I have stopped digging - but can I get myself out of the hole?

[flyboy]

Hi, everyone

I wonder if you guys can put me straight on this. I have a pretty strong feeling that I have blown it or very close to it... can I get out of the hole I dug myself into?

Anyway, first the background: met this woman, she was very much into me from the beginning, displayed interest writ large... asked her "Are you trying to seduce me?" she said yes - next day we kissed, anyway to cut a long story short we met afterwards, did the biblical deed, hang out, got very much into each other, did the biblical deed a few more times, including on short trip abroad etc etc. My approach was reasonably ****y and funny, took the piss, in a gentle way etc.

She started saying a lot of things that indicated high level of interest, (she wants to go away with me, how sexy I am, how much I know how to make her feel amazing), all good things and ego boosting.

I think this unhinged me a bit.

The turning point: I got arrogant and careless, started to listen to the words and not to the actions.

Consequence: I told her how much I like her, started talking about "going out" together - I squirm in shame now, but this is it...

Result: she rejected some other travel suggestions that I made, and five days ago flaked out of a dinner date (we live in different towns, about 1 hr travel time) the day before, offered some alternative, but I was too angry at her flaking out to take her up on the weak-ish alternative. Last word I said was to text me the days she's free, and we'll take it from there.

An hour after the phone conversation she texted me a message about the passion she feels for me etc - made me angry somehow, as by then I had started to say to myself: always the actions.

This was the last communication, about five days ago. I had realized that something had gone awry, and I didn't call or write or anything, however tempting that has been in the meantime.

Anyway, the question is: can I dig myself out of the hole? and if so which is the best way?

gratefully yours

Flyboy

 

[Interceptor]

First off, my take is that you didn't do too badly.
But you're going the AFC route of overanalyzing everything. You also made the mistake of a major SOI with the "relationship" like talk. You did this too early, and right after the sex. Bad move. The sex got on your brain and you developed the "Gratitude Attitude" and by confessing your desire to maintain the poontang, you gave her the "talk". This got her thinking and dropped her IL. Why?
Scarcity mentality. Desperation.
Agree or disagree with me, the actions and the IL DROPPED.


Here's why:
you banged her EARLY in the "relationship". Meaning, she wanted sex(nothing wrong with that, dude. You turned her on and made her hot. Good for you. See? You did somethign right.), not necessarily a boyfriend.
Usually, a romantically inclined female will withhold the sex from the prospective LTR/boyfriend material. her Anti Slut Defense kicks in , and convinces her you will think she's cheap and easy and will lower her value in your eyes. Since she wants you as a BF, she's not going to risk her devaluing.
Comprende?
A chick who doesn't give a sh*t , will bang you and use you as she wants.
Or rather, intend to use you by playing mind games with you.
And you, the unwitting AFC are going in hook, line , and sinker with your analyzing of "What did I do wrong??!! OMG!! Oh noes!!"
Remember, she's using Challenge, aloofness and distancing to keep you interested. And of course, you can't stop thinking about her. Which only proves in her mind what you may really be made of. (AFC ring a bell?)
Capice?

She set the tone and the stage of the relationship. You were the one who started the "relationship" pradigm talk. This was not in her plans, I think.
Remember that we try to be patient and let the woman do the relationship talking and managing. Very important here. When she's proved to us she's High Value LTR material , we begin to be more communicative in this regard,, all the while maintain the right balance of power, communication, sexual intensity, romance, and affection. Remember, this is for LTRs, not ONS.You also gave her ammunition and info when you "got angry".
Dude, see here's the deal.
Imagine yourself a Master Player. DJ above all else.
How many chicks would you be hitting in a week?
3? 5? 10??!
OK, you see something?
If you WERE banging all these HBs don't you think it woudl stand to reason you WOULD NOT GIVE A FLYING F*CK about THIS chick?
Any lightbulbs going off?
You wouldn't even give her a second thought, man.
See why we must maintain the (Self) CONTROL?
See how important it is to NOT show all your cards at the earliest part of the relationship?
Especially since she has NOT QUALIFIED fot it?
See what you did wrong?
You also showd too much emotion to a girl that you just had sex with.
That's all. Sex.
Not love or romance.
See the difference?

