"I love how you are silent sometimes"

[Atom Smasher]

I was walking around town with the new woman in my life, just visiting various boutiques and antique shops, and I noticed that there were a few silences as we were walking, maybe for 30 seconds to a minute or so. When I was younger I would have been struggling to find something to say in order to fill in the silences and to avoid appearing boring.

This time I gave it no thought. I felt like being silent and therefore I was. There was a vague thought (though not a concern) in the back of my mind that I didn't know if she liked those silences or not, but I didn't care.

Later as we visited a big, beautiful park in her town just walking in the moonlight, she said, "Atom Smasher, I just love how you are silent sometimes and can just be with me quietly". It was very cool because the power of silence can be astounding.

Now, just for the sake of interesting discussion, let me ask you guys what you think of this. Does her love of spending moments of silence with me apply to this girl specifically, or does it generally apply to women across the board?

And also, do you think this is age-specific (I am 53 and she just turned 45. I can only go out with girls several years my junior because I'm almost supernaturally young-looking. She has the body and face of a 28 year old, literally).

I wonder if she accepted the silences specifically because I conveyed an absolute lack of concern about them, or if was something else.

There are certainly more important things going on in this forum, so I will have no problem if everyone passes this topic by. I just thought it was interesting and I was wondering what your experience is with silences, awkward or not, and whether or not you feel pressure to fill all the voids with conversation.

 

[handle]

Depending on where I'm at with a girl, yeah, silence is great. And something I dig. I'm not a fill-the-void guy when it comes to conversation, and sometimes when the mood is right silence is key.

 

[dahambone]

Most women I've met aren't comfortable with silence....which gets annoying as hell.

I feel absolutely no pressure to fill the voids. I'm not much of a small talk kind of guy though.

Serenity is a beautiful thing. I think if there were more women who understood this and what it means to a man, the world would be a better place.

 

[Falcon25]

Loose lips sink good ships.

 

[European-DJ]

I really want to know this too, since my biggest problem at the moment is, i am talking too much .. i seriously do not know wether to SHUT UP or to SPEAK UP ..

 

[thegenerousjew]

I really want to know this too, since my biggest problem at the moment is, i am talking too much .. i seriously do not know wether to SHUT UP or to SPEAK UP ..

Some of the best advice I've received in life --> Think twice, say nothing.

 

[YAboi]

Atom smasher I just wanted to apologize to you about the discussion where i said fornication was ok, its not.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Atom smasher I just wanted to apologize to you about the discussion where i said fornication was ok, its not.

Good man, YAboi. It takes a big man to apologize and publically retract a previous statement said in anger.

You've got my respect.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You know, guys, I'm finding it's so easy to "program" women in large measure.

All you have to do is make a suggestion, throw in a little emotion, and she will adopt the desired thought as her own. I think this is because they are so outward-directed, with an ingrained external locus of control, that any thought that is accompanied with a positive emotion is immediately adopted as her own.

With silence, you can just say, as you're walking, "You know, it's so peaceful just walking in silence, isn't it? Don't you feel a certain contentment when we walk together in silence, just enjoying each other's presence?"

That's all you need. She will take that thought in and make it her own, and you will probably notice that she pipes down a little, much to your delight and benefit.

 

[ChuChuTrain]

From my experiences, I find that as long as she perceives that you are comfortable with the silence, she will play along and get comfortable too. But you should have some a bit of friendly/fun conversation before the silence. Just be relaxed/ have the perception of being relaxed during the silence and it shuold be fine.

 

[vatoloco]

"Do you even think I know what the hell they're saying to me half the time? ... All I do man is stare at their mouths and wrinkle my eyebrows and somehow I turn out to be a big sweetie, okay?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvKeDr3k7n0

I'm particularly fond of a woman who appreciates and enjoys occasional silence. Sometimes, even when I'm with someone else, I want to be just with my thoughts. Constant need for reassurance via incessant need for conversation is a huge red flag for me. Tells me that they need constant attention and that they may have deep issues going on.

I want a woman who is happy with herself.

 

[KingofHearts]

You know, guys, I'm finding it's so easy to "program" women in large measure.

All you have to do is make a suggestion, throw in a little emotion, and she will adopt the desired thought as her own. I think this is because they are so outward-directed, with an ingrained external locus of control, that any thought that is accompanied with a positive emotion is immediately adopted as her own.

With silence, you can just say, as you're walking, "You know, it's so peaceful just walking in silence, isn't it? Don't you feel a certain contentment when we walk together in silence, just enjoying each other's presence?"

That's all you need. She will take that thought in and make it her own, and you will probably notice that she pipes down a little, much to your delight and benefit.

Yes to this. If the media can convince women to buy $1000 purses, we men can certainly have some influence on women too.

About your first post though - it just sounds like she really likes you. You can do no wrong at this point, so any behavior you display, she's going to say "I like it when you..." If you talk a lot, its "I like it that you speak your mind". If you say very little, its "I like that you're mysterious". Hell even if you're somewhere in between, its "You have a way of saying the right thing at the right time"

 

[Atom Smasher]

Yes to this. If the media can convince women to buy $1000 purses, we men can certainly have some influence on women too.

About your first post though - it just sounds like she really likes you. You can do no wrong at this point, so any behavior you display, she's going to say "I like it when you..." If you talk a lot, its "I like it that you speak your mind". If you say very little, its "I like that you're mysterious". Hell even if you're somewhere in between, its "You have a way of saying the right thing at the right time"

LOL, sounds like you have it pegged pretty accurately, KingofHearts.

Let's see how long I can stay out of the doghouse. Probably not very long. :cuss:

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

There is no doghouse; there is only the self-made prison of caring about her vaporous thoughts.

 

[Alle_Gory]

There is no doghouse; there is only the self-made prison of caring about her vaporous thoughts.

Depends on the girl, but sometimes they're not half bad. It helps to get an extra perspective sometimes.

 

[Atom Smasher]

There is no doghouse; there is only the self-made prison of caring about her vaporous thoughts.

I absolutely agree. Poor choice of words on my part.

This is a great relationship for me to practice detatchment, but I have been amazed at how bereft of logical thought women can be. I'm pretty happy, though, with the huge strides I've made in this department. Its a fun if challenging ride.

 

[Jitterbug]

I don't think this is age related. I do this (being silent while enjoying a moment) unintentionally a lot, just something I've always done since childhood, and the girl I'm dating (they're usually around early to mid 20s) is always curious about it and loves it.

It's a very manly / alpha pose for a man to be silent, redirecting his thoughts & gaze to the horizon, while having a woman by his side looking up at him & wondering what he's up to.