I need serious help with this

[guywhoneedshelp]

I was with the love of my life for almost 1 year, and she loved me just as much as I loved her, it was the perfect relationship.

3 days before it was exactly 1 year we had been dating, we got into a stupid fight. I didn't wanna wake up, it was 10:30 PM, she was afraid I wasn't gonna drive her home and thought her mom was gonna get mad at her, etc.

Now I'm 20 and she is also 20. So it's kinda weird to me how she is basically attached to her mother by the hip. She ends up calling her mom who just took 2 sleeping pills, and makes her come get her. About 10 minutes later I see her sitting on the couch and she's like "my mom is coming to get me". I react very pissed off, and start yelling and cursing saying I would of drove her home, you don't have to get your mom involved in everything, **** you *****, etc. She does some equal yelling, I end up throwing a picture of us, she leaves to go outside to wait for her mom in the rain. She said "maybe when you calm down we can talk about this." I also mentioned that I can't deal with this, and she said "fine then it's over" and proceeded by taking all her stuff with her.

Now the next day I go somewhere I know she will be, I talk to her, I apologize, etc. We've had arguments before, but this one was different. When I apologized and confirmed our relationship again, she only cried and said she needed time. I tried to inform her that if she wanted time I can guarantee this is not gonna work out, but she kept saying "you are making this hard for me."

The next day I go to her house and surprise her. I walk into her bedroom, she is so happy to see me. I'm crying telling her "I need you." (We always had an agreement, if anything happened between us, I'd fight for her to prove I still want her. This is what I was doing.) She's rubbing my head and hugging me, it felt quite great. Then her Mom interrupts. She leaves the room for 4-5 minutes, comes back with her Mom, and her mom wants to speak to me.

I go in the kitchen and talk to the mom, who starts yelling at me. To sum it up, she thinks I'm an idiot and I should be paying for everything, and she doesn't approve of me because I don't. (When we go out, sometimes I pay, but also we like to pay for our own stuff. I pay for my food, she pays for hers, we agreed on this.)

You can start to see the point I'm getting at, how parents should not really be in the middle of your relationships, but on the sidelines.

The mom yells at me some more saying "She doesn't want you here!" I tell her nicely, "well she didn't seem to mind I was here. She didn't ask me to leave. Do you want me to leave?" She tells me yes, so I leave. As I leave she's screaming at me all the way into the street. I kept my cool, didn't call her a ***** or anything, kinda sarcastically said "have a nice day" but that's about it. I try to be nice to parents.

Then my girl is in the street, turns out she wanted to escape the house because she probably knew she was going to yell.

I go home, go on aim, have a brief chat with her...

me (4:03:28 PM): Kaitlyn...
her(4:03:33 PM): .... away message
me (4:06:59 PM): I tried...sorry it didn't work out. I'm sorry. Good luck...I still love you very much, but hopefully I'll get over that...
her(4:13:50 PM): I just got your voice mail... and I still wanna talk to you too... I'm not saying that were over, but I really do need a few days. And I promise I'll call you when I can, okay? And don't think I need a few days to "see other guys" or anything, because that's the last thing I wanna do right now. I want a few days just so I can think and be by myself and maybe go to Virginia and stay with Christie.. I love you too, Kevin...
me (4:18:22 PM): Thanks Kaitlyn, I really appreciate you telling me this. I'm not sure what will happen after a few days, if I'll even be available for you. After just getting off the phone with your Dad I can honestly say that while I look forward to your phone call I really don't have any high hopes. Please call me in a few days, whenever that is.
her (4:18:50 PM): just got off the phone with my dad.... what....?
me (4:20:04 PM): Kaitlyn, he called me. And after your mom "talked" to me today, I'm not really sure I can be in this relationship anyway. It doesn't look like it's going to work out, but the only thing that makes me wish it will is the fact that I love you so much and believe you are the one for me. Even still, there are a lot of things getting in the way of that, which is blowing everything out of proportion.
her (4:20:04 PM): ....
her (4:24:29 PM): Wow I didnt know he was calling you... okay... just.. let me call you in a few days okay? everything and everyone is stressing me out way too much and if i dont escape everything thats stressing me out right now, i dont know what im gonna do..
me (4:25:57 PM): I wish I could be there for you, but I can't. However, I look forward to you calling me, hopefully sooner rather than later
her (4:26:16 PM): okay... well, i love you...
me (4:26:37 PM): Kaitlyn, I love you very much. More than anything in the world.
her (4:26:43 PM): <3
me (4:26:46 PM): <3
me (4:26:52 PM):
her (4:27:02 PM): trust me thats me right now
me (4:27:26 PM): It's me baby...I've never felt this way before...
her (4:28:02 PM): okay :-\ i'll talk to you in a few days... bye bb.. i love you...
me (4:28:18 PM): Bye bb...I love you so much. I look forward to your call...

