I literally crapped my pants today

[Infern0]

First time for everything I guess.

I'm chronic sick with flu at the moment and decided to stretch my legs and go for a walk to try and get the blood flowing.

Got about 500 meters up the road and my stomach started gurgling so I hightailed it home.

Got through the door and my flatmate stops me and tries to show me some text from a guy and I'm like yeah just a minute. She carries on talking and I'm like yeah give me 2 minutes. She still doesn't shut the fvck up so I just walk off. The second I shut my bathroom door I dropped ass in my jeans.

Holy fvck, not good dudes, not good at all.

Thankfully I'm in the en suite but the cleanup was horrific.

Let this be a lesson to you all.

Not sure what the lesson is, mind.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I remember back in uni I was on the 20 minute walk to school after having endless beers the night before, along with something else that gave me massive diahhrea.

I started feeling MASSIVE pressure in my bowels about halfway to school, all focusing with all my might on the nearest toilet on campus.

I made it, but that particular toilet was locked. I was devastated.

The next available one was about five minutes away. Just as I walked in, I started losing it. But somehow contained all the leakage in my shorts, which I just threw in the trash.

 

[logicallefty]

:crackup: :crackup:

This kind of cr@p (no punn) has happened to all of us!

I was with my ex on a weekend trip to Chicago in 2013. We jump on I-90 to head towards home. I was driving, in her brand new car, sitting in bumper to bumper nearly stopped traffic. I pooted a little and it soiled me' britches. I didn't tell her what happened. About 20 mins later we got to an exit with a gas station. I ran in there and threw my drawers in the garbage and was able to wash my shorts. When I got back to the car I saw that it had stained her brand new car's seat too! I didn't tell her that until a few weeks later when the stain finally faded away lol

 

[LiveFreeX]

I was living in a 2nd floor Mexico apartment in the burbs and didn't realize you couldn't flush the toilet paper... well the entire toilet overflowed and spilled out into the apartment, sh1t and p1ss covered the 2 bedroom flat. To make matters worse the lady neighbor had this really BIG, mean annoying dog who would always bark at everything. Anytime I walked out of the flat, stupid dog would bark at me and bar its teeth... I had to stay there for another 2 months and the smell was horrific.

It gets better. I didn't have a toilet to use for 2 months on the account that it would constantly overflow if flushed. The first night, I took one of those 5 L water bottles you buy at the market and cut the top half off and deposited the bottom in the now waterless toilet. After taking a huge dump I couldn't figure out how to get rid of the crap, there were no garbage bags or services for that matter and I had nowhere to store it. Instead I waited till midnight went out onto the porch grabbed the bottom of the bottle and hoofed the sh1t as hard as I could.

'Fwwwwooooooooooooooosh' It was so big you could hear it move through the air. Then it landed with a resounding PLOP followed up quickly by a dog barking angrily.

I continued this for the entire 2 months, doing my best to avoid hitting poochie as much as possible... of course it was dark and eventually I just got lazy and started pouring it over the side. Well a few months later I was walking by the house outside the field and happened to notice that the dog house was situated right under the spot I had been pouring liquid burrito. Old yellar had been getting doused in holy water nightly... and this wasn't just any sh1t, this was taco and bean fueled napalm. I guess thats why he was always angry and pissed off whenever I walked by... I mean dogs have a keen sense of smell and I like to fart.

 

[LiveFreeX]

On the topic of farting and Mexico... I guess it was the food but man after the initial few weeks of tootincomeins revenge my ass mutated into a super soaking trombone of evil.

I remember one afternoon my ex-mex-gf and I were sitting at a fairly high end shopping mall on a sunday (a crowded day in Mexico) and actually we were waiting in line at a small steakhouse. Man I dunno what it was, I guess in Mexico after your first hit, even the smell can 'trigger you'. Well my bum was going off like firecrackers on the fourth of july. Instead of taking the heat for the bun steaming bonanza I started to fart in line. Suddenly people were looking around and complaining of a 'trash' smell. Well before I was to be found out I noticed a steak and chicken rotisserie off a few steps to the side of the lineup. I strategically placed my ass just over the fire and smoked out some of that chicken and steak. The problem was that once I got going I couldn't stop myself and wave after wave of brown beany baby came rolling out. Before you know it I had sharted almost through my pants and asstroleum jelly was making its way onto the BBQ. My god I have never seen a line clear so fast in my entire life. I ran down the halls with both hands covering my butt and guachamole sauce dripping from my sneakers.. it looked like a murder scene from the steak house to the bathroom. Red and brown splatter came rolling so fast that my shoes were covered and you could see foot prints on the tile floor. I stayed in that stall 2 hours until my exgf came by and threw a tshirt and shorts over the door for me to change into. That ladies and gentleman was the true walk of shame.

 

[VladPatton]

Holy shît snacks these are funny! LMAO

 

[Kevin S Briefcase]

First time for everything I guess.

I'm chronic sick with flu at the moment and decided to stretch my legs and go for a walk to try and get the blood flowing.

Got about 500 meters up the road and my stomach started gurgling so I hightailed it home.

Got through the door and my flatmate stops me and tries to show me some text from a guy and I'm like yeah just a minute. She carries on talking and I'm like yeah give me 2 minutes. She still doesn't shut the fvck up so I just walk off. The second I shut my bathroom door I dropped ass in my jeans.

Holy fvck, not good dudes, not good at all.

Thankfully I'm in the en suite but the cleanup was horrific.

Let this be a lesson to you all.

Not sure what the lesson is, mind.

No one cares. I crap in my pants daily.

 

[Kevin S Briefcase]

:crackup: :crackup:

This kind of cr@p (no punn) has happened to all of us!

I was with my ex on a weekend trip to Chicago in 2013. We jump on I-90 to head towards home. I was driving, in her brand new car, sitting in bumper to bumper nearly stopped traffic. I pooted a little and it soiled me' britches. I didn't tell her what happened. About 20 mins later we got to an exit with a gas station. I ran in there and threw my drawers in the garbage and was able to wash my shorts. When I got back to the car I saw that it had stained her brand new car's seat too! I didn't tell her that until a few weeks later when the stain finally faded away lol

Your case is extreme since you aren't yet potty trained.

 

[Kevin S Briefcase]

I just crapped in my pants after reading all the stupidity on here.

 

[PipeDope]

Back when I was in high school, I was in my final period of class before I had football (american) practice. What I thought was a fart in the beginning of class, turned out to be a **** which I did not find until 5 hours later once practice was over. It eventually had seeped into my football pants and coach made me wear my **** stained practice pants for the rest of the season.

 

[PipeDope]

I also went to the doctor about 3 weeks ago thinking I had appendicitis or something. Fvcking nope, felt like a hamster family was running inside my colon for 2 days, turned out to be a possible 10/10 on ratemypoo.com