I just went through a s*** test...

[RedKnight04]

I've been dating this chick for about a month. Things have been going amazing and throughtout each date we are still laughing like we just met again. Now, We have slept together on 6 different occassions and then I got a phone call out of no where telling me on my voice mail that I don't show ENOUGH effection. That I just get off the phone saying "bye" and thats it. WTF?? Should I say I love you allready? I figured hell no I ain't playing that game. So after that fiasco I just didn't call her back and she eventually called me to apologize out of the blue 3 days later.

So then tonight, (she's having her period BTW) - She calls me up to say hey. Being that I missed the call, I called her back about 30 minutes later. I talked to her normally - made her giggle some and I could allready tell she wasn't being herself. Then she pulls this thing telling me how her ex-boyfriend cared much more by showing his effection all the time and I am different being that I can't mount to that. First off he is an AFC MASTER!!! Believe me, from what she has told me it is embarrasing to even mention.

I knew what came my way.. I said "Okay, heres the deal I like you alot so far and you should know that. But I don't play that bytch test game you women play." (Props Player_Supreme)

She was like "What are you talking about?" I said "You know what I'm talking about. I don't appreciate it and I don't play these games for attention."

Then she starts explaining even further and I stopped her instantly. "I don't play them." I changed the subject when I could tell she was derailed so she just hung up on me.

Any opinion on my handling of the situation?

 

[quest]

well, i don't think u needed to say 'i don't play bytch test games' i think you could have played it more along the lines of "look where that got ur last boyfriend?" or "i'm not your ex boyfriend, if u want him, get him back." and then gone on to explain that ur not interested in being told how to act, you will act REAL and not how your SUPPOSED to act. explain to her life isn't like a movie.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by quest
well, i don't think u needed to say 'i don't play bytch test games' i think you could have played it more along the lines of "look where that got ur last boyfriend?" or "i'm not your ex boyfriend, if u want him, get him back." and then gone on to explain that ur not interested in being told how to act, you will act REAL and not how your SUPPOSED to act. explain to her life isn't like a movie.

Some solid advice there! Telling her "look how far it got you two" and if she wants him back, she is more than welcome to walk out the door right now and take him back. Do it in a relaxed manner like it doesnt phase you. And it honestly should not phase you!

 

[NiceGuysFinishLast]

well, you were trying to do the right thing. sounds like fked situation though.

Remember sosuave is a secret. women aren't supposed to know that 'we know about their games'. So saying things like "not playing your bytch test games" only causes her to send a message to her leaders are the central intelligence agency of bytches and pretty soon sosuave.com will be shut down and castrated men in lab coats will haul you off.
So no props. Sorry. -1.

find a mature way of saying it. Neg hits should ONLY be used after humor has failed. (That's one thing that's missing out of the bible.)

Lines to be said instead,
"you just wait honey" (****y, general use line)
"well cool... i'm squishy too but you have to squeeze me hard enough." (funny, possibly perverted, light-hearted)
"well ****... i imagine roses won't fix this one."(takes position of stupid humorous guy, not recommended)
"well wait till our next date and i'll show you something" (optimal, moves forward, but no humor)

 

[dietzcoi]

Props though for not backing down or rolling over.

Don't let her dictate your actions, you will be ruined!

If she doesn't call back, NEXT

Sounds like a biatch anyway....

Dietzcoi

 

[Lifeforce]

You ****ed up pretty bad. Man she tells you this because she lacks it and you shove some **** about tests into her face. I agree that she shouldn't talk about her last boyfriend and stuff like that but at least listen to what she says about the affection stuff. If you want to get together with this girl in the future then you'll have to adapt somewhat and she must adapt to you.

You do not have to be like "I love you sooooo much, I hope I can survive until tomorrow without seeing your face." But you can take the edge off the coldness you show her by just saying "bye". Things like "Looking forward to seing you tomorrow, bye" if you do look forward to this.

Bithc tests is WHEN she want you to do something that will demean you in some way, like getting drinks or doing something unreasonable for her. Showing her some more affection because you say bye and hang up is a fair request, it's not demeaning towards you. It's not a ***** test.

