Heres the scoop, I have been divorced about 7-8 months and have been dating a lot. about 2 1/2 weeks ago I met a new girl that I have been spending a lot of time with and seems like it may turn out to possibly be something relatively long term. My question is should I feel uneasy about her talking and possibly seeing other guy's that she had known long before me, or should I act like it's not a big deal and continue dating on the side. Any help is welcome and any more info I can give to get more answers is also welcome.
Why "Whatever You Want" Keeps You Single
She says the movie looks dumb; you suddenly agree. She tests you with a little attitude; you apologize for nothing.
You think you're being easy to get along with. She reads something else entirely: a man with no edges. Nothing to hold on to. No friction, no tension, no reason to wonder what he really thinks.
The "22 Rules" taught me to push back — playfully, calmly, without needing her approval. Strange things happened after that.
I need a little help on this one guy's!!
- Thread starter imaluvnit
- Start date
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
if you have to act because it bothers you, she will eventually notice. I think the bigger question, especially coming out of a marriage is why does her knowing other guys bother you? If she's the AW type then your gut is twinging for the right reasons. If she has a healthy set of female friends, decent family, good values, etc then her previous male acquaintences shouldn't bother you. If the later is the case, you need to step back and reassess how you view women and relationships.imaluvnit said:
Oh yeah, why do you feel the need for (or at least mention) another LTR scenario so quickly after your marriage ended? Contrary to modern beliefs, a man will not die if he's not in a relationship - even at our age
Thank you for your response. You have set me straight and now I know what to do. As far as mentioning another possible LTR, I am probably getting way ahead of myself, this is why I need to visit the forum more often and keep things in perspective and remember who is the prize, even at my age, I know I still got it Ive proved it to myself over the last couple of months. So I think i should act accordingly. Thanks once again.
Whether you should, or shouldn't be feeling an emotion is irrelevant, because it doesn't change the fact that you actually do feel that emotion.
Perhaps a better question to ask is:
Why do I feel this way?
Rather than trying to cover up your emotions with an act, feel that emotion fully, and question why it is there.
In this way you are actually dealing with the real issue: you, and why you feel the way you do.
You can change you very easily, but don't overestimate your ability to change every body else.
Perhaps a better question to ask is:
Why do I feel this way?
Rather than trying to cover up your emotions with an act, feel that emotion fully, and question why it is there.
In this way you are actually dealing with the real issue: you, and why you feel the way you do.
You can change you very easily, but don't overestimate your ability to change every body else
.jophil28
Master Don Juan
That is a common scenario.imaluvnit said:
Divorced guy gets back on the single scene and eventually meets a contender for a possible LTR,but she has other guys in the pen.
Firstly, if she is still dating and meeting new guys (like you) then those other guys have been auditioned by her and found wanting. She is "still shopping".
She has either LJBF them ,or kept one or more around as backup guys on lonely Saturday nights.
I have struck this situation many times - and I just assume that I will ascend to #1 position very soon...and that is how it usually worked out.
One question- Is she making herself available to you Saturday nights ?
IF she is, then those other guys are merely her accessories.
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
The real question is what is her motive for telling you that she is going to be hanging out with some guy friends.
** I say **** test **
If I was dating a girl for two weeks and had a date or was going to hang out with some women and she said what are you doing on friday I would reply going out with some friends and leave it at that. She told you this for a reason..
** I say **** test **
If I was dating a girl for two weeks and had a date or was going to hang out with some women and she said what are you doing on friday I would reply going out with some friends and leave it at that. She told you this for a reason..
zekko
Master Don Juan
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If this is the case then what is the correct response? I imagine the best thing to do would be to at least act like it doesn't bother you, especially since you are still just getting to know each other. There is no commitment.
However, if the relationship gets to be long term, I for one am not going to tolerate it. So does this change the appropriate response? I'd say probably not.
In any case, the original poster should spin more plates. He just got out of a marriage, he ought to at least audition a few different girls before jumping into another LTR. Also, if she has other guys she hangs out with while he has no other girls to hang out with, that will create an imbalance that will be damaging to the relationship and his ego.
guru1000
Master Don Juan
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Appears like your interaction might be slightly compromised already. Thoughts of an LTR after 2 1/2 weeks cannot coexist with a healthy rapport, especially if that rapport involves male "orbiters" or friends.imaluvnit said:
I would not recruit such a girl (with male orbiters or friends) into the harem, unless it is your intent to keep it non exclusive.
At this point, withdraw your emotional investment and acknowledge this rapport for what it truly is.
speed dawg
Master Don Juan
You have not 'found yourself' yet. When you do finally achieve the right mindset, this question won't occur to you anymore. You are looking for a relationship to make you happy, and that's what ended your first one I'd bet.imaluvnit said:
Just date the chick for fun. If more comes of it, then fine. You should not even know about other guys at 2.5 weeks into it. See her on your terms, not hers.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.