--

So that's it. It's always been an issue with the fact that she doesn't have a car. We live in Long Island, New York, you kinda need a car. I'm always traveling 20 minutes out of the way, to pick her up and do whatever I want to do each day. I complain about it sometimes, but she always assures me she's working on getting her license. I always support her. (Her mom also said as she was yelling at me, "even if she had a car, I still expect you to pick her up 90% of the time. It's your job!" Her mother clearly doesn't have a clear view of reality.) so maybe she is saying she "needs some time" because she wants to work out some of these issues first. I bet, my assumption, is her mom is not permitting her to see me, maybe some threatening circumstances. Or maybe she has her road test scheduled soon, and her dads getting a car, and she wants to figure that out before she tries to repair the relationship. I did try to fight for her, I did all I could do. It seems her parents have gotten in the way.

However, my love for this girl is very strong. The wall her parents are creating is not enough to stop me from wanting her. I've never been a ***** like this before, but hey, I finally fell in love. What can I say? Now I'm not ***** enough to go get an apartment somewhere, waste 1200 a month (i'm living rent free with my parents, finishing my bachelors degree. doing good so far) on an apartment just to be with her, or marry her just to allow her parents to let me take some control. I'm not doing anything stupid like that because I know it always results in a broke, unhappy man. In those circumstances, I'd be working more than 40 hours while going to school, which would cause my grades to drop, which would keep me at the 40k salary spot that I'm at now, etc. I'm strong enough to know that I have a plan, I just want to make the plan conveniently work out with this girl.

So today would of been 1 year. It's been hard not to call her. I think she wants to call me, but her parents are not permitting her to. I know it's strange, she's 20 damn years old. But anyway, what should I do? How long should I wait? Should I bang other girls? When she calls, do I even wanna get back with her, having this psychotic Mother and crazy Dad who calls me to yell at me? I feel as if nothing can get in the way of my love for her, but will this get in the way no matter what? Will she ever become an independent woman?

(btw she's worked a couple cashier jobs since we've dated. While I met her unemployed, she does work 5 hours a week at a dollar store. However, just like she talks about "one day getting a car" she also talks about going to school to study cosmetology. I'm afraid that one day she will become very successful and I'll wish I was just patient. If only I waited for her to get her license and get her dream job...but I was too impatient.)


Please help.

Notes: Usually when we've fought, she's been the one to call me. I've stayed strong, waited for her call. But this time, I went to her, which might of been a mistake. I think her parents are brainwashing her honestly. No girl should get her parents this involved. She tells her mom everything.

 

[KontrollerX]

Focus on completing your education and setting yourself up good financially.

Don't move in with this chick.

Keep up the frame you have where you two go half in paying for everything.

Continue the politeness routine with her mom and just shake off her bullsh!t comments to avoid more hassle that firing back would cause.

Work on pulling yourself back emotionally a bit from this girl and consider the reality that at 20 years old she is still valuing her mother over a mature adult relationship with you.

Her priority at this moment is not you first and that should concern you.

Keep at her for a while to choose you over her mother and if she can't do that pull the plug on this relationship as painful as it may be to do so.

Think of it this way...

When women don't think they are getting what they want from men they pull the plug eventually don't they?

You do the same because you want her yet she won't cut the apron strings to be with you and she keeps stupidly telling her mom about your relationship together which helps her mother to interfere and mess with it and her girl's mind even more concerning you.

The parents sound like a nightmare from hell.

Yeah though the problem is on your girl's end to solve and her answer to the problem will be what determines whether your relationship continues or fails.

Its you or mommy basically.

 

[ProDJ26]

Yep tomorrow will definately be the break-up part of the soundtrack lol some of you guys REALLY need to listen to it

 

[Guybrush]

pfff

20 years old, and having the perfect relationship?

You don't even have enough experience to qualify a relationship to its ultimate status (PERFECT) ...

After 10 more girls, you will have a 10-page long list you need to check to tell whether a relationship is really perfect or not.

How many LTRs have you experienced in your life?

What do you require in a 20-year old girl othar than physical intimacy? ALL the drama you are attaching to it is not even real, and can easily be replicated on someone else.

