I need some advice.

[Baruch]

A girl I been dating for the past 3 months just ticked me off last night and I told her not to speak to me till she clears this out.

Last night I went out with some friends and had some drinks and watched some sports. After I got done with them, I called her and asked her and told her I want to see her. She said that she just got off work and she is in a bar with her friends, I said I am coming over there. Thats where the problem starts.

She said no she does not want me to hang around her co worker friends and that she will come and see me instead somewhere else. It ticked me off. I told her she should stay there and I am going home. I texted her right after telling her that its not alright with me and that until she stops being mysterious about her co-workers and her and I hanging out at the same place, I do not want to talk to her.

This morning I get a text and a few phone calls from her. I called her back eventually and she said that she wasn't sure if I am being serious or am I testing her haha. The irony.

I told her that I got mad not because I didn't get my way, but because she does not want me to be around her friends. She explained to me that on her previous job everyokne knew her bf and then they knew that they started having a problematic relationship, and everytime she would mess up at work her manager would blame it on her personal life. She told me she does not want her co workers to ask questions about who am I and what are we.

I did meet her co workers before, one time she invited me there when they got off work, the second time I just went to the same place with my friends. And she said that they did ask her questions.
She does not have a problem of me hanging out with her regular friends, or even coming over to her house when her folks are there. But when it comes to work, she wants to keep me as a secret. Which makes me wonder if she is telling the truth, or if she is hiding something from me.

I got mad at her last night for that, I told her today its understandble, but I am not her bf, I am just a guy she is dating. And it still gets me mad that she is affraid to answer a few questions if they ask. She can say that I am just a friend. But she keeps being resentful about us hanging out together with her co worker friends. Honestly, I am tired of hanging out with her one on one, and sometimes its fun to be togehter but have other people around you. She hangs out with that crowd like 3 times a week after work, but we dont hang out togehter.

Am I over reacting? What would be the don juan way to go about this? I almost decided to next her last night.

 

[WesCottII]

Do you wish to invade every part of this womans life? Would you allow it if she wanted to be in every.single.part.of.your.life, from your time at the gym, to your meeting with your boss, to picking up your dry cleaning? Or would it seem ever so slightly controlling?

Ask yourself, what would a man of class do?

Here's what I'd think

-He wouldn't be bothered that this girl didn't want to meet him with her co-workers. He's got better things to do, than make tedious small talk with a bunch of people he's never met.

-He knows that since he's such a great guy, that she wouldn't dream of having any terrible secrets from him (i.e banging the photocopier boy), because if she did, she'd lose the best thing in her life.

-He knows that everyone needs their space, and that her workplace is for her, not him. Similarly, he wouldn't expect her to come barging into any outings he hadn't invited her to.


Also, when you "get mad" at a woman, they know they have the power. Never, ever, ever, EVER show a woman you arn't in 100% control of your emotions.

 

[Sandow]

It's understandable that it's frustrating that you can't meet her co-workers. I would be upset too. But in this case, it's her career, and she is just looking out for herself and doesn't want to risk losing her job. And you have to respect that. It's fine to be upset, but you shouldn't lash out on her for something like this. You should be in control of your emotions. After all, it's not that big of a deal, so you shouldn't act like it is. Also you guys are even going out. Just move on and try not to bring it up. Girls are attracted to guys who don't let little things bother them.

 

[Last Man Standing]

... But when it comes to work, she wants to keep me as a secret. Which makes me wonder if she is telling the truth, or if she is hiding something from me.

She hangs out with that crowd like 3 times a week after work, but we dont hang out togehter.

Considering that you were only going out for 3 months I was initially siding with her - maybe she had introduced her co-workers to 3 ex "b/f's" already and it is making her look like a slvt - so she feels embarrassed. Or she likes someone at work and keeps you out of the picture. But when you mentioned that she goes out with them 3 times a week then red flags started waving - this is not normal!!! Red Alert! Red Alert!!! Warning, Warning!

