I have no friends

[KillingTime]

18, in college and I have no friends... this has been happening since senior year in HS. This isn't all about girls, it's also about meeting GUYS b/c I find it so hard to make real friends... I can be all confident and ****y & charming/funny but if I have no life it ruins everything b/c that's what it's really all about, having a life. I just don't get it. I used to be a shy kid back in junior high etc but ive worked on myself alot (started studying psychology and it helped a ton) and now I can honestly say im a very confident person, am always clean and dress well (in my own style, but I do pay attention to my looks) i'm not afraid to speak my mind, and i'm not afraid of opinions/being judged... yet I have zero friends. Don't get me wrong, I talk to people I see in my classes... I don't get nervous or anything, but there's a huge difference between saying "hey hows it going" to someone and having an actual group of friends you can hang out with. Friday and Saturday nights im always sittin at home... bored out of my mind b/c I have a pretty outgoing personality but I don't know anybody. I can't just go up to some random person and be like "hey i have no friends can I hang out with you saturday?" This sucks so freakin bad, life is so boring w/out friends... i badly need some advice.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Dude you are inn College of all things... The great thing about college is a CLEAN NEW SLATE! THe other good thing about college is easy women and the third good thing about college is SOCIAL STUFF!! Join some sport or union or whatever, just GET INTO SOMETHING SOCIAL...

E.g. at uni Im a member of one of the martial arts classes, I go to the gym, I live at a dorm, I go to ALL parties related to my course (Psychology) etc etc. There youll meet HEAPS of new people, but you got to OPEN THEM !!! That is talk to them, get to know them. When you first have gotten a few friends, hang with them and go with them to social gatherings like parties or sports or whatever and youll meet even MORE people and itll just snowball!

The worst thing you can do is sit on your damn ass at home.

 

[California Love]

You need to find people with similar hobbies to interact with. Friendship is as much about connection as it is about personality.

 

[WhAcKeD!]

Im pretty much in the same position bro, dont play sports, therefore I dont have many friends and not much of a social standing in school. Thing I dont get is, im good at these sports, people tell me I am, I know it, but still I dont make the team (only tried out once), but still its really hard for me to make friends for some reason, im exactly like you. Exactly.

 

[Trance]

Yea, join some activitity groups, like some sports group.

Some of my best friends i just started playing a game with them called Starcraft, we used to go to a college room and play with the ppl who was there in Lan. After that a group of us got great friends, we all quit the game some time ago and we're friends since then, go out at night, etc..

I used to play pool at school a lot, and some ppl liked to play a lot. So i just used to hang out in the pool tables at school, playing ppl, and there were a bunch that would stay there after hours to play some. I got to be great friends with a couple of them, and these introduced me a couple more that were already in their buddy group. So another group of friends from an activity.

Other group of friends i made for instance. I had some fellas who wanted to candidate for the students association. So i knew a couple of them, i recruited some the others didnt knew, the others did the same, and we got a big group. So this way we met our friends friends, and in some cases became even best friends with them.

Other group, college friends. As i get to know better most of them, i can see which ones i have comon interests (fun ppl, that like to go out, have fun, drink, sports, party, vacations, auto's...), and things just go along naturally. Some of them i even didnt like them much or didnt expect to become their friends in the freshman year, but with time i got to know them better, and we're best friends now.

Other group was the DJ club i made with some buddies that were my friends friends. I saw they had the same spirit as me to go out a lot, have fun and pickup girls. I met them better like a couple of months ago, and now i go out a lot more with them then with the friends who introduced us.


And so on and so on.. Give time to time, you're what, in your 1st year? Be social, have fun!

Oh, btw, there were a couple of times in my life i felt just like you. No one to go out with, no phone calls, etc.. It just happens sometimes man, either cause u moved to a diferent school, location, or u've been away for some reason. Give time to time and be social, soon your phone will be ringing all over, and u'll go out like hell.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Hahaha, now I know where you get your screen name from - you are in your dorm room on the weekends "Killing time!!" Good One!

Join a frat!!!

 

[Mizzou-Rah]

I know this may not be a popular choice for people on this board, but I would suggest joining a fraternity on campus. You would be amazed at the amount of people, girls and guys, that you meet by being a greek at college. I joined one my freshman year, and I can honestly say that I wouldn't know a fraction of the people I know now if I didn't rush a fraternity, not to mention the parties that you find out about. My suggestion would be to go to the next rush events your school has and find a fraternity that has members similar to you. If fraternities aren't your style, join some clubs at your school, or at the very least hang out around your dorm (outside your room) and meet people who live in the same dorm.

