I need some advice

[kenth]

I'll try to be as quick as possible. I met this girl on a study abroad program. We didn't really hang out or say too much to each other because she was interested in another guy who happened to be a friend of mine (they hooked up etc).

Now, the next semester, we're back in the States, and I had a class with her (I go to law school)...and we sat next to each other...no big deal. Didn't think anything of her since I knew she liked my friend etc. During this semester she'd started to do a lot of considerate things blah blah blah. She gave me her cell number and told her to call etc. I never did (again I never thought of her that way). She'd call me and ask to go to barbeques, etc...and I went. Still no big deal.

Now, it's the beginning of this new semester and again I have a class with her and sit next to her etc. Anyway, one night after class she invited me to hang out with her friends...I didn't want to, but I decided I would and to call a bunch of my buddies. As it turned out...two of her friends were at the bar and they left after about 30 minutes of chit-chat. And it was just me and her (my buddies called me later and I told them that they shouldn't show up since the other two girls left). So we ended up shooting pool...I was teaching her how to play (good stuff...positive vibes). Then the next day I went to Vegas...and I didn't really think about her all that much. T

he next weekend, a buddy of mine was in town and a bunch of us went out so I gave her a call and to tell her to bring her friends. She did...and that night I was really flirtatious with her. I kissed on the cheek and just showed a lot of interest. The next weekend I asked her if she wanted to come over and help me cook a special bolognese pasta dish that I saw on the food network. She came over...and we prepared the meal...had good conversation...good whine etc.

Then I asked her if she wanted to go to the Dave Matthews Concert...She came over with a bottle of this really good tequilla from mexico...then we went to PF chang's for dinner...I brought some wine and put in my trunk...and when we got to the parking lot I opened the bottle and we drank some wine...we had some chocolate too. We got niced and sauced before the concert. The concert was really fun and we both had a good time. So the next week I went over to her place because she had this outline for a class that I'm taking and that she already had taken. It was good...she showed me her place...and some photos of her family...her computer was messed up so I told her I'd take a look at it. (I'm not a computer guy so I couldn't figure it out. Anyway, I left asking if she wanted to go the next weekend and she said yes.

The next day she didn't go to class because she was feeling ill...so I came over and brought her some medicine and the class notes for that week...and we went to kinkos to make copies of my notes...after we went to TGIFridays to get something eat. I have to admit I was tired that day and wasn't on my "A" game...anyway, long story short...when the check came...she went to her purse...and I was like don't worry about it, I got it. She then says, "are you ever going to let me pay for anything" and I said probably not...and then said that I didn't mind paying for it. Then she proceeds to say, "you know we're just friends right" and I was like sure whatever. I was pissed. So on the drive home I didn't really have anything to say to her. I just dropped her off. Then she calls me while I'm driving about two minutes later to thank me for the medicine and I was like don't worry about it...it was nothing.

Anyway, here's the problem...the last time we talked I had hinted that I'd liked her blah blha blah...and she wasn't really receptive to that. Anyway, we left off on a pretty good note...no worries. Then, I decided to drink some of that tequilla she gave me and I got wasted...and started thinking more about her...so I called her up and basically said that she shouldn't give up on "whatever this is"...ugh I know. Now, I feel like a total idiot because I totally professed my love (never really said it in those words but we are law students and can easily read between the lines lol) and I could tell she wasn't that into this type of pleading (or what not).

MY QUESTION TO YOU ALL IS WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT OUR DATE THIS FRIDAY? I mean should I go and just be a friend? or Should I just suck up the loss and make a bad excuse? I think I like this girl, but when a girl says, you know we're just friends...that's the nail in the coffin, right?

 

[Grey Fox]

Suck it up and cancel the date and be honest. You just want her as a friend. This is just a situation with no possible happy ending, trust me move on and learn from it.

-Grey Fox

 

[Cremasta]

There is no such thing as a "nail in the coffin"... you just gave yourself a bit more work to do, that's all. Whether or not you got a good response when you said "not to give up on 'whatever this is'", I guarantee that she has at least entertained the thought.

Don't let this one little setback (one comment) throw your whole game off... no one can be that much of a quitter! Go on the date, have fun, be fun to be with. Make her think about you 'in that way' a bit more. How many guys do you know who were outright rejected by a girl, only to snag her a couple months down the track? I see it all the time.

Even if it looks like you are probably not going to get anywhere with her, take that rapport you have already built and use her for practice.