 

[penkitten]

Do you wish to invade every part of this womans life? Would you allow it if she wanted to be in every.single.part.of.your.life, from your time at the gym, to your meeting with your boss, to picking up your dry cleaning? Or would it seem ever so slightly controlling?

Ask yourself, what would a man of class do?

Here's what I'd think

-He wouldn't be bothered that this girl didn't want to meet him with her co-workers. He's got better things to do, than make tedious small talk with a bunch of people he's never met.

-He knows that since he's such a great guy, that she wouldn't dream of having any terrible secrets from him (i.e banging the photocopier boy), because if she did, she'd lose the best thing in her life.

-He knows that everyone needs their space, and that her workplace is for her, not him. Similarly, he wouldn't expect her to come barging into any outings he hadn't invited her to.


Also, when you "get mad" at a woman, they know they have the power. Never, ever, ever, EVER show a woman you arn't in 100% control of your emotions.

wonderful response to this thread!

 

[aliasguy]

A girl I been dating for the past 3 months just ticked me off last night and I told her not to speak to me till she clears this out.

Last night I went out with some friends and had some drinks and watched some sports. After I got done with them, I called her and asked her and told her I want to see her. She said that she just got off work and she is in a bar with her friends, I said I am coming over there. Thats where the problem starts.

She said no she does not want me to hang around her co worker friends and that she will come and see me instead somewhere else. It ticked me off. I told her she should stay there and I am going home. I texted her right after telling her that its not alright with me and that until she stops being mysterious about her co-workers and her and I hanging out at the same place, I do not want to talk to her.

This morning I get a text and a few phone calls from her. I called her back eventually and she said that she wasn't sure if I am being serious or am I testing her haha. The irony.

I told her that I got mad not because I didn't get my way, but because she does not want me to be around her friends. She explained to me that on her previous job everyokne knew her bf and then they knew that they started having a problematic relationship, and everytime she would mess up at work her manager would blame it on her personal life. She told me she does not want her co workers to ask questions about who am I and what are we.

I did meet her co workers before, one time she invited me there when they got off work, the second time I just went to the same place with my friends. And she said that they did ask her questions.
She does not have a problem of me hanging out with her regular friends, or even coming over to her house when her folks are there. But when it comes to work, she wants to keep me as a secret. Which makes me wonder if she is telling the truth, or if she is hiding something from me.

I got mad at her last night for that, I told her today its understandble, but I am not her bf, I am just a guy she is dating. And it still gets me mad that she is affraid to answer a few questions if they ask. She can say that I am just a friend. But she keeps being resentful about us hanging out together with her co worker friends. Honestly, I am tired of hanging out with her one on one, and sometimes its fun to be togehter but have other people around you. She hangs out with that crowd like 3 times a week after work, but we dont hang out togehter.

Am I over reacting? What would be the don juan way to go about this? I almost decided to next her last night.

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She's "compartmentalizing," man.

It might be because she's "concerned" about her job, and all that B.S. from the last guy. But probably not.

It's more likely that she WANTS to keep her buddies from work separate from you. Guess why.

This isn't good. Not a deal-breaker, yet, but not good at all.

Keep your eyes open.

(I've got stories about this kinda sh*t.)

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[Baruch]

Ok, so what should I do about it now?

 

[Last Man Standing]

Ok, so what should I do about it now?

Have a friend or a few friends do some reconnaissance!!!

 

[aliasguy]

Ok, so what should I do about it now?

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Keep your eyes open.
Make no accusations or complaint yet. Wait and see.
Get your mind ready for a disappointing blow.
(or, maybe not, but..........)
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[Bible_Belt]

What would be the don juan way to go about this?

Keep her for sex and find another woman who meets your needs - i.e., the need to be social as a couple.

Your girl probably has another guy and does not trust her co-workers to keep the secret, especially while drinking. But don't accuse her or show jealousy. Just quitely go spin another plate or two on the side. In the unlikely event that she does not have another guy, it's still her fault for not meeting your needs in the first place.