CornbreadFed
Master Don Juan
Warning: Post was written by me then grammatically checked by AI and I’m too lazy to refluff it.
I met a 5'7 Indian guy with a hot blonde side piece at a bar recently, and I think this is actually a pretty good example of how the online dating discourse is fundamentally broken.
Because I can already predict exactly how this conversation is going to go.
The PUAs are going to say, "See? We told you looks, race, and height don't matter! It's all confidence and game!"
The blackpill guys are going to find some way to explain why this doesn't count. Maybe he's secretly a Chad. Maybe she's not actually attractive. Maybe she's a Russian party girl, so somehow that invalidates the entire observation.
And the manosphere guys are going to tell you he probably lifts, has a good frame, and has some other physical advantage that conveniently explains everything.
And here's the thing: ALL THREE OF THESE GROUPS ARE MISSING SOMETHING.
Not necessarily because everything they say is wrong, but because they're trying to reduce a complicated social phenomenon to a single variable that confirms whatever worldview they've already adopted.
1. THE GUY IS ACTUALLY INTERESTING TO BE AROUND.
This dude was one of those party-scene guys who knows where everything is happening. He's dressed like a scene bro, knows how to talk to people, and can hold an actual conversation without making you want to throw yourself out of a window.
And I think it's really funny that this is somehow an overlooked component of the dating discourse.
You have people spending hours analyzing facial bone structure, height distributions, racial preferences, and whatever else, as though dating were some kind of mathematical equation where you plug in your physical characteristics and receive a girlfriend.
But that's not how human relationships work.
People socialize. They develop preferences. They meet through mutual friends and shared activities. They become attracted to personalities, lifestyles, and the social environments people inhabit.
And yes, physical attraction matters. Nobody needs to pretend otherwise.
But if your entire theory of dating cannot account for the fact that people actually enjoy spending time with other people, then your theory is probably incomplete.
2. HE UNDERSTANDS THE KIND OF WOMAN HE WANTS TO ATTRACT.
This is the other interesting part.
The woman in question was a Russian party-scene girl. Tattoos, cigarettes, bartending, nightlife. Not necessarily the stereotypical blonde woman you pictured when you heard the story.
And apparently, this guy specifically pursues a particular type of woman.
Which raises an obvious question: why are so many men approaching dating as though there's one universal hierarchy of women, one universal hierarchy of men, and one optimal strategy that everyone should follow?
It's absurd.
Different people have different preferences. Different social environments reward different characteristics. Different lifestyles create different opportunities to meet people.
A guy who's comfortable in the nightlife scene, knows the right people, and shares interests with the women he pursues is operating under different circumstances than a guy whose entire social life consists of going to work, coming home, and browsing dating forums.
Those are not equivalent situations.
And yet the latter guy will often conclude that the difference must be his jawline, his height, or his race.
Maybe those things play a role. But how are you supposed to know they're the decisive factors when you've barely examined any of the other variables?
YOU'VE BUILT AN ENTIRE WORLDVIEW AROUND YOUR DISADVANTAGES WITHOUT EVEN INVESTIGATING THE ALTERNATIVES.
Think about that for a second.
You're treating dating like a competitive marketplace, but you haven't figured out what your strengths are, what kind of people you're compatible with, or what social environments give you the best opportunities.
You're effectively trying to sell the same generic product to everyone and then concluding that the market is rigged when it doesn't sell.
The solution isn't to convince yourself that looks don't matter. They obviously do.
The solution is to stop pretending that acknowledging physical attractiveness automatically explains every outcome in dating.
Because if your worldview can explain why an attractive, tall guy gets a girlfriend AND why a short guy gets a girlfriend by inventing a different excuse for each situation, then what exactly is your worldview predicting?
At some point, you have to ask yourself whether you're actually trying to understand attraction or just looking for increasingly elaborate reasons to confirm what you already believe.
I met a 5'7 Indian guy with a hot blonde side piece at a bar recently, and I think this is actually a pretty good example of how the online dating discourse is fundamentally broken.
Because I can already predict exactly how this conversation is going to go.
The PUAs are going to say, "See? We told you looks, race, and height don't matter! It's all confidence and game!"
The blackpill guys are going to find some way to explain why this doesn't count. Maybe he's secretly a Chad. Maybe she's not actually attractive. Maybe she's a Russian party girl, so somehow that invalidates the entire observation.
And the manosphere guys are going to tell you he probably lifts, has a good frame, and has some other physical advantage that conveniently explains everything.
And here's the thing: ALL THREE OF THESE GROUPS ARE MISSING SOMETHING.
Not necessarily because everything they say is wrong, but because they're trying to reduce a complicated social phenomenon to a single variable that confirms whatever worldview they've already adopted.
1. THE GUY IS ACTUALLY INTERESTING TO BE AROUND.
This dude was one of those party-scene guys who knows where everything is happening. He's dressed like a scene bro, knows how to talk to people, and can hold an actual conversation without making you want to throw yourself out of a window.
And I think it's really funny that this is somehow an overlooked component of the dating discourse.
You have people spending hours analyzing facial bone structure, height distributions, racial preferences, and whatever else, as though dating were some kind of mathematical equation where you plug in your physical characteristics and receive a girlfriend.
But that's not how human relationships work.
People socialize. They develop preferences. They meet through mutual friends and shared activities. They become attracted to personalities, lifestyles, and the social environments people inhabit.
And yes, physical attraction matters. Nobody needs to pretend otherwise.
But if your entire theory of dating cannot account for the fact that people actually enjoy spending time with other people, then your theory is probably incomplete.
2. HE UNDERSTANDS THE KIND OF WOMAN HE WANTS TO ATTRACT.
This is the other interesting part.
The woman in question was a Russian party-scene girl. Tattoos, cigarettes, bartending, nightlife. Not necessarily the stereotypical blonde woman you pictured when you heard the story.
And apparently, this guy specifically pursues a particular type of woman.
Which raises an obvious question: why are so many men approaching dating as though there's one universal hierarchy of women, one universal hierarchy of men, and one optimal strategy that everyone should follow?
It's absurd.
Different people have different preferences. Different social environments reward different characteristics. Different lifestyles create different opportunities to meet people.
A guy who's comfortable in the nightlife scene, knows the right people, and shares interests with the women he pursues is operating under different circumstances than a guy whose entire social life consists of going to work, coming home, and browsing dating forums.
Those are not equivalent situations.
And yet the latter guy will often conclude that the difference must be his jawline, his height, or his race.
Maybe those things play a role. But how are you supposed to know they're the decisive factors when you've barely examined any of the other variables?
YOU'VE BUILT AN ENTIRE WORLDVIEW AROUND YOUR DISADVANTAGES WITHOUT EVEN INVESTIGATING THE ALTERNATIVES.
Think about that for a second.
You're treating dating like a competitive marketplace, but you haven't figured out what your strengths are, what kind of people you're compatible with, or what social environments give you the best opportunities.
You're effectively trying to sell the same generic product to everyone and then concluding that the market is rigged when it doesn't sell.
The solution isn't to convince yourself that looks don't matter. They obviously do.
The solution is to stop pretending that acknowledging physical attractiveness automatically explains every outcome in dating.
Because if your worldview can explain why an attractive, tall guy gets a girlfriend AND why a short guy gets a girlfriend by inventing a different excuse for each situation, then what exactly is your worldview predicting?
At some point, you have to ask yourself whether you're actually trying to understand attraction or just looking for increasingly elaborate reasons to confirm what you already believe.
