I have no personality

[dj765]

So here's basically a rundown of my history....

I hadn't done anything sexual in High School, though I was labeled by a lot of girls as "cute." I met a great girl my Senior year, she was a sophomore, and we were both firsts in everything sexually.

I was going to break up with her when I left for college, but I had issues with her being with other guys so I didn't break it off. I went to school 6 hours away from home and so I basically only saw her 6 times.

The next two years I went after girls, and made out with like 4 girls, but nothing more, but it really fvcked with my concsience by leading my girlfriend on, and I totally regret it.

Over the summer my sophomore year she broke it off and it was completely my fault because (this is hard to admit) I got physical with her 2 times. I have not and will not ever do that to a woman again.

 

[dj765]

The next year I had sex with 3 girls, and 0 girls the year after that. Now I was 22. I went on Craigslist and paid 5 girls over a couple months. (LOL, pathetic, I know)

At 23 I quit drinking and smoking w33d because I was making an a$$ out of myself, so drinking won't help me get a personality. I attend AA meetings (I'm on step 4) and have been sober for 2 1/2 years.

I'm 25 and I also haven't been with a girl for 2 1/2 years, I guess I kind of gave up. I've noticed though that even when going out with my guy friends, I'm not witty, or funny, I mean I make little comments and laugh at stuff, but my thinking is just not there.

Last week I went to a concert with a friend and a row ahead of us were three girls and I could tell that they liked my looks, but no personality. My friend was talking to them all night, but I just sat stoned face. The only thing I said was to see one of their tatoos when she was talking about it. My friend said after we could have hooked up with them if "you had a personality," and I said, "that's it! I don't have a personality!" Like it was some revelation.

 

[loveorlust]

what does cheating on your ex have to do with having no personality? you mean you hate being a cheater? in other words, wtf are you talking about?

 

[dj765]

I cheated on my ex girlfriend 5 years ago and it affected my concsience back then, part of my history.

 

[dj765]

hahaha, it didn't post my whole post, hold on

 

[loveorlust]

...I have not and will not ever do that to a woman again.

What? Not being physical with her or cheating on her. Maybe she left you because she didn't know wtf you were talking about LOL just messing with you.

.(this is hard to admit) ...I got physical with her 2 times

IMAO!!!! you crack me up!

 

[dj765]

The next year I had sex with 3 girls, and 0 girls the year after that. Now I was 22. I went on Craigslist and paid 5 girls over a couple months. (LOL, pathetic, I know)

At 23 I quit drinking and smoking w33d because I was making an a$$ out of myself, so drinking won't help me get a personality. I attend AA meetings (I'm on step 4) and have been sober for 2 1/2 years.

I'm 25 and I also haven't been with a girl for 2 1/2 years, I guess I kind of gave up. I've noticed though that even when going out with my guy friends, I'm not witty, or funny, I mean I make little comments and laugh at stuff, but my thinking is just not there.

Last week I went to a concert with a friend and a row ahead of us were three girls and I could tell that they liked my looks, but no personality. My friend was talking to them all night, but I just sat stoned face. The only thing I said was to see one of their tatoos when she was talking about it. My friend said after we could have hooked up with them if "you had a personality," and I said, "that's it! I don't have a personality!" Like it was some revelation.

We went to San Fran after to look for girls (I was hoping I could find something). We just ended walking around the streets, and I got many looks from 8+, which gave me some confidence and thinking, "I at least I got looks."

Then came tonight I went bowling with my sister and her boyfriend and some of his friends, one of which was a cute girl, and it was the same old story. Nothing witty, laugh, make obvious comments, stuff like that. So I told myself I would come to this website tonight and just lay it all out there.

I found this site a few years, but I didn't come back to it until a week ago. I've already read the DJ Bible and watched Tyler Durdan on youtube, and have browsed around the threads.

I want to get out there and quit wasting time, but I have the personality of a toaster! LOL, saw that on a movie the other night.

I'd like help to become a "champ" instead of a "chode" as Tyler Durdan would say.

 

[dj765]

What? Not being physical with her or cheating on her. Maybe she left you because she didn't know wtf you were talking about LOL just messing with you.




IMAO!!!! you crack me up!

By physical, I mean I grabbed her a couple times (like violently)

 

[loveorlust]

It's not personality you lack. It's confidence. And not just any confidence, the right type of confidence. With your looks & the right type of confidence you can get laid. Not only that, you can have options. The more you talk to girls and know how to RESPOND to rejection IN YOUR MIND the more of this type of confidence you will develop. You will impress without actually trying to impress. It will come natural and it will seem natural.

