I might be making a mistake...

[JadedCrow]

Yo DJs,

Need some help here.

Got this girl I dig and I've been busting her balls, having a good time and what not. But she's holding on to her ex-bf because she's been hurt too many times by others and (even though she won't admit it) thinks of it as a comfort zone.

I know the girl likes me due to her body language, how she responds to my flirts, and how she comes running over long ass parking lots to get hugs from me. ...Unless I'm wrong.

Anyway, I'm thinking about telling it like it is to her today and get it all over with. It's been about 3 weeks and it feels like I'm getting nowhere.

So what should I do? Keep at it? Be the knight in shining armor? Or throw it down on the table, tell her that she likes me, knows it, and needs to drop the drama or I'm out?

We got short amount of time guys, cuz I'm about to see her soon.

Thanks,

JC

 

[Igetit!]

What's up man? Welcome to the forum.

Your instincts were correct. This would be a HUGE mistake. Huge,but very common. What you're trying to do is to get this girl through using logic,and that just plain doesn't work. Women are emotional,therefore,if you want to date her,you'll have to persuade her through her feelings,not through her mind. This thing about being the"knight in shining armour",drop it. That's Hollywood and fairy tales. Stay in reality. If this "cat and mouse" game going on between you two has been happening for a while,(like maybe 2 or 3 months),then it's already over. You're in the friendzone. But if this has been going on for only two or three weeks,you can just simply ask her out.

What I would like to know is what did you mean by her "holding on to her ex-boyfriend"? Are they still dating or not? Because if they are,then you never reaaly had a chance with her. She's just using you for attention and emotional support.

So my questions are:

How long have you known her?
How often do the two of you talk to each other/hang out together?
Do you talk everyday?
What kinds of thing to you talk about?

Please be as specific as possible.

 

[JadedCrow]

Damn Igetit!

I wish I had gotten notice bout your reply awhile ago.

I haven't told her anything yet, managed to avoid it. But still, here's the answers to your questions.

1. I've tried asking her out, but she says "No". We've went out only once and while we got really close, she avoided taking things too physical.

2. She's not dating her ex but she broke up with him due to friend influences and still harbors some feelings. They talk but from the sound of it, it's arguing. The guy lives in another state now...

3. Known her for abour 3-4 weeks.

4. We see each other on the weekdays and 'bicker', flirt, and hit on another in front of everyone.

5. When we do talk, I try to get her to talk bout herself. I am a bit rusty on the convo side...

That enough to help out?

 

[Igetit!]

I've tried asking her out, but she says "No". We've went out only once and while we got really close, she avoided taking things too physical.

That says it all right there. If you asked her out already and she said no,then why do you continue to waste your time with her?
More than likely she isn't interested. You said that the two of you "bicker,flirt,and hit on each other" basically everyday(or on the weekdays). Dude,I'm afraid that you're the latest victim of the friendzone. You laugh,talk,flirt,and pal around with each other,but whenever you try to stop joking around and be serioius about the two of you possibly going out and dating,she's says no. She just likes the attention she's getting from you. Period.

The funny thing is that if you were to leave her alone and start to pursue other women,then she'd probably try to date you.

Crazy,huh?

 

[JadedCrow]

Hmmm...Damn.

And there aren't any other women in the group we're in to fix that (or their all taken). So do I force myself to talk and flirt with the other girls? OR do I start ignoring her?

 

[Cashew]

I don't think it is impossible to get her, though perhaps unadvisable to do so.

First, don't let her talk about her ex with you. Ever. If she brings it up, tell her you just don't care to hear/talk about that sort of stuff. When she brings it up again, tell her again and change the subject, after a time or two she will remember not to bring it up with you.

I wouldn't advise going for this girl though for a few reasons.

It will take a while before she is comfortable going out and developiong interest in anyone, so you will be waiting a while in this case. But you also can't make it seem like you are waiting for her. Let her know about an initial interest, then just cut it off. Talk to her or see her occasionally, but show no romantic interest after initially doing so. She will then wonder about you because you were interested before and this will get her thinking about you.

Since it is taking a while, that is leaving you plenty of opportuities to screw it up. Much more than if you are only going to spend a couple weeks dating a girl.

In the meantime you should casually date other girls. Do this for yourself. It will keep your mind from thinking about or focusing too much on her and ultimately make things much easier for you to handle properly. You might also find someone else this way. You also aren't wasting your time for this girl and more easily will be able to keep your interest from her.

She may come around, but don't count on it. In the meantime you'll still be out there having fun and could come accross other possibilities.

If you are still interested in her several months down the road you may notice her start paying more attention to you on her own will. Don't collapse and show interest again or appear that you want her. Let her think about it as an unknown. Go out and do things together and you may be able to see signs of her interest in you. If you do, don't say anything, just make your move.

 

[Prodigy746]

You are to available and talk to her often. Why would she want to oficially date you when she can have you whenever she wants. Next time when she comes to hug you back off and tell her thats only for the special girls in your life. Dont talk to her often, and when you do mention something about going on a date or meeting this new awesome girl. That should get her jelous and in no time she will be begging you to go out on a date. If she doesnt, than she never liked you bro....

 

[Warrior74]

You are to available and talk to her often. Why would she want to oficially date you when she can have you whenever she wants. Next time when she comes to hug you back off and tell her thats only for the special girls in your life. Dont talk to her often, and when you do mention something about going on a date or meeting this new awesome girl. That should get her jelous and in no time she will be begging you to go out on a date. If she doesnt, than she never liked you bro....

dood. just consider her a friend. don't start acting weird like these guys would have you do and just move on to some new girls. Consider this one done and move forward. Go out and meet other women outside of your circle.

 

[JadedCrow]

Word guys. Even though its not advisable, I'd want to use Cashew's method of pulling away. Now I just gotta roam around and find someone else interesting.

Thanks guys.