I need help (first post)

[Guz200sx]

I am a noob here...I joined the site just so I could post this and get some advice. Maybe I am screwed up, maybe I am just being dumb or something. I dunno.

here is my situation

I meet a girl about 3 months ago thru an online site. She is a great girl, great heart, beautiful, Caring, loving,
everything I have been looking for & she is also my opposite by being sarcastic and outgoing and I have really strong feelings of love for her. She lives an hour away from me and I can only go on the weekends to see her. So we see each other just about every weekend, so far. We've only had about 10 dates. Some of them have been longer than a day though. I've spent two weekends (not consecutive) with her already and various hours. But she has a shady past. She has done some stuff in her past that makes me wonder about her. But, to be fair, I also have some things in my past that are ****ed up. One in particular that is prolly worse than any thing she has done. I haven't told her as much about myself (and past) as she has told me about hers though. SO I am keepin (or tryin) to keep that Mysterious factor about me goin on.
She also has a 1yr old daughter that is beautiful. Her daughter's father is also pretty involved in their lives. They are currently going through a custody case for the little girl.
Her adopted family is crazy but fun.

She is 21yrs old and she has had just about 10 partners, sexually. She also recently told me she is bi-sexual. She has also done a lot of things, sexually. Some of them blew my mind and I was excited about them at first. I don't really care about it now though. Its actually been a dream of mine to find a girl like her (sexual perference) but now that I have found her it feels weird...like I don't know what to do with that info. I think I have had about 7 partners and I am 29yrs old. I have also done a lot of the stuff that she has done with girls (threesomes/anal play). I was a late bloomer anyway...so doing stuff later before other people has always been my "thing."

We just spent a long memorial day weekend together and it seems like the honeymoon phrase is over in our relationship. This week it seems like we haven't really talked that much. Before, the memorial day weekend, we would talk for hours and hours and sometimes she would call me after her job, late at nite, and talk to me or not talk to me and just be on the phone with each other, listening to each other breathe. And also earlier in the week she told me she thinks I am infatated with her. I told her its not infatation but love. She told me its not a bad thing and she knows that I love her.
Another thing I just noticed is, she hasn't said "I love you" as much this week....but neither have I. I texted her the other day "I wuv u" but I was feeling a little bitter about stuff that I was feeling. Afterwards, when we talked I wouldn't say it either and she was like "okay...be that way. I wuv u too. We're going backwards now back to "wuv" instead of "luv" "

AFter the weekend, Monday nite was horrible cause I missed her so much. But usually it has been like that anyway Whenever I see her and then leave her, I feel empty inside and my chest tightens, my appetite decreases and I don't eat a lot anymore. I weighed myself earlier in the week and I think I have lost 20lbs since dating her. My eating habits have also changed. I've been eating more chicken instead of steak and just healthier all around.

As the week has gone on, I've started to feel a little bit of angry towards her because of what she told me. I thought she knew I loved her....but I guess not.

She has a lot of good stuff going on with her this week too. She got a new job and she got her tax money back. Her new job may allow for us to spend every weekend together. ALthough she doesn't know her schedule yet. If its My luck, she will prolly get booked on weekends to work. She will be gettin paid more too and may possibly even get a car (after she gets a license).

I am happy for her about her new job but I guess I am also a little insecure....I'm like what if she meets a new guy now? Maybe a young doctor? LOL, thats just me being stupid though.

Another thing that bothers me...is She talks about some of her past relationships like her daughter's father and her previous bf (before me).
Her daughter's father sounds like a real piece of sh!t but yet earlier this week she told me he has "potential to be a great father but he is a moron."
I was like ok...how can she say ANYTHING halfway decent about that guy after what he has put her through????????
And also she mentions her previous bf a lot and tells me stuff about him and stuff they used to do. At first, i didn't mind hearing about that but now I am like "I don't wanna know about what HE did." For instance, on the weekend, we had to go and get some condoms cause I ran out and she pointed out that her previous bf and her daughter's father used Mangums. I was like wtf....All I can use are my measly ol' durex regular size ones. I dunno why she told me that!!!:cuss:

I am supposed to pick her up and her daughter this weekend and bring them back down to where I live for a town festival. We will prolly also have dinner with my parents. She'll be interacting with them for the first time. She may also spend the nite in my house, depending on how her daughter goes with it, I guess.

So Basically, I need help with understanding my feelings and what to do with them.
I am thinking that maybe on Saturday, I will tell her face to face and reintitrate the fact that I do love her. Or just tell her that maybe we should slow down, even though, I don't want too. Or just basically try to tell her how I've been feeling this whole week. We both have stressed from the beginning of this relationship that communication is a big factor to any and all relationships.

