''I love you'' game

[Technics]

Ever since my gf of 8 months started saying I love you, 60% of the time I just smile and kiss her, 20% of the time I'll smile and say something like ''I know'' or ''Who wouldn't'' and the other 20% of the time I'll say it back. So since she is used to me being a bit of an @ss I was surprised at her reaction the other night when I was a bit of an @ss again.

Her: I love you
Me: Take a ticket (said with a smile)

She went a bit quiet after this and I had a suspicion that it was from this. I let her sulk for a while then I asked her a question.

Me: (question)
Her: Why don't you take a ticket and find out

I couldn't help but laugh when she said that.

Me: Really?
Her: Yep take a ticket

I ignored it and stated that I was heading out to get something to eat and if she would like to come.

Her: No I'm ok (said with attitude)
Me: (smiling) Lighten up I was teasing you, I'm heading out, see you soon

Now when I got back she was back to normal. No attitude at all and she was affectionate as usual. She mentioned a few days later that she hates it when I say ''I know'' when she says I love you to me.

Do I need to tone down on those kinds of responses to her or should I keep doing what I have been doing?

 

[logicallefty]

I think you are handling the situation perfectly. You say it back as often as you feel comfortable with but no more. If she pushes the issue just tell her you love her but aren't a mushy-gushy kind of man and you may not say it as often because that's just how you are. That's how I am even with women I do love.

 

[Atom Smasher]

The thing we need to consider though is that they may appear to not have an issue until critical mass is reached and they act out. They forget nothing.

In a case like this I would VERY occasionally initiate a surprise, out-of-nowhere bold action that conveys that you "love" her. You might grab her with "uncontrollable passion" (note the quotes... like Shakespeare said, we are all actors) and shock the sh!t out of her by telling her you love her.

Those shocking experiences are bank in a relationship. When she starts to get annoyed with your coy comments (which you should keep doing), those rare experiences when you shocked her will come back to her.

Confusion, mystery, excitement. An excellent combination.

 

[El Payaso]

The thing we need to consider though is that they may appear to not have an issue until critical mass is reached and they act out. They forget nothing.

In a case like this I would VERY occasionally initiate a surprise, out-of-nowhere bold action that conveys that you "love" her. You might grab her with "uncontrollable passion" (note the quotes... like Shakespeare said, we are all actors) and shock the sh!t out of her by telling her you love her.

Those shocking experiences are bank in a relationship. When she starts to get annoyed with your coy comments (which you should keep doing), those rare experiences when you shocked her will come back to her.

Confusion, mystery, excitement. An excellent combination.

I was going to say something but Atom already said it perfectly. THIS x1,000

 

[MOTU]

The thing we need to consider though is that they may appear to not have an issue until critical mass is reached and they act out. They forget nothing.

In a case like this I would VERY occasionally initiate a surprise, out-of-nowhere bold action that conveys that you "love" her. You might grab her with "uncontrollable passion" (note the quotes... like Shakespeare said, we are all actors) and shock the sh!t out of her by telling her you love her.

Those shocking experiences are bank in a relationship. When she starts to get annoyed with your coy comments (which you should keep doing), those rare experiences when you shocked her will come back to her.

Confusion, mystery, excitement. An excellent combination.

Exactly. I do very much what OP said: smile, deflect, return sparingly. But I also use it as a powerful reward for good behavior. She does something I really like or appreciate, I grab her by the face and pull her in close, look her in the eyes and say "I love you". I almost always get a very visceral reaction from her.

 

[Technics]

So my gf is continuing to get a bit funny when I say things like this to her.

Last night we were in bed and I had her laughing and she said 'God I love you'

Me: I know

Her: Your head is getting too big

Me: (laughed)

A few moments passed..

Her: What a weird thing to say, saying 'I know'... Maybe I should stop saying it. (serious tone of voice)


I stayed silent and ignored it. She was probably waiting for me to break frame? Sh!t test? A few minutes later she was affectionate, touchy, basically normal.

Any thoughts?

 

[El Payaso]

Yeah, it's just a $h!t test. Don't let it break your frame. In fact, you don't want her saying the L word to you. It's a good thing if she stops. That way she can stop pestering you about it.

She's just merely conditioning you by saying the L word. You are getting used to it and attaching some of your value to it. When she takes it away, you feel worthless or feel like she's losing interest. At that moment, your beta instincts will kick in to "win" her love back.

It is important you do not attach any value to get saying the L word. Repeat to yourself over and over that you do not want her saying the L word so she can stop pestering you.

