I just don't have good social skills for this stuff to work...

[One on One]

Honestly, I don't know if I'll ever be a ladies man. I'm too shy, socially anxious, awkward, whatever to charm ladies on a regular basis. I've had my good stretches where I seem to do well, but, overall, I can't keep it up. It seems like I read the DJ Bible and WOMS a lot during a week and it really does help me with my confidence and knowing what to say, but as soon as I stop reading that stuff, I lose my game.

I wanted to free myself from this board and those writings, but the exact opposite is happening. I'm realizing I cannot succeed without the pep talks of this board. At least I never supplicate anymore, but it doesn't do me any good if I don't know what to say to girls.

So many times I'll try to strike up a conversation with someone I'm trying to get to know and it'll go something like this:

Me: "Hey, what's up?"
Her: "Not much."

Then, I usually stumble over what to say next and try to end the convo as quickly as possible because it just gets awkward. I don't know what to do anymore.

 

[ryanvalmont]

I can give ya ALITTLE advice on what to say next,but i have problems approaching atm anyway.

But what i'd say would be this

Me: "hey what's up,how's it going?"
Her: "not much"
me: "HEY!,you can do alot better than that!" or "WE can do alot better than that"

Then just say your comming with me to the dance floor now..grab her hand...
OR ask her another question like "ta know that's a pretty outfit ya got on there..it almost makes me wanna go buy one for myself aswell!

Ryan Valmont

 

[coldcoal]

If all the women on the planet stood in line to talk to you, that line would probibly circle the planet twice!

That's a lot of women.

Now, do you want to make the same mistake a few billion times as you go through this line? Or do you want to try something a little different each time?

What you're doing now is the former.

You can think of something to say. There are thousands of questions you can ask a person to get to know them. Millions of topics to discuss. Surely you can think of at least a dozen or so! You're not that mentally challenged are you? Of course not. It's just stage fright. That's all. You're just choking because you're worried about something.

So what if the first try doesn't go smooth? Step to the side and just look at that long ass line, man. Look at how many second chances you've got ahead of you. You can make a thousand mistakes and never see the end of that line. Clean slate every try, buddy. Brunettes, blondes, red heads, tall ones, short ones, exotic ones....for miles and miles twisting all the way back over the horizon. That line keeps going and going and going...


There is nothing you can say that will end that line. Nothing. Go ahead. Try. I challenge you. I bet you'll always find another one that will talk to you no matter how badly you screw up. So why so quiet? I know you can think. I know you can talk in sentences. That's no excuse.

 

[JT47319]

When cold approaching DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS (This does not apply to canned questions to which you are simply leading her to an already known answer/response)

You will appear like a panhandler accosting her. "What does this slimebag want with me and why is he asking me questions?" I don't know about you, but I have a pretty low opinion of random strangers asking personal questions about me. The more questions they ask of me, the lower their value goes in my eyes.

TREAT QUESTIONS LIKE GOLD.

You bust them out at CERTAIN TIMES in order to
A) QUALIFY HER
B) PROGRESS THE SARGE TO A POINT OF YOUR CHOOSING

When initially sarging a chick, YOU DON'T GIVE A FYCK WHAT HER ANSWER IS TO YOUR QUESTION. You must be prepared to give an answer/story that is MORE COMPELLING AND INTERESTING THAN HER CURRENT REALITY.

You must constantly be tee'ing up responses and stories (preferably things from your life) to ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING she says. And it MUST BE of higher value than her state of mind, frame, and reality.

You are CONVEYING YOUR PERSONALITY and she will become ATTRACTED TO THAT. In other words, talk about YOUR LIFE, not her.

 

[sharpshooter]

Originally posted by JT47319
When cold approaching DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS (This does not apply to canned questions to which you are simply leading her to an already known answer/response)

You will appear like a panhandler accosting her. "What does this slimebag want with me and why is he asking me questions?" I don't know about you, but I have a pretty low opinion of random strangers asking personal questions about me. The more questions they ask of me, the lower their value goes in my eyes.

TREAT QUESTIONS LIKE GOLD.