 

[kenth]

bump

bump

 

[kenth]

Well, I'm seeing her tomorrow. Should I not even bring up Friday or should I just pretend like we never had plans?

 

[Grey Fox]

Well since you are going to do this I'll offer you this. When you see her tomorrow he cordial but treat her like a friend. If you have the chance to bump into other gals you know while with her, be flirty with them, but treat her like a friend. Tell her you are happy just being friends, and at the end of the night say it again, but as you leave touch her arm or something while you say it. Mixed signals can get any guy bent out of shape, but watch what happens when you start to show off all these great qualities to her but she can never enjoy them since she is stuck in the friend zone. What the others said is good too jealousy can work to your favor especially when you can create longing. But don't feel bad if it dont work out with her. On thinking about it, there is a bright side. Since you think this will be good for just practice, you have nothing to worry about as the outcome doesn' matter. Suceed or fail is not the objective just learning from it, so do whatever, be creative try some new approaches on what you do in a date.

-Grey Fox

 

[kenth]

Thanks everybody

I'll be seeing her tomorrow in class...let you know what happens.

 

[jester1x]

I would recommend that you go on that date. She could be just testing you and your reaction by making that "friends" statement. Besides, if you cancel, then she'll know she "has" you. Keep the date (keep your word, your promise, etc...) and act as if you never had such a conversation regarding the state of your relationship. Yeah, you may be her "friend", but don't start blatantly acting like one. It sounds to me as though she probably does like you more than she would care to admit, but is holding back for some unfathomable reason. Act as though nothing has changed between you two. Ultimately, she will decide if this "friendship" will progress farther. Just don't push it. Some women use "friendship" as a label when they really do care for you as more than one.

I would also recommend that you do date other women, but not do it to make your friend jealous. She is going to wonder what you are up to if you are not with her on a particular night. If the subject of other women comes up, answer honestly. But, answer her questions with as little information as possible. You know, she is "just a friend...".

I make sure I never leave a woman in a state in which she felt she could never contact me again. I always leave the door open so to speak. Women have been known to change their minds. Also, what you do/did for her may be what some other guy does not do. Lastly, women never forget!

 

[kenth]

OK, so let me follow up on what's happened so far. I ended up not going out with the girl and went to a club instead. Anyway, after about 6-7 stolis and redbull I drunk dialed her that night saying that I wanted to hear her voice. The music was loud so I went to a quieter area in the club to chat....what was good about it is there was this girl in the club who was looking in the mirror and as she was looking at her I said "you look good...there's no need to primp"...she's like thank you...and as I was holding the phone I told the girl that I'm kinda busy but will talk to her in a bit...this obviously got the girl I was talking with on the phone a bit jealous, but she really didn't say anything besides "who's that" and I was like just some girl. Anyway, long story short...since the phone convo I haven't talked with her or seen her at school. Anyway, I skipped the class that I have with her yesterday and she ended up calling me today (without leaving a message). I'm basically over this girl, but what's my next approach...should I not even call her back until she calls, or should I call in a couple of days and be like, "Did you call me the other day without leaving a message" (or something to that extent)? Advice Please.

 

[jester1x]

Whoops, it may be too late! Don't let her know you were aware she called. If she really wants to make contact with you, she will do so in some form. Let her do some work to get some time with you or from you. If she doesn't put in any work for you, then you have lost nothing. (She maybe does see you only as a friend or has some issues with romantic relationships.) Believe me, women will take you for granted if you are at their beck and call 24/7.

Give me an update if you don't mind.

 

[PocoDiablo]

Rule #1 that helps ME a lot: Keep your mouth shut.

ESPECIALLY do not tell a woman your "feelings." Don't tell her you like her, you want her, want to be more than friends, etc. If you cannot communicate your desires non-verbally then you got some work to do.

Flirting with intent is what I do.

I think you kinda lost this one - at least I would not put much effort into it. However, I am the kind of guy who realizes there are lots of women, and I don't like to waste my time on a hard target when there is probably another woman who I click with better - and with less work, less confusion.

Personally I would rather make a move and get rejected than be in your shoes - wondering for WEEKS and not getting anywhere!

Keep us updated.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You never dictated the agenda and allowed her to control the so-called dates!! Did you ever pursue her romantically?? NO, you did not - so why were you surprised when she stated "You know we are just friends"!

Let this be a lesson to all you fools who try to take the passive non-romantic happy-go-lucky approach to "dating" a woman/friend who you like romantically!!

Be a man and only pursue women you are attracted to in a romantic manner only!!!