I need a mindest

[LMJamie]

I'm really pissed off with myself. I was in a night club tonight and saw a girl who I really liked. I remembered all I had learnt on sosuave and kept telling myself the only way I'll have a chance with her was if I went up and talked to her. "I'll go over in a minute, after this drink", I say to myself. "Oh, she's still there, might as well have another drink and speak to her later, after all, the club closes in another two hours", etc. etc. It was like a little AFC voice in my head took over and made me afriad to do anything.

I look around and see about twenty blokes around the dance floor with their drinks in hand waiting for some someone to approach them. "AFCs", I says to myself, but realise that I'm also standing next to them waiting for someone to magically approach me.

She goes to the bar. I follow behind her. I'm standing right behind her witing to be served and don't say anything to her. My mind just froze. It makes me feel like an AFC. Like all those other AFCs that are also at the bar.

She goes back onto teh dance floor. I sip my drink next to her while she dances with another guy. He beats me to her and manages to pull her. OBVIOUSLY. I knew it was going to happen. It was so predictable, but I couldn't help myself.

I'm so annoyed with myself. Every time I see a girl I like I don't seem to have the courage to approace her RIGHT THERE AND THEN. I always leave it till later. And later still. Until it's too late.

I don't want to be like all the other guys. I dont want to have to get drunk before plucking up the courage to talk to a girl, only to realise that by the time I do, another guy has beaten me it. I want to be able to approach girls there and then, without thinking of the consequences, and ignoring that bloody AFC voice in my head telling me to be a wuss.

Trust me, I was there tonight thinking about the advice I'd read on sosuave about how to 'be the great catch' and approach women like it's that last day i'd live, but the truth is I just bottle it and dont have the courage.

I need to be able to approace her STRAIGHT AWAY, without thinking and ignoring the AFC voice in my head telling me how bad it might be if she rejects me. I need something to think to myself whenever this situation happens again to overcome this stupid AFC voice that's killing me. I need a reason to not wait like all the other AFCs, and apporach women like its the last day of my life and there's nothing to lose.

I want your advice of ways to overcome Mr. AFC and have the confidence to approach women without having to think of every consequence that might happen.

Then next time I see a girl that I like, I need something to think to myslef to make me approach her straight away and not care about rejection. I'm not going to read this thread until the next time I'm going to a club, so your replies will be fresh in my mind. I'm not asking for wonders guys, but just a mindset I should adopt to ignore the shouting Mr. AFC and let Mr. DJ take control.

I'm a sociable perrson. I have charm. I just need a mindset to switch into when im in a club or around women to be able to forget the consequences of what MIGHt happen and as soon as I see a girl I like, approach them STRAIGHT AWAY.

 

[icepick]

Well, there are a few ways to go about this.

ONE

Think over the situation; imagine yourself getting rejected harshly. Get really into the imaginary moment; let yourself feel like you just got dissed by a sweet little honey.

How do you feel? And, most importantly, WHY do you feel that way?

Why did she dis you? Why did she reject you? Is it your clothes? Your hair? The way you speak? What you say? How you act? How much money you have? How big you are?

Note all these various reasons. You could either remember them, or list them.

Next up, is to CONQUER them.

Go through, one by one, and SOLVE all of those problems that you have that so weigh on your soul. Whenever you think you are "done", try to approach again. If you fail YET AGAIN, then there are obviously more reasons holding you back.

TWO

Make it a habit just to simply talk to people. Then you won't even think about it for a half a second before you say "Hey, what's up? My name is LMJamie, what's yours?"

The thing that kills you before your approach is that you make your thoughts and imagination work against you. Don't even THINK about thinking past the "talk" stage. You can't MAKE the girl do anything she doesn't want to, so just talk to her. Nature takes care of the rest as long as you can shut your mind off for a little while.

You can "define yourself" as an OVERLY social person if you want. Sometimes, I realize that I do this unwittingly. I think "Ya know, I just can't help but be slightly obnoxious and outgoing, talking to girls everywhere! I am glad that they like it, or I would be in big trouble!"

 

[squirrels]

I really should try that myself. It has to be natural...if you're approaching women because you've forced yourself into a new "mindset," she'll smell it like a fart.

Icepick's got some good ideas...you need to change your definition of YOURSELF. Honestly, you need to get over yourself...realize that it's not going to matter tomorrow that you talked to a girl who didn't feel like talking, or you said something stupid, or whatever happens. Try it one night: go to a new place where no one knows you, and just be the wild party jackass for a night. You'll never see anyone there again, and they don't know you, so you can be whoever you want.

Seriously, I understand where you're coming from. I'll sit there in a club and make excuses why I shouldn't talk to people when I know, deep down, that I WANT to. You know, deep down, that you WANT to, too. So just do it.

 

[HuuBinh]

What works for me in conquering my inner AFC is whenever i feel like i don't have enough courage to or don't know what to say when i approach so i just give it up. Right here, i just say to myself that i will feel a whole lot worse after if i let this opportunity of meeting this girl passes by. BC i dont want that terrible regretful feeling to occur again, so i approach right at that moment. I know if i get rejected, thats much better than me feeling regreted. Dont' violate the 3s rule!

 

[uniassign]

You have to treat this like a GAME. Have fun with it

I was in a night club tonight and saw a girl who I really liked.

You have already put her on a pedstal. Why? Have you talked to her yet? How can you tell she is so different from all the other girls in the club?

I suspect that you liked her because she was good looking. How do you know she is not dumB, *****y or plain retarded?

When you have put too much value in a girl BEFORE you have talked to her, you have lost.

I look around and see about twenty blokes around the dance floor with their drinks in hand waiting for some someone to approach them. "AFCs", I says to myself, but realise that I'm also standing next to them waiting for someone to magically approach me.

Yep. You were standing next to them, therefore subconsciously people associate you with them. Stand out, be different. Find something within yourself that you can CONFIDENTLY say that you are different.

She goes to the bar. I follow behind her. I'm standing right behind her witing to be served and don't say anything to her.

Everyone approaches at the bar. Bad move. She is there to get something to drink. If she talks to you, she loses the chance to be served and therefore has to wait longer. She wants something and you are the obstacle. Better to wait until she has been served and has SETTLED at a place in the club before you approach.

My mind just froze

Look, do you think actors can pull an oscar winning performance first go? They go through thousands of takes PER SCENE.

There is no magic bullet. You will just have to approach, approach and approach some more. At first just concentrate on getting to talk to her. Once you get good at that, concentrate on keeping a conversation for 5 minutes. Then concentrate on making her laugh, then get her number etc.

You must realise that this takes lots of girls to get good. The good thing is, there are MILLIONS of girls out there to practise on and the funny thing is that they won't REMEMBER who you are unless you are REALLY bad or REALLY good. I have even approached the SAME girl and she didn't remember me from my last approach.

What you will find is that girls can be so BORING. They come up with the same questions, same objections etc. After a while you will develop your stories, your lines to their objections and your own style. But all that comes from EXPERIMENT.

So just go out there and approach and experiment.

 

[squirrels]

Here's your mindset:

http://www.nomarriage.com/worthless.html