i like to kiss boys (and other icky lessons)

[iqqi]

good evening, gents and madams.

i have had some time to adjust to the way things are going in my life, and in my head, and i have realized a few things. ah, perspective.

i am not evil. i am not playing games. i am not "leading on" anyone (this can be disputed- but that would be fun!).

if anything, in my experiments, i am learning alot about men and women, as well as myself. which was the intent. to see what i could see.

so those of you who were a little put off previously, i can understand, and am even a little at fault for stating things in such a dark manner. i was feeling down, scared, and confused because this is all new to me. so the way i described things was tainted by those emotions. some of you were able to see through that, some weren't.

quoted from slickster
To iqqi
A quote by iqqi herself from her "experiments and games" post:

quote:
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i am a very honest person, very free spirited. so i do what i want. this tends to mean i can get caught up easily in another, because i never play games. if i want to see a guy, i see him. if i like him, i let him know. ......
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Whatever happened to that iqqi? Did she really exist?

this is always who i've been. if anyone is following my journey down this path i am walking, it should be the good hearted, the ones who are used to giving their all, being used and taken for granted. because that was me! i fall in love easily with all kinds of people, because i love myself. i see the good in people too easily, and i trust them to overcome the bad. well. sadly, this is not how it is.

instead, i am used to a pattern of meeting people, loving them, then being taken for granted, and having to come to tragic ends. and then them realizing what they had, but it being too late, which is painful still for me as well!

so i thought, what can be done? i don't want to change for the worse due to other people's mistakes! but i keep getting hurt, they get hurt, something isn't right here! maybe in being so good, it is bad!

so began my experiments. at first i felt bad! but only because i was using my own ideas to go on. but my reality is not everyone else's!

i honestly feel like i have opened my eyes, and am seeing things bathed in a whole new light! this changes everything! and not for the worse.

are you following...allow me to continue with some things i have learned....

 

[iqqi]

dance slowly

in seeing more than one guy, i am effectively halting a dance with one that may be speeding up too soon. this results in only good things!

1. we both have time to reflect, which ends the whole getting caught up thing, that i am guilty of (as well as causing )

2. if something does happen, it happens with my eyes wide open. too often i just shut my eyes at a certain point and trustingly jump right in. and in my absense, their eyes are forced to open as well.

3. we are forced to get to know each other, truly. and not confuse one another for the FEELINGS that are inspired. this is something that is very very lethal to a young tender thing like myself . this is a very important point i hope you all catch.

the biggest point i can stress here is that eyes are wide open and i am able to mean what i do! does that make sense? if i think one cat is just fantabulous, i can retreat a little, maybe go out with the other cat, and my perspective is able to neutralize and i can see things more clearly.

some of you this may come as easy as knowing how to breathe. but this is new to me! and there are others on this board like me! so this is something to learn!

the power of indifference, kill that desperation.
i am also becoming more comfortable with myself in regards to what i offer to men. before, it did kind of feel like a power struggle at times, for control. i was never trying to control a man, but it was really just fear on both parts. of being used, rejected, hurt, abandoned. if i do this, he'll know i like him, and he might try to run things...and succeed...because i like him! that was a common thought, and on the male's side too!

now i do what i want. i kiss them when i want! (believe it or not- this is new, too! for me atleast...) and instead of caring whether or not they are going to use this knowledge of my affections against me, i don't care! because my eggs are not all in one basket.
and not only that, but if he chooses to abuse my affections, the result will be my departure (as well as my kisses). now i am able to seperate my confidence from my insecurities! they lose!

am i evil? nope. i am learning....

 

[Ricky]

Iqqi, sometimes I think you think to much.

I appreciate you being here on the forum, but sometimes don't you just want to make it easy on yourself and enjoy your time with the guys you date.

Imagine a guy that can push your buttons just the right way, doesn't worry about the bull**** and is totally in control of his goals and dreams.

That's the type of guy you need to meet Iqqi. You need a true DJ.

 

[iqqi]

Originally posted by Ricky
Iqqi, sometimes I think you think to much.

I appreciate you being here on the forum, but sometimes don't you just want to make it easy on yourself and enjoy your time with the guys you date...

this is true, and why it is harder than it seems. i do think too much, and i do empathize too much. that is the point.

i am learning not to, and to do exactly as you suggest! to just enjoy things. that is my life's philosophy, anyways.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

I've noticed something about myself. I AM evil, and I do use girls... I've found out I actually have very little respect for girls that I want to fvck... I have respect for friends and others though.. But I found out that the nastier **** I can get a girl todo the hornier get and the less I like that girl...


I'm bad Don't care though.

 

[iqqi]

Originally posted by Kineti[C]harm
I've noticed something about myself. I AM evil, and I do use girls... I've found out I actually have very little respect for girls that I want to fvck... I have respect for friends and others though.. But I found out that the nastier **** I can get a girl todo the hornier get and the less I like that girl...

interesting you say this, this leads into what i was getting at in the other thread. (legolas? pay attention: )

men DO like/respect/value you more if you do NOT sleep with them.

in my free spirited ways, and with my uncontrollable id, and i admit, even a deep rooted insecurity, i used to be easy. but only easy if i liked the cat (which WAS rare).

now that i am able to stop things that are seemingly unstoppable, and observing the aftermath, i am amazed at the truth behind that theory.

i know it has alot to do with #3 above. it is sosoooooo interesting....

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Originally posted by iqqi
interesting you say this, this leads into what i was getting at in the other thread. (legolas? pay attention: )

men DO like/respect/value you more if you do NOT sleep with them.

in my free spirited ways, and with my uncontrollable id, and i admit, even a deep rooted insecurity, i used to be easy. but only easy if i liked the cat (which WAS rare).

now that i am able to stop things that are seemingly unstoppable, and observing the aftermath, i am amazed at the truth behind that theory.

i know it has alot to do with #3 above. it is sosoooooo interesting....

Yes you are somewhat right. I'm by no means what you would call normal when it comes to the mental sides That is in views and such... And it's not that I won't respect that sleeps with me, but if I get her todo perverse **** or simular or make her expose herself too much I get really horny then and there but I'll quickly lose interest...