"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
I just dont know man....
- Thread starter In2theGame
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
well, if it helps, I was in a similar situation with a girl last year. She did the same kind of things too (including the 2-guy tag-team). She embarrassed me in front of my family at a get together. She gets drunk after 2 drinks then does inappropriate things in public. Nobody in my family or social circle liked her after that.
She screwed me over on new years and at that point I knew my resolution for the year was to get over her.
I broke up with her in the beginning of march, I waited for the right moment then just did it while I had the frame. It felt good and she was completely surprised I did it. I spent the next few months getting back into some personal hobbies I'd been away from for years...that really helped me get her off my mind. Whenever I had doubts about what I did, my inner voice told me "I did the right thing."
I had hid her facebook feed last january, curiosity got the better of me and I looked at her wall last friday. I suddenly felt very ill in my stomach. She had photo's of her and her new boyfriend up. It just ruined my day & my weekend. Her brother who I'm friends with tells me he's a good guy (most of her past relationships were with abusive men) though.
I thought I was done and over it, but this brought a bunch of stuff back. I'm glad I found your thread here as it helped me get over this weekend mind rut.
All i need do is remember all the crap I had to deal with when we were together and it snuffs out the good memories that took me down.
I've been dating other women recently and that helped a lot too.
It takes time to get over someone if you really cared for them, but you will get over it.
She screwed me over on new years and at that point I knew my resolution for the year was to get over her.
I broke up with her in the beginning of march, I waited for the right moment then just did it while I had the frame. It felt good and she was completely surprised I did it. I spent the next few months getting back into some personal hobbies I'd been away from for years...that really helped me get her off my mind. Whenever I had doubts about what I did, my inner voice told me "I did the right thing."
I had hid her facebook feed last january, curiosity got the better of me and I looked at her wall last friday. I suddenly felt very ill in my stomach. She had photo's of her and her new boyfriend up. It just ruined my day & my weekend. Her brother who I'm friends with tells me he's a good guy (most of her past relationships were with abusive men) though.
I thought I was done and over it, but this brought a bunch of stuff back. I'm glad I found your thread here as it helped me get over this weekend mind rut.
All i need do is remember all the crap I had to deal with when we were together and it snuffs out the good memories that took me down.
I've been dating other women recently and that helped a lot too.
It takes time to get over someone if you really cared for them, but you will get over it.
In2thegame,
Sounds like you got caught in the web. It comes back to the original point that women and rationality are like oil and water.
When women feel scorned they will resort to tortuous methods to hurt those they feel hurt by. There's no shame, self-dignity, or consideration for others. It's all about them and bugger all to anyone who stands in their way.
I've been there and I know the feeling it feels like it will never end. It's something that is purely a function of time and getting to a place where you are happy independent of women.
I've come to the conclusion that there are very few women worth my time in this world for the simpel reason is that I've met very few women who hold similar ideals and scruples.
The biggest problem is that women have become empowered/embolden by men acting weak.
You think that women would pull some of this crap 200-300 years ago? Not a chance. Sure, they cheated, but some of the other garbage would have resulted in a giant back handed slap or in the worst cases, death.
I'm not advocating violence mind you.
It's simple understand that women are fickle, and once you accept that and not care the better off you'll be ... It's terribly unfortunate that there are very few women who are worthwhile but it's a stark reality.
Sounds like you got caught in the web. It comes back to the original point that women and rationality are like oil and water.
When women feel scorned they will resort to tortuous methods to hurt those they feel hurt by. There's no shame, self-dignity, or consideration for others. It's all about them and bugger all to anyone who stands in their way.
I've been there and I know the feeling it feels like it will never end. It's something that is purely a function of time and getting to a place where you are happy independent of women.
I've come to the conclusion that there are very few women worth my time in this world for the simpel reason is that I've met very few women who hold similar ideals and scruples.
The biggest problem is that women have become empowered/embolden by men acting weak.
You think that women would pull some of this crap 200-300 years ago? Not a chance. Sure, they cheated, but some of the other garbage would have resulted in a giant back handed slap or in the worst cases, death.
I'm not advocating violence mind you.
It's simple understand that women are fickle, and once you accept that and not care the better off you'll be ... It's terribly unfortunate that there are very few women who are worthwhile but it's a stark reality.
this point is very true...however the primary reason isn't men acting weak (that is most definitely a big part though) but the state acting against men...why?The_411 said:
Well active, strong men with docile women at their side are a threat..they can usurp power and take it for their own...feminized men cannot. feminized men are free to consume and feed the power that already exists....see a trend.
