I Have Trouble Explaining Myself.

[SharinganUser]

Lately I've had trouble explaining things to people, it either that or I am running into more stubburn close minded people. I'll give you a few examples.

1)Last night, I am having a discussion about asian women. I told him I thought that the idea of dating a traditional chinese woman is rediculous because a traditional chinese woman will not date foreigners. The turning point came when

he said "You can just buy a wife."

Me: That might happen, but it's not common.

Him: Keep dreaming.

I thought that was a rude thing to say in an adult disscussion. I didn't know what the hell he was talking about because I've never heard of any foreigner coming over here to buy a wife. Tonnes come to meet a wife or date arround but I never hear anything about buying one.

He went on to explain some things that I agree'd with but had little to do with the matter of actually marrying an asian woman. Basically he said you can lie, and bribe people to get a wife or promise her a job away from the village. I agree that you CAN do that but it's not common, because when the villagers have choice between sending their child away over seas with a white devil, and zero chance to see their kid, or to a "nice" chinese guy who is promising a job in a city that is only hours away, they will pick the chinese guy every time. He then used examples from prostituition, which again has nothing to do with finding a wife.

I even said that if a Chinese woman wants to marry a foreigner, they have to do tonnes of paper work. It's not easy for them to marry outsiders. He replied with "You can just promise them a job and maybe marry them when they are in the other country." I didn't really know what that had to do with government paperwork, BUT I can't see why anyone would go to such trouble, lying and bribing just to marry someone. I know many people that married foreigners without doing all this garbage.

He kept bringing up poverty as an excuse for people to sell their childern. I accept this, but I have never heard of anyone being sold as a wife in China. I know this happens in Thailand and the Philipines, but most of the women in this country that get sold to nationals from the cities, and then used as prostitues and not as wives.

I won't bore you with rest of the reason's I don't think wife selling to foreigners happens in China, as I didn't bring them up in the conversation.

I simply could not get accross the point that traditional chinese women get married younge and definitely NOT to foreigners. After I asked him a few key questions about his failed marriage to an asian woman, I lost interest in the conversation because there is no reasoning with him.


2)Today, I was at the park with a few backpackers, including the german guy to learn some Tai Chi, and he kept insisting that Jujutsu is Chinese because some Chinese people taught his father. I've learned some taekwondo from a Persian guy, but that doesn't mean Taekwondo is from Afganistan, it's from Korea. It doesn't matter where the teacher is from, Jujutsu is from Japan. Then he told me that he knew Judo, but when I passively said " oh, Judo comes from Jujutsu..." he replied with "No, Judo has nothing to do with Jujutsu." He dropped the conversation after I said "Yes it does, the man who invented Judo, was first a student of Jujutsu." But still didn't seem to accept this basic fact of martial arts history.

I was kind of embarrassed at the park because another foreigner (not the german) and I(we are in China) were trying to train in some tai chi, but every time someone mentioned "balance" he said "I know balance" and then went into some stupid looking buddhist pose. (my appologies to all buddhists) Then everyone would look at him with this blank stare.


3) A woman, two other guys and I were talking about a woman that I had a small crush on. And when this chick we were talking with asked me if I told this other woman if I liked her, I said "No, you never tell a girl you like her first, unless of course you are in a relationship." I am not sure how the woman reacted because I was stunned by the silence and facial expressions of the two guys who clearly had never heard of this concept before. It was like I said something in an alien language, or french.

4) I tried to get a receptionist at the hotel I am staying at to help me turn on the sattlelite tv in the common room. He's doesn't speak much english and seems to be mildly retarded, because I sternly said to him while pointing to the sattlelite box "This one, the bottom one." By the time he got the right box (the six time I told him while pointing right at it) I had figured it out myself.


How is it that I can train in tai chi with 3 locals that don't speak a word of english but they can teach me something, but I can't seem to get a point accross with people who speak english fluently?

I can't think of any way that I can get my points accross any more clearly, other than to just flat out tell them their wrong and make them fish for an explanation from me by not giving them one they can dance arround by using examples that have nothing to do with the topic and make stupid assumptions or when they simply can't comprehend simple logic.


Yeah I know a long rant.

 

[CaptainJ]

I kind of have a similar problem with you, although in your examples, particularily the jujitsu one, it sounds like you explained it well and the german dude was just an idiot.

I was talking to a friend, and he thinks that you should buy girls drink if they ask for them. I said he was wrong and I would never buy a girl a drink, yet I had trouble explaining why he was wrong, and he feels he is in the right.

Debating skills are very hard to learn, and it's a matter of presenting your argument clearly and concisely. Still having trouble getting to grips with this though.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

1) everybody has their own opinions

2) NOBODY likes being told they are wrong

3) WTF difference does it make to you what some goof ball thinks about the origins of tai chi?

4) try this: Next time somebody says something you disagree with, or are convinced is wrong altogether, say "Hmm. That's interesting. I'd never thought of it that way before.

5) When trying to communicate to non english speakers, it's best to NOT talk, smile and use gestures. I've lived in four asian countries, and so far that is the best strategy.

6) When you do feel a need to express different opinions, always speak them in terms of your own experience.

For example, instead of saying

"never buy drinks for women"

say

"I don't know, all the times I've bought drinks for women, they've never seemed to really appreciate it. But all the times I didn't buy her a drink, we seemed to get along better. It was like she didn't feel she owed me so we were more comfortable," or some other bs like that. That way you can express a different opinion without sounding contradictory.

7) According to an article I read in a mens magazine a few years ago, the word most used by girls in shangai to refer to foreigners?


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