I need help please! (psychological)

[SweetTooth]

I had always been relatively popular, got a lot of attention from people before. I was confident in myself and things were great.

However my mom died (I was 14 then, and she was a single parent, I was the only child) and ever since things have gotten worse and worse...

Actually for about a year after I was super-extroverted (way more than usual, but it was as though I wasn't myself) but then things started to degrade. I started feeling a bit shy around one person, then it started happening around more people, and more and more and more. Then it started happening around friends. And now I feel shy around EVERYONE. I am anxious all the time until I am on my own.

I have an inferiority complex where I feel like everyone is socially above me (it really sucks). I think it might be linked with losing a parent, and having to live with my grandparents. I am not close with them and we do not talk anymore (we used to). My grandma actually puts me down A LOT, VERY often, she always goes on about how I "can't mix with people", "can't talk to people" etc (even though tbh she was saying that when I had a good social life) says I'm a failure and so on. She is extremely controlling, I am 18 now and still find myself being treated like a baby. My grandpa is submissive towards her, she rules the house. I am given basically zero attention by my family and can go days without a word being said to me.

I find it very difficult to talk to people normally and am scared of silences (seems to happen a lot lately too) so I constantly act a bit goofy and weird because I feel too awkward to relax and be normal. I also feel as though I have no future. When I do try to be normal I have nothing to say. I only have one friend I can properly talk to.


Please help! Everything used to be perfect and now my life is a complete mess!

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

You're 18.

Life has thrown you some challenges. You can either wallow in self-pity and situational stagnancy or you can decide to take a long, deep inhale and get on with the life you deserve.

My first recommendation would be to start investing in your financial education. Buy some of Robert Kyosaki's books (like Rich Dad, Poor Dad) and start implementing some of his teachings and learn how to manage your money.

Once you've got a handle on your finances and can live self-sufficiently, move the heck out and get your own place. Your home life will affect you, but you're still young enough to get that out of your way.

Your position is unique in that you will have to make it on your own, but don't think for a second that you are the only man in the world who ever had to do it, like this.

Life is all about challenges and everything that we go through is nothing more than a lesson and a test. What we decide to do and how we choose to handle these lessons is what will define us.

Loathing in self pity is easy. Welcoming the challenges with open arms and a stable/clear frame of mind, and recognizing these challenges as an opportunity for growth is the key.

Is it easy? No. Fear has crippled more people than anything that exists.

Courage comes from doing, despite the fear.

Just suck it up, buttercup, and get on with your life. Becoming a social recluse is your higher self speaking to you, and telling you that what you are doing isn't working for you.

 

[SweetTooth]

Becoming a social recluse is your higher self speaking to you, and telling you that what you are doing isn't working for you.

How do I break out of it, I seem to feel unnatural when I speak and I get headaches etc. it's weird too because I can often seem very talkative, funny etc but inside I feel bad.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

How do I break out of it, I seem to feel unnatural when I speak and I get headaches etc. it's weird too because I can often seem very talkative, funny etc but inside I feel bad.

Define "unnatural".

I don't really understand.

Our comfort zones are like elastic bubbles. We can constantly push and expand them and they will stretch, and we grow.

If we stop pushing and expanding, the bubble will start to shrink. It can shrink to the point where every single basic human interaction becomes incredibly uncomfortable.

The way out?

Start getting out of your own head and interact with people. Force yourself to look outward at the people around you and start having some compassion for them and their problems an their interests. Forget about yourself for a while and just be interested in what other people have to say.

You have 2 ears and one mouth, and you should learn to use them in that ratio. Listen twice as much as you talk.

 

[SweetTooth]

Define "unnatural".

I don't really understand.

Like I can speak and stuff, sometimes I can seem really extrovert and talkative, but it feels really unnatural. Like I am forcing it. It gives me bad headaches and stuff and it just makes speaking to people unenjoyable.