 

[SharinganUser]

Go see a shrink. Tyler Durdan can't help you.

 

[dj765]

Tyler Durdan can't help you.

haha, what's that mean?

 

[loveorlust]

Go see a shrink. Tyler Durdan can't help you.

Shut the F up! Would you like someone telling you that you were crazy? Won't do nothing for his evident lack of confidence in his ability to get tail. Once he stops blaming his personality for his failures with women, the sooner he can start believing he's not only fine but effective with women.

 

[YAboi]

you need to go for counselling and get yourself an iphone so you can get lots of exploration and knowledge done with all the cool apps available at your fingertips. Also read some of my threads they could help you. Just talk dude say anything! stop being afraid of being seen as a loser. be comfortable in your own skin and read books and newspapers to increase your knowledge on current affairs and expand your mind. You can do this...

 

[SharinganUser]

Shut the F up! Would you like someone telling you that you were crazy? Won't do nothing for his evident lack of confidence in his ability to get tail. Once he stops blaming his personality for his failures with women, the sooner he can start believing he's not only fine but effective with women.

How about you shut your knob gobbler and actually read what he wrote. He admits to repeatedly getting violent with his girlfriend. Do you think that is acceptable behaviour? I know I don't.

He's clearly got some personal issues that a pick up artist can't help him with. He should be looking to get professional help instead of a quick-fix bandaid solution.

 

[Atom Smasher]

OP, yes you have some issues, but yes, you can overcome them.

We often fail to realize the effect that feelings of guilt can have over our entire personna. It becomes sublimated and then manifests as lack of self-belief.

You made some mistakes in the past. Ok, you've admitted that to yourself. Today is a new day, and it's time to move on. In the past, you did the best you could given the knowledge and emotional strength that you had at the time. You're allowed to make mistakes and learn from them. We all do that. The past can be a viscious tyrant if we let it.

Erase your personal history. Start from scratch. You need to get re-acclimated to social interaction. So go out and make small talk with both men and women. Make comments about the weather or whatever is going on in your surroundings.

EXPECT 70% of women to react negatively at first, and 5% of men. The outcome absolutely doesn't matter. What matters is the inner change that happens by your going through the motions. At first you will be miscalibrated and say weird things sometimes. So what? It simply doesn't matter. These are strangers to you. You are using them as a sharpening stone to hone your craft, and nothing more.

Learn to embrace and love failure. I use failure as my pathway to greatness (as most great men have done). Every successfull man is standing on a mountain of past failures with a small percentage of success in the mix.

Just go out and do it. Enjoy simple, little one or two-line interactions, and let the rest happen naturally as your skills build. Don't put pressure on yourself to gain some kind of outcome. Don't be trying to pick up chicks. Instead, just relate to people in a friendly way, and demonstrate that you CARE about how they're doing.

I charge you with this mission today, if you will accept it: Go out to a busy place today and make small talk with 5 men and 5 women, remembering that only one or two of those women will even smile or engage you. Just a comment to that person, hearing their answer, and wishing them a Merry Christmas is enough. You will feel like a million dollars because you have done something with purpose and you have done it without concern for the outcome.

Make this a habit and you will periodically be saying to yourself, "Hey, I am actually changing for the better!" You will find that your personality will start emerging all on its own, and then you will be equipped to calibrate and leverage it to your advantage.

Will you take on my challenge?

 

[Halcyonique]

Heya,

It kind of seems like you've used women as you've used intoxicants: both having somewhat addictive properties to you, which you seem to have have relied on as crutches to get you through life - hence the "no personality" thing. From what you've said, it seems like a dominant part of your personality is made up of "getting your next fill", so to speak.

I'd encourage you to concentrate on things you love: hobbies, interests, places, shiz like that, and maybe try to get to the bottom of why you feel that approving glances, etc, from women mean so much to you, because I guarantee you if you stick to your personal passions, it will not only make you more attractive to women, but (more importantly) you'll feel happy enough on your own so that women don't play such a big role to you.

I must reiterate that this advice is given obviously in judgement to what I read from you, so I'm sorry if it's not accurate. In any case, I hope there might have been something helpful to pull from that!

Have a great Christmas!

 

[Aaron B]

I was going to break up with her when I left for college, but I had issues with her being with other guys so I didn't break it off. I went to school 6 hours away from home and so I basically only saw her 6 times.

