english.
Well english is my first language, its just that I cant spell, I use aol slang when i'm typing most of the time.
I think I touched a sensative subject.
And u guys need to stop arguing cuz my girlfirend is Italian too, shes not very very italian but half and i know its a big thing to most italian ppl, i know u guys are a proud people, and she isnt stubborn, she is amazing, alot of italians that live in her neighboorhood though tend to be very racist thats their worse qualtiy. They dont like anyone just a little diffrent then them, thats what she told me. She told me that at times a few ppl ruin it for the rest. but anyway
She told me shes had six sexual partners, she had sex with 6 guys, and that four of them where with guys she was dating. I dont know what to believe. She told me she never even stopped to think of what she had done but then she said that she has to live with her past and she regrets what she did everyday. I just have a feeling that somehow i think that she regrets it alot.
I mean its okay that she did what she did, and she tries to tell me that she isnt the same person she was, and that after she met me that she wasnt like that anymore and she only wants to spend her life with me. But the biggest thing that makes me still love her is that she told me she did it not to just hook up, she was looking for people to make her feel good about herself, and that half the times she did she was drunk and that she only liked a few ppl like two three people that she hooked up with.
I mean i cant love her and think she was a ***** at the same time, she acted like one, but i dont think she is one. She told me that she felt realli bad after her first relationship, and that she went out looking for someone to make her feel better about herself and she told me that drinking and messing around was a way to do it.
Im just gonna try to forget her past, and act like it didnt exist, bcuz she cant change the past and i gotta accept who she was and then love her from that moment. I realli dont care how many ppl she had sex with as long as I was diffrent from all the rest and she says I am all the time, she is almost 18 now btw. I cant keep holidng it against her, it just cant and wont work you know.
I also think that my pride hurts at the same time, bcuz i didnt mess around at all like she did. It kinda made me feel somewhat inadequate in comparison to her. I also felt that bcuz i wasnt a stud and that I was a very shy person that I had failed myself somehow. She told me that for her, all the things she did, she isnt proud off, and that she didnt see it as an accomplishment. I wanted to Dj not to get ***** but to make notches in my belt, getting ***** wasnt sweet, or in my case hooking up and making out but rather the fact that i know that LOOK i did it too, and that I can do it whenever i want to makes me cool but in reality i never cud, so my belt was very notchless lol. She tried to explain to me that hooking up doesnt make u cool, and that having sex with many ppl doesnt mean anything, it realli doesnt other than it just makes u feel better about urself for a while and helps ur ego. One thing is for sure though, that I wont ever have a chance to experiment and build my confidence up, bcuz i never did anything. I think if I had been around and then met her t wud have been diffrent. But it is still very hard telling myself that its okay that u didnt mess with and have sex with 10,000 women. Lol she was my first one and i fall in love with her. If i didnt have such a god damn big ego, i wudnt be feeling demasculated right now. I mean I can REALLY see myself with her, she loves me almost like my parents do, its crazy, that her love is so real, no one has ever loved me like that, I know that there very few girls like her, her love she tells me is unconditional. But I still feel like I shud have been a man ***** before I decided to love someone, but for some reason I cant help but love her either and I cant let go of something of sooo good. I just wish i cud bury my ego, and try to forget her past at the same time.
. I lived there for 2 years. Looks like your "senses" are way off today. 
