I need help...

[celerystalksme]

Alright ya'll...was a friend...became a couple...now a friend again...is there any escape from my re-entry into the friend zone?

Here's the sitch...

Met a girl about 6 months back. She had JUST gotten out of a serious 3 year relationship. There was attraction between us from the start. But I didn't do anything because I didn't wanna be the rebound guy. So were just friends.

Flash forward early November. Finally felt like I MIGHT be able to swing this thing out of friends and into couples...cuz it seemed like she was mostly over her ex. So I did...I transitioned this thing. Was not hard. Though we had become real real good friends, she was still attracted to me...so going from friends to more was easy.

Flash forward to early to mid-December. We had not been able to see eachother very much. We were both in the midst of finals at school and such. At first, we constantly called eachother...so it didn't seem too bad they we were too busy to meet. Here's where it starts to go downhill FAST!!!! Alright...so we had planned to meet one weekend, she blows me off to be with her friend...we planned to meet the next weekend, she blows me off again for the same friend...we planned to meet the next weekend, she blows me off again (I forget why).

I never really called her out or got mad about being blown off. Maybe I should have. But I didn't. Instead, I just got annoyed and started calling her less. And she called me less. We were able to meet twice...and things were still good in person, intimacy wise. I still felt very much wanted. But that was the only two times we got together in those 3-4 weeks...and call frequency by either of us was going WAY down.

Flash forward to the 27th of December. I hadn't spoken to her in about 5 days. So I call her up. She's sick as heck, otherwise she said she would have called me. During the conversation...she says out of nowhere that she'd just rather enjoy my companionship right now...that she feels too busy with family, school, and work to devote enough of herself to me and our relationship...but that she still things we have a future as more than friends...and that she's not just saying that or stringing me along.

Now...I wasn't stunned and blown back...but I was slightly surprised. I didn't even know what to say...I think I just said something like I understand and thank you for telling me straight. Minute I hung up the phone, I was pissed as hell.

Next couple times we spoke and saw each other, I did not act myself. During the course of conversations, I said some insensitive and hurtful things. I sounded petty. It was NOT intentional. But it happened. The worst part is, I called her yesterday to apologize...I left a voicemail...I sounded like an IDIOT! A total idiot! I should NOT have apologized...at least not like a snivelling spineless moron.

So there it is. I'm in the friend zone...her interest in my seems to have been waning for 3 weeks now. And now I've gone and looked like a petty vindictive and pathetic fool. I haven't heard from her yet.

What on earth do I do when I next speak with her or see her?!?!?!

I feel like things are moving backwards...this sucks...cuz I'm crazy about her...

 

[celerystalksme]

I feel like I've lost control too. It used to be that she'd seek me out and be more wanting of affection than me. Now the tables have flipped. I don't know what happened...

 

[Bobbles]

Dude, you should only be calling a girl to ask for a date, never just to have a chat.

 

[celerystalksme]

Originally posted by Bobbles
Dude, you should only be calling a girl to ask for a date, never just to have a chat.

that has never been an issue. i was friends with her for months before seducing her. and even while we were together and intimate...we'd still call just to talk every once in a while...especially if schedules prevented us from seeing each other for 2 weeks or whatever.

 

[celerystalksme]

is this a lost cause? i hope not...

 

[Docs]

Now...I wasn't stunned and blown back...but I was slightly surprised. I didn't even know what to say...I think I just said something like I understand and thank you for telling me straight. Minute I hung up the phone, I was pissed as hell.

Next couple times we spoke and saw each other, I did not act myself. During the course of conversations, I said some insensitive and hurtful things. I sounded petty. It was NOT intentional. But it happened. The worst part is, I called her yesterday to apologize...I left a voicemail...I sounded like an IDIOT! A total idiot! I should NOT have apologized...at least not like a snivelling spineless moron.

What on earth do I do when I next speak with her or see her?!?!?!

Yeah...you handled that very improperly. You have now hurt her, your attempt at apology...was a definate bad move, and now you ask how to fix this.

Bud, we can't fix this one. We can advise however, and my suggestion is that you un-crazy yourself about her and study yourself and your actions (and her reactions) the past few months.

After that, take mental notes and engrain it into your head that you Shall Not Ever Retailiate With Hurtful Words. As to a possible suggestion to your next meeting, don't force it. You know she's pissed, you're pissed, give it some cool down time. This is one heck of a mess up.

And whenever you do talk/see her again....pretend nothing happened, but don't try to do anything fast, because she would not have forgotten.

Oh, and...you might want to focus on other girls, put this one on the backburner.

 

[celerystalksme]

Docs,

I'm already uncrazy. After I thought about what I had done, it was sobering enough to uncrazy me. I DO NOT usually behave like this. But I got it bad for this one.

I don't usually say hurtful things to anyone...even if they have been hurtful to me. So I didn't know what to do...I felt intense guilt and in that moment, I STUPIDLY called and apologized to her voicemail. Biggest mistake in opposite-sex relations I have made in my life to this point. I knew it 5 seconds into the call...but it was too late. Had to finish the call.

The past few months have been picture perfect. I don't kow what happened the past 3-4 weeks; it fell apart so quickly without me even knowing. Not being able to see each other during that time really hurt. She is DEFINITELY an "out of sight, out of mind" type of gal. She has even said so a long time ago when we were just friends. So the physical and emotional intimacy that I built up during the 1.5 months we were a couple flew out the window.

The end of November was the last time we spent a great deal of time togehter. At that time, she was still ALL OVER ME! Eating out of my hand. And the first week after that, when I was way too busy to see her, she called me every day. I didn't always pick up...sometimes i just let her leave a message and called her back later. The next week, the call frequency went down. The next week the call frequency went down even more. And I was getting blown off on the weekends.

Granted...she was VERY busy with finals and her very dysfunctional family...as well as getting ready for the holidays...and spending some time with her other friends. But man...WTF happened? A few weeks apart and you decide you wanna concentrate on other things and ditch a relationship with me who you were crazy about weeks ago?

I don't get it...

Anyway...I'll definitely give it some cool down time. I have not contacted her since my voicemail apology and I do not plan to contact her. She'll call me when she calls me. One question though...pretend nothing happened? Really?!?! That seems awkward.

Focus on other girls...*sigh*...I don't want any of the girls I got on the back burner. They're not for me. Maybe to ****...but I don't wanna have any sort of relationship with them. I got most of them still wrapped around my finger...I could go get some action tonight if I wanted. But I don't have the desire...

 

[Docs]

Granted...she was VERY busy with finals and her very dysfunctional family...as well as getting ready for the holidays...and spending some time with her other friends. But man...WTF happened? A few weeks apart and you decide you wanna concentrate on other things and ditch a relationship with me who you were crazy about weeks ago?

I don't get it...

Time away dampens feelings. The more time, the more time to have eroded.

Anyway...I'll definitely give it some cool down time. I have not contacted her since my voicemail apology and I do not plan to contact her. She'll call me when she calls me. One question though...pretend nothing happened? Really?!?! That seems awkward.

I'll expand. When you see her again, you don't even let the thought that you had a fight...or misunderstanding cross your mind. It's in the past, when you have to see her, it's fresh and a new chance.

Focus on other girls...*sigh*...I don't want any of the girls I got on the back burner. They're not for me. Maybe to ****...but I don't wanna have any sort of relationship with them. I got most of them still wrapped around my finger...I could go get some action tonight if I wanted. But I don't have the desire...

Keeps your mind off of things helps. Over-thinking is a awful awful way to spend a night. Keep yourself busy and always keep yourself open to better and more connect-able girls.

 

[celerystalksme]

thanks doc!

anyone else got anything for me?