I need some texting advice

[catsmeow2]

Oh dear? That’s a bit much kitty. Hamster isn’t going to chase itself.

if she can wait a couple days I can send her a photo of her hat on top of Sacajawea on Saturday from UVA hahah

Why is it a bit much? It's just a figure of speech, but anyway, in HER hamster brain lol, your not calling might suggest to her your IL is low.

Especially if you told her you would call when she asked you to.

Anyway, good story, I'm intrigued! For whatever that's worth.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Why is it a bit much? It's just a figure of speech, but anyway, in HER hamster brain lol, your not calling might suggest to her your IL is low.

Especially if you told her you would call when she asked you to.

Anyway, good story, I'm intrigued! For whatever that's worth.

Well, if I’m conveying low IL and then I send a teacher a photo of her missing hat on top of Sacajawea 3 days later I will look like a hero will I not

 

[catsmeow2]

Well, if I’m conveying low IL and then I send a teacher a photo of her missing hat on top of Sacajawea 3 days later I will look like a hero will I not

Lol, I was just about to post that!! Swear.

You're right, intermittent reinforcement, push/pull.

Keep us posted!

 

[Divorced w 3]

Lol, I was just about to post that!! Swear.

You're right, intermittent reinforcement, push/pull.

Keep us posted!

Especially in the wake of no morning “thanks again” or “did you get home ok?” Text. Making me think

 

[catsmeow2]

Well, if I’m conveying low IL and then I send a teacher a photo of her missing hat on top of Sacajawea 3 days later I will look like a hero will I not

BTW, I asked earlier what your game is after initial pull and first date, remember?

Well there it is! A big Pull followed by gentle Push.

I think you knew that all along but anyway, it all sounds good.

Have fun climbing Sacajawea.

I'm jealous!

 

[Divorced w 3]

BTW, I asked earlier what your game is after initial pull and first date, remember?

Well there it is! A big Pull followed by gentle Push.

I think you knew that all along but anyway, it all sounds good.

Have fun climbing Sacajawea.

I'm jealous!

I’m working out the kinks on the game as I go. Especially with kids. Bit of a wrinkle. 20 year olds at the bar don’t tend to ask. Lot of reading here and a lot of fun trying it out

 

[Divorced w 3]

I felt like texting so I did. Didn’t want to make more of it than needed be. She looks like Meadow from the sopranos hence the nickname

 

[Divorced w 3]

 

[Divorced w 3]

I have to be honest. I am not a good texter. I can only an IOI on the face that she gets back quickly, but I am the initiator. I thought switching to pet names may be a good start, but Any pointers on this I am all ears.

 

[catsmeow2]

Why is she calling you 'finance bro'? Didn't you just have your hands (and lips) all over each other last night?

Maybe it's me but it sounds very 'friendshippy.'

A wink emoji after "oh that's a bummer, I thought it was a gift" would've added an element of romantic interest imo.
Somewhat anyway.

Maybe it's me, but the vibe between you seems off. After just having a hot date where your hands (and lips) were all over each other, I would expect some flirty comments, some teasing with winks and other playful emojis.

Nothing too over the top, but something.

Personally I like these followed by a . Yeah I know, I'm weird. lol

Sent in a teasing playful way they can be fun.

I love when men use emojis, they convey a lot without having to say a word.

I can only an IOI on the face that she gets back quickly, but I am the initiator.

I understand, you need to feel her interest first before you're able to escalate which makes sense. So you initiate, if she gets back quickly which indicates her interest, you can escalate with higher IOIs. I totally get that (assuming that's the case, I'm just guessing based on what you wrote).

I don't know what to make of this exchange though, her reply calling you "finance bro," was that her playful name for you or something?

Just asking I wasn't there.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Why is she calling you 'finance bro'? Didn't you just have your hands (and lips) all over each other last night?

Maybe it's me but it sounds very 'friendshippy.'

A wink emoji after "oh that's a bummer, I thought it was a gift" would've added an element of romantic interest imo.
Somewhat anyway.

Maybe it's me, but the vibe between you seems off. After just having a hot date where your hands (and lips) were all over each other, I would expect some flirty comments, some teasing with winks and other playful emojis.

Nothing too over the top, but something.

Personally I like these followed by a . Yeah I know, I'm weird. lol

Sent in a teasing playful way they can be fun.

I love when men use emojis, they convey a lot without having to say a word.



I understand, you need to feel her interest first before you're able to escalate which makes sense. So you initiate, if she gets back quickly which indicates her interest, you can escalate with higher IOIs. I totally get that (assuming that's the case, I'm just guessing based on what you wrote).