Right now, I feel like I am growing further and further away from her.....After this weekend, I don't know how it will be. After this weekend, I feel like I may just end up ignoring her calls/text messages. I feel like calling it quits because I don't want to feel like this.....with this knot in my chest. Damn, I even cried earlier in the week because I missed her so damn much. I don't want to feel like that. Its horrible that feeling. And I know for a fact, she doesn't feel halfway what I am feeling.

 

[cordoncordon]

First thing I have to say is...you're a mess, and in no way should you be in this relationship unless you change your mental attitude IMMEADITELY.

Secondly, you're upset when you leave her and are not around her??? HUH? Being in a relationship should be fun, uplifting, satisfying....not torture. The reason you feel this way is because you know deep down that she doesn't feel this way about you, hence your insecurities. And you talking on the phone with her for hours everyday, or God forbid listening to each other breath (that maybe the most AFC and unmanly thing I have ever heard of btw) is not helping matters.

She knows she has you. This 21 year unwed mother who barely has a job, no car, no lisence, sexually promiscuis and who lives an hour away has you by the BALLS! Think about that...Have your standards really fallen that low that you are getting this upset over someone like that? I'm not saying she isn't a nice person, but c'mon! Show some kuhunas my friend. She should be begging at your feet to be with YOU, not the other way around.

 

[Latinoman]

She should be begging at your feet to be with YOU, not the other way around.

I agree 100%. Heck, I agree 1,000%. I personally, would have NEVER fallen in love with a woman like the one he described.

 

[Desdinova]

Okay, let's look at the red flags...

She also has a 1yr old daughter that is beautiful.

Hell, she could have a 1 year old ugly daughter. The fact remains that she is a SM. She is damaged goods. Also, she's single with a 1 year old daughter. WTF happened to the dad? She made a good choice, didn't she?

She is 21yrs old

She got locked down at age 20 to become a mother. It's very likely she isn't going to be around forever, since she's missing out on her early 20s, usually the time when people go out and party. She's going to get the bug sooner or later, and feel the need to be single and have fun before she hits age 30.

So far, this woman is pretty lousy LTR material.

Now, for your problems:

I guess I am also a little insecure....I'm like what if she meets a new guy now? Maybe a young doctor?

Insecurity is what is going to kill ALL of your relationships (even if they're with SMs with beautiful daughters). You should be the one that this woman looks up to, the strength in her life, taking the lead in everything that you do. Instead, you're a whiny little girl. This is the kind of 5hit that the woman should be thinking about, not the strong, confident man!

Another thing that bothers me...is She talks about some of her past relationships like her daughter's father and her previous bf (before me).

That's what happens when you choose to develope a LTR with a SM. The father is still around in his daughter's life, so how can she NOT talk about him?

Now, about her sexual adventures, all this stuff is in her past. You have the right to accept her for who she is and was, or you can ditch her. Remaining with her means you accept her for her sexual past, her Magnum ex-bf, her SM status, her ex remaining in her life for 17 more years, etc, etc.

I am thinking that maybe on Saturday, I will tell her face to face and reintitrate the fact that I do love her. Or just tell her that maybe we should slow down, even though, I don't want too.

You have no fvcking clue on what you're doing. Go read the DJ Bible.

Also, if all of this stuff is bothering you, why the hell are you still with her? It's not going to go away. It's just going to continue eating at you.

 

[Guz200sx]

She knows she has you. This 21 year unwed mother who barely has a job, no car, no lisence, sexually promiscuis and who lives an hour away has you by the BALLS! Think about that...Have your standards really fallen that low that you are getting this upset over someone like that? I'm not saying she isn't a nice person, but c'mon! Show some kuhunas my friend. She should be begging at your feet to be with YOU, not the other way around.

Ok, first of all, she has had a job. Matter of fact, she has held two jobs at one time since we started dating. Secondly, She just got a new job that is better paying than her old job and she will be doing well for herself. Thirdly, She may not have a car but with this new job that could change very quickly because she may just soon enough be able to afford one.

I felt a lot better this mornin after writing all that out. Like I just needed to get that off my chest.

Also later on in the afternoon, we talked about stuff that was planned for this weekend. She was supposed to stay over at my house after meetin my parents but she said she would feel weird about that so she rethought it over and decided she would rather not stay over. She said she's worried about what my mother would think about her and stuff. She said that would feel weird and she doesn't want to do that yet and she doesn't want to have her daughter get caught up in that so quickly. So she said she wants to slow it down a bit and take a step back and she still feels like I am great person and she loves me as a bf.

btw, what does it mean when she says she wants to "take it slow?"
Does it mean no sex?? Or no making out??

