I know the test, but don't know the answer

[Mr. Goods]

This past week, a friend of mine - not a really close friend, but one I get along with and keep in constant touch with - detailed me about a girl he is friends with that he feels would be a "perfect match." Since I am: 1.) Single, 2.) Not going to find a girl in my hometown (I've written about this before...basically no girl wants to admit I have added 40lbs of muscle and 40x the confidence I had compared to high school), and thus 3.) Have no other plates, I figured this was worth a go. Supposedly, he also told her about me, and she appears curious and interested.

After giving me her e-mail address (I will not go into how I strongly preferred exchanging numbers to speed this along - our friend thought e-mail first would be less awkward, but w/e), I sent a quick note to her. I included a couple of witty jokes about our similar interests and made sure to ask a couple of open-ended questions. The following day, she wrote back. She thought my jokes were "hilarious" and asked me several questions of her own. She also indicated that she would like to hang out in the near future. According to our mutual friend, she feels I am "very confident" and "not afraid to say how I feel," both very positive qualities in her book. A little while later, I write another quick note back, more of the same. I also sent a g-chat invite - I want to get away from the drawn-out e-mails and gradually shift to more instant communication. Good enough so far, right? Of course, as things are looking good, a monkey wrench is thrown into the equation.

It's been two days, and I haven't heard back (and my g-chat invite to her is still pending). Two days isn't terribly long, but it's definitely enough of a span to be noticeable. Our friend asked me how everything is going...he was surprised she had not written back again. While he was surprised, I rolled my eyes, as I know what's happening. Multiple choice:
1.) She's been busy (these e-mails are short and she replied quickly to the first one)
2.) She's no longer interested (not likely, if we use her first e-mail and what she told our friend as a barometer)
3.) She is testing me

I am certain this is a test - it helps that our friend tells me she usually tests guys and is 'hard to get' in the initial stage. I have also seen this test before - a girl sometimes uses it to see if the guy is thinking about her. For someone who has always wanted to take care of things quickly and swiftly, this doesn't bode well for my style of game. In the past, I over-pursued as sort of a panic move, and the girl would lose all interest. Though I don't fail this test disastrously anymore, I am also not certain how to properly pass this test. Right now, I am considering letting it sit and being patient. At the same time, I risk losing all contact if I do absolutely nothing. What is the best strategy here? I have become very good at identifying and distinguishing tests, but am still inconsistent when it comes to properly solving them.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

It's only been two days. I'd just be patient. If over a week goes by then maybe I'd be a bit worried, but whatever you do don't try contacting her again soon. When you do hear from her, switch to at least a phone conversation already.

Think about it from the other end. When a girl texts you and gets no reply from you, then texts you again, how attractive is that? The same logic applies here.

 

[Tesl]

Regardless of whether its a test or not, the answer is the same. For now, do nothing. After a week dropping a reminder might be okay, but not yet.

 

[jophil28]

It's been two days, and I haven't heard back (and my g-chat invite to her is still pending).

Her silence indicates that she does not want to "g-chat" with you - yet.

It seems to me that your confessed tendency to want to "speed this along" is still alive and operating to your disadvantage.

She is not so much testing you as she is slowing things down to a velocity at which she feels comfortable .

You have not met her in person yet so to her you are a *suspect" .
You have not built enough *intrigue* to the desired level yet and you certainly have tried to skip the rapport building stage.
MY guess is that she interpreted your g-mail chat plan as premature and her silence says that it was not warmly received.

I would have sent her at least three or four more entertaining emails over a week and so create a mutual connection in which she started to anticipate your arrival in her INbox , THEN ask for her contact details.

Doc Love makes some great points about going slowly.

 

[PokerStar]

in the mean time, go out and meet some chicks

 

[1 Bad Dude]

The answer is in your own words.

She also indicated that she would like to hang out in the near future.

She is even less interested in the long-drawn-out emails than you are. You are trying to change the medium in which to draw things out and she's waiting for you to cut to the chase and ask her out. She "feels" that you are very confident now show her that you are by asking her out. Get her number at the end of the date so you can dispense with the emailing all together.

 

[Mr. Goods]

Thanks for the responses. Good to know how to "pass" tests like these.

Jophil28 - Very sound advice and very interesting to note, but not true in this case. She wrote back earlier today and strongly suggested we begin g-chatting if we are both on. She also apologized for not getting back to me sooner. So we'll see how this all plays out. In the past, I have struggled when I let things sit, with opportunities drying out and nothing actually happening. Though pushing things along can come off as forceful, it has a better chance of making something happen. I could be wrong, but I'm used to being proactive.

Overall, still going well. Looks like we'll be chatting instead of writing soon, a good step. I'll keep you all posted.

 

[ENIGMA16]

May I ask why you're emailing and "G-chatting" instead of just getting her phone number and meeting in person?

If you really had to start off by email correspondence, then you should have gotten her phone number within the first email or two and set something up.

 

[Mr. Goods]

Hate to bump this thread...but it looks like the real test is now taking place. It has been SIX days without any sort of response. Once again, the last time she wrote back, it was clear that:
-She wants me to IM her. The problem, however, is that her AIM settings require her to add me to her buddy list and then IM me. I have a friend who is very good with software, he explained to me that this is likely the case, since I can't even see her on my buddy list. Additionally, my g-chat invite is still waiting for authorization. Makes no sense. If I write back again, I will surely be asking for a number.
-Next time she's in the area (she lives a little under an hour away, her sister lives within 10 minutes from me), she'd like to hang out and do something together. Without hearing from her though, I can't do anything.

Now, as this nears a full week, what do I do next? I know the "meet other girls" line is coming, but that's not likely right now. I just began a new job, which, while a good gig, is a small department and there are no lady prospects. Here at home, as I repeated before, the girls like to think we're still in high school and I'm still some scrawny pushover, so nothing will work there.

 

[1 Bad Dude]

Did you read my response? It's ^^^^ up there.

Ask her out, take her out, show her a good time then get her number before the date ends. It seems like you're thinking it's harder than that, but it really isn't.