 

[Titus]

Originally posted by NiceGuysFinishLast
Remember sosuave is a secret. women aren't supposed to know that 'we know about their games'. So saying things like "not playing your bytch test games" only causes her to send a message to her leaders are the central intelligence agency of bytches and pretty soon sosuave.com will be shut down and castrated men in lab coats will haul you off.
So no props. Sorry. -1.

Hahaha!

Well, them girlies have got a few thousand years of head start, so don't worry about them not knowing "the game."

 

[Jariel]

I know David DeAngelo recommends directly calling women on their sh1t tests like you did, but whenever I've done that I've been accused of overreacting and end up seeming insecure and paranoid, even if I am right. In my experience it's never a good move and always better to call her bluff.

However, I think maybe you did overreact to this as she only wanted a little reassurance that you care. Apparently women (especially during their period) have low moments when they feel insecure. You have to be careful about being too cool or cold, because women do need to feel affection and if she doesn't get if from you, she may give up and seek it elsewhere.

 

[JohnJones]

It's hardest to deal with this on the phone. In person, you can adopt a skeptical look and metaphorically pat her on the head.

I can't tell from the tone that she was complaining exactly, she may just have been looking for reassurance, and I usually think that some sarcasm is best ("well, hell, baby, I was just coming over to wash your feet when you called...") but the exb/f reference is a little rude.

To her this is what was said I think:

Her: [Clearly justified complaint about not being reassured of my importance] + [minor, immaterial reference to ex boyfriend]

You: [Wildly flipping out because she mentioned her ex]

 

[RedKnight04]

Thanks for the feedback, let me try and explain each point because I'm afraid I left a few things out... I'll start from the back.

I can't tell from the tone that she was complaining exactly, she may just have been looking for reassurance, and I usually think that some sarcasm is best ("well, hell, baby, I was just coming over to wash your feet when you called...") but the exb/f reference is a little rude.

I beleive truely that she was just looking for reassurance, I'll explain my point of view on the whole reassurance thing later. BUT I do use sarcasm! I've used it atleast once during each conversation. She did tell me over the phone that she just doesn't know how I feel because I am too sarcastic sometimes. I just don't think a DJ tells her "Baby, you know I always love you and everytime we are together I love you, LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE." I guess when she mention her ex like she did that INFURIATED my mindset. Which to me was a test I had to call her out on.

well, i don't think u needed to say 'i don't play bytch test games' i think you could have played it more along the lines of "look where that got ur last boyfriend?" or "i'm not your ex boyfriend, if u want him, get him back." and then gone on to explain that ur not interested in being told how to act, you will act REAL and not how your SUPPOSED to act. explain to her life isn't like a movie.

Quest, this was 5 star advice man. So true. She tells me all the time how she wished her ex-boyfriend would grow some balls!! HA! Yes, it got to that point. When she mentioned that last night I should of asked her where that got him with her. That would of shut the whole door on the ridiculous statement she made.

BTW, if she doesn't apologize for her rude comments then she will be NEXT'ED! I will never be disrespected just because it was her time of the month. She knows that I care for her, so why must she need reassurance everytime her emotions get into a hassle?

And to add I've told her on seperate occasions that I care about her/think about her. So more reassurance? Please. She knows it but she just wanted to see if I would say "Baby, lets make things all better please. Don't leave."

 

[quest]

i've gotto give good advice more often..
now i feel all gooey inside!


*watch this space*

quest will be the good advice king..

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

RedKnight04: Yeah, props for having the balls to stand up for yourself and not start crying out with the "I love you!"s like a bumbling ***** who got his nads chopped off.

However, I would have said something a little different:

"Look, I'm not your ex. I'm my own man and I give out my affection when it is deserved. If you want someone with no spine who will just say I love you because he's afraid of losing you, then feel free to go back to your ex. If you want a real man stay with me."

You got to be ready to lose her and really feel this if it is going to work. Or else she might cal lyour bluff.

peace