I just cured oneitis and it feels good!

[optimus1987]

Long story short, I just told my oneitis, the girl I was obsessed with, the one I put on a pedestal, to pretty much fvck off, that it was over. I never thought I had the courage to do it, but I just did, and it feels like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders.

My story is similar to ones I see far too often on these boards. I started reading in 2009 to work on my game, to go from AFC to PUA, so have you. And so far, 2009 had been amazing. I went out every night starting Jan 2009, used C&F, not afraid to be sexual with women, and boy were the results awesome. I am what you consider a very good looking guy, but just wasn't very good with getting the woman I wanted. I am built like a football linebacker, am a personal trainer/bouncer/bartender while studying in college, so there was no reason to stay AFC. Its just that when I meet a girl I really like I get attached very very quickly, and this is a problem for me.

So fast forward to 2 weeks after January. I me and my boy are out sarging, and I meet this HB9, she seems into me, get her number at the end of the night. The next couple weeks, we see each other quite often, she sleeps over a few times, hook up a little bit. She tells all her friends im the most charming guy shes ever met, blah, blah, blah. Around the same time, I begin to develop extremely strong feelings for her. Just thinking about her drives me wild, I am in a state of bliss lol.

So, fast forward, I find out about the ex-bf who made her cry, the other guy she was hooking up with when she met me. Her best friend tells me that yeah, shes really into me, but that in the end, its not going to work out, the girl is kind of a player/flaky. I tell the friend to relax, that ive only known her a couple weeks and to give it time.

So, time was given, and slowly the contact and hooking up became less frequent. Often times, she would not kiss me goodnight, which used to be the minimum I would get. My feelings are still STRONG for this girl, think about her every minute of every day, just unhealthy oneitis. I think I have found "THE ONE."

So, this weekend was her birthday, and we pretty much spent the entire weekend together, went out clubbing just me and her, to the zoo yesterday, and then she invited me out to dinner with a couple of her friends (not the other guy she is interested in). The whole weekend, I got too many mixed signals. One day, shes introducing me as "optimus" and then "my friend optimus." One day were holding hands in the street, the next shes kind of cold and distant. I have been seeing other women, too, and she knows about it, but she has been seeing other men, and i didnt really care too much about it since we were not gf/bf.

But today, I listened to all my friends, who told me to ditch this girl weeks and weeks ago. My 2.5 month roller coaster is over. I sent her a text today saying i had a lot of fun with her but its clear she wants to be friends and i need to move on, sorry. Thats it. I couldnt deal with all the mixed signals, no matter how much i liked this girl, no matter how turned on she made me.

But it feels like the world has been lifted off my shoulders, its really an amazing feeling. Yes, i am upset that things didnt work out, but to be honest, this girl treated me like **** and i am an idiot for putting up with her attention whoring. Well, not anymore

My advice to all of you, if you have that GUT instinct that a girl is taking you on for a long-sexless ride, then she is. And get rid of her immediately! Ive been meaning to do this for 2 months, and finally had the courage today, and it feels good! Almost instantly, I don't feel the same way about the girl anymore, its almost kind of weird. With all of oneitis, its NOT the girl, but the WAY the girl makes you feel about YOURSELF. She gave me confidence, she was lots of fun, and sexy as hell, and I would have loved to see where things could have gone. But it was getting to the point where I was making myself physically sick thinking about her, and THIS IS NOT HEALTHY!

The truth HURTS. But for all you former AFC's its something that has to be done to move on with your life. You can be in denial all you want about the feelings your oneitis doesnt have for you, BUT IT WILL DO YOU NO GOOD. you dont think it will get better, but I just got over this girl with one text-message, the girl i thought i was destined to be with. And I can't wait to go sarging this week!

 

[optimus1987]

bump?

 

[jayhood]

From what you posted, it does not seem you were a bit of challenged with her. I think you have made yourself too available. Sure you could have been ****y and funny with her or maybe was gaming her like crazy, but you failed to do the most important things: giving her the gift of missing you!!

