I need help breaking up with her!

[John Juan]

After thinking hard about it, and getting some feedback here (thx again for all who replied to my last post), I ended up cancelling going to San Fran to take a week long trip to meet my girlfriend of six weeks' parents. After last night though, I'm thinking it might be time to pull the plug for good on this thing..

After sex, and telling her that I wasn't ready to commit to the trip, she told me that every guy she's ever been with has ditched her, practically every friend she's ever had has done the same, and cried for several minutes. I feel bad, afterall she's a nice and hot girl, but she keeps telling me that she thinks i'm better than her, that she's "falling for me" (= "ILY" IMO), is always complimenting me. A lot of AFC-like behavior. I don't think that can be healthy longterm?

When she asked me last night whether i'm as into her as she is into me, I told her that it seemed a little imbalanced, and then she seemed kinda freaked out. She told me that if I think things aren't working out to tell her before "freaking out" on her (I'm guessing this is equivalent to "leaving her"). I know I shouldn't feel bad about pulling the cord at any time with a relationship that is so young, but I do care about her. From a self-esteem standpoint, she reminds me of myself a few years back.

My question is: what would you in this situation? I'd like to get back to dating other girls again, but want to hurt her as little as possible (I'm her first real boyfriend, all the others just got theirs and left.. I'd like to leave this with some class). I've only dumped someone once in the past, and this is the first time its been someone I cared a lot about.

Here's the previous posting if you need to know more about that:

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=33228

Thanks!

-JC

 

[thissucks003]

Hey John,

I was reading your past post of your description of your girlfriend and will comment here:

She's funny, sexy (not a 9 in my eyes, but a strong 8), intelligent, has a positive attitude on life, politically we are on the same side of the fence.. she's about everything I was wishing for about a year ago, when I was in over my head with divorcing my psycho wife (who I was separated from). My girlfriend's interest level in me couldn't be higher, she's always complimenting me, saying she'd go anywhere with me, she'd like having me over every night. She's going along with me to workout now, always goes to see me play at the open mics I go to, shows up at my work to say hi, gives me flowers (and I haven't given her a single gift!)

I really don't see what the f*ck is wrong here. It would be one thing if she really f*ck you over and lied, cheated, or stolen form you. You have a gal who is totally into you, brings you gifts, does things you like to do and isn't a head case. Yeah she's been burned by other people who used her. But to me that is no reason to get out of a relationship with a gal just because she invited you to meet her parents. It sounds like it is a big thing like she wants to get all heavy with you but really it isn't. The thing is John, every gal has parents. There's two things you can't get around with gals and that is hanging out with 1)her family and 2)her friends. No matter what, you will have to get in good with them both eventually. My take is that meeting her parents says alot. I don't know about you but I don't bring anyone around my family unless I really thought highly of the gal. That's a plus in my book.

If you are just looking to live a more playerish kind of lifestyle, that's fine. Or are you bored with her?

TS

 

[drZaius09]

Originally posted by John Juan
...she keeps telling me that she thinks i'm better than her, that she's "falling for me" (= "ILY" IMO), is always complimenting me. A lot of AFC-like behavior...

Women are supposed to exhibit this kind of behavior. It is effeminate, which is why men who do this are effeminate and labeled "chumps" by the enlightened. She does seem a little low in the self-esteem department, but small doses of that can be a good thing.

 

[John Juan]

Thx for the replies. She is a great girl, but I'm not as into her as she is into me, and I still want to get with other hot girls that I meet. And I'm not into dating other girls when I've 'committed' to one. Those are clear signs that I'm not convinced that she's "the one", right? F*** if I know..

 

[Slickster]

Originally posted by John Juan
Thx for the replies. She is a great girl, but I'm not as into her as she is into me, and I still want to get with other hot girls that I meet. And I'm not into dating other girls when I've 'committed' to one. Those are clear signs that I'm not convinced that she's "the one", right? F*** if I know..

This will always be the case. Everyone wants something better. Something they can't have. You can't get away from it.

You probably need to have a few women break your heart or treat you really badly in order for you to appreciate what you have here.

Maybe have a talk with her and tell her that maybe the two of you should cool it with all the "serious" talk about the feelings the two of you have for each other. You should just be focusing on having fun at this stage anyway. She's insecure but very appreciative of you. This is not a bad thing.