I have something I must say....

[CapedCrusader08]

I either realize it more now,or realized it long ago and just didn't act on it,that I am looking at things very unrealistically,esp when it comes to women. I always equated Power/looks/popularity/style/keeping up with the latest in whatever,some of which I really don't care about,to get women. Like they are unatainable to me,like I am not worthy of love/romance/affection etc. I know,you're thinking pedestalizing,I probably still am just a little bit,but after reading this site,I know longer pedestalize as them as much as I see them as just straight up *****es. I mean,how do I get to be the non-nervous comfortable guy who get's the girl(s) he wants? What is the secret?

I mean,here I am worried about what will happen if i do,or don't do,this that and the other thing. I mean,the world won't end,I'm still alive,I really don't know where this is coming from. Again,it may be equating things to a certain non reality,only this type of guy get's the girls etc. I mean,is that not real,or is it? I mean,reading this: http://www.sosuave.com/articles/at/nervous.htm?forum made me finally realize all this,how much of it is this angry,bitter,internal state.

 

[Metaphysical]

experience.

you need to get into the game.

sitting around on the computer isn't the way to get that.

go out there, make mistakes and you will eventually learn from them and improve.

 

[Interceptor]

You're nervous because you fear rejection.
You fear rejection because you need acceptance and approval.

What you NEED to do first is ACCEPT YOURSELF and APPROVE of YOURSELF.

Let go of needing other people to accept or reject you.
They neither are entitled, nor deserve any right to do so. It is unhealthy to look at the world this way.


While it's true that actually going out into the field and being exposed to life is ESSENTIAL and CRITICAL, you will make bigger gains if you go out in the RIGHT MIND SET.


And that is that you ACCEPT yourself , do NOT APOLOGIZE for WHO YOU ARE, and do not accept SHAME for being WHO you are, and do not be EMBARASSED for who you are.

These are critical.


With these proper mind sets in place, you WILL be able to handle Social Presure. And when you handle social pressure WELL, everything else WILL fall into place.

You must develop your sense of Self Esteem.
And this comes from Loving yourself and Accepting yourself, flaws and all.

You are deserving of happiness, fulfillment and joy.

The proper healthy way to look at this is not "Why is this Missing?" but
"What do I DO to experience it in my life?"

You CANNOT get to where you want to GO, if you have NO IDEA what you want and WHERE YOU WANT TO GO TO....

Fumbling around in the dark is not what your life is supposed to be about.
Suffering, struggling, unhappy, lonely...these things are the result of your perceptions, since you know now that YOU create your own Reality.
You are not a VICTIM.
Never were.

You deserve happiness.
Accept this.
And dont be ashamed of it.
And if part of your dream is to have good women in your life, then so be it.
Its nothing to be ashamed about.

But please pay close, close ATTENTION to HOW you are SPENDING YOUR TIME.
Are you commiserating, and propogating self defeating, self limiting, and disempowering beliefs, thoughts,and actions?

Ask yourself.


Yes or no???


If you know now as a grown man that what we give thought and attention to BECOMES "REAL", then what are YOU MAKING "REAL" in your life???

EVERYTHING that comes , has come into, and WILL come into your life is/was/will be BECAUSE OF YOUR OWN CHOOSING.
Absolutely.

And unhappiness, conflict, incongruence, tensions, anxiety is because you are NOT IN ALIGNMENT with your Heart's desires.
So your suffering because of Ignorance.

There is no such thing as Bad or Good.
Only HOW YOU PERCEIVE EVENTS!!!
Of course, when you LACK life skills and cannot handle certain circumstances, of course we feel 'bad' and incompetent, and inadequate, but it's not the EVENT itself or the CIRCUMSTANCE....

.......it's US.


Start to think about this.
Clear your mind.
Clear your BODY of all these toxic , self defeating beliefs, and RE PROGRAM yourself with positive, self empowering, and sovereign beleifs.
THESE WILL influence your thoughts and ACTIONS.

No more self pity and OVER analyzation.
No more 'boo hoo, poor me.'
THAT is ILLLUSION. It is IGNORANCE of the 'way'.

Did you know that?

ALl your suffering is because of ignorance.

INFORM yourSELF.
Be EMPOWERED.
Empower yourSELF.
Your BEING.


EVERYTHING WILL fall into place.
EVERYTHING.
Guaranteed.

Because there IS no other 'way'.

Do you understand?

The majority of these crazy social 'norms' and social conditioning are self defeating and TAKE YOUR PERSONAL POWER AWAY.
Dont buy into them.
Think about WHAT has INFLUENCED you. And what IS influencing you.

Is it making your life better and more joyful?
or is it making you more depressed, bitter, and disempowered, and DEFEATED??????!!!!!!!!!

Are you DEFEATED?


Think about it...

 

[CapedCrusader08]

You're right.I haven't been able to accept and be happy with myself. It may be because I feel I am below standard or something.

Everything you said is true.

