Why "Whatever You Want" Keeps You Single

She says the movie looks dumb; you suddenly agree. She tests you with a little attitude; you apologize for nothing.

You think you're being easy to get along with. She reads something else entirely: a man with no edges. Nothing to hold on to. No friction, no tension, no reason to wonder what he really thinks.

The "22 Rules" taught me to push back — playfully, calmly, without needing her approval. Strange things happened after that.

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I need a pep talk

The Comeback Kid

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Hey guys. Recently I had been talking with a girl I know decently well from classes (last semester)...we seemed to click rather well and everything seemed to be working great. I ask her out, set up the time and place, and I'm in...or so I thought. A little while ago, I received a text from her saying she can't make it due to a doctor's appointment, and she wanted to know the next time I was free.

This would maybe be a "strike 2" for her because last week she really was sick when she couldn't make our coffee date (so no flaking on that one). However, doctor's appointments are not made the night before and getting a text late at night is not the way to go. I told her, "I understand that you can't make it, but next time make sure you are available the next time we set up a date."

Anyways, I figure this one is shot. While this girl's flaking did surprise me (she seemed to be very responsible and trustworthy, and once told me she thinks flaking is really uncool), I have been flaked at the last possible moment - or even stood up on one occasion - the last few times I've arranged a date with a girl.

Now I know there are plenty of reasons why the girls have flaked, but that's not what I need to hear right now. What I feel I need is some sort of pep talk. I can't stand arranging a date with a girl only to have her cancel at the last second EVERY SINGLE TIME. It's getting silly now. I'd like to set up a date and figure that it'll actually happen...I don't like "knowing" that she'll likely be canceling it at the last moment all the time.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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while this may sound like ****ty advice, you need to get over it and try again. what do we do when we fall off the horse? we get back on!


NEXT!
 

The Comeback Kid

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Yeah I know that's probably the best thing to do (if you don't try and make an attempt, you won't get anywhere), but I'm at such a low over the whole thing right now, time will heal that.

It's one thing if I ask out a girl and she says no, or she calls a few days in advance to say she can't make something, or she has the guts to say LJBF. But EVERY SINGLE TIME (in college lately), I get a text at the last possible moment (a couple hours before if it's that afternoon, or as I'm going to sleep if the date is in the late morning) saying the girl can't make it, and once I've even been stood up.

Usually when you make plans with a girl to meet, you feel pretty good about it and look forward to it. For me, I have to just hope I don't get "the text" moments before, I have to be on edge until I actually see her at the date (I don't think this is how it's supposed to be)...which hasn't happened in awhile. I don't think it's supposed to be like this everytime, I'd like to relax a little knowing the date has been made and we will meet at the time and place arranged.
 

playerone

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I guess, you have to stop worrying about the flaking. Have an attitude that even if the girl flakes on you, you know you are not bothered by it. Or try arranging a date with another girl on that same day, and flake one of them. LOL.

The attitude is the main thing. Get into the right state of mind, everything will slowly work out.
 

Kupid Diggs

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What can we tell you? Just get out there and keep trying. Females are going to flake on you regardless... Especially college females. Their options are endless... Seriously... Just look for new girls. Don't get down on yourself. Your on a 3 strike rule? I'm on a 1 strike rule. If the b!tch flakes on me once she's done. I don't care if her mother is dying in the hospital...

I look at your name and find it ironic that you need a pep talk... "The Comeback Kid". Live that sh!t
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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The Comeback Kid

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Thanks. About 24 hours after I got "the text" (now), I feel a lot better about things. There's nothing I can really do about it now, so I'll remain optimistic about the near future, even if there aren't a lot of opportunities right now.

I think what disappointed me most is this particular girl was the one who flaked. I know all girls are similar, but this girl had proven to be very responsible and very respectable until now. She even told me once that people who flake are uncool (I guess she's uncool now).

I use a two-strike rule. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt once, but flukes don't happen twice. In addition, if I can figure out the alibi is a lie rather quickly...NEXT!
 
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