I Need a kick in the ass....

[JMack350]

Whats up guys. I don't really make posts around here, so if I'm stepping on some toes i apologize. I'm looking for some advice.

So i'm 22, in my 5th year of college. Basically, theres 3 or 4 bars that everyone goes to at school. I've been going to these bars for like 4 years now, and I'm so tired of them, but theres really no other options. I keep going to these bars and seeing the same faces, same bartenders, same music, everything is the same. Its really hurting my game, because i feel like i'm so jaded to the whole bar scene. I'm just going through the motions.

So heres where the girl comes in. I've admired this girl from afar for a long time. I never thought much of it because she never noticed I was around, until this year. I see her at this one particular bar on campus pretty much every weekend. She always shoots me eyes, always walks by with her friends and stands where we are, hoping I'll talk to her. Pretty much all the nonverbal actions a girl could do to get a guy to talk to her. Shes been doing this for like 2 months now, and I've developed some intense one-itis for this girl. I think about her constantly and I want to tlak to her so bad, and I just can't for the life of me do it. I freeze up everytime shes around.

I think my problem is i don't have a sense of urgency. I know deep down that if I don't talk to her that night, I'll probably see her the next weekend. But that just keeps happening, and now its been like 2 months. My friends have zero game, they all have girlfriends so they dont wingman at all. I'm left on my own if I want to talk to girls. Its tough, not to mention that I've been going to this damn bar every ****ing weekend and i'm getting so tired of it.

So, what i'm asking is if anyone can relate to this situation. I'm so tired of blowing all these oppurtunities. I've asked other people for advice, and they all say "just do it". Way easier said than done. Is there a way I can just make myself kick that initial fear of approaching this girl? I've picked up a lot of girls in the past, so I think once I start talking to her I should be ok. Its that moment where I can't physically walk over there and just talk to her. I freeze up real bad.

Thanks in advance for any advice

 

[squirrels]

I think your problem is you make too many negative "I" statements.

It really IS as easy as "just do it". And it's easier said than done, but MUCH, MUCH easier done than thought about. There's no thought process you can kick off that will make you suddenly unafraid. You're not going to reason your way out of a feeling.

You know what WILL help you kick that initial fear? Go up and talk to her.

And stop saying, "I can't". Every time you say this, you're reinforcing a belief about yourself that directs your future life...a belief that is only as true as you let it be.

 

[JMack350]

I just gotta do it....its hard for me, just doing it with no help or friends around to go with me. I think everytime I don't do it, I get so pissed at myself and just get really down. Now that its happened like 8, 9 times I can't help but feel like "i can't do it" seeing as how i have had so many chances and blown all of them. Theres been a ton of negative thinking about it, and i never really realized that until you mentioned it.

 

[Kings_royalty]

but theres really no other options.

There are options all around you bro, stop limiting yourself to 'one' location. Try to game up girls at the Malls, Grocery stores, Banks, School, wherever it is you go throughout the day. Most girls have their defenses up at bars and dance clubs anyway.

I've admired this girl from afar for a long time

Wrong mindset, bad, bad, bad.

She always shoots me eyes, always walks by with her friends and stands where we are, hoping I'll talk to her. Pretty much all the nonverbal actions a girl could do to get a guy to talk to her. Shes been doing this for like 2 months now,

So what's the problem? Is your ego that fragile? Come on bro, snap out of it already.

I think about her constantly and I want to tlak to her so bad, and I just can't for the life of me do it. I freeze up everytime shes around.


All that anxiety and stress is counter productive, it does NOTHING for you. Get rid of it.

think my problem is i don't have a sense of urgency

Fear is your problem. Fear of getting shot down, fear of messing up and saying the wrong thing, etc. It's only a girl, she's not going to change into some scary monster and snap your head off.

I've picked up a lot of girls in the past, so I think once I start talking to her I should be ok.

You are putting WAAAAAY to much importance on this girl, she ISN'T all that (that's the mindset you need to have) bro, trust me. Go to a bar in a different city and you'll find 20 girls who are prettier with more to offer than her, guaranteed.

Stop worrying so much about the outcome and concentrate on having a 'good time'.

 

[squirrels]

its hard for me, just doing it

Negative "I" statement.

I think everytime I don't do it, I get so pissed at myself and just get really down.

