I just dont get it

[Colinski282]

I havent been to this forum in two years. I took what I learned, applied it, it worked, and I never needed to return back. Well it turns out im back so here it goes:

I meet a pretty chick in the college library. I actually thought she worked there because she was behind a desk at a computer. I had a question on the location of a printer, one thing leads to another, i find out shes not a faculty member and that we share a common interest. I get her number and we begin talking. The next day i purposely do not text her first to gauge her interest in me. She texts me first the following day and i say to myself, awesome she has some interest. So we talk over the the course of a couple of weeks. Things go well.

Well a couple of weeks go by and i hear less and less from her, four days with no response or no talking...so i see her at school and make a move, she had a few hours to kill before her next class so we go out to ice cream and talk a walk in the park in the area, its has alot of pine trees and has a creek running through it, perfect place for a nice walk. Im a pretty good judge of things like this and i really felt like she had a great time, she even said she did. She says she will text me later when i dropped her back off at school.

Well three more days go by without hearing from her...So i call her up at 11 pm last night and it rings twice and goes straight to voicemail...obviously ignored. An hour later i get a text saying "sorry I was on an important phone call that couldnt be ignored...sleep well!" I respond back, "I miss your smiley faces in my blackberry" (basically letting her know i miss talking to her) to which she shoots me a smiley face in her next message and i goto sleep.

So anyways im sure she, like every girl, has some guy in her life and i actually pondered was this important phone call having to do with him? If it was "important" are they breaking it off? I have no idea, i just really wanted to spend more time with her but she got really distant once we got to know each other more. What is going on here?

I have never pressured her or bugged her. But it is now wearing on my nerves so I ask for your opinions men.
Regardless of how she may look in this thread, she is girlfriend material and this is the first chick in a long time i wanted to make solely mine.

 

[Igetit!]

What's up man,

In order to diagnose what really when wrong here we need some more information. For example,whenever you talked to her on the phone,what kinds of things did you talk about with her,and i mean specific topics.

Also,how often did you call her? How long did you talk to her on the phone when you did call her? How often did the two of you hang out and spend time together?

I already know some of the things she started doing in the relationship. She started giving you excuse after excuse about why she couldn't hang out with you,started doing and saying thinggs that made absolutely no sense at all,etc.

It would be helpful to know how you acted and behaved around her as well.

 

[MikeYikes122]

I agree with the poster above me. We need more details, but just from what you've given us, I can make a few assumptions.

I think it is pretty likely you showed too much interest in this girl or gave her too much attention. That's an easy mistake. When you guys were "talking" was it you who was mostly initiating the conversations? If so, that is a good way to shoot yourself in the foot. I understand the two of you are two busy people and probably don't have a ton of time of time to talk and get to one another, but it's best to keep some distance between you and her until you go out on a couple of dates or hang out together a few times.

The random meeting that led to a date could have been a good move depending upon how you played it off, but I have a good feeling that you might have come on too strongly with it, especially given that she went cold on you after it. Ice cream and a romantic walk by a creek seems a little much for two people who I'm presuming haven't been on a date.

Unless she is your girlfriend or she is sleeping with you, you shouldn't be having frequent casual conversations with her on AIM, through texts or even on the phone. That is, unless she is initiating them. Even in that case, I'd try to keep the convo brief.

If you want to keep a rapport with her from a distance, maybe text her or instant message her once every week or two. The second she started acting aloof with you, you should have quit trying to contact her.

This girl also sounds like she was your only option, which is probably why you're so broken up about her. A number of guys are going to respond and tell you to spin plates. You might want to consider that. At the very least, you need to have plenty of options at all times so when a girl flakes out on you like this, you can move on easily to something else.

It also sounds like you were looking for a relationship with her, which I think is perfectly acceptable. But you shouldn't try to force one on her (which it sounds like you did) and you shouldn't begin dating her with the expectation of a relationship. Expecting something like that will cause you to act like an AFC, which seems to be what happened. Just date her a few times, enjoy getting to know her, sleep with her, and if she starts leaving a toothbrush at your house, she probably considers herself your girlfriend or she is willing to be.

Your biggest gaffe was this text message you sent. You called her and she deliberately didn't answer your call? You shouldn't have responded to her text at all. You should have gone to bed, not thought about it at all and called a new girl the next day. I think if you blew her off like that, she'd have tried to contact you within the next couple of days.

I'm going to steal this quote from the front page, but it's something you should keep in mind. Women are like buses, miss one and there will be another one along in 30 minutes.

 

[Alle_Gory]

I don't think the advice on this thread, gives you the help you're looking for. You've already read the Bible then.

