I need guidance

[Fortunate_Juan]

So I met this girl at my house party. Gamed her, we hooked up. Since then we’ve had AMAZING sex on a few occasions. She fits my list that I made regarding girls that I date. Plus she does little things that really make me smile. Not oneitis yet, but she’s definitely at the top of my list (right now), I have sort of a feeling of what I want to do next but I'd like some insight.

So I see her out last night, and everything is going good, then all of a sudden she starts talking about how she’s afraid of me. She’s afraid of getting involved with me and getting hurt. She doesn’t like the fact that I “call her once a week” (which isn’t entirely true, I call her more often than that, but I am hard to get a hold of, and a busy guy). She also only wants to be involved with a guy who “could fall in love with her”. And when she gets drunk she talks about this guy she was interested in (right before we hooked up). She did say and I quote "the sex is fu<king amazing" and "i hadn't had an orgasm in a long time" (before me )I don’t know if I could have handled it better, but in short I addressed her points thusly. I call her not so often because I am busy, she says “I know” and as for the “involved with a guy who could fall in love with her. I told her that I don’t like wasting my time with girls I am not interested in (I am not a PUA, and I have no goals to be one… yet) and that I find it hard to meet interesting girls. We tried to talk things out but she wanted to go back inside “to pee” then I…. well ok at this point I don’t remember about 10 minutes of my life, I know I didn’t see her. Why can’t I remember 10 minutes? One word…. Everclear. So after that I walked home (with my shirt off, which isn’t significant in itself but it was 10 degrees out, snowing and blowing, again thank you everclear). So I get home, play some path of neo and beat up some guys. Generally calm down (this will make more sense at the end of the post). And pass out and go to bed. I wake up and have 3 missed calls and a voice mail. The calls are all pretty much right before I went to bed, but I was wayyyyyyy too sh!thoused to hear anything (thank god I heard my alarm this morning, I am infact still drunk). She apologizes about 6 times in the voice mail using the following phrases “I am very very sorry” “I was fu<king acting fu<king stupid” and she ended the voicemail with “I wish I could talk to you right now, but I can’t” Everything in the voice mail sounded sincere. What are your opinions on the matter?

Oh and apparently I was extremely angry last night and the combination of anger and everclear I am now the proud owner of a purple hand from where I hammer fisted an overhead sign on the way home…

Everclear; ruining your Sh!t since 1489

 

[banGbro]

You need to get more serious with her and explore it. As soon as possible (as soon as you ready and in shape, as soon as shes available), go over and talk to her, seriously. Have great time, great sex, and then ask her to move in with you.


She? Is falling in love with you, if not already.

 

[bigjohnson]

Yes! Give her unfettered access to all aspects of your life as soon as possible! Be sure to offer her half of everything you own or will ever own too, since she did say she's afraid. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Here's my $0.03 (adjusted for inflation):

Moving in, marriage, all that, is a serious thing. They move in a LOT easier than they move out my friend. Always remember that. The concept of a LTR is something I like and work towards, don't get me wrong, but things can go sideways in ways that are amazing. Go slow. If you care about her, tell her, but share your concerns too. Part of being the man is (IMO) the ability to be honest and stay in control of the relationship. As long as she's not using this to try and leverage control from you, it's all good. Just don't move too fast.

If she's a controller with an agenda, eject.

 

[banGbro]

All that could be done while living together. Its so much nicer to have someone by your side all the time. If you two live together dont mean you cant eject later, or move slow, its just a better way of finding out if shes what you want.

 

[Last Man Standing]

She sounds like a disgusting hor!!!!! She wants a guy to love her???? Who in the hell would love a filthy hor??????????????? Oh yeah, a DJ

Tell her to go to hor hell!!!

 

[Strip Club Inspector]

I'll just say this. You're in a great spot. She's more into you than usual and is rightfully concerned that you're a player that will break her heart. Nothing wrong with that perception. Now you can dole out to her what you feel you need to to be fair, keep her interested, and keep yourself happy and comfortable. Just don't dump all your ****. It will quickly reverse things. If you're not sure whether to say it, don't. Say some nice things and talk about what you want, but don't go as far as she does emotionally, it will change the tenor of the relationship which sounds good enough.

Also, don't drink so much. It's unbecoming and you may do something incredibly stupid one of these days on account of it.

 

[Fortunate_Juan]

Bangbro, we aren't moving in together. Terrible Idea.

Johnson, thank you. I will put some thought in to what you said.

Last Man Standing... are you really 44 years old? Wow. Please don't come back.

Strip, thank you. Like Johnson you've given me something to think about. And for the drinking, there are extenuating circumstances. It was Fat Tuesday. And it was my first experience with Everclear. I am a bartender, so I knew it was strong, but I poured it like vodka anyways when I was making my drinks... I won't be making that mistake again... well for another month at least. (lent) And I usually dont drink to excess on the weeknights.


I am confused as this is pretty much the 2nd sh!t test I've been given in the month that I've known her. I passed the first one. The coincidence between them is that we were both drunk during both times. Other than those events, things are great! She and I get along famously.

Should I call her back today at some point? She did sort of put the ball in my court. But I am going to talk to her about this stuff. Any suggestions in that area?

 

[BrokenLeftWing]

man, move on. don't start calling her more. and its a good thing she is afraid of you. keeps her on her toes and if she wants to be with someone else, then its cool with you cause your going to be kicking it with another girl. Hey and don't drink so much man lol

 

[bigjohnson]

It just sounded like it could be a power play, but I'm pretty gunshy about that sort of thing (don't ask) so use your own judgement. Even if it is about her testing, thats not bad as it gives you a chance to pass the test.

Being drunk off your ass makes it hard to tell what's up though. I second the notion to take it easy - sounds like lent gives you the perfect reason.

If you can maintain dominance you will likely also maintain her interest. given that and that you two get along it sounds like you might be onto a good thing, no pun intended.

Good luck, and remember, you're lucky to have each other, but she's MORE lucky.

 

[NewMan]

This is typical chick talk - possibly drink talking here? not sure of her state, but this is pretty much what girls do.

It sounds to me like you handled it perfectly - acknowledge and deflect - that the rules when dealing with these coversations.

1) Aknowledge her feelings - show you understand where she is coming from.

2) Deflect - deflect by explaining to her your take on things - here you don't want to rush things - and are always looking to the future and not wanting to waste your time - but you need things to work themselves out naturally. that sort of thing.

As for calling her back - yes I would call her back. No need to bring up the conversation again - unless of course she said something that was disrespectfull - which it sounds like she didn't.

So, business as usual. Call her, talk, make plans to see her again.

 

[Fortunate_Juan]

Thank you all.

I have made my decision which, for those who care, is this;

1) I am going to persue her, because all women give sh!t tests, it's just a question of how many. Plus I wanted to date a girl who would give them to me, mainly because the only way you get better at something is to try.

2) I won't bring it up to her (she did bring the last one up a few times after it happened and appologized each time, and I said it wasn't a big deal) so she will probably bring it up again, and I will make some jokes about it.


3) I am going to call her after my 2nd job tonight



Again, thank you for those who replied. I was kind of leaning towards what johnson, strip and newman were saying. But sometimes you're so close to the issue you miss something or get starstruck. So thank you for putting it in to perspective.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Alright kid, but when you have a hor baby with her don't say no one warned you!!!

 

[Thomas94305]

Fortunate_Juan.. The fact that she asked all these questions demonstrates she is certainly interested in you. She's testing the waters to see if she can open up to you. For the most part.. RELAX. Give her a chance to open up. You are not committing anything at that moment, you're just letting her talk. Often that alone fixes a lot.