I need help to save my long term relationship with a girl

[vivek59234]

Hello DJs,

Can you please help me to come out of this problem?

Basically I am from India and I have been in a long term relationship with a girl from past 3 months.

Story begins like this : First of all I would like to apologize if I make any mistakes over here.

I own a company and I met her in the same building. Basically she was working with another company, it was my formal approach and we started texting on phone, after few days I asked her to meet me casually and it all went good. We started talking on phone and got habituated to each other by talking late nights and started building up relationship.

I proposed her and she accepted it. However, I kissed her on first date... Second date I had built up sexual tension and after 3-4 dates we had an awesome sex. Before having sex we both were very clear about past and we had a brief discussion (Sex is a very big thing in India). But we both were very frank with each other and she asked me for a long term relationship and I agreed. We have had awesome sex many times.

Now problem starts here, she was badly screwed up from her past and it was twice. Both of them promised for long term and both of them had ditched her. She is damn hot and I would give her 10 out of 10. She belongs to a very conservative family from India where in Cast and family matters a lot. (Generally in India parents force children to marry only in their cast). Therefore she tried to go against her parents twice and her parents lost faith on her. They treated her with no respect for 4 years. Slowly she got respect by promising her parents that she will only marry wherever her parent wants her to.

Then she came in contact with me after 2 years and fell in love. Everything was going good. I hired her in my company.

My fault : I started seeing her 3 times a day. Same place and same way. I started calling and texting her all the time. May be she is a bit bored.

Now suddenly her parents are forcing her to marry someone which she is ignoring at the moment. However, she wants to marry me but she can't talk to her parents because she is damn afraid and she will lose them. She is extremely confused and in critical situation. However, she has also backed off a bit from our relationship. She is not talking to me the way she was before, she is not paying that much attention but still she is always ready to meet me or to have sex or to do stuff we were doing.

But she says she is confused and she can't talk to her parents. She has also promised me to love entire life even she will marry someone else.

I am now in tension, I can't live without her and I want to marry her. She is still same but her interest level has been decreased a bit.

As per my feelings, I think we can still work out on this case. Shall I stop contacting her? Shall I stop meeting her thrice a day? Shall I just need to back off a bit? I think I should give her some space so that she starts missing me rather than getting bored on same schedule?

Can you guys please help me in this case? I will really appreciate your opinion.

How should I play on this? I really want to marry her. I have always failed in long term relationship by being desperate and needy all the time.

Is it too late now in this case? Can I still win her by avoiding her a bit?

Please help me.

Thanks,

Vivek

 

[alpha_ash]

From what I know about the culture in India, at this point you may want to consider communicating with her AND her parents. Discuss with them that you are interested in their daughter and ask for her hand in marriage through her parents. If they see that their daughter is in love with you and you are serious, they will accept it.

Obviously if you don't want to marry her then you may as well forget about her or at least back off temporarily until she comes back to you. When you give too much attention to a girl, she will run!

 

[vivek59234]

Please reply me

 

[vivek59234]

Thank you for your reply. I tried to convince her by saying that "I will talk to your father and convince him". But she is not agreeing with this because her father has clearly told her that he will never ever talk to her if she will marry someone who is not of his cast. She is extremely afraid of this and she doesn't want me to talk to him. She said she will only try something but her parents are forcing her to marry and she doesn't have time.

On the other hand how should I back off a bit? She is in my company and we see each other daily. Shall I just stop contacting her? What if she texts me or calls me? Shall I meet her? Shall I continue having sex?

I am really confused. My goal is to marry her.

Please help.

 

[vivek59234]

I have an update guys.

I didn't reply her properly last night and pretended like i am very busy.

She is going mad.

Shall I continue pretending the same ?

 

[buzzin_frog]

she was badly screwed up from her past and it was twice.

A badly screwed up chick is bad news

Now suddenly her parents are forcing her to marry someone which she is ignoring at the moment. However, she wants to marry me but she can't talk to her parents because she is damn afraid and she will lose them.

You have a problem here. She went against them before so why not now with you? Looks like an excuse.

But she says she is confused and she can't talk to her parents. She has also promised me to love entire life even she will marry someone else.

What good is that? If she really loves you she would be with you. She went against the parents twice before so that shouldn't be an issue. And she is making less contact with you. She wouldn't do that if she really loves you. Make her come to you and don't call her as much. If what she is saying is true then you don't have much choice if she is going to follow the parents wishes. I would talk to the parents and know her actual true intentions. Good luck man hope it works out.

 

[vivek59234]

Thank you for reply guys!

Shall I just back off a bit for now? Shall I stop contacting her?

She doesn't want me to meet her parents either.

Should I check her reaction if she really loves me or not?

 

[DonGorgon]

its usually been over for a while when the males starts talking about saving it... move one..

 

[vivek59234]

All of you are right.

I have been making same mistakes again and again in long term relationship.

With this one. I have been following same routine since she is in my office. I am meeting her 3 times a day. I am calling and texting her all the time. And probably she was bored.

On the other hand I tried to back off a bit and didn't meet her one day. I found out today that because I didn't meet her, she got annoyed and met her ex who had badly screwed her. Now she cried whole day and said "she took a lot of time to forget him and he reminded her everything again she pleaded and said sorry to me and she actually doesn't want to be with him but she can't forget her moments etc". Somehow I have convinced her. My question is " should i follow same routine ?" Does she need me now to forget him ? She is in my office and we are together.

I believe that her biggest challenge is to forget him therefore, shall I support her ?

I hate these feelings. I can't sleep whole night thinking about her.

 

[alpha_ash]

This girl is obviously messed up. Best thing to
Do is move on and not give her any reaction to her BS. If she gets mad, let her be! She is the cause of all her current problems. She should never have contacted her ex in the first place. You have tried and done everything you can.

If you still don't want to let go, for your own sake, you can try contacting her parents directly without telling her about it. If their response is strongly negative, you say goodbye forever to the relationship. Start treating her as another co-worker, don't see her after work, or alone at work, etc. time heals all wounds as long as you don't continue to re-open those wounds by seeing her regularly.

 

[zenaddict]

@op

we live in the west in a modern society where everybody is responsible for his/her actions and fate, therefore we got no analogy for your ancient way of dealing with things with arranged marriages, being beta providers and pleasing parents

our goal in life to have as many sexual experiences with as many partners as we choose to and this website is about the tricks of the trade of that process

personal and sexual freedom is something that does not simply translate into your society, get it?