I don't know what to make of this exchange though, her reply calling you "finance bro," was that her playful name for you or something?

Just asking I wasn't there.

Finance bro is a pet name. Running joke as we met down town over the weekend and I def took it up a level but not too crazy, but like Lacoste kicks, powder blue polo sweatshirt, navy pants, and a fade haircut so I was kind of prep but wasn’t a dead giveaway. Ulysses is a known deutsche bank hangout tho. It was actually pretty great being called that considering my age.

The tone, I am trying not to over play my interest. My distance helped in the beginning and I’m pretty sure it’s keeping her going. I legit think she’s kind of shy as well. Despite that she inserted herself in my set and kept telling me I’d be calling her.

other than that, yeah that’s where we’re at. The date was fun. No doubt there.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You’ve mentioned you’re a father. Never yet have this girl and I discussed the kids part. She said she didn’t look me up prior to coming (not buying that) but, how do you broach that and I guess, that could certainly throw a curve at this if she finally did look, to say the least?

It's not really a big deal, if she asks just tell her the truth. I always make sure to let them know there is no drama with the ex and that we co-parent well(it's the truth). So many women assume there is ex drama with guys because that is usually the case. I always make sure they know I am not the normal.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Finance bro is a pet name. Running joke as we met down town over the weekend and I def took it up a level but not too crazy, but like Lacoste kicks, powder blue polo sweatshirt, navy pants, and a fade haircut so I was kind of prep but wasn’t a dead giveaway. Ulysses is a known deutsche bank hangout tho. It was actually pretty great being called that considering my age.

The tone, I am trying not to over play my interest. My distance helped in the beginning and I’m pretty sure it’s keeping her going. I legit think she’s kind of shy as well. Despite that she inserted herself in my set and kept telling me I’d be calling her.

other than that, yeah that’s where we’re at. The date was fun. No doubt there.

I wouldn't have offered to drop it off.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I wouldn't have offered to drop it off.

I know. I took all the mystery out of the situation doing that. Rookie move. What would you have done.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I am a huge proponent of not ghosting until the date. All that has ever led to is a lot of flakes for me.

I wouldn't necessarily call it rapport, I would just call it having fun and interesting convos. Sometimes even playing a question game with them where we can each ask one question a day of the other person that could be anything. They love that one...

It's taken me a while to develop my methods of testing but suffice to say that it never results in a lost date, usually in women becoming more interested in seeing me.

Thanks man, that Question a Day thing is gold. I'm thinking it will be a huge timesaver for further-off dates.

 

[BeExcellent]

To answer Cat’s question I do not initiate at all in the beginning, ever. Not for about the first month or so, and after that it’s about 60-70% him & about 30-40% me initiating max, ever, over the life of the interaction.

I only deal with men I have high interest in and I take a wait & see stance to gauge his interest in me. I know my value, so I stay quiet & see if he does. I am patient and don’t worry about men who don’t reach out (which is very few), and when a guy does reach out I am receptive & charming & warm (positive reinforcement) and will make plans with him if he asks. But I let him ask.

And because I have the value and because I require investment from men (men who women often don’t require effort from because these are men women chase) these men fall for me. I’m physically attractive but so are lots of women. I’m more interesting more intriguing and have a higher degree of difficulty (read effort/investment required) to obtain…but I’m also charming, sexy, fun, and easy to be with. I am a favorable reflection on the man I am with and men love this.

People love what they invest in. So I screen for a willingness to invest time & effort and I do not ever crowd the space a man needs to choose to make that investment…then he feels good about making the investment because of how I treat him when I respond.

So no. I do not ever chase. The only men I reach out to first are established friends who are strictly friends, never ever a man I have sexual desire for.

 

[BeExcellent]

My approach is polar opposite of the vast majority of women. It can seem like low interest to a low confidence man. I don’t want a low confidence man so it effectively screens those guys out.

Perfect.

 

[catsmeow2]

Thanks for chiming in @Be, answering my question. I had a feeling you would respond the way you did.

I like to think I know my value and am confident and don't initiate out of insecurity, and feel almost like standing by and intentionally waiting to gauge HIS interest level is some sort of shyt test.

When I meet a man and there is high chemistry and we click (which is rare), I pretty much just assume HE knows my value too and is interested which is why I don't test, if test is even the right word.

With my hubs, I began initiating very soon after we met. I think like around the third date, I asked him over for dinner. .

