"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

Read more...

I just had sex.

nousername

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WOW. WOW. WOW.

Just invited a 9/10 girl over. Fitness model material. Within 10 minutes off my shirt came and we were at it doggystyle. She swallowed the load and all.

Halfway through her blowing me i said "yeah do it better than *another girl i ***** accidentally, LOL she said "thats ****ed" i said, "do what i tell you" and she continued LOL!.

This is why i work out, and take steroids.

:D
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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TheMonkeyKing

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Stop taking steroids or your **** will be the size of an acorn within years.
 

IBreatheSpears

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TheMonkeyKing said:
Stop taking steroids or your **** will be the size of an acorn within years.
That's a myth. Your balls atrophy because they don't need to produce as much testosterone but your penis doesn't shrink, and as soon as you get off gear and have to produce more testosterone again, your balls grow back to normal size.
 

TheMonkeyKing

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IBreatheSpears said:
That's a myth. Your balls atrophy because they don't need to produce as much testosterone but your penis doesn't shrink, and as soon as you get off gear and have to produce more testosterone again, your balls grow back to normal size.
Meh. Same difference. I'd try and argue some more, but I'm sure we're all capable of using google by now.
 

foreverAFC

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these constant troll threads just keep getting lamer
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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lanba

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once i was working out and i was like hey ***** stop looking at me and come suck this 12 inch ****
and she did write there in the middle of gym
 

nousername

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TheMonkeyKing said:
Stop taking steroids or your **** will be the size of an acorn within years.
It's been proven that steroids can infact make your **** bigger.

People who mock steroids are hilarious.

It's usually the 40 year old divorced depressed guys that do it, when infact if they were to go jump on TRT they'd feel like they're 18 again. I used to be against them too, until i gave it a go.
 

gravityeyelids

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DUDE that is just fantastic news! I'm so happy for you. Guys this looks like another sosuave success story! Just goes to show you what you can achieve if you follow your dreams and be true to yourself and believe in yourself! You did a great job in every aspect of the process! From being a leading man by making that b1tch come over, to escalating properly until she was taking your shlong in her pootang from behind culminating in you inseminating her mouth! Especially when you were an alpha male and told her exactly what she was to do and then she did it!! Yay!:wave: Guys i think he needs a big round of applause!1!!!
 

nousername

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gravityeyelids said:
DUDE that is just fantastic news! I'm so happy for you. Guys this looks like another sosuave success story! Just goes to show you what you can achieve if you follow your dreams and be true to yourself and believe in yourself! You did a great job in every aspect of the process! From being a leading man by making that b1tch come over, to escalating properly until she was taking your shlong in her pootang from behind culminating in you inseminating her mouth! Especially when you were an alpha male and told her exactly what she was to do and then she did it!! Yay!:wave: Guys i think he needs a big round of applause!1!!!

OH my thankyou. Could you please print me off a FANTASTIC sticker and 5 gold stars?!

And i want a medal too, but one thats big enough to fit around my chest. :crazy:
 

Dgwizdal

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gravityeyelids said:
DUDE that is just fantastic news! I'm so happy for you. Guys this looks like another sosuave success story! Just goes to show you what you can achieve if you follow your dreams and be true to yourself and believe in yourself! You did a great job in every aspect of the process! From being a leading man by making that b1tch come over, to escalating properly until she was taking your shlong in her pootang from behind culminating in you inseminating her mouth! Especially when you were an alpha male and told her exactly what she was to do and then she did it!! Yay!:wave: Guys i think he needs a big round of applause!1!!!
Trollol
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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devilkingx2

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gravityeyelids said:
DUDE that is just fantastic news! I'm so happy for you. Guys this looks like another sosuave success story! Just goes to show you what you can achieve if you follow your dreams and be true to yourself and believe in yourself! You did a great job in every aspect of the process! From being a leading man by making that b1tch come over, to escalating properly until she was taking your shlong in her pootang from behind culminating in you inseminating her mouth! Especially when you were an alpha male and told her exactly what she was to do and then she did it!! Yay!:wave: Guys i think he needs a big round of applause!1!!!
this is like... the weirdest post.
 
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