Some of what I'm gonna say are things I was raised by, and what I've learned all meshed together for one final product depending on the scenario.
I was raised that the man always pays for the meal (raised by my mom, so no cracks on that). With that said, sometimes it has left me feeling used. So I opt for something cheap the first time around, which allows me to still be the gentleman that my mom wants me to be, without feeling used as much since coffee is only a couple bucks.
Next, if I do go out to a dinner, I don't say a word to the waiter about wanting the check or splitting the check. They will usually put it in the middle. The gentleman part of me will usually grab for it eitherway. This is when the lady I'm with will usually say:
1. Let me pay for that (definate keeper)
2. Let's split it/How much was my meal/Here's some money for my food (history has told me that these girls only see me as a friend, and I probably shouldn't count on going out with her again, but since she's paying for her meal, I don't feel used)
3. *she sits there quietly until you pay, and after you do* Thank you (this could go eitherway and it's hard to tell. girls have told me that some girls enjoy getting free things from guys. the others have an interest in you and see you as a provider.) I believe that how things go on the date should help you decide which is which. If you believe the first, then I would suggest you figure out a way for her to do something that benefits you.