Men did not suddenly act weak one fine day...it was a systematic approach by the government, schools, media books, radio, television that took almost 50 years (I mean who really wants to fvck Bette Davis, so why is she on screen berating the men around her as morons; think folks). 50 years to reduce man to a sniveling shemale so that he could be the slave of the state..and here we are.
Solomon
Master Don Juan
I really find it hard to belive OP that you didn't see warning signsHeMan said:
When she was smutting herself out in bars/clubs were where you?
when she didn't come home or pick up your phone calls after bar closed?
Her being distant?
Their always "signs" maybe you just didn't see them but their there, everyone has a "routine" of how they do things. once that routine gets broken lies and deception turn into place unless the person was lying to begin with
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
In2theGame
Master Don Juan
Hey Solomon, By the time she went nuts out to clubs and bars i was already being pushed away by her, not wanting to talk to me, well she was talking to me but felt torn because her friends were telling her it was best for her to not talk to me anymore. I was so pissed because i thought "who the F*ck are your friends to talk about our personal relationship" in fact one of her friends that i DID NOT LIKE, but i tried being friends with her told her to stash all my garbage (jewelry, pictures, gifts, cards) under her bed and forget me. you can imagine, how helpless i felt.Solomon said:
she started doin drugs, smoking, drinking, going out non stop i heard she even got into a fight in a bar. I mean really,... this shift in her attitude was astonishing for me because she was a very nice girl and person and then BAM! complete change.
You know what,...... Im thinking about it as im typing this... 1 month before she cried and cried and totally changed, she was complaining of stomach problems and we went to the hospital... I wonder if she f*cked someone behind my back and got pregnant? but couldnt bare to ever tell me.... the very last phone call her and i had, i tried to be a good guy,... i said "im sorry if i said or did things that made your this upset with me" she started crying a bit and cut me off saying "No,no.. it was me, i did this" then she muttered "i dont deserve you..." she stood quiet and we chatted a bit more... i could sense she still loved me and cared but i just couldnt understand why all of a sudden, the girl who was crazy about me just dramatically changed and pushed me away full force but at the same time saying all this guilty and sad sh*t.
By the way, she was telling me all this while she started seeing the other guy (i didnt know about him yet) and at one point she says to me with a slight attitude (Your going to find out on facebook anyway, im seeing someone) then she started calling him the love of my life on Facebook, posting love songs dedicated to him, saying things like "i spent a wonderful time with my hunny and his family, I LOVE YOU!") and him saying things like (I love my chick) on her wall. All this right after she leaves me and tells me she still loves me and missed me. Im a f*ckin man and i consider myself strong! emotionally and thank God i have been able to handle things in my life but when i was reading these things,.... tears just started rolling down my face man. I didnt Cry,.. just tears at the betrayal i felt.
Mr.Positive
Master Don Juan
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In2theGame, read what you posted here in this quote.In2theGame said:
She's changed, permanently. You can't do all the things she's done without it leaving permanent lasting damage.
Life forever will be a constant struggle for this gal, emotionally and physically, and anyone involved with her will be dragged down and destroyed.
Be very thankful you did not marry this woman.
What I don't understand, is why are you torturing yourself? I think you need to reflect on that...because honestly, personally...if I was in your shoes. I would have broke all contact with her a lot earlier, and I'd thank God every night that I did not have my life ruined.
I'd savour every second of freedom and live life to the fullest, never look back. Heck I do that anyway.
You can't save them. This girl is destroying herself and she wants company.
Its your life dude and you have to make the best of it...and we dont have "much" time.
Realize that this girl doesn't want you at all. She doesn't care about you one bit...despite whatever she says.
Realize that you are just not her type and that you and her can not be happily together. She will ruin your life.
Why she acted the way she did after things were good for so long? I guess you didn't really know who she really was or she trying to find herself.
Let her go..and let her live her life.
Its your life dude and you have to make the best of it...and we dont have "much" time.
Realize that this girl doesn't want you at all. She doesn't care about you one bit...despite whatever she says.
Realize that you are just not her type and that you and her can not be happily together. She will ruin your life.
Why she acted the way she did after things were good for so long? I guess you didn't really know who she really was or she trying to find herself.
Let her go..and let her live her life.