Alright, I'm going to be completely honest with all of you guys and maybe for the first time in my life.. Myself.
Well, I'm 18 years old. So.. I guess I'll start with a brief life story..
I was borin 1989 to a 15 year old mother. Life from 1-5 seemed to be pretty pleasant, some of my fondest memories were playing with my uncles who were a bit younger than my mother. It was like having a bunch of big brothers living with me, It was so great. My mother was only 15 years old when I was born so she had a hard time raising a child as you can imagine.
My mother was very troubled as a child, she was born to a drug addict mother and had a abusive stepfather. When my mother was around 5-6 she was adopted by the lady I call my grandmother, god bless her soul. She was a foster parent, but she was different than any foster mother I've ever seen.
She made my mother her own, she made ME her own grandchild, and she NEVER treated her foster kids any better or any worst than her biological children. If I was never told, I would NEVER know that this wasn't my biological grandmother.. Sometimes I wish I never was told. I was the 2nd older grandchild, the other grandchild was way older, around 13-14 years.
So for a while me and my youngest cousin were the babies.
Life was decent, we weren't rich but we were making it, we had clothes on our backs, food everynight, cable, computers etc etc..
Now I'll fastforward a bit to kindergarten. I remember my first day of kindergarten, I didn't want to go, but I had this teacher named Ms. Martha and thoe she could be firm she was also very loving and caring and made the experience of kindergarten so much fun. Kindergarten was pretty ok, I made some friends and some of them I still see around town every now and then, believe it or not. I went to private school, but the kids were very judgemental, I was very smart for my age.. I remember my parents were dumbfounded at 5 years old I spelled "computer" on my own.. Hehe
Anyways, the kids could be a bit cruel thoe. I was a fat kid and often the butt of jokes in school. I was actually quite large for my age, all my life I was always able to pass for 4-5 years older than my actual age, even to this day.
Well, I remember being left out alot.. The kids would play "boys chase the girls".. and I was always made to sit out because the girls didn't want me to touch them. Its amazing how something like that could be so painful at a young age. I didn't really go outside and play much when I was a kid. A schoolnight for me consisted of going to school, comming home and watching cartoons until 9-10 oclock. I was afraid of the dark hehe.. I never knew why but I'd always climb in pop-pop (what I call my grandfathers) bed untill i was 9-10 years old, mostly because he slept with the t.v on and if I got frightened I got roll over and watch t.v until I fell asleep again.
I guess i'm being a little bit detailed, but this is actually kind of soothing to talk about this stuff. Well fastforward to 3rd grade or so.. My mother had got her own place for a while, and my grandparents let me stay with her for the summer as they had the custody of me. My grandmother was a disciplinarian, she was one of thoes no nonsense kind of grandmothers that expected good grades and good manners. She never gave beatings, but she had the scream that she could bring a grown up to tears just by her roar when she was upset, I saw her do it to my mother many times. Let me go back a bit, I remember many saturday mornings being awoken to screaming matches between my mother and my grandmother, usually because my mother (she was young remember, still being a kid) was out partying all night, and left me home with everyone.. My grandmother thought that my mother shouldn't be a kid(by kid i mean 18-23) .. now that she graduated from highschool she should go to work.. come home, and if she did decide to go out i should be with her. But anyways, 4th grade like I was saying..
It was summer before school started, the school i went to was closer to grandma's house so I was with her during the school year.. Even thoe my grandmother was a millionx more strict than my mother(she pretty much let me do whatever i wanted at a early age when i was with her) my grandmothers house had this sense of security that I enjoyed, it was more diciplined but I felt safer there for some reason.. Well that summer with my Mom my mother made a mistake that may have affected me my whole life.. She said Chris, in tears.. sit down. She told me that the reason I don't know my father was because she was raped at 15 on a blind-date, and got pregnant in the process, and that my grandmother wasn't my real grandmother. Now I was a young kid but I was young enough to know that I was a accident. That hurt a bit, I screamed, Your lying, Your lying.. And I went and cried myself. She told me all my beloved uncles but 1 was adopted as well.
I dont understand what possessed her to tell me this at such a fragile age, but she did and what was done was done.
Eventually I forgot that she even told me and just kept doing what i been doing, but it was always in the back of my head my whole life.
Well 4th-6th grade.. I'm still huge(not neccissarily like wide but like taller than the other kids and thick) and intimidating for my age, but also very soft spoken and very smart. The kids stopped playing boys catch the girls and started playing feel on the girls boobs and butt.. I tryed to join in but one day i noticed the guys feeling on a girl in a corner and her giggling like she enjoyed it but when I went to go do it she screamed "EWWW, dont touch me!".. I never participated in that again, instead at reccess i'd hang with the nerdy kids and play gameboy and tag.