You bust them out at CERTAIN TIMES in order to
A) QUALIFY HER
B) PROGRESS THE SARGE TO A POINT OF YOUR CHOOSING

When initially sarging a chick, YOU DON'T GIVE A FYCK WHAT HER ANSWER IS TO YOUR QUESTION. You must be prepared to give an answer/story that is MORE COMPELLING AND INTERESTING THAN HER CURRENT REALITY.

You must constantly be tee'ing up responses and stories (preferably things from your life) to ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING she says. And it MUST BE of higher value than her state of mind, frame, and reality.

You are CONVEYING YOUR PERSONALITY and she will become ATTRACTED TO THAT. In other words, talk about YOUR LIFE, not her.

i think you're being a little too vague there with the don't ask quesitons. Conversations are based on questions, I think you should clear it up a lil more.

 

[NRM]

One on One, you need to quit being so hard on yourself. If you want to charm ladies, it's simple. You have to be confident, masculine, and mysterious. Now, how can you be confident, masculine, or mysetrious if you don't even believe in yourself?

Everything on this board she be self-improvement to you. You should use this to improve yourself over the long term or the life long sense. Not as quick pointers to get you on your way.

When reading the bible and such, take it to heart. Understand where it's coming from and why females are attracted to whatever you are reading. Understand the mind and reasons beyond attraction.

As for what to say to a woman when you first meet her doesn't really matter. Be somewhat interesting, but not to drawn out. If she's initially interested in you, you'll know. Get that number and close.

Set up the date, go on the date, and keep the conversation alive. A conversation should flow, not have brief pauses where you come up with the next question to ask. One thing leads to another.

Unlike JT, I believe questions are what conversations strive on. If you don't ask questions, then you'll end up talking the whole conversation. Girls have a natural attraction towards the bold, strong, silent type. I'm not saying to be silent, but the bold, strong, silent types are mysterious and confident. They don't speak when they don't need to and they don't give more information than necessary to continue the conversation. Yes, JT was correct about using questions to have her qualify her. But she should always be qualifying herself to you. You are what she wants, and you are what she needs to work for to get.

If a girl is really interested in you, she'll naturally keep the conversation going. Asking you this and that. Be vague to your responses and redirect the question to her.

"I'm into photography, how about you?"

In the end, you should know more about her than she knows about you. That creates a subtle connection to you, even though she doesn't know too much about you. The subtle connection is created because of all she's told you. And to further it, she knows less about you and you seem very mysterious to her.

What you need to do is start worrying less. Don't just act like a man, be a man. Know what you're doing and do it. Don't let anything pull you down.

 

[wolfie]

Originally posted by JT47319
When cold approaching DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS (This does not apply to canned questions to which you are simply leading her to an already known answer/response)

You will appear like a panhandler accosting her. "What does this slimebag want with me and why is he asking me questions?" I don't know about you, but I have a pretty low opinion of random strangers asking personal questions about me. The more questions they ask of me, the lower their value goes in my eyes.

TREAT QUESTIONS LIKE GOLD.

You bust them out at CERTAIN TIMES in order to
A) QUALIFY HER
B) PROGRESS THE SARGE TO A POINT OF YOUR CHOOSING

When initially sarging a chick, YOU DON'T GIVE A FYCK WHAT HER ANSWER IS TO YOUR QUESTION. You must be prepared to give an answer/story that is MORE COMPELLING AND INTERESTING THAN HER CURRENT REALITY.

You must constantly be tee'ing up responses and stories (preferably things from your life) to ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING she says. And it MUST BE of higher value than her state of mind, frame, and reality.

You are CONVEYING YOUR PERSONALITY and she will become ATTRACTED TO THAT. In other words, talk about YOUR LIFE, not her.

I have trouble in set when I run out of material - I HAVE to start asking questions. Are you suggesting you should just memorise shytloads of routines and stories and stack them one after another?

 

[DJ_Dork]

You know those DJ rules that say "You should ask the questions and let her do the talking" Ignore that weak ass rule. Do you want to know why? 75% of the guys girls meet, they always ask her questions.. So why did you...What are you... How come...

