I have officially had it!!!

[Doctormad]

I have a confession to make.... I am a wuss, plain and simple. I am passive, I dont stand up for myself, I speak softly and with apprehension, I second guess everything I know how to do. I am somewhat decent looking, so I have had a few females that have liked me, but the are very quickly turned off by my wussiness, and inability to act. Heck I even had a girl ask me to come to her room and I was too chicken to make a move! To sum it up, I am a boy trapped in a mans body.

So what caused me to be this way? Well, I suppose I can lay some of the blame on my mother. She was/is a very passive person, even by female standards. She was and is still very overprotective. But I guess most of it is my fault. In my life so far I have mostly played it safe. I hardly ever took risks, and whenever I did try something new and failed, I would beat myself up so bad that I would be deathly afraid of trying again. I could go on and write a ten page hypothesis on why I am who I am but I think you all get the point.

I am not much of a sci fi person but I remember watching an episode of "Star Trek Next Generation" In it, the captain suffers a fatal wound and is miraculously given the chance to relive part of his life in order to prevent the fatal wound. He succeeds but in the process he loses his friends, and when he appears again in the present he is no longer a captain but a simple science officer. All because he played it safe. That is my life. People have said I have enormous potential and even I have scene glimpses of it, but because of my wussiness and always taking the safe way out my life is in shambles.

Well guess what? I HAVE HAD IT! I cant take this anymore! I am so sick of seeing a new girl every week in my roomates bed, and him bragging to me about some of the hot girls he has dated, while I am laying in my bed trying to contain the insane amounts of envy I feel for the guy. I have to change and I have to do it now, not tomorrow, not next week, not next month. Life has passed me by and although I have plenty of years left, I have an ever increasing fear of being another 40 year old virgin. In front of everyone on this message board, I make the following declaration....

"I WILL become a man, and I will not rest until every single ounce of my wussy past is eliminated"

Now here is where the reality check comes in. For years and years I have been programmed to be a passive human being. By default and often without even realizing it, I will take the wussy way out of a situation. Has anyone on this board been in a similar position, and yet was able to transform themselves from a wuss with no backbone to a DJ. Is transforming myself as simple as beginning to take risks and maybe even work on doing cold approaches and getting rejected on purpose?. How do I get rid of my insane envy of my roomate which is obviously due to my own insecurities. Bottom line, I am willing to do whatever it takes to transform myself into a man

I speak the truth when I say I have never wanted anything so bad then this. I want to learn to risk, I want to be able to stand up and feel like I am a man. Now there are those of you who are going to respond with the obvious post saying "Read the Bible". Well guess what, I have and I will continue to read it regularly. I just want some more active feedback on what I can do to improve myself. Heck I may even even post an online journal detailing my fforts. At the very least it will force me to make a commitment and keep going

 

[Swoop]

If you are true to your words, start the DJ Bootcamp.

 

[Doctormad]

Anyway. Most of your decisions will consist of this zone or your risk zone, and when i say risk, its not like death or physical injury. Its just emotional risk. Fear of getting negative emotions arise inside of you.. Thats it.

You hit the nail on the head with that statement. Most of the times I dont approach is because I am afraid of the feelings I would get if I was rejected (it never occurs to me that the girl might actually like me)

You see, one of my biggest "go to" values, that is a value I do everything I can to obtain is acceptance. Being accepted by peers, by co workers, by girls gives me ultimate pleasure. Conversely, one of my biggest "stay away" values, that is values I do everything I can to avoid is rejection. For me being rejected by a girl, by a peer, by a co worker is ultimate pain. The smallest hint of rejection, even implied, has been known to completely ruin my night. Since, as a rule the desire to avoid pain is much greater then the desire to gain pleasure, then its quite obvious where the conflict lies.

I have read some of the past posts about approaching, like Pugsley's and they have really inspired me. I have also been checking out some of the material in the DJ Boot Camp, which brings me to my next point......

If you are true to your words, start the DJ Bootcamp.

Fine, if thats what I have to do to show I want to change then so be it. Next monday, the 5th of December I believe, I will be starting a holiday boot camp. Anyone want to join in? I am more than willing to do it by myself, but lets face it if you have other people doing the same thing you are doing, then its a lot easier to succeed and a lot harder to quit. One thing I should mention is that I am in the late 20s/early 30s bracket, so I will be doing the mature version of the boot camp.

 

[DonJuanMonk]

Congrats on your 3rd post after being on this site for a year. Heh. I'm glad that there is a DJ out there that is aware of his own inner problems before he can work on his inner self. That is the key to being truly self aware for himself. There's so many DJs out there that think it's okay and blindly "sarge" or be more assertive in trying to get dates without know what they're getting into... it usually takes a couple rejections in life to set the path to a higher one.

 

[DonJuanMonk]

Originally posted by dementia

Also your dumb passive mind is MOST LIKELY negative, and its the reason your so wussy. So STOP being negative. Humans have a tendancy to think the WORST POSSIBLE situation that could arise from a prior situation. DONT LISTEN TO THIS ****. Unless its life threatening. If its emotional risk (ie: embarressment, heartbreak, other shyt) then dont listen. Be more positive and optomistic about potential results.

I disagree, sometimes it's okay to listen to your conscience that says "Hmm, maybe this doesn't feel right for me."

 

[Jariel]

as anyone on this board been in a similar position, and yet was able to transform themselves from a wuss with no backbone to a DJ.

Yes. I was a total wuss just over a year ago with no backbone. I couldn't say no to anyone, I kept my opinions to myself and would let anyone walk over me and humiliate me. I was scared of confrontation and would sooner do what anyone else wanted just to avoid it.

I have changed gradually through a lot of self-reflection and reconditioning myself. I now recognise that anyone who encroaches on me deserves to feel uncomfortable, so why should I put myself out to save their face? Why should I let a b1tch walk over me and be nice about it? Why should I let a guy try to humiliate me in front of my friends?

The other step was getting into bodybuilding. It's not just the physical growth that makes a man more bold and confident, the diet and lifting increases energy and testosterone and is like a miracle cure for wussiness. I'm not a bulky weightlifter, I'm just in good shape and have a strong presence.

(However, whenever my diet suffers, I do sometimes return to that wussy state.)

 

[Jariel]

Oh yeah...try listening to aggressive music more often. A lot of guys here suggest listening to gangsta rap, which I thought was bullsh1t...until I started listening to it and noticed a big minset change.

 

[Duamutef]

Originally posted by Jariel
Oh yeah...try listening to aggressive music more often. A lot of guys here suggest listening to gangsta rap, which I thought was bullsh1t...until I started listening to it and noticed a major change in myself.

...or you and your homies will be lined in chalk! :woo: