"I like him because he's so nice."

[Peaks&Valleys]

Any idea what's behind this one?

Other than chicks have no idea what they're attracted to, where does "nice" fit into this whole equation? What makes them translate what ever he's doing to being "nice"?

I believe it may have something to do with the guy being nice/gentleman a percentage of the time, which she seems to focus on. The guy possibly setting the "nice" expectations low from the beginning. Like she expects you to watch football and drink beers with your friends all day on Sunday, but when you randomly do one load of laundry during a commercial, "OMG, that was so nice of you!"

Any thoughts?

 

[zekko]

That's pretty much the way women are where I live. IF they find the guy attractive, they will describe him as "nice". Even if he only does a thoughtful thing in the most roundabout way, then he is "nice" - as long as they are attracted to him.

If you go by what they say on this forum, it is practically unthinkable that a woman would think of a guy as nice and not despise him until her dying day. But that's only because guys here equate being nice with being a doormat, which is not necessarily the case. You can do something for a woman now and then without becoming her b!tch.

Now in your example, the girl is saying "I like him because he is nice", and that is probably not true. She probably likes him because of various attraction factors - he is good looking, good in bed, has status, is fun, or whatever. Once she is attracted, if the guy treats her well it's icing on the cake.

 

[bluenorther]

What the woman is saying is, even though it doesn't make her any more attracted to him, she still "likes" the stuff he does. It's still a one-way interaction: He gives, she takes.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Peaks & Valleys,
As your Name suggests this is one of the peaks in your relationship,she is also training you as an unpaid slave!....There are Valleys yet to come,do one little thing wrong and all your good deeds are out the window,you will be one Arsvehole!

 

[Firefly]

This reminds me of a friend I had who was always complaining about some guy at work who she complained annoyed her because he was always inviting her out to concerts, paying for lunch etc. She later talked about how she knew a guy with whom she had a FB relationship, but wanted more, was genuinely nice on the inside because he would always leave quietly after they banged so as not to wake her roomates. She got quite pissed at me when I pointed out that she was obviously judging who was "nice" based on how attractive they were, rather then the other way around.

 

[Tictac]

'Nice' along with 'hopefully' are among the most meaningless and overused words in the American vocabulary.

They mean essentially nothing.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

'Nice' along with 'hopefully' are among the most meaningless and overused words in the American vocabulary.

They mean essentially nothing.

I couldn't agree with you more! You could probably add "sorry" to that pile as well.

The last bish I messed with said the same exact thing. I want a "nice" guy ...such BS! 6 months later she's back with the ex-felon. Some womens perception of "nice" is just down right insane.

 

[Samwild]

Nice: A man I can control with my rationing of *****, a hug here and there, someone to emotionally go ape **** on and make it his fault, and generally ***** about to my friends when he ****s up because deep down I don't respect him. How can I when I have him wrapped around my finger? Did I mention he pays me for this with gifts, dinners, and sometimes real money?
Outside of the fact that being nice is a violent word, since we are taught to be nice often when we feel like not being so, don't be nice. You have lost already if your looking to get in them drawers.

 

[zekko]

Outside of the fact that being nice is a violent word, since we are taught to be nice often when we feel like not being so, don't be nice.

I think "nice" gets a bad rap here. Of course you don't want to overdo it and be a doormat. But I looks at "nice" as simply being socially calibrated. Being around and working with people takes a certain amount of social awareness.

For example, when I think of an @sshole, I think of this guy at work. He fits the bill perfectly. Basically, he is arrogant and looks down on and talks down to other people. He is so socially clueless I'm not even sure he knows he's doing it. Everybody dislikes him. He's not bad looking, but women especially are repelled by him. He manages to get onto the bad side of everyone.

That's why I laugh at these guys who claim that @ssholes attract women. No, people who are actually, truly @ssholes repel people from them, they don't attract. Having good social skills requires you to have a certain amount of baseline respect for other people. Which is all most people mean by "nice". At least where I live. Note that doesn't mean you can't joke around with people or bust on them or whatever, or speak your opinion.

Also, you can do things for a woman without becoming her slave. Presumably it is a two way street and she is doing things for you also. If not, that's when you run into trouble. I don't know too many people who are going to stay in a relationship if they don't get anything out of it.

 

[Mike32ct]

I think "nice" gets a bad rap here. Of course you don't want to overdo it and be a doormat. But I looks at "nice" as simply being socially calibrated. Being around and working with people takes a certain amount of social awareness.

Agreed.

For example, when I think of an @sshole, I think of this guy at work. He fits the bill perfectly. Basically, he is arrogant and looks down on and talks down to other people. He is so socially clueless I'm not even sure he knows he's doing it. Everybody dislikes him. He's not bad looking, but women especially are repelled by him. He manages to get onto the bad side of everyone.

Women still view a guy's "personality" (not completely, but in large part) through a "looks" lens. If he was good looking, I guarantee that some women would put a positive spin on this guy's negative personality traits. They would defend him and say things like, "He's not talking down to you. He's just really confident. That's just how he is. YOU just take it too personally lol." In other words, you'd get some "Blame the victim; defend the bully" going on.

But without good looks, women are repulsed by the guy.