If you can, do not text her anything.

get her mother*cking PHONE NUMBER and CALL her.
Even better, talk to her FACE to FACE.
Why?

You need to do Damage Assessment and GAUGE Interest Level.

You see why you are going insane WONDERING?

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T PHYSICALLY SEE HER!
You see why you're on HER "turf"?
You see how she CONTROLS this relationship?
You see how she controls your mind to focus only on her?

No more TEXT MESSAGING.
Women rule this domain.
You are in her domain.
A DJ works a woman in HIS Domain.

That domain is called...


ACTION.

Physcal action.

No holes to be dug out of. You just need to realize the either you are Desperate, or you CAN live without her.

If you want her, you need to maintain face to face contact exclusively.
Get her out of HER domain, and then you'll see what she's REALLY made of.
Make her squirm, and gauge her IL, and "real" Attitude about you.
If she still wants you, she must SHOW you with ACTION.
If she doesn't, becaus eyou find out by taking her out of her Domain, then you have GOT to realize that no woman is worth the "Mind Ripper".

Be strong, and don't give in to what you know is wrong. Only what is RIGHT.

 

[Fenderules]

First off, my take is that you didn't do too badly.
But you're going the AFC route of overanalyzing everything. You also made the mistake of a major SOI with the "relationship" like talk. You did this too early, and right after the sex. Bad move. The sex got on your brain and you developed the "Gratitude Attitude" and by confessing your desire to maintain the poontang, you gave her the "talk". This got her thinking and dropped her IL. Why?
Scarcity mentality. Desperation.
Agree or disagree with me, the actions and the IL DROPPED.


Here's why:
you banged her EARLY in the "relationship". Meaning, she wanted sex(nothing wrong with that, dude. You turned her on and made her hot. Good for you. See? You did somethign right.), not necessarily a boyfriend.
Usually, a romantically inclined female will withhold the sex from the prospective LTR/boyfriend material. her Anti Slut Defense kicks in , and convinces her you will think she's cheap and easy and will lower her value in your eyes. Since she wants you as a BF, she's not going to risk her devaluing.
Comprende?
A chick who doesn't give a sh*t , will bang you and use you as she wants.
Or rather, intend to use you by playing mind games with you.
And you, the unwitting AFC are going in hook, line , and sinker with your analyzing of "What did I do wrong??!! OMG!! Oh noes!!"
Remember, she's using Challenge, aloofness and distancing to keep you interested. And of course, you can't stop thinking about her. Which only proves in her mind what you may really be made of. (AFC ring a bell?)
Capice?

She set the tone and the stage of the relationship. You were the one who started the "relationship" pradigm talk. This was not in her plans, I think.
Remember that we try to be patient and let the woman do the relationship talking and managing. Very important here. When she's proved to us she's High Value LTR material , we begin to be more communicative in this regard,, all the while maintain the right balance of power, communication, sexual intensity, romance, and affection. Remember, this is for LTRs, not ONS.You also gave her ammunition and info when you "got angry".
Dude, see here's the deal.
Imagine yourself a Master Player. DJ above all else.
How many chicks would you be hitting in a week?
3? 5? 10??!
OK, you see something?
If you WERE banging all these HBs don't you think it woudl stand to reason you WOULD NOT GIVE A FLYING F*CK about THIS chick?
Any lightbulbs going off?
You wouldn't even give her a second thought, man.
See why we must maintain the (Self) CONTROL?
See how important it is to NOT show all your cards at the earliest part of the relationship?
Especially since she has NOT QUALIFIED fot it?
See what you did wrong?
You also showd too much emotion to a girl that you just had sex with.
That's all. Sex.
Not love or romance.
See the difference?

If you can, do not text her anything.

get her mother*cking PHONE NUMBER and CALL her.
Even better, talk to her FACE to FACE.
Why?