There is nothing wrong about talking about yourself, give a little a bit about yourself - not in a bragging way. If she is interested about your life, she will ask questions. Do not return questions after you've answered like .. "What about you?"

You want to show her you are capable of intelligent thought process. She will be the interrogator most likely if she thinks you are a potential. I've seen guys be the interrogator and they always fail. I know I did.

 

[chili kat]

Let's not get ahead of the issue. I think the main problem here is getting the conversation rolling to begin with. You can't polish up something that isn't there.

A person has to learn how to hold a conversation first, and I think there are a suitable number of good threads covering this topic.

If these threads, describing HOW to hold a convo aren't working for One on One, then the question is really WHY, not how.

WHY do you feel awkward? WHY does your thinking process freeze up? WHY can't you think of something to say?

You mentioned anxiety. What do you honestly think will happen? What is this worse case outcome you percieve happening that causes this physical stress & the clutter in your head?

If you search the threads, you'll see guys who were punched and slapped and so forth. Some of these stories are actually pretty damn funny. There is a bananna incident on these threads somewhere. Find it and read it.
See for yourself that there is nothing really so horrible that can happen to you if you were to just open up and accept these feared failures a little bit. Realize and come to terms with that before you start digging into the HOW TO of these things.

 

[JT47319]

Originally posted by sharpshooter
i think you're being a little too vague there with the don't ask quesitons. Conversations are based on questions, I think you should clear it up a lil more.

No they aren't. When you talk to your friends, do you pester them with questions? Of course you don't. You might ask how's your day, but overall I can chat with my friends and not ask a single damn question.

Utilize questions at opportune moments in order to FURTHER THE SARGE. NOT AS A CRUTCH to your conversation.

When you are in deep rapport, past the hook point where she perceives your value to be the same as hers, then it's more than ok to use questions in order to establish a bond with her. But don't flood her with questions in near the beginning of the sarge otherwise you're going to be perceived with lower social value & needy with nothing to offer in return & only taking instead of giving (ie questions) UNLESS you can make it up with other elements of your game.

 

[One on One]

I thought about this a little bit today and I think I figured out what happened to me and why I've lost my game. It seems I was on top of my game about 6-9 months ago when I was absorbing the info from this site and using C+F to the max. Then, a few people called me a "smart ass" and even though these girls enjoyed my attitude, I didn't like the comment for some reason. I got afraid of pissing someone off by being C+F. I knew it could rub someone the wrong way.

So, I took the safe route and just started being polite and not taking any risks. I guess the only solution is to be C+F again. My social skills aren't that bad, BTW. I made it seem like they were worse than they really are. I'm just bad at openers....need to work on that.

 

[Ojete]

Okay, i have been in your place. It's normal to feel that way. In my recent years i improved lots but mainly after finding all the seduction tips on the net.

I will tell you how i did it, and believe me, for 18 years i was a ultra-passive, weak & shy guy who couldn't look a girl in the eyes and mantain a conversation, i would never imagine i could even initiate one!! , i was the older of my brothers and socially & physical i looked the youngest... but it is now a different story... (FOR ANYONE INTERESTED IN DE-SHYING YOURSELVES, I THINK YOU SHOULD CONSIDER THIS READ)

Before my seduction-illumination... i mean 17-18 i had to rely in alcohol to approach a girl in a disco / bar and get rejected, not to mention my low low self esteem about my phsyique... i mean, after all those years i was in a real mental missery... i even started taking light drugs to escape all these thougs... I started making some improvisation when i entered college... my first year... before i even found all these sites i realized i had to get better interacting socially... I HAD MANY OPORTUNITIES OF GIRLS INTERESTED IN ME and i didn't even realize it!! even with my scrawny loooks at that time!!!!! I started trying to make many conversations with the people in my class... but i was nervous as ****.. i couldn't give an opinion in class... i started giving them but after being nervous as f*ck... i mean, it was a disaster.... little by little i started to become more talkative, just by practicing... but still nervous and with low self esteem... i became a leader in drugs.. yeah!! i was the one who knew all the info about weed and where to get it... somehow i became popular based on drugs...
Okay fast forward, in the middle of my second college year, i still was missing many oportunities with girls who showed interest in my, even one of them wanted to f*ck me and all i couldn't say anything and flaked and get rejected. Not to mention my lost and disastrous bodylanguage. All i could do was reading about weed and everything... it was pathetic.. i know.... at least i was a leader in that... . Suddently something had to happen... it was rock bottom... some night, in front of that girl who madly wanted me, one of the people from my class throwed me at a pool with all my clothes and all were laughing at me... i did nothing, just shut up because i was shy about what i would say!!!!!! i couldn't even get mad!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!
Next day, it came...