If I were you, I would not end things with her. I would simply give her less of my times . However, since you became attached, that would not have been easy for you to do

 

[Tazman]

I don't see a problem in ending things, you made the decision to move on because you weren't happy with the way things were going, it takes courage to do that, and you'll end up a better man who's in control of his life by sticking to your guns.

You mentioned you've got other girls so you should be all set to move on and explore what else is out there. If you continue with this mindset you will live a more fulfilling life, not a prisoner of your irrational emotions.

 

[optimus1987]

No, I ended things today. I know I was too available, old habits are hard to break, but i learned from this experience. I was with this girl 3 months. In between, she went overseas for 4 weeks and i didnt see her for a month. She got back this weekend and wanted to see me right away and spend her birthday with me. We did everything "couples" do, only not only did she not put out, but she wouldnt even kiss me. only when I confronted her about playing games with me and leading me on, she denied she ever did anything to make it seem like we were anything more than friends, which is utter BS. Apparently, she had me in the friend zone when we were hooking up and she was sleeping over and failed to tell me. This relationship was going nowhere, and she treated me like ****, and I didn't deserve it, so why keep on at it?

I mean, making yourself less available only works when she shares the same feelings as you, and if i had done it it would have done no good. Attraction is not a choice, so whatever. Besides, after this summer I would never see this girl again, so I saw no reason to keep hitting my head against a wall. Even if things did work out, why would i waste my time with someone like this, no matter how much i may like her? And thinking about this girl 24/7 is not healthy when i have other girls who are really interested in me and do things to SHOW IT. This girl put in literally zero effort into our relationship, and im disappointed i went along for the ride as much as i did.

 

[optimus1987]

Exact quote "I really like you a lot and I love being friends with you, but if i did anything to make you think otherwise im sorry"

Are you Fvcking kidding me????

 

[Joser590]

Bro I am sort of in the exact postion that you were in. Only difference is that my girl did put out on more than one occasion.

I too find myself getting attached to quickly. At first you think its the girl and that you have found the bomb but after reading your post I see its what the girl does to make you feel attached. My girl would make me feel like a million bucks and tell me everyday how sexy I was and how much I turned her on. They cater to you ego. That's how they get you.

I was thinking about doing the same thing you did with your girl and cut off all contact but I am going to play my cards differently. I am going to keep her around but I am not going to make myself so available and start seeing other girls. I am slowly getting over my oneitis but I have too realized that I get attacted to quickly. GOOD POST!!!

 

[optimus1987]

For me, it was an ego thing. My gut instincts said she was using me for attention but I didn't want to believe it, I wanted to believe she was really into me, and for 2 months I did. Every so often, she would hint that she liked me more than a friend, like looking into each others eyes for like 5-10 seconds and smiling, but now i know it meant nothing to her, just a game. The long kisses goodbye at 4 in the morning meant nothing, just a game to her, just more attention to stroke her ego. To be honest, I'm not sure how many ****s she was riding, and i didnt really care b/c i was fvcking other girls. But none of them would help me forget about her.

When I told her straight up she was an attention ***** and she was using me she got really defensive and pretended to be shocked that I liked her as more than a friend . . . I mean, if thats not bat**** crazy, then i dont know what is. I inferred my interest in so many little ways, always kino, and then actually hooking up w/her . . . im pretty sure "just friends" dont hook up and then look into each others eyes for a long time. Long story short, im done getting played by this girl and I needed her out of my life. Im not chasing her anymore, its not worth my time.

 

[Igetit!]

For me, it was an ego thing. My gut instincts said she was using me for attention but I didn't want to believe it, I wanted to believe she was really into me, and for 2 months I did. Every so often, she would hint that she liked me more than a friend, like looking into each others eyes for like 5-10 seconds and smiling, but now i know it meant nothing to her, just a game. The long kisses goodbye at 4 in the morning meant nothing, just a game to her, just more attention to stroke her ego. To be honest, I'm not sure how many ****s she was riding, and i didnt really care b/c i was fvcking other girls. But none of them would help me forget about her.