BTW, I didn't read the rest of the post after you mentioned YOUR "perfect relationship"


Edit: I just skimmed your post... What a load of high school drama... Go do SOME READING BEFORE YOU TROLL HERE. Help is available to those who have done at least just a little bit of homework

 

[SharinganUser]

I hardly call a perfect relationship one where you flip out on her for calling her mom to give her a ride.

I totally agree with guybrush. Go see a pharmacist and have him fill out that prescription of two testicles and a backbone.

 

[AKA FLEX]

Now I'm 20 and she is also 20. So it's kinda weird to me how she is basically attached to her mother by the hip. She ends up calling her mom who just took 2 sleeping pills, and makes her come get her. About 10 minutes later I see her sitting on the couch and she's like "my mom is coming to get me". I react very pissed off, and start yelling and cursing saying I would of drove her home, you don't have to get your mom involved in everything, **** you *****, etc. She does some equal yelling, I end up throwing a picture of us, she leaves to go outside to wait for her mom in the rain. She said "maybe when you calm down we can talk about this." I also mentioned that I can't deal with this, and she said "fine then it's over" and proceeded by taking all her stuff with her.

Two words: Anger management. For both of you. And both of you need to find someone else to date.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

Focus on completing your education and setting yourself up good financially.

Don't move in with this chick.

Keep up the frame you have where you two go half in paying for everything.

Continue the politeness routine with her mom and just shake off her bullsh!t comments to avoid more hassle that firing back would cause.

Work on pulling yourself back emotionally a bit from this girl and consider the reality that at 20 years old she is still valuing her mother over a mature adult relationship with you.

Her priority at this moment is not you first and that should concern you.

Keep at her for a while to choose you over her mother and if she can't do that pull the plug on this relationship as painful as it may be to do so.

Think of it this way...

When women don't think they are getting what they want from men they pull the plug eventually don't they?

You do the same because you want her yet she won't cut the apron strings to be with you and she keeps stupidly telling her mom about your relationship together which helps her mother to interfere and mess with it and her girl's mind even more concerning you.

The parents sound like a nightmare from hell.

Yeah though the problem is on your girl's end to solve and her answer to the problem will be what determines whether your relationship continues or fails.

Its you or mommy basically.

well I appreciate this, we'll have to wait and see what happens when she calls me. I'll do what you said. For now I'm just gonna keep busy, don't really wanna be hanging by my thumbs for this damned phone call.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

Focus on completing your education and setting yourself up good financially.

Don't move in with this chick.

Keep up the frame you have where you two go half in paying for everything.

Continue the politeness routine with her mom and just shake off her bullsh!t comments to avoid more hassle that firing back would cause.

Work on pulling yourself back emotionally a bit from this girl and consider the reality that at 20 years old she is still valuing her mother over a mature adult relationship with you.

Her priority at this moment is not you first and that should concern you.

Keep at her for a while to choose you over her mother and if she can't do that pull the plug on this relationship as painful as it may be to do so.

Think of it this way...

When women don't think they are getting what they want from men they pull the plug eventually don't they?

You do the same because you want her yet she won't cut the apron strings to be with you and she keeps stupidly telling her mom about your relationship together which helps her mother to interfere and mess with it and her girl's mind even more concerning you.

The parents sound like a nightmare from hell.

Yeah though the problem is on your girl's end to solve and her answer to the problem will be what determines whether your relationship continues or fails.

Its you or mommy basically.

Wow man,I'm at work right now and decided to read this again since I'm more awake now. THis makes a lot of sense. So I guess I wont call, Ill wait for her to call, and tell her...break away from this mommy stuff or its over.

Thanks so much man. I'd thank you more but I gotta get back to work

 

[PectoralisMajor]

1) You should NEVER flip out like that in front of your lady. She's now considering if she wants to be with you, and as much as it hurts, I think its over !

2) If she loved you as much as she says she does, she would be with you NOW, not 'maybe' giving you a call 'sometime'. This is ******** for - we've broken up, and to make it less painful, we're not going to talk for a bit.

3) walking into her room crying telling her you need her - NO NO NO. Your a man right?? you dont need anything but your two b@lls and c*ck to punish some p&ssy. Your too attached jeez its only been a year.

4) Its safe to assume its over: I recommend;

a) getting into the gym, or some sport and sticking to it. You might not feel like it now, but it will pay dividend and keep you busy, and you will meet new folk.

b) throw yourself into new activities and routines, dont think about this girl - your too busy, and as much as it hurts, there's more out there as good IF not BETTER than her.

Hope this helps - its coming from someone who's bought the tshirt so to speak ha...

If it was me, I'd end it. At least then you hold some dignity and girls will always go back to the guy if they end it and its meant to be, but never the other way round !

let us know how you get on chief.