After that, not sure what the percentage difference was and there was no keeping score or anything like that.

We both made effort to initiate and even plan. It all came quite naturally. Almost effortless really. An easy flow of back and forth.

Anyway, no wrong or right as far as I'm concerned, and thanks again for chiming in, I always value your perspective.

 

[Divorced w 3]

To answer Cat’s question I do not initiate at all in the beginning, ever. Not for about the first month or so, and after that it’s about 60-70% him & about 30-40% me initiating max, ever, over the life of the interaction.

I only deal with men I have high interest in and I take a wait & see stance to gauge his interest in me. I know my value, so I stay quiet & see if he does. I am patient and don’t worry about men who don’t reach out (which is very few), and when a guy does reach out I am receptive & charming & warm (positive reinforcement) and will make plans with him if he asks. But I let him ask.

And because I have the value and because I require investment from men (men who women often don’t require effort from because these are men women chase) these men fall for me. I’m physically attractive but so are lots of women. I’m more interesting more intriguing and have a higher degree of difficulty (read effort/investment required) to obtain…but I’m also charming, sexy, fun, and easy to be with. I am a favorable reflection on the man I am with and men love this.

People love what they invest in. So I screen for a willingness to invest time & effort and I do not ever crowd the space a man needs to choose to make that investment…then he feels good about making the investment because of how I treat him when I respond.

So no. I do not ever chase. The only men I reach out to first are established friends who are strictly friends, never ever a man I have sexual desire for.

People do work harder when they have a vested interest. I agree. I wonder what you think of my little situation over the past few pages and whether I’m in similar boat, where she did make the initial and very definitive approach but since I have been the initiator. The time in person has been incredibly solid. Lots of kino, lots of positive body language, heavy making out with zero sex not for lack of effort or communicated intent on my aide. So what’s your read, if you wouldn’t mind, on why my girl gets back to me in short order but doesn’t start the convo herself?

 

[BeExcellent]

People do work harder when they have a vested interest. I agree. I wonder what you think of my little situation over the past few pages and whether I’m in similar boat, where she did make the initial and very definitive approach but since I have been the initiator. The time in person has been incredibly solid. Lots of kino, lots of positive body language, heavy making out with zero sex not for lack of effort or communicated intent on my aide. So what’s your read, if you wouldn’t mind, on why my girl gets back to me in short order but doesn’t start the convo herself?

To me, If she is responding warmly and well she is doing her part. If you want a feminine woman you want someone who is NOT trying to do or be in the male role of pursuer, leader, initiator. That’s masculine energy and it isn’t what feminine women do, modern empowerment (more masculine energy) aside.

Furthermore if you are a desirable man she can see that. So if you fall silent and do not reach out she is observing your interest level (or lack thereof) and your other options for she will assume you have other options if you are a sought after man (if she is high interest she is going to see you as desirable.). If she is discreet and secure in herself she will say nothing and will not ask about other women, but she will assume there are some. So your window to show interest is limited before she either assumes you prefer someone else instead of her and she loses interest or she isn’t getting indicators of interest at all and she moves on. Or she’ll simply choose another man over you who is making an effort to show his interest. In any of the above scenarios you lose out if you wait for her to reach out.

Men miss quality women expecting that quality women will pursue but that is not what a quality woman does.

Here’s how I meet men. I get well dressed out and I go somewhere. And then I am receptive to the men around me. I only select from men who show interest in me. And from there I am my charming engaging self.

My fiancé kept staring at me the night we met out at a venue. He saw me headed over and preemptively cleared me space right beside him (and he kept staring)…So I said hello & he made sure a conversation ensued, made sure he got my contact info., contacted me at 9am the next morning and immediately asked me out. He did not play games, did not act like a pen pal, did not d1ck around. Straight to the point, asked me out in his very 1st text to me. I said yes and we met at 11am for our first date.

There was no question he was interested in ME. You should hear him tell the story, it’s quite charming.

You ask her out. You shoot your shot. A man is direct and makes his interest known. He doesn’t beg but he makes clear what he wants.

You’ve done that here. If anything she thinks you are a bit full of yourself. It’s a fine line right? Confidence is cool but arrogance is annoying. No woman worth having wants to be another notch count on a player’s belt (unless you know the player is not going to be able to do without you….) and in that case you are much more than the player bargained for, and he’s all about a relationship then.

So it’s your move. Make one. Be a man but also show some humanity. A relationship is built on initiation/reception interactions. If those are mutually positive exchanges of value? That is what you want. Wash rinse repeat.