Realization,,... the end of the missery.. I cried... i looked back at my life and what i wanted to change... what i wanted to be... i dreamed and cried... for the first time in my life all the anger i had accumulated came to the surface... i had discovered the fastseduction site by a link in a weed forum i visited and I WANTED TO SHOW THE WORLD WHAT I WANTED TO BECOME... i wanted to get sex... that was my motivation.. i wanted to be someone admired, strong, sexy and who could live the rest of his life happy (in mean, i wanted to become what i always felt that was impossible for me). Yes, it seemed like a dream.... but let me tell you.. i'm here now telling you this with tears in my eyes: and i've become MORE THAN THAT DREAM of 2 years ago!!!!!!

Everything has come from my force of will... FORCE OF WILL TO CHANGE & DREAM. Dream & change... imagine myself being what i wanted.

I started realizing all the thruths of seduction, and why i had failed. I started working out to become strong and get confident about my looks and kick my classroom asses. I was angry!! and anger can become a great ally. It was my ally for the next months. I got my first girlfriend in my life 1 month after discovering the seduction knowledge... i was still very nervous and afc with her, but i learned!! GIRLS WHERE BECOMING MORE INTERESTED IN ME. 4 months later my first girlfriend dropped me, i though she was the love of my life and suffered... but i already knew the seduction info. In 1 week i had met another girl, discovered this site, motivated a lot and got many #s, not to mention that i felt so great because i had gained 25 pounds, from 118 lbs i was!! i was now at almost 143 and getting muscles. I felt so great!! I got my second girlfirend, got my first lay... and i calmed the next year, i mean, last year... i have learned a lot and in consider myself more than the person i wanted to be in that dream... i have my life sorted and i am the leader now in my home, my love life and my class.
But the point of my story was to give you honestly the points that made me de-shy from the weak character i was to what i have become now.

- When they say to see yourself as the prize.. you have to really get the feel of it. Not just say 'im the prize'. See the reasons to feel that way... what makes you special from other people. See yourself as someone who has the right to be respected, what the f*ck, see yourself as someone who may be superior in many other things than others!!!

- Start improving your physque.. it is essential. When you feel better physical, you feel sexier and more dessirable. Not to mention that even if you aren't very attractive, still many girls will find you hot. And that is the most interestedng and beautiful thing about girls: they are like us, they find us hot or attractive in some way, just by being male you are already attractive to the opposite sex and you should be proud of it, not shy or ashamed!!!!. Imagine if you could improve your physique... you could get even more girls interested... you are hot.. and you will always be!! so why don't improve it to help your game!!???

- After these 2 first steps... you don't have to worry about conversation... you won't give a f*ck about what other people think and say what you are really thinking... what if the girl found you boring... YOU WON'T CARE!!! it's her loss... but you have to feel it... that's the way it worked for me... i felt it by improving my phsyque and believing in me being the prize... but more than anything, by...

- Believing in your dream!!! always think about what you want to become, and transform all that anger in motivation to become that dream no matter what!!!

- When you start talking and don't giving a F*ck about conversations, you will start to see success... and now you will see that YOU ARE GETTING CLOSER TO YOUR DREAM!!! You won't care a f*ck about what to say because YOU ARE ALREADY HAPPY ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE BECOMING!! The motivation you will get will be indescriptible... enjoy it, talk to girls, experience, make HEAVY eye contact, approach them, enjoy life, start enjoying the new you!!

- You will become better and better talking and suddenly people will say you are extroverted. YOu have de-shyed yourself. Congratulations. But Keep that motivation.. that dream... Your first girlfriends will mantain you occupied for a while, but keep practicing that.