I will recommend the player supreme show. Its where I get some of my advice.

http://playersupreme.libsyn.com/

Try it out and see if it vibes with your personality, and what you want to achieve. Its a podcast in mp3 format. Just download off the page.

You can also ask him questions off the forums. He does direct replies through the show.

 

[MikeYikes122]

I don't think the advice on this thread, gives you the help you're looking for. You've already read the Bible then.

I will recommend the player supreme show. Its where I get some of my advice.

http://playersupreme.libsyn.com/

Try it out and see if it vibes with your personality, and what you want to achieve. Its a podcast in mp3 format. Just download off the page.

You can also ask him questions off the forums. He does direct replies through the show.

I don't know, I have a feeling I was pretty spot-on. The OP can do whatever he wants though. Just one thing, PlayerSupreme is going to be anxious to help him enter into a relationship?

But I have a pretty good feeling if he posts more details, we'll see he was giving her too much attention.

 

[Colinski282]

I don't know, I have a feeling I was pretty spot-on. The OP can do whatever he wants though. Just one thing, PlayerSupreme is going to be anxious to help him enter into a relationship?

But I have a pretty good feeling if he posts more details, we'll see he was giving her too much attention.

I pretty much gave you all the details, i think your advice is helpful....ill take your advice with a grain of salt because i was careful not to bug her or put pressure on her other than the way you described. For instance, paragraph two says four days went by without hearing from her...i wasnt texting her on those days. I was sure to give her space. I dont know what other details to give you unless you specifically ask, i could answer those questions.


In addition, i believe the text i sent was a **** up and i believe you were correct when you said i shouldn't have responded. So my next question is what do i do now....Just stop all contact?

As for now you want more specific information on her? Ill provide it, allow me to edit here:

She plays videogames...alot. She likes to watch Animes. So she is a hot nerd who studies, plays videogames and watches animes, i dig that.... When i said we found common interest it was because i also enjoyed a specific anime and asked if she'd seen it. She said she saw a few episodes liked it but had'nt seen anymore of it. So um... I got her number. Our first week she showed alot of interest. She mentioned an anime she liked, i watched it and we talked about it via text.

I called her the first time, we talked for 30 minutes talking about school, what we wanted to do with our degrees, she is a vet tech so i made conversation about how i wanted to be a vet when i was little, i told her about my interests like hunting, running, playing ball. Asked what part of town she lived, etc. It was a good conversation, i made her laugh, didnt beg to hang out, didnt say anything sweet.

I did not call her often at all, mainly stuck to texts. I ran through my history of texts it was literally an equal amount of initiated texts. Meaning one day i would start a convo, the next day she would initiate the convo. Whenever she started acting aloof, she would fall off radar for two or three days ( i wouldn't text her during these times being sure not to look needy) and right about the time when i would start wondering why she wasn't talking is when she would text me, like on the third day. I remember thinking damn i wonder if shes doing that on purpose. Then her IL fell. It was then after her IL i saw her at school and asked her to hang out that day, which she did and acted like she had alot of fun. That was 6 days ago. No contact since. Last night is when i called, she ignored, then texted, and i did the incorrect thing by responding.

Due to only knowing her for three weeks and only texting and one phone call we never hung out. We only hung out the one day i mentioned for ice cream and a walk in the park. I never asked her to hang out before this.

 

[MikeYikes122]

In addition, i believe the text i sent was a **** up and i believe you were correct when you said i shouldn't have responded. So my next question is what do i do now....Just stop all contact?

In short, yeah, just cut off all contact with her. Don't text her, call her or IM her. That's really the only way to handle flaky behavior in a situation like yours. Just meet other girls and move on, and she might try to get back in touch with you. Something happened to lower her IL. If you don't think you did it by coming on too strong, then you shouldn't wrack your brain trying to make odds out of the situation.

I have to go to work so I have to keep this brief, but how many dates did you guys go on? Did you have sex? How were the two of you talking, was she initiating the conversation with you or were you always the initiator? List some details like that.

 

[MikeYikes122]

In the future, I wouldn't call girls up after you get their numbers just to have conversations with them. Get their numbers, keep it brief with them on the phone, then set up a meeting. You say you're in college, maybe you could have met her at a nightlife setting like a bar, a gathering of friends or a party even. If you're not into that scene, a date would work fine too.

There, you meet up with her and get to know her. Talk about your anime and your future plans, all that stuff. Build rapport with her there, escalate and kiss-close.

A 30-minute phone conversation is something that a boyfriend and girlfriend have, not two people who have only recently just met each other. A girl I was dating this summer recently moved away. Her and I have kept in contact, and she is going to come visit me soon. But we haven't had long phone conversations with each other. We didn't even have them when she still lived in my city. I might talk to her for 30-45 minutes on AIM or something but never on the phone.