When I told her straight up she was an attention ***** and she was using me she got really defensive and pretended to be shocked that I liked her as more than a friend . . . I mean, if thats not bat**** crazy, then i dont know what is. I inferred my interest in so many little ways, always kino, and then actually hooking up w/her . . . im pretty sure "just friends" dont hook up and then look into each others eyes for a long time. Long story short, im done getting played by this girl and I needed her out of my life. Im not chasing her anymore, its not worth my time.

I hear what you're saying here,but if you and this girl BOTH started out with the intentions of dating each other,then somewhere along the way,she switched over from being romantically interested in you to not being interested in you at all,but just merely seeking attention,that means that somewhere down the line,YOU screwed up as being a man. Women don't do that. They wouldn't emotionally/sexually invest themselves in a guy if all they want is attention from him. You guys started off in a sexual relationship,right? Then later on,the sex/intimacy disappeared,but she still did little things such as call you every now and then,maybe give you a hug or a kiss on the cheek in order to keep stringing you along.....but nothing sexual. Well if that's the case,then what happened is clear:YOU messed up somewhere. Sex is emotional for women,so if the sex disappeared from the relationship,that means her emotions/feeling disappeared FIRST. And a woman's feeling and emotions for a guy happen as a direct result of his behavior towards her,and how he treats her. It's the domino effect. If sex is gone from the relationship,then her feelings left first. If her feelings for you have gone,then that means whatever behaviors you had THAT CREATED THOSE FEELINGS have gone too.

Don't get me wrong,I applaud you for having the courage to tell her to get lost if she wasn't treating you with dignity and respect. I just wanted to make sure you knew WHY all this occured in the first place. Because if you don't know why,you'll just go out and the same thing will happen with the next girl.

 

[optimus1987]

We never had sex, just hooked up a bit. About 2 weeks into our "courtship," i took her out on our first "date" which was a nice dinner with a few of my really close friends. There was a bit of confusion about money, i wont go into details cause its complicated, but she became furious at me, even though i had done nothing at all wrong (she offered to chip in for dinner, and i had her pay 20 on a 400 dollar bill and she was furious, i know its stupid), then acted like a baby in the club we went to and supposedly i sent her into a cab by herself with no money after she wants to leave. We eventually sorted things out and she realized she ****ed up, not me, but around this time i got mono. I know, it sucks. So, for a while i was wondering if she wasn't hooking up w/ me b/c of that, which is understandable, then she tells me today that she always saw me as a friend, so it really didn't matter that much that i may or may not be contagious.

In my opinion, I never acted any differently than when i first met her, i guess she never had feelings from the get-go even though I am certain she did. But to sit here 3 months into this and for her to tell me "she loves being my friend" is just bull**** and im not going to take that lie. I mean, she had a ton of baggage when i first met her that i found out about later, plus she comes from divorced parents and admitted to using coke and "e" a number of times. She even did coke in front of me w/ 2 strangers after i told her to get a ****ing hold of herself and I even threatened to beat the **** out of the 2 guys. I stormed off when she did it anyways and she came chasing me at the bar going "baby, baby, baby, relax, you dont have to worry." Just more bull****

I dont think she ever wanted to date anyone from the get-go, just looking for validation and attention since her ex dumped her and then treated her like ****. Supposedly he dumped her for the same reasons I cut her off, that he couldnt take the bull****, only he had been with her for 3 years.

 

[Igetit!]

We never had sex, just hooked up a bit. About 2 weeks into our "courtship," i took her out on our first "date" which was a nice dinner with a few of my really close friends. There was a bit of confusion about money, i wont go into details cause its complicated, but she became furious at me, even though i had done nothing at all wrong (she offered to chip in for dinner, and i had her pay 20 on a 400 dollar bill and she was furious, i know its stupid), then acted like a baby in the club we went to and supposedly i sent her into a cab by herself with no money after she wants to leave. We eventually sorted things out and she realized she ****ed up, not me, but around this time i got mono. I know, it sucks. So, for a while i was wondering if she wasn't hooking up w/ me b/c of that, which is understandable, then she tells me today that she always saw me as a friend, so it really didn't matter that much that i may or may not be contagious.

