I need some support from fellow mature men :(

[GameOfNoGame]

I met this girl around a year ago today & I had a dream about her last night where we ran into eachother & laughed like old times. I woke up feeling so good but then I realized it was just a dream & the day so have been feeling pretty crappy since. It's stupid but.. I miss her.

This time last year I was the happiest kid there was. I was spending every day with the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen and even better, she was smart, interesting & sensual. We even planned a vacation together & I could hardly believe how lucky I was.

But then she left me without word or warning to go back to an abusive ex. I told her that I wouldn't even be mad if she'd just tell me what's going on instead of giving me the silent break up (after months together) leaving me confused but it still took weeks to get a reply.

She'd come back & soon get flirty with me only to disappear again. Wash, rinse & repeat. I loved her with all my heart but she just kept ****ing around and ****ing around and ****ing around til eventually I just had to throw in the towel despite the way I felt.

I know your advice is probably gonna be "Bro you have oneitis go **** more *****es & forget her you puss." Ya I've done that but most of them seem kinda bland, boring, dumb & frigid in comparison and even that's difficult because literally everyone else I know is in an LTR.

It sucks pretty hard that a) every party I go to I'm the only single person & b) they won't even come out with me so I can meet new people because they're too occupied sitting on their couch drinking wine & cuddlling or some ****. I'm never that lame when I'm in an LTR.

I guess I just need to hear from people who know that these things pass & there are women of real merit still out there I could meet anywhere because I'm starting to lose faith. It's been a long time since I've met one who ended up being so even if it couldn't work between us.

 

[Rubirosa]

Spend about 40 bucks and do a month on Match. At the very least, you will see that there are tons of availible chicks out there. Be aware that a chick won't respond if you don't post a pic of yourself.

 

[GameOfNoGame]

Oh no, I can meet women without that & I have since. **** there was a period when I was seeing four different ones in a row with old analogue methods. It's just none seemed particularly worth the effort. I need reassurance that there are what I would consider what you all refer to as "quality women". Even most recently this girl kept inviting me out & making it quite clear she was interested so hell I went for it. Then I found out she was going to Cuba with some dude this week. What a ho. If you're going on a trip with a dude to Cuba, don't be going out & ****ing around with other guys.

 

[Johnnyventana]

OP -- Search this forum for cluster b, hpd, bpd. There you will find your answer. And just so you know (and I think you already know this), any life with her would be misery and you constantly chasing her and being all AFC - both of which will push her away even more. Anyway, as you said, rinse and repeat. Incredible highs, ever worse lows. Because she is not real! Seriously, RUN!

The signs:

"She was smart, interesting & sensual."
"But then she left me without word or warning to go back to an abusive ex."
"…the silent break up (after months together) leaving me confused but it still took weeks to get a reply."
"She'd come back & soon get flirty with me only to disappear again."
"…but most of them [other chicks] seem kinda bland, boring, dumb & frigid in comparison [to her]."

 

[GameOfNoGame]

OP -- Search this forum for cluster b, hpd, bpd. There you will find your answer. And just so you know (and I think you already know this), any life with her would be misery and you constantly chasing her and being all AFC - both of which will push her away even more. Anyway, as you said, rinse and repeat. Incredible highs, ever worse lows. Because she is not real! Seriously, RUN!

The signs:

"She was smart, interesting & sensual."
"But then she left me without word or warning to go back to an abusive ex."
"…the silent break up (after months together) leaving me confused but it still took weeks to get a reply."
"She'd come back & soon get flirty with me only to disappear again."
"…but most of them [other chicks] seem kinda bland, boring, dumb & frigid in comparison [to her]."

Oh I know all about that, I'll go so far as to say she has AsPD because she fits so many of the criteria & I gave her every opportunity to prove otherwise. So I stopped chasing her long ago because as much as I still care about her, what else could she be capable of? Stealing things? Lighting fires? Killing small animals? Frankly it wouldn't surprise me at this point.

To me it seems so simple to treat others with respect but that doesn't mean it doesn't make me sad that it has to be this way or don't miss having her or better yet someone like her. Call me AFC but I'm really quite extraordinary. It shouldn't be this difficult to have someone who's bright, funny & doesn't look like a camel that got into grandma's makeup kit.

 

[Johnnyventana]

"It shouldn't be this difficult to have someone who's bright, funny & doesn't look like a camel that got into grandma's makeup kit."

I don't think you are generically AFC, as some will just throw out there. My point is that these cluster b's have a way of making the best man, not so awesome.

And that doesn't make you bad. It simply means, as you learned, the more you try, the harder you try, the more she saw she 'owned' you, and thus she tried less and hurt you more. She liked it, even. She's maybe not purposefully evil, but is that important? Her actions are indeed evil.

Being single isn't always fun, but than either is being in a relationship. You won't find someone like her who falsely mirrors your great qualities (yes, she made you fall in love with yourself), but you will find someone who is additive to you. Who, when together, is more than just the sum of yourself.

It's good you already know about cluster b's. If she does bother you again -- ignore her. It (with some jealously thrown in) is the only thing that truly bothers her. In fact it will eat at her. Worse even (100 times so), then when for you, she didn't even have the decently to reply and tell you why she left you originally.

Don't be some chick's 'supply.' And don't think, that because of her, you can't find someone better. Don't let her win at your expense. Make it your goal to prove that ridiculous notion wrong. As they say, there is no revenge like happiness.

You just need to push past the funk.

 

[GameOfNoGame]

"It shouldn't be this difficult to have someone who's bright, funny & doesn't look like a camel that got into grandma's makeup kit."

I don't think you are generically AFC, as some will just throw out there. My point is that these cluster b's have a way of making the best man, not so awesome.

And that doesn't make you bad. It simply means, as you learned, the more you try, the harder you try, the more she saw she 'owned' you, and thus she tried less and hurt you more. She liked it, even. She's maybe not purposefully evil, but is that important? Her actions are indeed evil.

Being single isn't always fun, but than either is being in a relationship. You won't find someone like her who falsely mirrors your great qualities (yes, she made you fall in love with yourself), but you will find someone who is additive to you. Who, when together, is more than just the sum of yourself.

It's good you already know about cluster b's. If she does bother you again -- ignore her. It (with some jealously thrown in) is the only thing that truly bothers her. In fact it will eat at her. Worse even (100 times so), then when for you, she didn't even have the decently to reply and tell you why she left you originally.

Don't be some chick's 'supply.' And don't think, that because of her, you can't find someone better. Don't let her win at your expense. Make it your goal to prove that ridiculous notion wrong. As they say, there is no revenge like happiness.

You just need to push past the funk.

Thank you, your words are both kind and wise. I wasn't at my best for awhile because it was stressing me out so much but I'm proud that she never twisted me to the point of breaking & betray my principles or taking action against her as others would and have. Also, you are correct she would get anxious whenever I mentioned other women but it's not like any of them particularly did it for me (she just doesn't need to know that). But, how does one determine what would compliment their qualities if not looking for someone who just shares them?