When she sees that you're still not bothered by her not saying it anymore. Her hamster will spin into overdrive. "Does he really not love me...I thought I could manipulate him...Why isn't it working??? Am I just an easy lay to him...Is there another girl???"

All sorts of questions will run through her mind until she explodes.

As a quick note, I think you are using the C&F too much so she is getting used to it. You have to always switch up your responses. The best response sometimes is NO response. That's right. Sometimes you just give no response.

Other times, you reframe the situation by deflecting her statement and changing the conversation casually.

 

[Fr. Andrew]

Love shouldn't be a game. If you love her, tell her so. If you don't, don't.

 

[Trump]

Ever since my gf of 8 months started saying I love you, 60% of the time I just smile and kiss her, 20% of the time I'll smile and say something like ''I know'' or ''Who wouldn't'' and the other 20% of the time I'll say it back. So since she is used to me being a bit of an @ss I was surprised at her reaction the other night when I was a bit of an @ss again.

Her: I love you
Me: Take a ticket (said with a smile)

She went a bit quiet after this and I had a suspicion that it was from this. I let her sulk for a while then I asked her a question.

Me: (question)
Her: Why don't you take a ticket and find out

I couldn't help but laugh when she said that.

Me: Really?
Her: Yep take a ticket

I ignored it and stated that I was heading out to get something to eat and if she would like to come.

Her: No I'm ok (said with attitude)
Me: (smiling) Lighten up I was teasing you, I'm heading out, see you soon

Now when I got back she was back to normal. No attitude at all and she was affectionate as usual. She mentioned a few days later that she hates it when I say ''I know'' when she says I love you to me.

Do I need to tone down on those kinds of responses to her or should I keep doing what I have been doing?

Be careful here bro.

I used to follow Doc Love and all the gurus in my early 20s to be a "challenge" and "not give her want she wants" and "be a confident, strong, man" and never say "I love you" back. It was all ridiculous and unimaginative game. I lost 3 hot girls because of it.

In my humble opinion, if she says "I love you," you say it back. If she signs email "love", you sign it back. It's not about being a alpha male knowing what you want, its about showing her you care. One little "I love you" back is worth way more to her than 10 ****y and funny comments or small negs.

Yes you can always protect your heart and be the guy who never gives his heart away, but you won't get too far.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Her: I hate when I say "I love you" and you respond back with "I know."
Me: So... what would you prefer I respond back with?
Her: How about "I love you, too?"
Me: Oh, so you want me to be a parrot, then? *Sqwak! "I love you! I love you!" *Sqwak!*
Her: (laughing) No, I just want you to say how you feel!
Me: So are you saying you don't feel like I love you?
Her: Well... no... I mean, I dunno...
Me: So you're saying my actions aren't enough? That us going out and doing things or spending time together isn't making you feel loved enough? Is that what you're saying?
Her: No! I just think it would be nice to hear it from time to time with your words...
Me: But I do say it - just not as often as you. Are you saying I have to say it just as much as you do for my feelings to be as genuine as yours? 'Cause I'm really more of the strong, silent type, y'know...
Her: I'm not doubting that you love me, but...
Me: But you are, aren't you? What I'm hearing is that I have to say it as much as you say it in order for you to feel like that's how I feel. Which, to me, seems kind of manipulative. That would be like me saying the only way I'd feel you loved me is if you were to start paying for more of our dates.
Her: That's not the same thing, though..
Me: But isn't it? I pay for you when we go out because I care for you a great deal... so, going by your logic, since you're not paying for our dates, should it mean I don't feel you care for me as much since you don't pay as much as I do?
Her: I guess so...
Me: All I'm saying is, I do my best to SHOW you I love you about as much as you say it to me verbally. And when you say it to me I always feel the same back. I just don't think I should have to say it back every time you say it, much in the same way I don't expect you to parrot it back to me when I say it. Now, if the kind of guy you need is one who's going to say it to you every time you say it... (playful dramatic pause, hand against forehead) then I guess this is good-bye! (fake cry)
Her: Okay, okay, I get what you're saying. I'm sorry.
Me: Aww, that's okay, I love you too

....and that's how I would handle it. I've had conversations similar to this, and the result is usually the same: the girl sees that my actions are showing I love her, and she stops pestering me about not saying it all the time. Remember: I love you's are sacred things if you dole them out occasionally, but can be taken for granted if said all the time. Hope this helps!

 

[Atom Smasher]

Harry, you do this all via text, correct?