Esp this "You must develop your sense of Self Esteem.
And this comes from Loving yourself and Accepting yourself, flaws and all.

You are deserving of happiness, fulfillment and joy.

The proper healthy way to look at this is not "Why is this Missing?" but
"What do I DO to experience it in my life?"


You CANNOT get to where you want to GO, if you have NO IDEA what you want and WHERE YOU WANT TO GO TO....

Fumbling around in the dark is not what your life is supposed to be about.
Suffering, struggling, unhappy, lonely...these things are the result of your perceptions, since you know now that YOU create your own Reality.
You are not a VICTIM.
Never were.

You deserve happiness.
Accept this.
And dont be ashamed of it.
And if part of your dream is to have good women in your life, then so be it.
Its nothing to be ashamed about.

But please pay close, close ATTENTION to HOW you are SPENDING YOUR TIME.
Are you commiserating, and propogating self defeating, self limiting, and disempowering beliefs, thoughts,and actions?"


""The majority of these crazy social 'norms' and social conditioning are self defeating and TAKE YOUR PERSONAL POWER AWAY.
Dont buy into them.
Think about WHAT has INFLUENCED you. And what IS influencing you.

Is it making your life better and more joyful?
or is it making you more depressed, bitter, and disempowered, and DEFEATED??????!!!!!!!!!

Are you DEFEATED?"

Yeah. I feel defeated by this. It has a hold of me,and I have been trying to get rid of it. I mean,I am trying to find how to completely break away from social norms and conditions,but it's hard too.Esp regarding sex and being a man. That is what is bothering me the most.What is influencing me? I don't know,myself,the world,all that. Whatever it is,is making me depressed,bitter,and disempowered,like I am victim to my own state.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

But that's just it,I feel I should be at this whole other level,where I should have made and learned the mistakes by now,to where I have all that I want and am on top. I mean,there is all this talk about being rock solid,and a leader,and all this,and being this ultimate of sorts. I mean,is that the idea or not? I mean,what do you do when you feel unatractive and all that? What are women more attracted too?

 

[Interceptor]

We feel unattractive when we dont feel masculine.


What makes us feel masculine?



Skill with Women+ Progess in one's mission as a Man.


Remember, that we dont FOLLOW the women.
We DONT look to THEM for LEADERSHIP.
This is not an insult. Or offense. Nor disrespectful.
But women acknowledge that they do not want to be leading a relationship.
Women dont feel desired, playful, femenine, and sexy when they have to be the 'man' in the relationship.


So we shouldnt be asking so much of "what do women find attractive?"
rather think "What am I doing about my life and my happiness, and my well being?"

do you see the difference?

Truth is.......


........women are attracted to Men who are fulfilled, have passion, and have a mission in life.....


.....thus, they are more masculine.



Thus, Femenine women find these men attractive.

Women are attracted to men who are comfortable with themselves.
And if they are comfortable with themselves, they are not needy.
And if theyre not needy, they dont get irritable.
And if theyre not needy and irritable, they're able to GIVE to woman everything a masculine man has to offer.

Thus, women WILL CHOOSE MASCULINE MEN WHO CAN AND WILL GIVE THEM WHAT THEY NEED.

And if these confident, rock solid, self assured, comfortable, non needy men are fulfilled, have passion and purpose, they can BE consistently Solid for her.
They CAN be 'Her Man". Instead of being just any man.....you can BE "THE MAN".

So when men put the cart before the horse, or look for the band aid for a massive gaping head wound, they're totally missing the point.

Women want MEN.
Women NEED MEN.
Not males that pretend to be Men.

THIS IS PROFOUND. Do you see the difference?



Does this make sense?

 

[CapedCrusader08]

But see,I see what you mean,but doesn't that kinda contradict what is said on here? Can't that end up to her using you emotionally? Believe me, I want to find a mission/purpose. I want to feel empowered and happy,Do I feel the opposite of that? Unmasculine even,yeah? What's the difference between unmasculine and say,just lucky? If you get what I'm saying. I mean,I want women,but I don't want to kiss there ass. I don't want to be someones emotional dependent. Or is that what's screwing me?

"Not males that pretend to be Men" Yeah. I see the difference. That's what I was refering to earlier.

 

[Fallen]

Interceptor, i love your posts! :rockon:


CC08, you might also want to check out the Rock Bottom Advice Thread.

Saved me once

 

[Interceptor]

EDITED


CC, I know you are tremendously afraid of intimacy and being in a relationship.



HOWEVER....

.........the ONLY way you can DEVELOP your personal boundary to be able to assert yourself so that you DO NOT end up used by anyone ia by involving yourself in a relationship.

The only way to develop our 'armor' is to actually go into 'combat'

Thus, the only way you can develop the necessary life skills that will give you happiness, and enjoyment is to go out there and live.
Put yourself out there and live life.

Life is not about worrying sitting here at the computer talking yourself out of doing things, and spending your precious time, life, and energy sitting here fvkcing debating with me over what is what.