That's why I laugh at these guys who claim that @ssholes attract women. No, people who are actually, truly @ssholes repel people from them, they don't attract. Having good social skills requires you to have a certain amount of baseline respect for other people. Which is all most people mean by "nice". At least where I live. Note that doesn't mean you can't joke around with people or bust on them or whatever, or speak your opinion.

Also, you can do things for a woman without becoming her slave. Presumably it is a two way street and she is doing things for you also. If not, that's when you run into trouble. I don't know too many people who are going to stay in a relationship if they don't get anything out of it.

I generally agree that being an a$shole repels most people, with one exception.

1. Women will sometimes tolerate and even put a positive spin on as$hole behavior and call it "confidence" if the guy has good looks (or something else significant in the LMS world).

Anyway, I would never encourage anybody to be an a$shole lol. Some people can get away with it, but many cannot.

 

[El Suave]

I had a girl tell me she's with this guy that's not as good looking or intelligent as I am, but he's a good guy....
Meant "I wish I were back with you" !

 

[DJDamage]

"I like him because he is nice"

Translation: I am trying to sound sophisticated to my selected audience in order to hide my true raw ugly primal animal inside that wants to get fvcked by this Man whom I find attractive due to his looks, wallet or game.

 

[Scormus]

Women are so full of ****.

 

[zekko]

Women still view a guy's "personality" (not completely, but in large part) through a "looks" lens. If he was good looking, I guarantee that some women would put a positive spin on this guy's negative personality traits. They would defend him and say things like, "He's not talking down to you. He's just really confident. That's just how he is. YOU just take it too personally lol." In other words, you'd get some "Blame the victim; defend the bully" going on.

Well, this guy is pretty much universally disliked. Like I said, he's not bad looking, but maybe he's not good looking enough to get the women defending him. I agree women will rationalize practically anything if they're attracted, at least in the short term.

I think it also depends on what type of @sshole we're talking about. There's the confident, cute, rakish cad they teach about on SoSuave. Then there are guys who are actually, truly @ssholes. These guys do not attract women, people despise them.

Who's going to attract more women? The guy who is on good terms with most people in the club, has social proof, and is well liked by all? Or the guy who walks in the door and people whisper "Crap! There's that @sshole zekko, just try to pretend that we don't see him"?

Then a lot of times a guy who is good with women will charm a girl, but then either cheats on her or won't commit, so the girl labels him an @sshole. It's not so much that the girl wanted an @sshole, but the guy is good at what he does - she just got fooled.

Then there is the @sshole who has power, and people are afraid to p!ss him off, so they walk on eggshells around him and try to stay on his good side.

 

[Mike32ct]

Well, this guy is pretty much universally disliked. Like I said, he's not bad looking, but maybe he's not good looking enough to get the women defending him. I agree women will rationalize practically anything if they're attracted, at least in the short term.

Yeah, that is my point. I don't know the guy, so I'm just speaking in general terms.

I think it also depends on what type of @sshole we're talking about. There's the confident, cute, rakish cad they teach about on SoSuave. Then there are guys who are actually, truly @ssholes. These guys do not attract women, people despise them.

I agree with this. The a$holes that get women are nice/personable sometimes and not nice other times. They provide a rollercoaster of emotions.

But if a guy is a TOTAL dyck ALL of the time, nobody will like him. He would have to be drop dead gorgeous for a female to even tolerate him lol.

Who's going to attract more women? The guy who is on good terms with most people in the club, has social proof, and is well liked by all? Or the guy who walks in the door and people whisper "Crap! There's that @sshole zekko, just try to pretend that we don't see him"?

Agreed.

Then a lot of times a guy who is good with women will charm a girl, but then either cheats on her or won't commit, so the girl labels him an @sshole. It's not so much that the girl wanted an @sshole, but the guy is good at what he does - she just got fooled.

Then there is the @sshole who has power, and people are afraid to p!ss him off, so they walk on eggshells around him and try to stay on his good side.

But ultimately, I think we can agree that it is a GROSS OVERSIMPLIFICATION to say, "Hey just be a dI ck, and women will like you."

Life is more complicated than that.

I think if a guy naturally has these mannerisms AND the looks to go with it, ok. But I wouldn't tell a guy to TRY to be a d ick.

 

[VikingKing]

You can be a nice person in general with out being a "nice guy". I am generally polite to people, unless i know they are a sh!t bag, because thats how I was raised to be.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Its a patronizing word used to describe eunuch boyfriends.

When a girl is asked: "So what do you think of him?"
And she responds: "Oh, well....he seems like a nice guy."
Translation: I'm not attracted to him but I don't want to sound like a b1tch.


In a different scenario where she's already stated she's attracted to him:

When she is asked: "Why do you like him so much?"
And she responds: "Because he's a nice guy"
Translation: she has no idea why she's attracted to him other than he makes her vag tingle. So she blurts out a response that will be socially accepted by everyone.


Two different scenario's.

"nice" seems to be a girls favorite word.


"he's nice"
"he seems nice."
"he's too nice."
"he wasn't very nice."

and so on.....

 

[zekko]

Two different scenario's.

Good point, Peaks.

"he's nice"
"he seems nice."
"he's too nice."
"he wasn't very nice."

and so on.....

I might add:
"He's soooo nice".
"He's really nice".

Yeah, "he's too nice" in not good.