I just cant..

[DJ Snake Eyes]

I'll start by saying hello. Ill try and keep this relatively short =].

I'm about 5'7/8, black, with a good physique, I work out 3 times a week, run a good bit and do Thai boxing and so on. Well you get the idea. I guess I'm not bad looking. Well I get compliments regularly so theres not much that would work against me with the way I look. Anyway enough of that.

Now the juicy bit, why am I here? I'm here because to be really honest, ! am tired. I have had enough of seeing the most elegant of girls pass me by while I stand there frozen with a racing heartbeat. I run through scenarios in my mind. Picturing myself approaching the girls with the smoothest of demeanors but who am I kidding. The cycle goes on and on. And I keep making excuses, like; shes going the other way, I'll do it when shes walking in my direction or the classic; I don't really think shes that attractive, besides I can get her easily. But deep down I know better.

Another thing is I struggle with is eye contact. When a girl looks at me first, or I notice she is checking me out, I just cannot hold it with her, I notice and pretend I do not know she is looking my way. But If shes not looking at me, I'm more than happy to initiate eye contact and see how it goes.

I would appreciate it if you guys help me identify my problem because sometimes, I have days where I'll talk to anyone. Ill say anything, be it rude or ridiculous and not really care. But when I am thinking; I would like to fvck this girl, all that confidence eludes me when I most need it. I am thinking that some of you guys have had similar experiences and have found solutions to them. If you would like me to add more detail then by all means say so =].

I hope I figure this out. I have tried and I have failed, and I keep procrastinating and lying to myself. I have had enough, I think it is better I face it head on rather than regretting for the rest of my life. Theres too much pvssy going around.

Just before I post, I would like to share some long term goals.

1. To have a bigger social circle, majority; girls
2. To be more in control of my personality ( I laugh a lot because I have the funniest friends and sometimes I get carried away, I do not know why I do not like it, I think it's much cooler to be more in control with a dash of iciness )
3. To have that instinct. No hesitation, not nothing. Just do what should come naturally and talk to the girl.

So any experiences you would like to share are warmly welcome, I'd love to know how you all overcame these obstacles. I hope to hear from you.


Yours Lethally

DJ Snake Eyes

 

[DJ Snake Eyes]

Bumpity bump

 

[iqqi]

It seems like right now your big freeze up comes when you think in terms of sex with a woman you don't know. You don't HAVE to approach with that mindset. One of your goals is to have a wide social circle, mostly women, so why don't you just approach as a friendly dude, with a little bit of flirtation? Besides... her friend you haven't met yet might be hotter.

 

[DJ Snake Eyes]

Ahhh, you make an interesting point there my friend. I think I might try that later today. Go to hot chicks and use the friendship approach. Thanks, much appreciated

 

[ready123]

just wondering what your experience level is and how many times you go out . the approach anxiety comes at the beginning when you feel like you NEED their validation. at the same time if you're having a low self-esteem day you might beat yourself up over the inaction. the key is to shut the voice in your head up, which is why they made up the 3 second rule. it's an inner game problem and it fixes itself in-field

and I think it's a good thing you naturally laugh a lot and got a spontaneous personality. just focus on refining it and relaxing yoruself if the topic of conversation needs you to. a lot of guys who try to look in control overdo it and end up looking like they need to take a bad sh!t instead.

a cool thing to know is that most guys have the opposite problem - they need to be more animated, not less. I'd rather be in your boat

 

[MooseGod]

It's all about changing your internal dialogue... or "inner game," as as somebody else said. If you approach a girl with the intention of seducing her, she'll smell it a mile away. You've just got to let it happen...not to say that you shouldn't do your part, but the attraction has to be there. If a chick's looking your way and smiling at you, the attraction part is there. You've just got to close the deal.

And most of all, don't take yourself too seriously. This isn't a pass or fail kinda thing, it's a numbers game. Pretend you're a telemarketer. I worked as one part time for a month or two. A lot of people will hang up on you immediately, but a few will actually listen to what you have to say. Women are the same way. Only if you see them checking you out, then it's not a complete "cold call."

 

[DJ Snake Eyes]

Firstly, I would like to thank everyone who replied in this thread. I will start to incorporate everything you have told me in this thread and see how it goes. I will update you with the progress privately. I am sure there are better threads so bumping this one is not necessary. Once again, I appreciate it. Thank you.

Yours Lethally

DJ Snake Eyes