I keep getting beaten by the competition

[Exhumed]

I'm 17, still a virgin, been out on a few dates but have never had a girlfriend. Or a second date for that matter. And while some dates could have been better I've never REALLY fvcked up. I'm well on my way to getting rid of my AFC-ness but I suppose I could do things a little better.

Anyways, I'll go out with a girl, before and even after the date, I'll wait for her to text me, and invariably she will, and will show interest.

Then I'll ask her out, won't sound desperate about it (I think) and she'll flakeZ. This has happened with two different girls...one legitimately couldn't make it I think, then I flipped and got all needy, and that was the end of that. Soon after, the texts stopped coming, then she has a boyfriend...second time, same thing, minus the big screw up.

How do I make a girl choose me over a random other guy? Some guys have a girl going CRAZY over them when the girl could fvck anyone she wanted. ...Do I just have to run a tighter game and have a bit of luck?

 

[jeffthechef]

Hm. Are you sure they are actually interested when the texting is going on or even before it begins?

Personally, I'm not a big fan of texting, but it does have its advantages. The thing is, my friend has unlimited texting, and he's always on it. He tells me who he's trying to game, and he usually doesn't help me much with my plates. So i give him some dj advice, which he never listens to. We haven't talked in about 2 weeks, and i'm sure it's because the girls are flaking again. He is a nice person, always invites me to his outings. However, there are many times where the girl texts from a reasonable day or unreasonable 10 minutes before the meeting time to tell him she can't make it. I never really give a **** cause i still have a good time messing around. BUT, the rest of the time he's down about it, somewhat reasonably but he never learns.

Summary: A gauge of interest taken before an actual outing is usually not accurate enough.

Conclusion: Don't try and gauge a girl's interest. I know it's hard. Simply talk to a girl and number close within a week of meeting. It's the best way to avoid all the trouble of the things that will run through your mind later on if you're not experienced.

In the future: Number close fast. Don't consider the outing a date unless she declares it a date. Don't think of girls as potential gf's. Think of them as people you can have fun with. (fun is up to your interpretation) Once you begin envisioning the process of asking her out, dates, rejection, etc...You will make things harder than they need to be.

If you're nervous about number closing: Think about it in a different context. Think of it like something else that is common. Like asking a cashier what burger is good or asking someone at the park if they want to play one on one. Of course there are many ways or times that can make it awkward (stranger, creepy)

 

[Exhumed]

Thanks for the advice, sounds solid. And while it can be hard to tell, I don't detect interest when it's NOT there...but perhaps I'm not good at judging the amount of interest. Since folks here don't seem to mind reading and writing I'll be a little more specific...some analysis please?

And with girl #1, my friend hooked me up, my first kiss, i arranged to meet later but she was sick for a while. *Gasp!* she's avoiding me! Wrong, she apologizes, says it's not like it sounds, suggests we meet next Wednesday for a concert. Then the concert is canceled. Like by the band. We agree on thursday. That night she texts me before, unprovoked, "Where are you taking me tonight " and we're all good til her mom won't let her go out. Saturday for sure she says. Now by this point, paranoia has caused me to go all AFC so long story short, she legitimately flakes and I get pissed, that's the end of that. She no longer starts text convos and a while later we stop speaking entirely, at least for a few months, then I get a "Heyy how have you been" type deal.

Girl #2 is all like "Oh my valentines day is going to suck...all of my friends have boyfriends..." I get the hint, I ask her out, but I'm totally AFC about everything. And I'm not 100% sure she likes me. We were supposed to go ice skating but it's closed, we go to dinner, I pay...as we're walking to our cars she basically says "Let's date" and then gives me the opportunity for a goodbye kiss, I ***** out.

Next night she texts me while I'm out with Girl #3, i answer later, she asks so i tell what i was doing, probably bad idea...i ask her out a few days later, she says no, gives lame fake excuse, I'm cool about it...happens a couple more times so I stop texting. Nothing from her for a little over a week, then facebook chats me, she flirts, etc. I leave, don't hear from her again, a few weeks later she has a boyfriend.

Analysis? :-/ And yes obviously the first time I was a bit desperate and the second time too AFC. Is that all that caused my problems or could it also be that she liked the other guy a lil better?

 

[Maxtro]

Honestly dude it seems like you are doing fine. You're only 17 and have already dated several girls.

When I was 17 I was playing video games, watching Dragonball Z and stalking girls. I never had a date until many years later.

Just keep going on dates, learn and understand what mistakes you made and you will be fine. I wouldn't be surprised if you hook up with a girl this year.

 

[jeffthechef]

there is some truth to maxtro's post..many guys that come here are very inexperienced...but as for your three girls

girl number 1....legitimate excuses to me must include proof of some sort..but that's besides the point...she's flaked many times, legitimately or not, and backed off for a while after that...and now she wants to start it up again.....................the only reason i could think of for flaking on a girl and then keeping her away for a while and then trying to get back with her is if there was someone better....she wants to hold you off while she waits on another guy she's more interested in to make a move...but taht doesn't work out so she comes back to you...that's the most logical reason i would have...but it's always possible she was genuinely busy...if she's worth it...then take her out and escalate..maybe she is more interested in another guy...but if your date goes well, there's a chance she'll begin to like you more

girl number 2...was probably interested in you until you told her about your outing with girl number 3...depends on how and what yout old her...did she get the idea that it was a date/something serious..cause then she'll think you were playing with her...remember, NEVER LET A GIRL KNOW YOU HAVE MORE OPTIONS DIRECTLY, if she finds out subtly (froma friend or by chance) that's fine..then she'll perceive you as a busy and desired person..but if you say it...you come off as if you were trying to make her jealous or like a egotistical pimp kid..

girl number 3..never really said much bout her

girl number 1 wanteed another guy..girl number 2 wanted another guy after hearing bout girl number 3...ALSO REMEMBER..most girls want commitment, they wnat to know that they are the only girl you want..

 

[Exhumed]

Sounds about right. Thanks guys! So are there ways to make sure I'm the one she's most interested in? Or is it mostly just, how good was I with her and what are her preferences?

...and girl #3 I wasn't physical/sexual enough with her, simply because I wasn't very attracted to her. I met her on a "good day," flirted it up, lost my attraction to her but went with it because i was desperate and also didn't want to be shallow. No importance to that story.

 

[jeffthechef]

This site constantly expresses the belief that we as aspiring dj's should no worry about how interested a girl is in us.

Consider this:

1. You met a girl that you think is interested in you, she's pretty sexy too. Fine. BUT, you shouldn't be attached to her.

2. Ok, so you're not attached to her. Now, you're free to game other girls and her without worries of rejection.

That simple. What prevents most of us from becoming Alphas, fearless of the ladies and life in general, is attachment. We are all attached to something in an unhealthy way, and it is preventing us from living our lives the way we imagine we could.
Discover what you are attached to and work to break that attachment. Usually it's either an attachment to: social status or normalcy.

Our fears are based off this attachment. My attachment was to my social status. I didn't want to be judged by other people and lose a sense of popularity or be looked down on for being rejected. So this attachment created that fear of rejection so i hesistated to ask any girl out somewhere. Some have told me that don't want to ruin their already "perfect," consistently boring would be a more suitable term, lives.

Summary: Don'tw orry about if you're the one she's most interested in. You will never find out. Even if you ask, she'll most likely lie or dodge your question. Unless you are, she'll tell you, but then wouldn't it be smarter to simply ask her out somewhere? So don't worry about it, have fun with the ladies and number close when you want to.