You need to do Damage Assessment and GAUGE Interest Level.

You see why you are going insane WONDERING?

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T PHYSICALLY SEE HER!
You see why you're on HER "turf"?
You see how she CONTROLS this relationship?
You see how she controls your mind to focus only on her?

No more TEXT MESSAGING.
Women rule this domain.
You are in her domain.
A DJ works a woman in HIS Domain.

That domain is called...


ACTION.

Physcal action.

No holes to be dug out of. You just need to realize the either you are Desperate, or you CAN live without her.

If you want her, you need to maintain face to face contact exclusively.
Get her out of HER domain, and then you'll see what she's REALLY made of.
Make her squirm, and gauge her IL, and "real" Attitude about you.
If she still wants you, she must SHOW you with ACTION.
If she doesn't, becaus eyou find out by taking her out of her Domain, then you have GOT to realize that no woman is worth the "Mind Ripper".

Be strong, and don't give in to what you know is wrong. Only what is RIGHT.

i do have to say, that is one fantastic post. I dont think anyone else could have said it better. NTM nobody else really needs to say anything, nice job

 

[Last Man Standing]

Anyway, the question is: can I dig yourself out of the hole?

Can you dig yourself out of the ho-le? It depends how deep you are into this ho? Never treat hors with affection - if you have to for them to keep their legs open then fake it!!!

 

[Interceptor]

i do have to say, that is one fantastic post. I dont think anyone else could have said it better. NTM nobody else really needs to say anything, nice job

Thanks, Fender.

 

[flyboy]

Thanks, Interceptor. Really good post - I have read it a couple of times, and will read it some more. Let's hope it will set my brain on the right path.

Some more background clarifications - not sure if it makes any difference:

- I did get angry, but only to myself. No whiff of this has passed the other way, as there was no communication since. And if she rang, my plan was to play it jokingly...

- I am trying to improve on my "hitting on other chicks, makes it easier to forget this one". Am reading the DJ bible, will go on a workshop this weekend.

- am having sex with this other hot babe (but just sex), no BS here...

In conclusion, you think I should ring her, set up a face to face meeting, and gauge the interest level?

My approach so far was to wait until she rings or initiates communication, read somewhere that you should not "crack" and initiate communication in circumstances like this - never ever - let her blink first. If she doesn't - move on... She seemed nice though, hence this post... ask the experts before moving on...

Thanks a lot guys, I am starting to see the light.

All the best

Flyboy

 

[java01]

#buck'll up & bi@ch slap u'self 4 start'rs.

#dont ask wen she's free, just inviet her to some place u'r going to & that u'r go'n anyways wether or not she com'n wit u or not.

#dont spew u'r heart out, cause that's wot chik's do

#realy u'r ownly problem is that u brought 2 much female into u'rself, so this relationship is conisting of an in-balance of femanisim, she mite as well fined a "man" that acts like a "male".

#so u'r job is 2 bring back the male in u & balance the relationship 50/50, male/female

#>GET IT<#

 

[mrRuckus]

No more TEXT MESSAGING.
Women rule this domain.
You are in her domain.
A DJ works a woman in HIS Domain.

All domains are my domain.


I text message. I get laid.

The problem I have with calling is that once you start calling they start expecting you to call. "you never call anymore!" I do not like to call. I hate phone conversations. With anyone. The only phone conversations I tolerate are to make dentist appointments and when my mom calls. Texts work just fine if you know what you're doing. I can reply at my leisure, think about what I really want to say, and send her for a loop with a great response. And I get them in the habit of texting me on their own accord even when they're out because they're thinking of ME even when out surrounded by other guys trying to hit on them ("come over when you're done" 'ok!')

None of this is to say that you should spend all day texting back and forth. But I have really good success especially with girls with office jobs that are just sitting at a desk bored and i am a delightful distraction to them in the middle of the day.

It may be their domain but I make it my domain. All the domains are belong to me.