This is an excellent example of the improper application of logic

Why would you breaking it off with her or "staying with her" have anything to do with her being with other guys?

Everyone knows when a girl with a bf goes to college and he's not there, she gets with other dudes.

You improperly applied logic because of your emotions and took action based on the improper logic.

 

[loveorlust]

How about you shut your knob gobbler and actually read what he wrote. He admits to repeatedly getting violent with his girlfriend. Do you think that is acceptable behaviour? I know I don't.

He's clearly got some personal issues that a pick up artist can't help him with. He should be looking to get professional help instead of a quick-fix bandaid solution.

knob gobbler? lol.. guess it takes one to know one.

And just to shut you the F up.. no ones perfect. Insecure people hit girls. So he needs to work on that. If you paid any real attention to his post, you'll notice he mentioned being afraid his ex would start banging other dudes if he left her which is why he didn't break it off with her. If he FELT he could get any girl he wanted, he wouldn't have that problem. That's real self confident bit@#!. So my point still stands, he needs to work on his confidence. Not go see some stupid shrink.

 

[SharinganUser]

knob gobbler? lol.. guess it takes one to know one.

And just to shut you the F up.. no ones perfect. Insecure people hit girls. So he needs to work on that. If you paid any real attention to his post, you'll notice he mentioned being afraid his ex would start banging other dudes if he left her which is why he didn't break it off with her. If he FELT he could get any girl he wanted, he wouldn't have that problem. That's real self confident bit@#!. So my point still stands, he needs to work on his confidence. Not go see some stupid shrink.

Takes one to know one? What are you 5 years old?

You are an idiot if you think a therapist can't help him but a PUA guru is going to help him.

Let's be clear on one thing: I never said he doesn't need to work on his confidence. He does, but he also has other things to work on that will also help his confidence indirectly. Do you understand that?

You are right he needs to work on his confidence. But he also needs to work on other things like not getting violent. Plenty of guys get violent with their gf, or wife, and it has little to do with how much they get laid. They have deeper issues that need to be dealt with that some pickup artist just can't help them with.

 

[dj765]

Thanks guys for the input....

I do have confidence issues. I also do have deeper stuff that a shrink would help me with, but I'm not sure if you guys have been through AA, but it is almost like a shrink (except you don't pay $100). Going through the steps of AA though (which consists of listing faults, and other self improvement) will help a lot I think. It will help clear my head and my past, which will indirectly affect my confidence. As well as experience and this website. And I've made a lot of friends, who are good people and are there to give me advice. At least a few of them we talk about women.

As for grabbing my girlfriend, I was really messed up, very insecure (still am, but I'm going to try really hard to do a complete 180).

I am gaining insight though, like issues from childhood, which is a good thing.

I really like this website because it's about self improvement, and there a good guys here who support you (no matter how you messed up in the past, or where you currently are), as well as call you on your sh!t (issues you might have, grabbing ex girl, etc.) and recommending actions and challenges.

I even had a guy private message me saying it's not a lack of personality, everyone has a personality, but lack of conversation skills, and said we live in the same area, so we can go out sometime and approach girls.

Anyways, here's my update...I saw like a 50 year old woman today in line at Starbucks, not trying to hit on her, but we both said hi, and I said I liked her sweater, and told her happy holidays before we left. Then I went to Target, and a guy and I were laughing at the some holiday cards, told him happy holidays before I left. Saw an AA friend at Target, shook his hand and told him happy holidays. I saw a couple cute girls at Target walking by and when I was in line, and I just looked to see if I could tell if they thought I was attractive, and you could kind of tell they were looking. (Looking though isn't going to get me out with them, LOL).

Anyways, I went to church with my grandparents and I saw a few cute girls there, same thing, just kind of checked them out....I thought about it, and I need a solid foundation, so when we kind of look each others way they know I'm the real deal, instead of some lame, not a real man.

So we go back to my grandparents, and my uncle's gf is there, and she's a solid 8. She was commenting on how I was looking good.

Anyways, as far as personality, I know it's something I can improve, again through AA, this website, experience. Like after church and back at my grandparents I was just being genuine and saying hi, merry christmas, laughing...(I've always kind of been that way, especially the last couple years that I've been single, I have a lot of guy friends, but as far as women, smh, it's not there!)

Merry Christmas guys, it's good to meet you (kinda like meeting you) LOL, hope you have a great one!