time) I tried to not make it weird, but i just felt some sort of tension inside me, it was like i couldn't be funny anymore and i think my C&F turned to "arrogant prick", the funny just wasn't there. Also sometimes i went to her room and watched TV with her and i felt awkward and wouldn't say a word. Sucks.
5.She has a trip and comes back, i hope the feeling is gone by the time she's back. They are for a while and we have fun but then they come back. I also started caring when my other friend teased me, i thought he was trying to bring me down in front of her, i became a ***** who wouldn't take a joke and would care A LOT about how she saw me.
6.I had been getting red flags all week, and i was blind to them. Still the last day she was here i knew there was a 99% probabilty we wouldn't have sex. We went to a restaurant to eat, it wasn't fun anymore, i kept being an AFC but finally started consciously recognizing it, still it was too late. I said something like:
Me: When did our relationship turn into this?
Her: I don't know
Me: It's like now all we do is fight with each other
Her: Yeah sometimes you can piss me off
Me: And the first night we met it was awesome and fun
Her: Yeah it was pretty awesome.
Me: What happened?
Her: You're talking like we're a couple or something.(not said serious or trying to put me down, more like a joke)
7.By night i knew there was gonna be no sex, but for the sake of it and for not being a wuss (after all, i'm probably not gonna see her again) i still went out with her and we had some food, when we came back to the house we were in her room and i said "you know what, **** it, i know i've ****ed up, i know she's probably not attracted, but if there's a 5% probability that she'd make out with me i rather find out NOW than think i'm a freaking fool for not trying it one month later".
8.I hugged her and tried to search her face for a kiss, it wasn't happening so the hug was long, she said it was getting weird i said **** it and tried to kiss me and she said no. I go AFC (gosh i still wanna slap myself
!) and i tell her "Damn. I wanted to make out with you before you leave". She says "Well no" (in a sarcastic tone[but she did mean no] she was just not mean or serious). I said something along the lines of "Well, i'm not gonna beg you for a kiss". I tried to save my dignity as much as i could.9.I go down cause i had to make a phonecall, then i remember about the drunk thing and because of AFCness and curiosity i went up and asked her why she rubbed my back and stuff like she was enjoying it. She started making stuff up by saying she didn't and that i called her a tease like 7 times and she pushed me away. That's total rubbish. If i doubted the memory i have at least slightly i would probably think she's right, but i swear i remember it clearly, and i remember how it felt like, and i wasn't that drunk either.
10. Next morning i treat her as if nothing had happened but there's still this "tension", still i try to use my head and be polite and say goodbye and wish her the best, because she didn't do anything wrong. It was me who stopped generating attraction.
NOW!
I want to find all the possible lessons out of this, i was wondering if you'd help me, here are some of the things i've thought off.
-If you have red flags don't ignore them, more often than not (if not always) they are there even though you might "pretend" not to see them. You can always try to keep working your game if you see it fit.
-In my opinion, nice guys are selfish, i started idealizing her and i told her that she wasn't amusing for me anymore and that she wasn't fun either and she said "well, i haven't changed! sorry for being me". It is unfair to make an idea of someone that's not real and be upset with that person when they don't leave up to YOUR idea of them.
-If you really wonder if a girl diggs you and you have your chance DO IT!. I'm not telling you i feel proud of how it ended, but i'm damn proud i'm not asking myself "WHAT IF SHE REALLY DID WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME?!!??!". I knew it was a long shot, but i did it because i really wanted to see what happened.
-A girl is as beautiful as you let her be. When i first met her i thought she was REALLY pretty, but when we went out and i saw all the guys drooling over her and trying to chat her up the second i left her alone i started thinking "oh my god, she IS the best!!!" thus giving her more power than she had, idealizing, and ultimately turning AFC mode ON!.
-If it gets awkward, retreat. Even if temporarily. That time spent just watching TV awkwardly in her room i could have done something interesting/fun and then be excited and in a better mood to talk to her or simply for the sake of having my mind onto more things, not just "i have to keep her cause she's so beautiful". Lame attitude *sigh*! i can be such a loser sometimes
!.-NEVER schedule a soccer match if you haven't let the players know they're playing. Meaning, I had the idea on my head that i was going to have sex with her, for no apparent reason. I guess just because it was her last night i was hoping she'd give in. BAD MISTAKE! did i really think she would magically be attracted to me when i already blew it? hahaha, this one is funny when i think about it. BUT! lame nonetheless lol.
That's it for now i'm SO sorry for the long ass post. I've made out with girls, and even done sexual things (titf*ck, fingered) but i'm a virgin yet (but i've been able to get sex like 3 times, i'm not bragging or anything just saying i'm not desperate for it, i just want to have my standards). This one though, took me totally out of the picture. I think i was too excited to bang her since she was so hot and that brought my AFCness back again.
I have one more question guys:
Was there anything i could do when i went AFC to save it? i feel it was all unconcsious, like i acted based on emotion only. What was the way to react when the awkwardness started?. And most importantly how should i have behaved after that kiss?. I think i know the answer (and i know i didn't apply it) but i want to know what you guys think.
NOTE: i'm asking this questions for next time, i already nexted this girl, or more like she nexted me! DAMN! lol.
Thanks a lot
!