 

[Guz200sx]

Well, I just talked to her again....and now she said she wants to be with me and doesn't want to leave me Saturday nite and she doesn't want to wait for so long and not see me but she also doesn't want to give the wrong impression to my parents....It wouldn't be until prolly like June 17th that we see each other again. Two weeks, I guess, I told her whatever she decides is fine with me.......because right now I am cool with everything. I am actually feeling very mellow now.

 

[Guz200sx]

expect a break up very soon.
it is as sure as 100%. it is just a matter of a few weeks.
just take it like a man and keep on learning from this site.
I dont mean to hurt your feelings, all Im doing is protecting you so when she decides to tell you that she is not interested in you anymore youll be ready.
learn from your experiences and dont put your heart and soul on the line so easily next time.

What the hell?
Why would you say that?????

I have no desire to break up with her.

Why would she break up with me if she says she loves me and wants to be with me and all that ****????

 

[MacAvoy]

What the hell?
Why would you say that?????

I have no desire to break up with her.

Why would she break up with me if she says she loves me and wants to be with me and all that sh1t????

BECAUSE WOMEN ARE NOT RATIONAL BEINGS


It is that simple! Don't expect a women to do what is logical. That is why you can never take what a women says at face value. They don't even know what they really want subconsciously themselves. A women has to be judged by her actions not her words.

We are not trying to hurt you. We are trying to tell you the God's honest truth. If you read some of the old threads, you will see hundreds of men who came in here with the same problem as you. Many chose not to take our advice and continued to act as if their women was different, that she would never do that. Only to come in here a month later crying how she left him and how to get her back.

Others took our advice and got the upper hand in the relationsip. You dictate which road you want to choose. You can take our advice and take control of your life and your relationship with her. Or you can buy into the fallacy and chase the hollywood fairy tale.

BY THE WAY IT IS CALLED A FAIRY TALE FOR A REASON

If you think we are pulling your chain, or think she wouldn't do this to you, scroll the past posts, read the topics that sound familiar to yours and once you read what happens to them, ask yourself who's shoes you want to be in.

 

[MacAvoy]

I went through and got some examples for you. Decide which of these paths you want to take

Spook who eventually seen the light

Worse Case Ever of AFC - THUGO

Classice Example = RedGTP

Another great recent example - Bobfuest


THUGO again

Like I said above, read these threads, your situation is NOT UNIQUE. The most important thing to take from these posts is that you control your life. The way you act around and with your women will affect how she reacts and in the end your happiness.

Sometimes you have to do the opposite to get what you really want. Or you can end up like the above, being the laughing stock of their ex and all her friends.

 

[catnip]

Hey dude
Man listen to these guys. Been there done that; lucked out and made right decision. If you learn anything remember:
THE VAST MAJORITY OF WOMAN ARE NOT RATIONAL BEINGS

 

[penkitten]

blah. do what you feel is right for you.

 

[penkitten]

hey man, let me give you a warning,
dont pay attention to PENKITTEN, she is a girl and therefore her opinions are illogical.

what is so illogical about doing what you want, or what you feel is right?

 

[( . )( . )]

A 30 year old man should not be this enamoured with a 21 year old single mum. I find your lack of self respect and childish fantasies repulsive. You have disgraced yourself and the rest of your gender completely with this bafoonery. And I am willing to bet you and your ilk are majorly reponsible for the complete breakdown and decay of our now feminized legal system.

Good Day Sir.


Side Note: I understand you and your kind are quite good at raising other mens offspring so for that I thankyou, but that is all the praise you shall receive from me.

 

[Natch]

Legendary comment Boobies, harsh , but legendary.

 

[realsmoothie]

Jesus Christ, boobs, drive the guy into suicide, why don't you?

I think that was unfair. Sure, my seventeen posts don't even come close to your umpteen-thousand... but I'm sure no human alive short of someone who caused the Holocaust is deserving of what you just said.

I'm guessing you're a proponent of strict Darwinism, though. If so, way to go.

 

[penkitten]

he is being doing what he WANTS and what he FELT was right and look AT the mess that HE got into.
he must follow advise from guys (not girls) who have being thru the same thing that is happening to him at this moment.
no women can give him a good advise cause this is a men's problem and only we know what it is better for him in the future.

if he follows your advise then he will be unhappy from the get go and wonder how things would have been if he had reacted differently.
sometimes people must experience things in order to learn.
no advise is ever cut and dry to work for everybody else in the whole wide world.
this is a free forum and if you dont like the fact that women post here sometimes just because you are mad at women for screwing you over then perhaps you should worry about your own attitude rather than this dudes problems.