I think all your texting was bad, too. The way you made it sound, you guys had an ongoing text message convo with each other that basically never ended. That isn't good. Texts should be used pretty sparingly. Like I said, get to her know her in person and build rapport with her in person. Don't have huge convos through texts. You have other things going in your life, so you don't have time to text.

You've made some big mistakes, but I still think this is salvageable. Just don't contact her any more and don't text her. Let her text you or try to contact you. It might happen, it might not happen. If she does get in touch with you, try to get her in a situation where you're spending face-to-face time with her, like a date or a party, something like that. But whatever you do, don't wait by the phone for her to contact you.

In the meantime, meet other girls and date them too. She'll come back eventually if her IL is/was high enough. It sounds like this whole situation might have been avoided if you were spinning plates or at least meeting other girls.

 

[DonJuan11]

I meet a pretty chick in the college library. I actually thought she worked there because she was behind a desk at a computer. I had a question on the location of a printer, one thing leads to another, i find out shes not a faculty member and that we share a common interest. I get her number and we begin talking. The next day i purposely do not text her first to gauge her interest in me. She texts me first the following day and i say to myself, awesome she has some interest. So we talk over the the course of a couple of weeks. Things go well.

Mistake. You should not be talking to her over the course of a couple of weeks, it's a waste of time. You should going on one on one with her alone, by yourselves, and kissing her so hard at the end of each date that her knees get weak.

Well a couple of weeks go by and i hear less and less from her, four days with no response or no talking...so i see her at school and make a move, she had a few hours to kill before her next class so we go out to ice cream and talk a walk in the park in the area, its has alot of pine trees and has a creek running through it, perfect place for a nice walk. Im a pretty good judge of things like this and i really felt like she had a great time, she even said she did. She says she will text me later when i dropped her back off at school.

Why aren't you kissing her at the end of your walk in the park with the pine trees and creek? The more time you spend with her without kissing her, the more you get in the friendship zone. You should know that after 2 years here.

Well three more days go by without hearing from her...So i call her up at 11 pm last night and it rings twice and goes straight to voicemail...obviously ignored. An hour later i get a text saying "sorry I was on an important phone call that couldnt be ignored...sleep well!" I respond back, "I miss your smiley faces in my blackberry" (basically letting her know i miss talking to her) to which she shoots me a smiley face in her next message and i goto sleep.

Ok that's fair.

So anyways im sure she, like every girl, has some guy in her life and i actually pondered was this important phone call having to do with him? If it was "important" are they breaking it off? I have no idea, i just really wanted to spend more time with her but she got really distant once we got to know each other more. What is going on here?

Why are you so certain this "important" phone call is from another guy? Could have been her best friend / friend / acquaintance / mom / sister / brother / sister's husband / sister's child / co-worker / boss / classmate / prof / TA / police officer

I have never pressured her or bugged her. But it is now wearing on my nerves so I ask for your opinions men.
Regardless of how she may look in this thread, she is girlfriend material and this is the first chick in a long time i wanted to make solely mine.

Step up the physical next time you take her out. If she responds, she's interested. If she doesn't, you have your answer.

 

[Colinski282]

thanks guys really good answers, i appreciate your advice

 

[Colinski282]

So I made this post 5 days ago, and havent any contact with her, and just like guys said spin some plates and she may call. Well to be honest i didnt ever expect to hear from her again, but today she shoots me a text Saying "Hi! How is your day going? I just about tired of studying and now Im gonna play some ddr."

Where would you fellas take this, how would you respond to this out of the blue text 5 days later. I would like to make something happen out of this. Like Mike Yikes says, this may still be salvagable.

 

[MikeYikes122]

Good work man.

Whatever you do, don't respond to the text immediately. I hope you haven't already. Wait about six-seven hours or even a whole day and tell her that you've just been a busy man. Try to keep it ambiguous and incorporate a little bit of C+F if you can.

She should respond. Feel free to respond to her but don't get involved in one of these text conversations that you've been having with her. Those are what fvcked you over in the first place.

Even if she doesn't respond, call her on Monday or Tuesday and set up a time to spend some time with her at the end of this week, maybe a low-pressure date on Thursday or meet up with her somewhere on the weekend, like at a party or whatever it is you, her and your common group of friends do on the weekend. It's crucial that you get her in a face-to-face setting where you can escalate with her. Like another guy said on this thread, having conversations through text messages is a good way to end up in the friends zone.

In the meantime, keep spinning plates and make sure that she isn't the only iron you have in the fire.