In my opinion, I never acted any differently than when i first met her, i guess she never had feelings from the get-go even though I am certain she did. But to sit here 3 months into this and for her to tell me "she loves being my friend" is just bull**** and im not going to take that lie. I mean, she had a ton of baggage when i first met her that i found out about later, plus she comes from divorced parents and admitted to using coke and "e" a number of times. She even did coke in front of me w/ 2 strangers after i told her to get a ****ing hold of herself and I even threatened to beat the **** out of the 2 guys. I stormed off when she did it anyways and she came chasing me at the bar going "baby, baby, baby, relax, you dont have to worry." Just more bull****

I dont think she ever wanted to date anyone from the get-go, just looking for validation and attention since her ex dumped her and then treated her like ****. Supposedly he dumped her for the same reasons I cut her off, that he couldnt take the bull****, only he had been with her for 3 years.

Oh..ok,I see. I guess I just had a misuderstanding of the situation. Yeah man,you're right. Just a straight up attention wh0re,and seems like she was just after attention from the get-go like you said. Nevertheless,the fact that she was an AW with you means that something about you,or at least in her mind,she saw something that made her go AW on you. My guess would be how you seemed to catter to her childish behavior. Also,she seemed to put very little into the relationship,while you're taking her out to $400 dinners. Forget her throwing a fit over paying 20 dollars to help you out,what in the world were you doing spending 400 bucks on her in the first place? Dropping 400 dollars on her,her throwing childish,adolescent tantrums,and to top it all off,her doing drugs In FRONT OF YOU??? Well no wonder she acted the way she did. You simply invested too much in her too soon. Of course she noticed this,that's why she felt like she could treat you like dirt and get away with it.....and she did....for a while. You can usually tell how things are going to end from how they begin,and this was doomed to fail from the start.

At least you had enough sense to put an end to this.

 

[optimus1987]

hahaha no, the bill was split between about 8 of us. It was a really nice peruvian restaurant, like sangria and wine pretty much took care of 75 percent of the bill. Yeah, I let her act like a baby because i thought she was going to put out, and now that i see that was never the case and is never going to be the case. Yeah, i called her an attention ***** and she went ballistic, but whatever. Even her best friend said she was an attention *****, but again, i didnt want to believe it. Pretty much doing coke in front of me when i told her i wasnt comfortable was my last straw, plus shes extremely immature and emotionally like a 5 year old - ALL RED FLAGS I CHOSE TO IGNORE BECUASE I WAS THINKING WITH MY **** last time i do that again

 

[jayhood]

She is a straight attention *****. Period. From what you saying, it seems that she used you emotionnaly. Matter of fact, I don't think she did it intentionnally. This girl got so much baggage that subconsciously she felt that you filled a void in her life. You became her therapist without even knowing it.

I feel your pain man. I also came out of a similar experience. Like you, I also feel emotionnaly used. Trust me, she will crawl back to you again. Also, I'm going to take out the advice I gave earlier about you should not have cut tie. Apparently this girl is unstable...you seriously must avoid her.

 

[optimus1987]

Oh yeah, I know she will come crawling back. She LBJF this guy she was seeing before me,and right when i met her and i told her "i refuse to sit here and be just another "guy's name" and I called her out on using him and dragging him along. She said she felt really bad about that and now she leaves him alone, which is also BS because while we were out at the zoo she texted him to see if he wanted to come to dinner.

Yeah, total attention *****, but like I said, I dont have a lot of experience with girls like her, so you live and you learn, you know. When she contacts me again, I am just going to ignore. Whether or not she realized she was being a ***** im not sure, but she wasnt even that great of a friend, kind of used me when she felt like it, you know. But again, when you think with your **** and ignore red flags you are in for trouble.

 

[Warrior74]

My last taste of oneitis was after my divorce, she told me I was "too nice" so I dropped her. Months later she came back, I threw her in the friendzone and she got pissed when she started seeing me date a bunch of different girls. She ended up admiting that she "used" to like me at one point, but now we are just friends (trying to reverse it), but she takes me out, gets me drunk and tries to make something happen. I wonder how long will she keep me on this pedestal before she moves on. It's great to have the shoe on the other foot, but I really should be a decent guy and let her move on with her life. I don't want her anymore.