 

[Guz200sx]

BECAUSE WOMEN ARE NOT RATIONAL BEINGS


It is that simple! Don't expect a women to do what is logical. That is why you can never take what a women says at face value. They don't even know what they really want subconsciously themselves. A women has to be judged by her actions not her words.

Well....just from that I think her actions this weekend spoke a lot. She was awesome this week and I was great with her kid. I don't care about her having a kid. I am a preschool teacher so I work with kids EVERY DAY so being around another one on the weekends is no big deal with me. I don't care if the father is around 3 days of the week either. I have a feeling he will prolly eventually tire out and stop. Who knows though.

It was her time of the month but she was feeling very horny and she even suggested that I go in her the other way, so I took her up on her offer and we tried it. It was my first time doing something LIKE THAT, it wasn't a complete success but it was fun.

I will be taking it slow though now....I am considering now not seeing her until Saturday June 17. She has to work on Saturday June 10 @ night but I could drive up and see her in the morning but I might just put my **** into neutral and chill & make her wait to see me.

If I make her wait, she'll be crazy for me when we finally do see each other. I'll prolly be just as crazy to see her tho too. I dunno....it'll help me save a little on gas if I wait a while. Gas cost is killing me.

 

[Guz200sx]

I went through and got some examples for you. Decide which of these paths you want to take

Spook who eventually seen the light

Worse Case Ever of AFC - THUGO

Classice Example = RedGTP

Another great recent example - Bobfuest


THUGO again

Like I said above, read these threads, your situation is NOT UNIQUE. The most important thing to take from these posts is that you control your life. The way you act around and with your women will affect how she reacts and in the end your happiness.

Sometimes you have to do the opposite to get what you really want. Or you can end up like the above, being the laughing stock of their ex and all her friends.

None of those examples fit my situation.

Spook who eventually seen the light - This is about a guy that hooked up with a woman that had been married twice, had 3 kids and was generally f'ed up in the head.

Worse Case Ever of AFC - THUGO I dunno even know what this J.O. is blabbering about. Drugs =

Classice Example = RedGTPThis is about a guy that was seeing a bunch of different chicks and was flipping out over ONE who was thinking about an ex?!?!

Another great recent example - Bobfuest:crazy: no comment


THUGO againThis is about a younger guy that had the older girl and she was ready to get married then he lost her. I am not that guy. Our roles may be reversed but I'm not ready for marriage.

The only things we all had in common was that we all had strong feelings for a girl and their is nothing wrong with that.

I do believe I am goin to take a step back and slow it down a bit and see what happens.

Since I entered into the relationship Everyone has told me to "take it slow" and now she has said it too.......I guess she wants a month or two before she sleeps over at house. I may give her a week or two w/o seeing me and hopefully we'll be ok.

I dunno..........it depends how I feel on Friday and whether or not I have things to do and whether my desire is really strong enough to see her. We shall see.

 

[WestCoaster]

Bi-sexual? Yeah, right

First off, I've studied a lot of psychology, in school and on my own, bi-sexuality is confusing even to the most Ph.d.'s, and it's a very shakey classification in psychological circles. There's not real strong research in this area either.

Question: How many men do you know who are bi-sexual? I've never met one, met gay guys, but not bi-sexuals.

Question two: How many women have you met who are bi-sexuals? I've met a few, including a fair amount in grad school, one hit on me. But I knew she was licking every p-ssy in town. She sends me an e-mail last year saying her "honey" is coming to town and is thinking of marrying HIM. This guy is in for a rude awakening when she only wants to be with women down the road. She even told me when I asked that out of the two, she'd MUCH rather be with women. Case closed, move on chump.

This is as Rollo would say, women excusing their behavior. Another dyke I knew in grad school married an AFC guy, this is after she was sleeping with every gal in town. Both of these gals were in my apt. complex ... swinging place if you're a rug muncher. The second woman was clearly a man-hater, the first lesbo at least didn't hate men.

The initial gal in this post isn't a bi, she's a lesbian who is confused. Hate to sound like an old conservative here (because I'm not), but you're either gay or you're heterosexual. Look at the research on bi-sexuality if you don't believe me.

The fact than an AFC here is clamouring for a lesbian is just more AFC whining. She's a dyke, either accept that and that if you were with her, eventually her sexual affections would go towards women; or be a lifetime AFC begging for to have sex.

Pathetic.

Surprised more guys on here didn't b-tch slap him for that. All the rampant lesbianism in the media was shoved down our throats, as was bi-sexuality. Sorry folks, if they're bi-, they're homosexual in my book.

 

[Guz200sx]

Hate to sound like an old conservative here (because I'm not), but you're either gay or you're heterosexual.

You made it sound like you are an old conservative and then you say your not but how can you NOT be when you say you're either gay or hetero??

Sounds like your stuck in the old days.