 

[Leporello]

It can be difficult when someone is a big part of your life and then one day they're not, but you have to face the situation with some degree of equanimity. Losing the 'love of my life' helped me realize that the rest of my life had kind of fallen off because I was so focused on her

 

[KontrollerX]

Oh yeah and if you got married to this girl rest assured that her mother would continue to interfere in your marriage together and cause it to eventually end in divorce.

That is unless your girl grows a backbone sometime soon as well as some common sense and tells her mother to stay out of her romantic life.

A parent has no business at all in a 20 year old woman's relationship.

When someone is a minor like 17 and under the parent has all the right in the world to be concerned and involved in getting information about it but at 18 and up hell no.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

1) You should NEVER flip out like that in front of your lady. She's now considering if she wants to be with you, and as much as it hurts, I think its over !

2) If she loved you as much as she says she does, she would be with you NOW, not 'maybe' giving you a call 'sometime'. This is ******** for - we've broken up, and to make it less painful, we're not going to talk for a bit.

3) walking into her room crying telling her you need her - NO NO NO. Your a man right?? you dont need anything but your two b@lls and c*ck to punish some p&ssy. Your too attached jeez its only been a year.

4) Its safe to assume its over: I recommend;

a) getting into the gym, or some sport and sticking to it. You might not feel like it now, but it will pay dividend and keep you busy, and you will meet new folk.

b) throw yourself into new activities and routines, dont think about this girl - your too busy, and as much as it hurts, there's more out there as good IF not BETTER than her.

Hope this helps - its coming from someone who's bought the tshirt so to speak ha...

If it was me, I'd end it. At least then you hold some dignity and girls will always go back to the guy if they end it and its meant to be, but never the other way round !

let us know how you get on chief.

well you know, we had a deal, that I'd fight for her, because I've never fought to keep any of my previous relationships, because I never cared about them that much. So instead this time, unlike all the other times where she'd call me after a few days, I decided to go to her. Her mom evidentally ruined that, so now I'm just waiting. Not exactly hanging by my thumbs anymore. After having a good day at work today I'm feeling a lot better, kinda like, if she calls she calls, whatever. And when she does call, I'm basically gonna tell her "why should I go back out with you? Don't you see the true problems?"

She'll have to change a lot on her end, and on my end, yea I'll calm the anger down a bit. (Although I strangely have a weird temper when I'm woken from sleep, not sure why)

I been out and about, jogging with a friend, playing some soccer yesterday. Not doin too bad, as long as I'm busy. It's when I'm not busy...I start to miss her...wonder what she's doing...etc. Then I do the whole "replay in my mind over and over again" thing and start to feel depressed.

We'll see what happens, dunno when she'll call, but today is day 2 of completely no interaction.

 

[PectoralisMajor]

I see what your saying about fighting for her. She should be fighting for you too remember. dont push all of this on yourself.

you were out of order with the shouting, the tantrum. women hate this, trust me. its a relationship destroyer.

good work on keeping busy. look at this as a time to improve yourself, and do some things you havnt done for a while. I would also suggest being open to meeting new girls - it will help take your mind off the whole thing. Women do this with guys ALL the time.

for example, I know a girl who broke up with her BF of 3 years, next night, she has a male 'friend' staying over the night at her parents house. She's seeing this guy all the time, women often show this BEHAVIOUR.

Expect not to hear from her for two weeks. I know it feels like an eternity, but I rekon you've shown your hand, and now the ball is in her court.

ps - telling her why should I get back with you? is argumentative. stay clear of phrases like that my man.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

I see what your saying about fighting for her. She should be fighting for you too remember. dont push all of this on yourself.

you were out of order with the shouting, the tantrum. women hate this, trust me. its a relationship destroyer.

good work on keeping busy. look at this as a time to improve yourself, and do some things you havnt done for a while. I would also suggest being open to meeting new girls - it will help take your mind off the whole thing. Women do this with guys ALL the time.

for example, I know a girl who broke up with her BF of 3 years, next night, she has a male 'friend' staying over the night at her parents house. She's seeing this guy all the time, women often show this BEHAVIOUR.

Expect not to hear from her for two weeks. I know it feels like an eternity, but I rekon you've shown your hand, and now the ball is in her court.

ps - telling her why should I get back with you? is argumentative. stay clear of phrases like that my man.

Sounds good, I'll keep you updated. SHocking though, to see the girl who could never go a day without hearing my voice now want some "time". 2 weeks? I'd be surprised, although I'm surprised she hasn't even called by now...