"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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I need help overcoming shyness

A

aoper

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I know that there are 100 other theads like this, and I have read most of them, but I thought if I made my own thread it would help motivate me. I have a very hard time talking to people. I usually cannot hold a conversation with someone unless I know them really well, or we share a hobby. There are only 4-5 people outside my family that I feel really comfortable talking to. People often ask me if I am okay, or why I look so nervous. I was diagnosed with Aspereger's syndrome when I was younger, but I don't have many of the symptoms anymore. I don't think that it is stopping me from talking to people, I think I just have really bad social anxiety. When I am with people I am comfortable with I act pretty normal, so I may not even have it, but I don't know. I do act like someone with Asperger's when I am nervous, but I dont feel like I have it. I don't have any trouble reading body language, or understanding jokes/sarcasm like most people with asperger's do.
Anyways, I really don't want to be this shy anymore. I used to be okay with it because I was a computer nerd and prefered to be on my own, but now I would prefer to be going out and talking to girls, but I can't do it. I have been meaning to start a bootcamp for I while now, but I every time I go out to start, I get too scared and end up saying I will do it next time, but I don't. I am going to try again soon. I am starting college in a few weeks, and I do not want to have a ****ty time like I did in high school. My goal is to at least be confident enough to start approaching girls within the first two months of school, but I have a long way to go. I have been reading the posts here for a while, and they have really helped with my confidence, but I still haven't gone out and applied any of this stuff, so hopefully I will improve fast once I start. I think I am going to start the bootcamp tomorrow (for real this time).
I know that the only way I am going to overcome this is to go out and talk to people, but does anyone have any advice on overcoming shyness or improving conversation skills?
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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S

SELF-MASTERY

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Shyness doesnt exist...
 
R

reallyfreakinlost

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I used to be shy, but then I realized all "being shy" was, was trying to act cool, or "disinterested" (by the way disinterested seems to be a holy word here, believe me, the last thing you want to show is disinterest because the girl will think you're a chump), anyway, if you learn how to "shed the skin" of your personality, if you will, and learn to be upfront and frank with everything you say, shyness really will not be an issue.
 
D

d2j

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wow you are shy arnt you!

theres plenty of hot girls who work in shops. go in them and ask them if they have something you want (shoes or whatever) and then ask them their opinon on it and try and talk with them about it

thats all you need to start with and i garentee you do that a couple of times and youll realise its not that scary to talk with hot women
 

“The 22 Rules That Turned Me From Invisible to Irresistible With Women… Starting Tonight”

You can skip the expensive cars, the fancy clothes, and the endless gym selfies. Completely unnecessary.

I used to freeze the second a beautiful woman looked my way. Frustrated. Awkward. Watching other guys walk away with the girl while I stood there tongue-tied.

Then I discovered 22 simple rules that rewired my entire dating life. The anxiety vanished. Conversations flowed effortlessly. Women started chasing me for a change.

These rules trigger a woman's subconscious attraction switches. And you can start using them tonight.

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I

i am me

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reallyfreakinlost said:
I used to be shy, but then I realized all "being shy" was, was trying to act cool, or "disinterested" (by the way disinterested seems to be a holy word here, believe me, the last thing you want to show is disinterest because the girl will think you're a chump), anyway, if you learn how to "shed the skin" of your personality, if you will, and learn to be upfront and frank with everything you say, shyness really will not be an issue.
Click to expand...
i like this answer
 
E

everywomanshero

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Yea, if you consider and label yourself shy... then you are setting yourself up to act out that role. AS RFL pointed out, being shy is a selfish act.

The other day I was leaving the doctors office and I sort of mumbled my exit statement. I got about the same reaction back. If I had just used that extra 1/3 of a calorie to show a little enthusiasm "Hey have a BLESSED day" or some craziness, I could've added some value to their day. It's a selfish act to hold back, and it comes across as flat and boring.

I think the worst thing you can do is beat yourself up. This just adds pain to the process and makes you not want to be around people. I would try to add pleasure to practicing your social skills. Another good thing to do is take a job where you'll interact with lots of people.
 
L

Luke Skywalker

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Dude, join my Jedi bootcamp, and you'll overcome shyness.

Here's an idea right out of my bootcamp. Get a bunch of business cards - register a company, start a legit business selling beauty products or something, you know, one of them MLM schemes, and start handing out business cards to people, in particulary women.

If you have your own business, great, give out cards, or simply find a full time or part time job where you HAVE to interact with people in order to get paid so you have incentive.

You also have the Svengeli mission (saying hi or talking to women you like and be delibeately oblivious to outcomes)
 
C

CoolRunning

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aoper said:
I know that there are 100 other theads like this, and I have read most of them, but I thought if I made my own thread it would help motivate me. I have a very hard time talking to people. I usually cannot hold a conversation with someone unless I know them really well, or we share a hobby. There are only 4-5 people outside my family that I feel really comfortable talking to. People often ask me if I am okay, or why I look so nervous. I was diagnosed with Aspereger's syndrome when I was younger, but I don't have many of the symptoms anymore. I don't think that it is stopping me from talking to people, I think I just have really bad social anxiety. When I am with people I am comfortable with I act pretty normal, so I may not even have it, but I don't know. I do act like someone with Asperger's when I am nervous, but I dont feel like I have it. I don't have any trouble reading body language, or understanding jokes/sarcasm like most people with asperger's do.
Anyways, I really don't want to be this shy anymore. I used to be okay with it because I was a computer nerd and prefered to be on my own, but now I would prefer to be going out and talking to girls, but I can't do it. I have been meaning to start a bootcamp for I while now, but I every time I go out to start, I get too scared and end up saying I will do it next time, but I don't. I am going to try again soon. I am starting college in a few weeks, and I do not want to have a ****ty time like I did in high school. My goal is to at least be confident enough to start approaching girls within the first two months of school, but I have a long way to go. I have been reading the posts here for a while, and they have really helped with my confidence, but I still haven't gone out and applied any of this stuff, so hopefully I will improve fast once I start. I think I am going to start the bootcamp tomorrow (for real this time).
I know that the only way I am going to overcome this is to go out and talk to people, but does anyone have any advice on overcoming shyness or improving conversation skills?
Click to expand...
This totally sounds like me (you can see my sig for where I was in January). I solved my shyness and you can too. PM me and I'll send you my complete roadmap. Only PM me if you are serious about fixing this and are willing to PRACTICE and to TAKE YOURSELF OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONES.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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R

realsmoothie

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aoper

If you think your asperger's isn't having an effect here, I think you're kidding yourself. Can you make solid eye contact? If not, you're going to have major shyness issues because other people will have problems establishing any rapport with you.

Trust me, I know. I have problems with eye contact that I'm currently fighting. Not sure why.

Anyhow, you can definitely learn not to be shy. I don't have any real advice other than some of the good stuff that has been given already.
 
A

aoper

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realsmoothie said:
aoper

If you think your asperger's isn't having an effect here, I think you're kidding yourself. Can you make solid eye contact? If not, you're going to have major shyness issues because other people will have problems establishing any rapport with you.

Trust me, I know. I have problems with eye contact that I'm currently fighting. Not sure why.

Anyhow, you can definitely learn not to be shy. I don't have any real advice other than some of the good stuff that has been given already.
Click to expand...

I usually don't have that much trouble with eye contact, unless I am really nervous. I used to when I was younger. I don't think my Asperger's is that bad, because I don't really have many of the symptoms anymore other than underdeveloped conversation skills, but even that could just be because I have been really shy since I was young. I watched a documentary on people with aspergers syndrome once, and I couldn't relate to them at all.
 
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