Negative "I" statement.

I can't help but feel like "i can't do it"

Negative "I" statement.

These thoughts are creating your reality, despite the fact that you would rather NOT have them, you have accepted them as true. This acceptance ALONE makes them true.

And here you see the results:

Now that its happened like 8, 9 times ...

... seeing as how i have had so many chances and blown all of them...

But realizing this is the first step:

Theres been a ton of negative thinking about it, and i never really realized that until you mentioned it.

There's really nothing stopping you from talking to that girl...except that you DON'T BELIEVE she wants you. You have negative beliefs that are CONVINCING you to IGNORE her come-on signs, despite the fact that you want to act on them.

 

[Docs]

*BOOOF*

There's your ass kicking. :kick:
Damn.....just say Hey.

 

[JMack350]

so....how to change the negative thoughts? is it as simple as just saying, i can do this? or should i just try to completely forget her and just game other girls

 

[Kings_royalty]

Game as many girls as you can and your confidence will slowly start to creep up. Talk to girls everywhere you go. You don't have to get numbers with every interaction, but practice chatting with them and flirting. Practice makes perfect right?

 

[Paintballguy]

How about going up to her and saying "Hi, my name is Jmack. What is yours?".

 

[aelux]

so....how to change the negative thoughts? is it as simple as just saying, i can do this? or should i just try to completely forget her and just game other girls

It's as simple as talking to her. Chances are you will talk to her and start getting negative feelings which she will pick up on and give you disinterest identifiers are you will eject. But, then you can move on and hit on other girls, practice your game and hit it off with other women.

This weekend I went to a bar alone b/c my bro had work and danced for a bit. A girl came close to me and looked around, looked back at my fluffed her hair and started dancing. I came up to her and touched her on the hip, she turned around and gave me the *****y half-smile no thanks. Five minutes later she was dancing with some other guy grinding up to my back as if to say "haha you can't have me."

Just like talking with girls gives guys confidence, attracting and flirting with guys gives girls confidence sometimes even when the girl doesn't want anything more than to flirt with the guy. That's where the principles come in and we have to lay down DHVs. My problem was NOT that I attempted something with this girl, it's that I'm inexperienced in this process and didn't start/follow up with DHVs.

The same night I simply asked a girl outside the dance floor if she would like to dance and almost immediatly got the DDB but she said she was waiting for a friend. Instead of chatting her up I ejected out of FEAR.

So I guess my main message is scrap the nice guy/ I'm afraid of approaching attitude and go out there and get some poontang.

 

[JMack350]

It's as simple as talking to her. Chances are you will talk to her and start getting negative feelings which she will pick up on and give you disinterest identifiers are you will eject. But, then you can move on and hit on other girls, practice your game and hit it off with other women.

This weekend I went to a bar alone b/c my bro had work and danced for a bit. A girl came close to me and looked around, looked back at my fluffed her hair and started dancing. I came up to her and touched her on the hip, she turned around and gave me the *****y half-smile no thanks. Five minutes later she was dancing with some other guy grinding up to my back as if to say "haha you can't have me."

Just like talking with girls gives guys confidence, attracting and flirting with guys gives girls confidence sometimes even when the girl doesn't want anything more than to flirt with the guy. That's where the principles come in and we have to lay down DHVs. My problem was NOT that I attempted something with this girl, it's that I'm inexperienced in this process and didn't start/follow up with DHVs.

The same night I simply asked a girl outside the dance floor if she would like to dance and almost immediatly got the DDB but she said she was waiting for a friend. Instead of chatting her up I ejected out of FEAR.

So I guess my main message is scrap the nice guy/ I'm afraid of approaching attitude and go out there and get some poontang.

thats some good advice, thanks......but whats DHV and DDB? sorry i'm out of the loop with acronyms

 

[aelux]

thats some good advice, thanks......but whats DHV and DDB? sorry i'm out of the loop with acronyms

http://www.fastseduction.com/acronyms.shtml

DHVs are the hard part. Part of the nice guy problem is that we tend to supplicate to women - putting outselves down in the hope of making women like us... which has the opposite effect.

Perfect example, a girl behind in line for a club was talking about how she likes walking places, I turned around and said teasingly "but you're short." She gave me the cutest pout and then smiled