I need helping learning this Mindset!

[trojanman88]

I realized that most pua's know how to mingle I dont know how because I'm one of those guys that dont know how to just barge into conversation threads.
I think that most of us were taught as kids that we should speak when spoken too and now I can't break that. I know I need to be able to just barge into a conversation like its nothin. But I can realy feel every inch of my body when I do this or try to do this...

 

[intel123]

it is more about listing to wat they are saying then take what there saying crack a joke and keep on escalating the convo . doesnt nesersaily meaning bargeing in . be relaxed

 

[Nexus Polaris]

Good call on the speak when spoken to. Yet another thing forced down our throats as children that has crippled many of us as adults.

There's so much of this stuff now it makes me sick.

 

[Interceptor]

A set with 3 guys and 3 girls..
you hear them laughing, you approach, make eye contact with any of them..
You move in a little closer and listen to their convo..

You smile and laugh..
you nod your head in agreement with the topic..
One person says something like:

'So yeah, I was snowboaridng and then ll of a sudden Ihit this rock, and BOOM I went flying, dude!!"
All laugh.

You step in and laugh and acknowledge, and since you had a similar incident you say something like;

"Oh man, I totally know what that's like! Last year in Denver, I was snowboarding too, at this really cool place yada yada yada.."


Or, if you never had an experience to relate to , ssay something like:

"Wow, man, That;s funny. Where were you snowboarding?" ask some questions on the topic, be genuine, be cool, and be assertive..
YOU ARE NOT LOOKING FOR APPROVAL.

You'e just being friendly and social..
If they don't repsond, keep smiling and walk off if yo want..
You've lost nothing, those people were NOT Cool, no need to hang around ****heads like that.

 

[trojanman88]

Its like whenever I do this stuff I always get nervous and start to fear stuttering

 

[Interceptor]

You fear being judged.

You don't feel 'good enough" or 'cool enough" to hang out with these people.

Why?

Why do you feel that way?

What made you feel that way?

 

[trojanman88]

I dont know? I fear people looking at me like im dumb. Or beign emberrassed or like they dont like me already so why try now? or just like forget it i dont care about being social or like i'm not that funny they won't laugh at my jokes. sometimes i have nothing to say

 

[JDA70]

Well you know your problems so what do you need to do?
Work on them. You have to be willing to crash and burn.
There really is no other way I can think of.

It's like learning anything in life
you have to put in the time and pay your dues.

Eventually you will get good at it.

 

[Interceptor]

I dont know

?

this is a bad start. :box:


You have to KNOW.

You MUST be willing to find out WHY!
You must go down deep and examine why you have these preconeived notions about yourself.
Who put them there?
Why do you still believe them?
If you're unhappy with this outcome, why do you insist on holding on to self limiting beliefs?

"I don't know" WILL NEVER EVER EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH.
Especially when you get older.

"I don't know" is for LOSERS!:box:

I fear people looking at me like im dumb.

Why?
Are you "dumb"?

What's so "dumb" about you?

IS being social "dumb" to you?

Are you socially incorrigible? can no one help you learn and be better at social skills?


Who put that notion in your head???!

Or beign emberrassed or like they dont like me already

Why?

WTF??!!!
HOW???!!!!

They don't even KNOW you, kid!

How the fvck do you expect to present your cool, calm, secure, confident Mature Masculine bad ass self to them , if you already feel like a "loser"?
Even worse, you let yourself down and simply go along with this toxic notion that no one "likes you."?


You know what, kid?

Some people don't like me.

But guess what??
EVERYBODY RESPECTS Me.
Ask me if I am worried or concerned about people "not liking me."

Ask me if it has STOPPED ME IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM.

so why try now?

Becasue HUMAN BEINGS are SOCIAL CREATURES.
And it is UNNATURAL to NOT BE SOCIAL.

NOT BEING SOCIAL IS UNNATURAL!!!
You are a human being. You have a right to stand where you are, and talk to anyone you choose. You are deserving of love, appreciation, affection,and respect!
NEVER FORGET THAT!
If you don't do those for yourSELF, NO ONE will do it FOR YOU.

or just like forget it i dont care about being social

Only weak, spineless pvssy boys talk like that. Why are you giving up?
"WAaaah..I want my mommy to fix this for me."

Stop it, now. Youre embarassing yourself , kid.
Have some dignity and self respect. Stop that sh*T NOW.
Please.
REAL Men don't act this way. EVER.
Everrything YOU HAVE EVER WANTED AND WILL WANT WILL BE OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE.

Remember that.

or like i'm not that funny they won't laugh at my jokes.

Oh fvck!
So NOW you're Jim Carrey or some stand up comedian??! A regular comic or entertainer?

Says who?

Why?
Who said you HAVE to "entertain" ANYBODY???!!!

Fvck that, kid.
You don'thave to do anything oif the kind.

But you MUST BE a mature masculine sexual man.


"entertainers" and comics are for show business.
Are you in show business?
NO?
Then stop doing it and stop thinking you HAVE to be .....................'funny."

Ask James Bond if he is fvcking "funny".

sometimes i have nothing to say

You dont know how to ask questions?

C'mon, kid. that's a cop out.
Sure you do.
Stop all this negative self talk and self limiting belief syndrome.

Get over it.
Get over it.

What if I told you you woudl die in one day?

What would you do?

Woull you go off and sulk in a corner in your misery?

No.
you wouldn't.

Start acting like a man, and get over all this programming you fell prey to.
It's not your fault you were inflcited with the disease, but you are responsible for PERPETUATING IT.

 

[trojanman88]

some **** imma have to read every day cuz that really encouraged me

 

[j0n024]

Agree... Just think of them as your friends already! I mean when your with your friends you just talk even if someone else is talking dont you? I mean when I'm with my friends and we are talking it's easy because you know each other and even if they make fun of you it's all in the name of fun, just keep that mindset because even if they think you are weird you shouldn't care because they dont know you and you probably wont see them anywhere else.