 

[ScrewIt]

dude you're in college, they have tons of clubs to join. join 1 or 2, you'll find ppl that hae similar interests to you.

i have few freinds, most of the ppl in my phonebook are more acquaintences, the majority of ppl i have #'s are the ones i met in college. last semester iwas nuts and meeting ppl in different classes at the end of the term....now this semester im just not in the mood to do it i dunno why.

but i hear ya, sometimes it's easier to make an acquaintences than make them a friend. they have their own group of friends to hang out with, why'd they wanna hang out 1on1 w/ you? either taht they want to incorporate you into their group and ask you to hang out with them, but that rarely happens i've seen. unless a girl has high IL in you, they will do that, which happened to me a few times.

but if the other person doesnt look forward to make a friend, then you cant do anyting about it or force them.

 

[Abbott]

Quit whining! Hang in there, and it'll happen. I know it will.

One example is that there a bunch of guys who all went to my high school and graduated the year before I did. A couple of them attend the local university, like I do. Another one just lives in town (we all stayed in town after high school, and most of us went to the local university). I didn't really know them back in high school, but since university we are now friends.

Another example is that there's a classmate in one of my classes, and when he recognized me at this one party I went to. He's in a fraternity so sometimes he tells me about parties and I go to them.

About the feeling that you can't meet anyone. Don't worry about it, because you're not alone. I often get that feeling too, but I don't worry about it. Let's be logical here: In class you can't meet people in many cases because you can't talk in class, and after class everyone runs out and goes home, the next class, whatever. When running errands people aren't socialable, so talking to them is out (plus the fact that I don't see many 18-22 y/o's around when I run errands).

Don't worry about it. Things will get better. If you really hate it, then just transfer to the school closest to your parents' house, so you can be near a familiar environment. It'll help, believe me.

And about the fraternity thing...try it if you like, but don't count on it. I tried it once, and I didn't get in to any of six different ones I saw.

Ben

Originally posted by KillingTime
18, in college and I have no friends... this has been happening since senior year in HS. This isn't all about girls, it's also about meeting GUYS b/c I find it so hard to make real friends... I can be all confident and ****y & charming/funny but if I have no life it ruins everything b/c that's what it's really all about, having a life. I just don't get it. I used to be a shy kid back in junior high etc but ive worked on myself alot (started studying psychology and it helped a ton) and now I can honestly say im a very confident person, am always clean and dress well (in my own style, but I do pay attention to my looks) i'm not afraid to speak my mind, and i'm not afraid of opinions/being judged... yet I have zero friends. Don't get me wrong, I talk to people I see in my classes... I don't get nervous or anything, but there's a huge difference between saying "hey hows it going" to someone and having an actual group of friends you can hang out with. Friday and Saturday nights im always sittin at home... bored out of my mind b/c I have a pretty outgoing personality but I don't know anybody. I can't just go up to some random person and be like "hey i have no friends can I hang out with you saturday?" This sucks so freakin bad, life is so boring w/out friends... i badly need some advice.

 

[Maxtro]

I'm also in this group of guys with no friends.

I'm currently going to a Jr college and its literally impossible to meet people and the clubs are nothing I would want to join. Phi Theta Kappa, United African Student Union, Spanish Club, The Woman's Club, Young Latino Leaders, Pre -Med Club, Rainbow Alliance and the Paper Club. Thats it. Where is the Young Straight White Male Club that picks up the hotties in the Woman's Club?

I don't remember how to make friends anymore and I haven't hanged with my old buddies in four years.

Also I NEED to be around girls. I've only had male friends my whole life and I'm freaken sick of it.

 

[VictorK]

You wanna find some friends? GET A SUMMER JOB. Easy way to make friends is through co workers, lots of guys here don't agree with going after the hottie who works with you but if your looking just to make GUY friends at first, then you'll find it in your summer job. Its easy

 

[Beige]

You've got a bigger problem than a lack of friends. You lack a life. Do stuff, sport, fraternity as some people mentioned. Parties! You're in college, there are parties every week, just watch posters and ask people about them.
Do things alone and have fun, with, or without other people, and others will join you.
This is Zen - the moment you stop needing friends, they will appear. With girls is the same.

 

[Abbott]

Originally posted by Beige
You've got a bigger problem than a lack of friends. You lack a life. Do stuff, sport, fraternity as some people mentioned. Parties! You're in college, there are parties every week, just watch posters and ask people about them.
Do things alone and have fun, with, or without other people, and others will join you.
This is Zen - the moment you stop needing friends, they will appear. With girls is the same.

That Zen stuff is B.S. I've tried that, and that is NOT the way. Doing things alone just makes you more alone.

Sometimes I go to the video arcade because I like to play some games there. I do it because I like the games, but it doesn't help me meet people.

Ben

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Killingtime im in the same situation. I have an outgoing personality and i know a lot of people, but for some reason i dont hang out with people. Its hard to meet people at a junior college.

 

[Tweek_1984]

I'm in a similar position.

I quit Uni last year to take a year out and since then I've lost all of my friends.

I'm stuck until september when I go back to uni.