I've told you what is what.

Im done debating with you, dude. I can only help those who are willing to help themselves, not sit here and question everything into the fvkcing ground.


You either trust me or you dont.


I think it is important to question things, but when you question everything to the point of indecisiveness, and already projecting a bleak outcome and future, you're slowly killing yourself piece by piece, and rendering yourself more and more impotent and emasculated by your own doing.
(damn, thats a repeating theme around here, isnt it?)



Now , if you VALUE your LIFE... you WILL cut out the obsessive over analyzation and start to live LIFE.


.
The more you obsess, and analyze the more you will and are talking ourself out of doing things.
The more you do this, the more fear takes hold, and you begin seriously damaging your psyche.
You (and manyothers here too) are actually precariously perched on the edge of a cliff.
Pretty soon you too will need professional help.
I suggest you also look into Dr. Paul Dobransky's material.

The CURE to ANXIETY is to STOP WORRYING ABOUT THINGS WE CANNOT CONTROL and TAKE ACTION on the THINGS WE CAN CONTROL.


Just HOW LONG are you going to let your FEAR control you and keep you there??

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Is it a fear? Does it really come off as that? I would say I fear not having that in my life. I am afraid of not being in a relationship. I have gone years now without a date,a gf,or an ltr. And not exactly a number of one night conquests either. So that's a problem as well. I am also concerned about the affect that watching porn for many years has had on me. It has affected my view on sex and relations.I think you may have what I am saying backwards. Believe me,I do want a wife kids. But getting that is what seems hard to me. I spend all this time alone,jealous,moping.

Feeling insecure over lack of experience,like I missed some sort of natural transition in life. Like how come I wasn't having the girls come after me all these years? Why is it every other guy has this success and I don't? I know half of the answer,the other is still a mystery to me. I mean,I can't even watch movies or tv shows,or go out in public,and see people together,it of course,affects me.

I try to make sure I do not get used by anyone. I don't mind going out of my way to do something for someone,but only when I feel like it. This is often hard for me since I do have to do what is asked of me through the manager's at my job.

I don't know if it is just fear controling me,it's something else as well.

Alot of it is pyschological pondering as well. I mean,you talk about showing emotions,and being a rock,talk about having fun,but always being in the lead so it doesn't feel like she is leading you,helping others,but standing on you're own,what about team work/efforts? How do I fully assert myself? I mean,I can put my foot down and say no,except of course,certain times at work,otherwise I could get fired.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

This is what I need to encompass,this is what is killing me,not taking in this advice...

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=WW1Lnypyi9k

I have got to start getting out more,and getting over this.

 

[slaog]

Is it a fear? Does it really come off as that? I would say I fear not having that in my life. I am afraid of not being in a relationship. I have gone years now without a date,a gf,or an ltr. And not exactly a number of one night conquests either. So that's a problem as well. I am also concerned about the affect that watching porn for many years has had on me. It has affected my view on sex and relations.I think you may have what I am saying backwards. Believe me,I do want a wife kids. But getting that is what seems hard to me. I spend all this time alone,jealous,moping.

Feeling insecure over lack of experience,like I missed some sort of natural transition in life. Like how come I wasn't having the girls come after me all these years? Why is it every other guy has this success and I don't? I know half of the answer,the other is still a mystery to me. I mean,I can't even watch movies or tv shows,or go out in public,and see people together,it of course,affects me.

I try to make sure I do not get used by anyone. I don't mind going out of my way to do something for someone,but only when I feel like it. This is often hard for me since I do have to do what is asked of me through the manager's at my job.

I don't know if it is just fear controling me,it's something else as well.

Alot of it is pyschological pondering as well. I mean,you talk about showing emotions,and being a rock,talk about having fun,but always being in the lead so it doesn't feel like she is leading you,helping others,but standing on you're own,what about team work/efforts? How do I fully assert myself? I mean,I can put my foot down and say no,except of course,certain times at work,otherwise I could get fired.

You get what you think about in life. Keep thinking negatively and nothing will change for you. Ever hear of the law of attraction? I suggest you look it up and re-read what Interceptor wrote untill you actually start to understand it.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

How do I change my thinking? What do I have to do? Willfully change it? I mean,I realize what I must do,but some part of me tells me no. I don't what and why that is. I was watching the pick up artist earlier,and it serves as both a motivation and a painful reminder. Maybe I just need to put alot of this baggage behind me,and start hitting the clubs or school.

I am familiar with the law of attraction. What is it again?

 

[loving]

I will not give u the same kind of answer everyone else has. My friend, because we had similar situations a few days ago, you know this.

And I am here to tell you how you can feel from now on.

Why are you amped up? I should not be the one to tell you how to feel. Why must you say all that to us? What our problem was we need to speak to ourselves. Say what this forum lets you in your head and you will receive answers. I tell you.

Also dwell over my One Wish post.

Bless us all children,
Loving Chris