 

[Interceptor]

Hey man, that's great to hear, Ruckus.
Yes, it is true, that if you "know what you're doing", you will avoid or mitigate the traps found in the "Domains" so to speak. (Currently I am Emailing an HB, and am paying careful attention to these interactions. It seems to be workling so far. So yes, gentlemen, it is "possible" to navigate "their" Domain, and also to actually shift them sublety into YOUR Domain. Just be careful, avoid stupid mistakes.)
Not a lot of guys know what they're doing though, so it's helpful to understand the Power Plays and the subtleties of interaction with females. Women have good intuitions on how to mainpuate guys. Problem is that AFCs only make the women's skill even easier. I feel that we have to stick together and spread the word and information to help other guys from being manipulated in an unhealthy manner, and turn the tables on them, in a healthy and fulfilling manner. That's all.

Again, good for you, bro.
A lot of guys need to get to that point. That's why I feel it's important to share information so that these guys are armed with the proper tools to get there, and ultimately be happy and content Men, with wonderful and satisfied women at their side.

"All your base are belong to us."



P.S. Some ideas to consider (these are good ideas all around. So understand this, as you act in person should you consider in texting. Be aware though that you can occasionally pull off more risque messages in text. However, realize that at some point she will expect some risque behavior in person too.Remember the word Congruency? So if it's not in your personality, don't go overboard. Remember, women like Sexy talk too. But not clingy, needy, sappy, mushy behavior.):

No sappy "I love you" Sh*t. Too sentimental is Death. Leave "demonstrative" behavior for the physical realm and ACTION not "words".
No "I have feelings for you" Sh*t. Too mushy, and too wimpy. Don't beg for her attention or feelings, don't whine or cry for her attention.
No "Why don't you reply back faster or more often?" Sh*t. Be patient.
No smilies, and no A$$ Kissing.
Use standard person to person verbiage. Make her feel that she is actually physically in front of you "talking" to you.
Use "Dynamic" Timing to your advantage.

Hope this helps some people and gives them ideas too.

Good luck.

 

[flyboy]

follow-up

Hi, guys

And thanks a lot to everyone who took the time to help - Interceptor, java01 and mrRuckus especially. I got inspired by his "all domains are my domains", so I thought, what the hell - I will do whatever I want, and if I don't fake it, i.e. if I have real self-confidence when doing it, it should come up to the surface and get me results.

So yesterday (after 7 days of silence) sent a non-descript text message, just one line about "now you will have to earn it". Got an answer back, saying "I thought you don't want to talk to me any more" and "let's meet next tuesday".

I said tuesday is no good, too busy.

Today I rang, I was very merry and cool, I answered "I was never better" to the "how have you been" question - gave a little story about some breakthrough that I had, asked "how are you" in a very normal, run of the mill way - she answered "not very well" - did not give in to the normal impulse to offer sympathy, just said: then this call is going to cheer you up.

Anyway, we arranged to meet next week, then I apologized for talking about relationships etc, I said I really didn't know where that came from, I thought back about it, and came up with "wtf - what an a$$hole I was". I really said this with self-confidence and jest in my voice, like talking about someone else - dis-owning my previous behaviour. The truth is that I really feel that way, and I said it - I am sure it communicated the way I wanted.

Whether I managed to wipe out my shameful behaviour, do not know as yet, will report next week after the meet. Watch this space.

I am waking up, though, thanks to everyone on this forum and to the DJBible.

Before anyone pipes up and says "go out and meet more hor's" - I am doing that too... just wanted to report back on this particular one.

Happy DJing

Flyboy

 

[flyboy]

didn't work

we set up a meeting after me refusing her first suggestion and setting it all up for Wed - today. Anyway, she texted saying she is not feeling well enough to get on the train, sorry for messing my plans up, maybe we can see each other soon.

I rang her, said she is treating me badly, and said it's over. Wished her fun.

Time to forget about this one, methinks

On reflection, I was wondering if I should have asked if she really was ill or something, but I sort of got tired with being flaked out on for the second time in a row - I think I read the message correctly.

Any opinion?

Happy pick-ups

Flyboy