Well, I'm 18 years old. So.. I guess I'll start with a brief life story..
I was borin 1989 to a 15 year old mother. Life from 1-5 seemed to be pretty pleasant, some of my fondest memories were playing with my uncles who were a bit younger than my mother. It was like having a bunch of big brothers living with me, It was so great. My mother was only 15 years old when I was born so she had a hard time raising a child as you can imagine.
My mother was very troubled as a child, she was born to a drug addict mother and had a abusive stepfather. When my mother was around 5-6 she was adopted by the lady I call my grandmother, god bless her soul. She was a foster parent, but she was different than any foster mother I've ever seen.
She made my mother her own, she made ME her own grandchild, and she NEVER treated her foster kids any better or any worst than her biological children. If I was never told, I would NEVER know that this wasn't my biological grandmother.. Sometimes I wish I never was told. I was the 2nd older grandchild, the other grandchild was way older, around 13-14 years.
So for a while me and my youngest cousin were the babies.
Life was decent, we weren't rich but we were making it, we had clothes on our backs, food everynight, cable, computers etc etc..
Now I'll fastforward a bit to kindergarten. I remember my first day of kindergarten, I didn't want to go, but I had this teacher named Ms. Martha and thoe she could be firm she was also very loving and caring and made the experience of kindergarten so much fun. Kindergarten was pretty ok, I made some friends and some of them I still see around town every now and then, believe it or not. I went to private school, but the kids were very judgemental, I was very smart for my age.. I remember my parents were dumbfounded at 5 years old I spelled "computer" on my own.. Hehe
Anyways, the kids could be a bit cruel thoe. I was a fat kid and often the butt of jokes in school. I was actually quite large for my age, all my life I was always able to pass for 4-5 years older than my actual age, even to this day.
Well, I remember being left out alot.. The kids would play "boys chase the girls".. and I was always made to sit out because the girls didn't want me to touch them. Its amazing how something like that could be so painful at a young age. I didn't really go outside and play much when I was a kid. A schoolnight for me consisted of going to school, comming home and watching cartoons until 9-10 oclock. I was afraid of the dark hehe.. I never knew why but I'd always climb in pop-pop (what I call my grandfathers) bed untill i was 9-10 years old, mostly because he slept with the t.v on and if I got frightened I got roll over and watch t.v until I fell asleep again.
I guess i'm being a little bit detailed, but this is actually kind of soothing to talk about this stuff. Well fastforward to 3rd grade or so.. My mother had got her own place for a while, and my grandparents let me stay with her for the summer as they had the custody of me. My grandmother was a disciplinarian, she was one of thoes no nonsense kind of grandmothers that expected good grades and good manners. She never gave beatings, but she had the scream that she could bring a grown up to tears just by her roar when she was upset, I saw her do it to my mother many times. Let me go back a bit, I remember many saturday mornings being awoken to screaming matches between my mother and my grandmother, usually because my mother (she was young remember, still being a kid) was out partying all night, and left me home with everyone.. My grandmother thought that my mother shouldn't be a kid(by kid i mean 18-23) .. now that she graduated from highschool she should go to work.. come home, and if she did decide to go out i should be with her. But anyways, 4th grade like I was saying..
It was summer before school started, the school i went to was closer to grandma's house so I was with her during the school year.. Even thoe my grandmother was a millionx more strict than my mother(she pretty much let me do whatever i wanted at a early age when i was with her) my grandmothers house had this sense of security that I enjoyed, it was more diciplined but I felt safer there for some reason.. Well that summer with my Mom my mother made a mistake that may have affected me my whole life.. She said Chris, in tears.. sit down. She told me that the reason I don't know my father was because she was raped at 15 on a blind-date, and got pregnant in the process, and that my grandmother wasn't my real grandmother. Now I was a young kid but I was young enough to know that I was a accident. That hurt a bit, I screamed, Your lying, Your lying.. And I went and cried myself. She told me all my beloved uncles but 1 was adopted as well.
I dont understand what possessed her to tell me this at such a fragile age, but she did and what was done was done.
Eventually I forgot that she even told me and just kept doing what i been doing, but it was always in the back of my head my whole life.
Well 4th-6th grade.. I'm still huge(not neccissarily like wide but like taller than the other kids and thick) and intimidating for my age, but also very soft spoken and very smart. The kids stopped playing boys catch the girls and started playing feel on the girls boobs and butt.. I tryed to join in but one day i noticed the guys feeling on a girl in a corner and her giggling like she enjoyed it but when I went to go do it she screamed "EWWW, dont touch me!".. I never participated in that again, instead at reccess i'd hang with the nerdy kids and play gameboy and tag.