- ALWAYS & ALWAYS keep yourself improving... keep working out, meeting people, and you will feel relaxed, suddenly.. you will have found that you became that dream.. or... NOT.. YOU HAVE BECOME MORE THAN THAT!!! You can now give advise to others and feel confident!!

- DON'T CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. FEEL IT. FEEL IT. FEEL IT. Feel you don't care about what others say, enjoy the feel you get saying something and talking to strangers and getting girls. Start dreaming all your days from now on about that dream... feel your anger, feel the motivation, YOU HAVE ALREADY FELT THE WORST, SO WHY DON'T YOU FEEL THE BEST FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? YOU DESERVE IT AND YOU WILL FEEL IT IS EASIER TO GET NOW. Feel the dream you can become. I became it. It is my real story. I'm now almost 160 cut, confident, and LJBFing many girls interested in my. Deep down inside of me, i still feel like a very quiet person, but I CAN KEEP INSTERESTING & DEEP CONVERSATIONS FOR HOURS!!

I just felt inspired to post it after i identified with it seeing your post. I'll see you later in your new self, the dreamed one. Enjoy.
Your dream is getting closer and closer every day. Enjoy life, YOUR LIFE.

 

[ScrewIt]

OK lets focus on your underlying problem...fvck pick ups and women for now.

How do you interact socially with ppl in general, friends, men, acquaitances, co-workers.... for BOTH sexes.

If you got no probs with interacting w/ppl reguarly then it's just with someone your interested in then. If that's the case, you're just nervous due to fear of rejection. Just be cool about it, dont think what your gonna say next, be natural. chicks and ppl can sense a nervous vibe, so just dont BE nervous. consider a chick a guy or just someone you have no interest in, you should be able to interact with them like regular ppl.

The best solution is facing your problem, interact with more ppl, guys and women, and you should be able to behave naturally.

 

[gav]

Originally posted by JT47319
When cold approaching DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS (This does not apply to canned questions to which you are simply leading her to an already known answer/response)

You will appear like a panhandler accosting her. "What does this slimebag want with me and why is he asking me questions?" I don't know about you, but I have a pretty low opinion of random strangers asking personal questions about me. The more questions they ask of me, the lower their value goes in my eyes.

TREAT QUESTIONS LIKE GOLD.

You bust them out at CERTAIN TIMES in order to
A) QUALIFY HER
B) PROGRESS THE SARGE TO A POINT OF YOUR CHOOSING

When initially sarging a chick, YOU DON'T GIVE A FYCK WHAT HER ANSWER IS TO YOUR QUESTION. You must be prepared to give an answer/story that is MORE COMPELLING AND INTERESTING THAN HER CURRENT REALITY.

You must constantly be tee'ing up responses and stories (preferably things from your life) to ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING she says. And it MUST BE of higher value than her state of mind, frame, and reality.

You are CONVEYING YOUR PERSONALITY and she will become ATTRACTED TO THAT. In other words, talk about YOUR LIFE, not her.

jt, you're a genius. why do most people think they have to follow the textbook routine of asking questions.

i can talk for hours on end to people now. i just keep spouting opinions and observations, showing them who i really am and if they don't like it they can go fvck themselves

ofcourse they will respond and i will see who they are based on their responses and actions

it gets so boring if you keep asking the same questions over and over again like "hi, how you doing? what's your name? what's your favourite sexual position?"

i think you're spot on jt when you say that people seem lower every time they ask a question. it's like they're trying too hard to please you sometimes and sometimes i just think "why the fvck would you want to know that anyway? what good is it to you?"

my dad is a prime example. he asks so many unimportant questions it is unreal. every convo is an interrogation.

 

[So pimp its scary]

As far as questions go, it's all about balance.

- Make question or comment to initiate the conversation.
- expand on the conversation untill it 'dries up'
- ask a question (or another)
- repeat.

You really have to ask questions... I mean shyt, you're telling people not to ask questions cause it makes them look bad?

I'm not sure what your target audience is, but I give this advice a big thumbs down.