I need some help, guys.

[themusicman]

I'm pretty low right now, and I'm hoping that you guys can give me advice. Here's the rub. I have a very lucrative engineering job that I've been successful at. While I'm only 5'6", I'm 150lb and 8% body fat. I get compliments all the time on my physique. I also pursue my passion of musical theatre in my spare time and have been really successful at that as well. I'm not saying any of that to toot my own horn, I'm just trying to make the point that- I think I should feel good about myself. I've done good things in my life. But I just don't. I get really anxious in social situations and I feel inferior to everybody I'm talking to. I'm terrible at approaching women and at expressing my attraction to them. Every so often one throws herself in my path just due to my looks or my musical talents, but they always end up being terrible, dysfunctional relationships.

I want to learn how to feel good about myself, and I want to develop genuine, good relationships with both girls and guys. I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin you know? I'm ready to take action to fix that, I just don't know what that is. I feel like at this point I've read every book on the market on how to be a confident man, and it all sounds good on paper, but I need to put it out there and start doing it in real life. Do you guys have any advice for actions I can start taking to improve the way I feel about myself?

 

[Tictac]

What is there to be anxious over?

 

[themusicman]

That's the thing man- I really don't know. I know that I should have a lot to offer people but whenever I enter into an interaction I just get this feeling like I'm inferior to the other person in some way.

 

[Tictac]

That's the thing man- I really don't know. I know that I should have a lot to offer people but whenever I enter into an interaction I just get this feeling like I'm inferior to the other person in some way.

If you can't get that false belief (and that is what it is) out of your head, find a counselor.

 

[ZTIME]

Inferiority is based on the fact that you are judging yourself based on how you perceive other people. There's nothing wrong with that approach as long as you have a strong understanding of your personal self value.

Your post states that you have good income, you're fit, and you play music. Right?

Now when you compare yourself to others, what is it that you feel they have that you don't? (Better looks, personality, clothes, etc)

The reason I ask is that you can't solve any problem when you don't know what the problem is. If you can pinpoint your key problems, the advice here would be much better.

 

[themusicman]

I would say in general I see people as "having it together" more than I do. I feel awkward in group settings where everyone else seems to feel comfortable.

I get told all the time I'm a good looking guy, but- cliché though it may sound- I do struggle with my height. It's difficult to feel like I have the same masculine value as a guy that's 6' and 190 lbs.

 

[Tictac]

It's difficult to feel like I have the same masculine value as a guy that's 6' and 190 lbs.

You already do.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Are you more an introvert than extrovert?
Does the awkwardness create anxiety?

Why so serious....less fvcks given, just relax have a good time. Relationships take time to build if there's not enough common ground then move on find others you can relate with.

 

[ZTIME]

I would say in general I see people as "having it together" more than I do. I feel awkward in group settings where everyone else seems to feel comfortable.

I get told all the time I'm a good looking guy, but- cliché though it may sound- I do struggle with my height. It's difficult to feel like I have the same masculine value as a guy that's 6' and 190 lbs.

Height will always be an issue if you allow it to be. A good excercise for you may be to google male movie stars and look at their height. You may be surprised.

As far as you feeling uncomfortable in social situations; I would start to take a hard look at what you bring to the table. Do you keep up with current events? Do you have any cool hobbies other then music? Do you play any team sports? Etc. All great social speakers always have something to talk about.

Also, next time you're in social situation, try to pay attention to your own body language. maybe you're giving off an anti social vibe.

Lastly, force yourself to be social. After awhile it just gets easy.

 

[yungballa]

Your mind is everything.

It's been said a thousand times over on this forums; not because it's bull sh1t, but it's the truth (in my opinion):

"As you think, you shall become."

Whatever you're thinking, you will attract that energy, whether it be positive or negative.

You are your worst obstacle that you must overcome in life. As long as you think that you CAN'T do something, or that you are INFERIOR, you won't get anywhere. No progress will be made. NOTHING good will come from a mindset of negativity.

HOWEVER, once you start to think positively, thinking that you are POSSIBLE to do things, that you have the CAPABILITY to do things, and that you CAN do it, you will start seeing results. Some people fall. But the important thing is getting back up. You're only a real loser when you stay down. If you're knocked down, get back up, no matter how many times.

I think you need to readjust the way you think. Start thinking positively. Remove all your insecurities from your head, stop thinking "what if", stop thinking your "inferior", it's all in your head. Whatever you think will reflect your reality. In other way, the way you think will most likely be the way you will act.

Also, reading won't help you do anything. Reading will probably help you learn 50 percent of the way, but having experience really seals the deal 100 percent. So you can read all you want, but without experience you won't get anywhere.

You're anxious? Don't think you perform so well in social situations? Start talking to people. Start by just saying hi to random people on the street. Try meeting more people. Try to lengthen your conversations (and make them fun and interesting). Practice holding eye contact with people. Be aware of your body language, your tone and what you're doing with your voice.

It's as simple as this: If you don't break your comfort zone, you won't get anywhere.

A lot of us guys on this forum used to be like you. Hell, I used to be like you. Now I'm not as bad as I used to be in the past. I'm progressively getting better as the days go by. You have that capability too. All it takes is your mindset, and dedication.

Mindset, and dedication. If you have the positive, determined mindset, you can go anywhere. If you're dedicated, you'll work hard and won't give up no matter how many times you screw up.

So if you feel like you have anxiety, just try talking to more people. Try to be a more talkative person, man. Just push yourself. I used to be an introvert. I hesitated a lot in social situations; I never really tried to talk to people as much as I do now. I used to be a nervous wreck back in the day. But because I just got so fed up with it, now I've fixed all those problems. And if I can, anyone can too. All you need is a positive mindset and dedication.

If you want to feel comfortable in your own skin, just embrace who you are as a person. Don't settle for the approval of others; just be you. There's only one you in this universe. You're original. Stay like that. Just think positively. Remove all negative thoughts from your brain. Changing your thoughts is like building a muscle. You've got to keep repeating your thoughts to yourself, and let them be good ones.

If you wanna get better with women, just practice flirting with them. Approach them more often. You can read a thousand books and lines on pickup, but not get anywhere if you don't approach.

I say to hell with lines and techniques just to attract women. Just be your BEST self and REMAIN sexual with the girl.