I Have The Answers and The Questions, Yet...

[DJF or John]

There's no conclusion!

Maybe I am crazy, maybe I am nuts, but why is my genius and sexuality in two separate worlds?

Cycle one: Age 6-19 "My Genius"
These 13 years, I was the "nerd". I received nothing but "love" from women, but I was never desired sexually. I was the one she cried on, when he wouldn't call back. We were FRIENDS! We went to the movies and held hands and cuddled. We stayed up all night on the phone and talked. I cried on her, she cried on me. I had true, honest, love for seemingly every woman I seen. They showed it back. They were my friends. But when I would extend my hand for sex, they would reject. It was the man that was so opposite my character and person, that they passionately made love to, even made me watch. I never spoke it, but I hurt inside.

Cycle two: 19-23(current) "My Sexuality"
From trial and error, I've connected to this part of my brain. It's what I call a sexual world, it's like a universe. It's a imaginative state, almost hynoptice. Everything is very sexual, I see me and a girl doing very sexual things. Her body, is like fire, in my mind I am truly, intimately, connected to her body......I take this state, and I carry this "state" from my bedroom to the presence of women. Now, magically, women are having sex with me. They are passionately sitting there, allowing me to lick them, finger them, fvck them, and they are fvkcing me like crazy. It started in my mind, it's all in my mind. Yet, it's being played out in real life. It is like, the woman, is somehow seduced, by the images and power from my mind, even though she can not see my mind......it's plainly obvious to me, that this imagintive sexual power from my mind is seducing her! I go to the club, I jump behind every chick I see and start grinding, I don't ask for dances, I don't do anything. I fvck here, I fvck there. This is amazing.....But yet, I sit here, with no girlfriend. I sit here, with no FRIENDS as women. Matter of fact, if I were sad and wanted to talk to a girl, unlike before, I have no girl to call.

For when I was an AFC, I truly desired and enjoyed women. Today, my only wish to is be an AFC again. It's to see a woman, and enjoy her truthfully.

But if I do that, she won't enjoy me truthfully.

I use her today, through this unknown power of my mind. But I loved her yesterday.
She loves me today, but used me yesterday.

But what does a man do, to bring his love, and woman's love together, on the same day, at the same hour?

For I believe, that once I get to this point, I will have found the definition of masculintiy, the defintion of myself.

My "gift" is in my AFC, it's from my cycle one. My AFC is who I really am. it's me when the door closes. My AFC is the smart business man. My AFC is the actor. My AFC is the charming one. My AFC, is my soul. My AFC, is where God speaks to me. It's where my genuis is.

But it's only my PUA that gets the women. It's only this imagintive force, that connects me, with what I perceive as an AFC, to be the most beautiful creature on earth. It's the woman.

But yet, it's not I that can get her, it's the force. It's the state. But why is the state separate from myself? Why must I step out of myself, and step into another realm, in order to connect with what should rightfully belong to me as an AFC?

How, oh how......can I bring the two worlds together?

For if I just continue in my AFC, I gain the world, I gain friendships, I gain and accomplish my Calling. But I lose the most beautiful creatures on earth, women.

And if I just PUA, then I lose everything else. I lose my genius, I lose my connection to God, I lose my connection to myself.

If only I just knew how, to bring these two forces together? If only I knew why, my soul, my genius, my spirit, was so separate, from my sexuality?

Anybody?

 

[DJF or John]

I agrue with The God of Getting Laid......and he just might be the God of Getting Laid, but yet, I cannot agree with his conclusion.

For I have been on both sides, I have found the truth, and I have found this imaginative state....that somehow, someway, connects me with what I perceive, as the world's most beautifulest creatures.

Yet, I have no logical understanding. I have no logical proof to support or back or validate this. I have nothing to show the God of Getting Laid, that this world is real.

It's like believing in God. I know he's real, yet, I cannot fully explain why and how. I just know he's real, because I know him.

On the left side, stands my AFC. The one that I am beaten down for being. Yet, I would be broke without him. I would have no peace without him. And I would have no connection to God, without him. For the AFC of my soul, IS MY SOUL. He is me, I am him.

Yet, he loves the women. But the women truthfully do not love him back, they will pretend so, but truthfully, they have no love for him.

But the PUA, has no connection with God. There's no genius there, no peace there, but there's a sexual force. He is the king of the sexual world....and when he walks in the door, women are drawn to him.

But he's not me, I am not him. Or am I? Am I really the PUA, and everything of me that is AFC is really God, and just God working through me to do his will?

But if that were so, would not that mean that women and God were not supportive of one another? Would that make women evil? Would that mean IT IS NOT me that is at fault? Would it mean it would not be who is to blame? But IS IT WOMEN? Is it women who have gone away from God, and gone into another realm, that I must walk away from my soul, walk away from God, to go and get what my body won't let me live without? My body is the flesh, and the flesh is where evil works, and it is this flesh that gives me the desire to go into this imaginitive state to go and connect with women. But in doing so, I must leave my spirit, leave my soul.......why? Why? Why?

Maybe I'm getting too deep, maybe I'm getting too thin.....but it's one thing I do know.

I am the man women want.....and I am also the man that can help change the world, yet, both "men" show up, at different times, in different places, and they battle against one another. Like the Colts and the Bears, they battle for the touchdown of my time.

My only wish is to combine the two, and it will be at that moment, that I will be truly powerful.

 

[Nighthawk]

It is healthy to experiment with different perspectives. You see a schism, between how you 'really are' and your fake PUA persona. But there is no dilemma (except perhaps on religious grounds - God wouldn't approve of a pua, so you compartmentalize the 'bad' you. Not healthy.)

Perhaps you are clinging to your idealised older persona out of loyalty or fear, but if you want to truly meld your AFC persona with your PUA persona you need to see growth and change as positive, essential even.

A useful analogy for me, from great novel The Diceman I think, is to think of your personality like a web. At its heart are the core beliefs and attitudes you've always had. At the further reaches of the web are new ideas and attitudes. As time passes, more web will be spun in certain directions, as old beliefs are discarded and new ones built on, and thus the heart of the web will move.

Conversely, there is such a thing as cognitive dissonance. If how you behave as a pua conflicts with your core morals, you are going to suffer an identity crisis. But I believe this is almost unavoidable unless you never wish to grow and learn.